Help, I need someone's opinion

[marisa]

Hi,

 

I am in a relationship for about 3 years now. We have been very close for the first year but suddenly things started to fizzle. We argue so much more now, and we see each other less. My boyfriend has told me that he loves me, but that he can't tell me if we will be together forever. The only thing he would say to me is that he loves me and that he just wants me to stop thinking too far ahead in time.

 

I don't want to marry him yet but it would be nice to know that he would like to in the future because really what is the point here right? My major concern here is that he doesn't call me anymore. We used to call eachother at least twice a week but now he calls me maybe once a month. We do go out on weekends but we just don't talk on the phone. Some people think that it isn't normal at all and that I should try calling too.. I have given up on that since the last time I called, he seems to be in a hurry to get off the phone. He says he hates talking on the phone, but I would really like it if he would call once in awhile.

 

Am I asking for too much here? I want know for sure here so that I am not going to waste my time with this guy and be hurt in the end.

 

Marisa

[Tony T]

It doesn't look good. If a man loves a woman and cares deeply for her, he would want to talk with her much more often, even if the conversations are short.

 

After dating someone for three years, a man should be very sure about whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone.

 

Some people become burned out or bored with relationships easily. That's what it sounds like has happened here. The newness has worn off and he basically takes you for granted.

 

Putting some sparks back in this relationship will take a great deal of work on your part because he won't participate. To get him very interested as he was in the beginning, you will have to back off, not return his calls as often, be too busy to see him in person as often as you are now, and do a whole lot of other things in order to show him you cannot be taken for granted.

 

No, you are not asking for too much here. But I don't think you will get what you're after from this man.

[marisa]

Tony,

 

Thank you for responding to my email. After awhile I started to believe my boyfriend when he told me he wasn't a phone person or that he was just too busy all the time to pick up the phone to call me. However, after reading your response I finally realize that this really isn't the case.

 

I will certainly take your advice and not see him and if things do not turn out for the best then I will have to move on. As hard as it may be I will have to do what is best for me and not waste any more of my time. It being so close to the holidays, it is sad that I will have to make a decision now when I should be happy, but I guess you live and learn.

 

Thanks again.

 

Marisa

 

It doesn't look good. If a man loves a woman and cares deeply for her, he would want to talk with her much more often, even if the conversations are short. After dating someone for three years, a man should be very sure about whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone. Some people become burned out or bored with relationships easily. That's what it sounds like has happened here. The newness has worn off and he basically takes you for granted. Putting some sparks back in this relationship will take a great deal of work on your part because he won't participate. To get him very interested as he was in the beginning, you will have to back off, not return his calls as often, be too busy to see him in person as often as you are now, and do a whole lot of other things in order to show him you cannot be taken for granted. No, you are not asking for too much here. But I don't think you will get what you're after from this man.

[Deejette]

You are doing the right thing, Marissa, even though the holiday season is a hard time for such decisions. But it may be the wakeup call that your boyfriend needs.

 

He has been neglecting you. It doesn't take much to give a short call every day to see how you're doing. When a man wants to call, he does. For example, there is a man who calls me several times a day, even though I discourage him and even act coldly towards him. He still makes the effort.

 

Your man has not been making the effort. If, after telling him what you need from him, he can't come across with it, then it is time to find someone who can show you they care.

Tony, Thank you for responding to my email. After awhile I started to believe my boyfriend when he told me he wasn't a phone person or that he was just too busy all the time to pick up the phone to call me. However, after reading your response I finally realize that this really isn't the case. I will certainly take your advice and not see him and if things do not turn out for the best then I will have to move on. As hard as it may be I will have to do what is best for me and not waste any more of my time. It being so close to the holidays, it is sad that I will have to make a decision now when I should be happy, but I guess you live and learn. Thanks again. Marisa