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When a Girl Says She's Not Dating Anyone Because She Just Got Out Of a Relationship..

daylight

By daylight
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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daylight Member

daylight

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I met a girl recently and she told me that she wasn't really interested in dating other guys or being intimate with another guy right now because she just got out of an relationship.

 

What does this mean exactly?

 

I know that when I'm fresh out of a relationship that went bad for whatever reason that I'm more inclined to be seeing other women. If only to help me get over the break up, it seems like the more I see other women the faster I am able to get over the heart break. It seems like it'd be the perfect time to try dating someone else.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
I met a girl recently and she told me that she wasn't really interested in dating other guys or being intimate with another guy right now because she just got out of an relationship.

 

What does this mean exactly?

It means exactly what she says. Don't try to get too close and don't get your hopes up.

 

I know that when I'm fresh out of a relationship that went bad for whatever reason that I'm more inclined to be seeing other women. If only to help me get over the break up, it seems like the more I see other women the faster I am able to get over the heart break. It seems like it'd be the perfect time to try dating someone else.

 

men look at it differently.

 

Do you tell those women, you are using them as a buffer and remedy?

Did they know you're on the rebound?

How many of those "relationships" turned into something long-term and meaningful, or did you just get into them for a bit of fast relief and a good fhuck?

 

See, now, frankly, that's unfair.

But guys can do this see... Guys are capable of seeing a quick relieving screw for what it is.

A quick relieving screw.

 

Women really are far more reluctant to do that.

'You'can "phukk 'em and leave 'em."

 

Women can't do that.

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daylight Member

daylight

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It means exactly what she says. Don't try to get too close and don't get your hopes up.

 

 

 

men look at it differently.

 

Do you tell those women, you are using them as a buffer and remedy?

Did they know you're on the rebound?

How many of those "relationships" turned into something long-term and meaningful, or did you just get into them for a bit of fast relief and a good fhuck?

 

See, now, frankly, that's unfair.

But guys can do this see... Guys are capable of seeing a quick relieving screw for what it is.

A quick relieving screw.

 

Women really are far more reluctant to do that.

'You'can "phukk 'em and leave 'em."

 

Women can't do that.

 

Yeah I agree with you there. Obviously, after a woman said that to me I wouldn't bother her anymore. I was more interested in the why of it, is she still hung up on her ex? If say, after a woman said that to me and later on in the near future she wanted to get involved with me should I run away in the other direction?

 

It's definitely unfair to the woman if she is unaware of the fact you just got out of the relationship but that's never the case with me. I always am upfront about not expecting anything more than casual when I do this.

 

It's a necessary part of healing process that I think man or woman you'll have to go through anyways. You'll be bringing that baggage to a new relationship whether it's a right after you break up or 10 years later.

Njeanne Established Member

Njeanne

Posted
Posted

Not everyone who breaks up with their SO, is because they stop loving them. She could very well still be in love with him, but broke up for various other reasons such as incompatibility, verbal or whatever. You would be a rebound, I'm sure you wouldn't like that. And maybe she wants to enjoy being single for time being.

 

Move along pretty boy. There is no meaning behind what she said.

Debbie2508 Established Member

Debbie2508

Posted
Posted

Well,for me, and I'm guessing it's the same for most women.... when you've just split up with someone you really loved, you feel that no one else compares to him and that you'll never feel the same way about another man. You may even see a guy you fancy, but the thought of actually kissing or being intimate with him sickens you. You just want your ex, no one else.

 

You may try to tell yourself, that he's not coming back and the best way to get over a man, is to get under another one...... but I don't think many of us agree. Another big thing is the trust issue, we've just been let down by the one person we thought we could trust, so we're not gonna rush straight back in, and risk being hurt again. We need time to lick our wounds and pick ourselves up.

 

You should be pleased, you don't want someone on the rebound, just testing the water to see if she's really over her ex, do you??

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Joaquin Established Member

Joaquin

Posted
Posted (edited)

When someone says this, you gotta listen.

 

Having been with a girl who professed to being over an ex, only to find out that she was anything but over him, I wish she had of been honest from the start. It was the worst " relationship" I have ever had. Talk about being on an emotional roller coaster!

 

Anyone that says this kinda thing gets high praise in my book. It's not nice or right to use people, which could be the very thing she wishes to avoid. Perhaps she harbours feelings for a reconciliation, or she just isnt emotionally ready for something new. She has an awareness and decency that should be respected.

Edited by Joaquin
ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted (edited)

I recently said this to someone. He and I dated in the past and he had shown interest while I was in my last relationship. After my relationship failed, I also lost my dad. He reached out to me, as a friend, but knowing just a few months ago he wanted more, I had to decline. He understands. It would've been easy to let him be near me and help me, but it would've been very wrong.

 

Be grateful she was up front with you. A lot of people are not.

Edited by ScienceGal
Hopeful714 Established Member

Hopeful714

Posted
Posted

If say, after a woman said that to me and later on in the near future she wanted to get involved with me should I run away in the other direction?

 

Not necessarily. But I would tread carefully in this situation. I think in my case...I haven't dated yet....Most of the boo-hoo is over, but I'm in the process of creating the new me and getting things in order in my life that were neglected while I was dating my ex so that I can present my best foot forward when I finally venture out.

 

When I do finally date..I will be honest with my story/where my head is at but won't go on and on about it..I think this is only fair. I think if I met someone who I was attracted to, and we took the time to get to know each other and become friends first...they (a relationship) may do well. I'm excited about being treated good for a change...if I can find that. I just hope someone can be patient with me....since there are so many fast, clingy, idiotic girls out there.

 

I do tend to wonder however from the man's side...although some go out and bang to get over an ex....does this really work? How can it if the feelings, emotions and thoughts of the relationship are repressed as opposed to "dealt with"? Wouldn't this just create new strings of problems and unresolved issues? Through "banging" as a release, I can't imagine new feelings could come forth unless the old feelings were dealt with? Am I wrong on this?

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daylight Member

daylight

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If say, after a woman said that to me and later on in the near future she wanted to get involved with me should I run away in the other direction?

 

Not necessarily. But I would tread carefully in this situation. I think in my case...I haven't dated yet....Most of the boo-hoo is over, but I'm in the process of creating the new me and getting things in order in my life that were neglected while I was dating my ex so that I can present my best foot forward when I finally venture out.

 

When I do finally date..I will be honest with my story/where my head is at but won't go on and on about it..I think this is only fair. I think if I met someone who I was attracted to, and we took the time to get to know each other and become friends first...they (a relationship) may do well. I'm excited about being treated good for a change...if I can find that. I just hope someone can be patient with me....since there are so many fast, clingy, idiotic girls out there.

 

I do tend to wonder however from the man's side...although some go out and bang to get over an ex....does this really work? How can it if the feelings, emotions and thoughts of the relationship are repressed as opposed to "dealt with"? Wouldn't this just create new strings of problems and unresolved issues? Through "banging" as a release, I can't imagine new feelings could come forth unless the old feelings were dealt with? Am I wrong on this?

 

I didn't necessarily mean bang when I said I was going out after I was broken up from a relationship. Meeting new women usually leads to that though and I've got no problem banging her if that's what shes into.

 

It does take your mind off the breakup but when you are back and alone with yourself the thoughts and feelings come right back. Sort of a temporary escape, similar to drinking or doing drugs to get your mind off of it.

 

Eventually, after meeting a few women and hanging out with them and seeing how it works out leads to healing. It's similar to hanging around friends when you're at your worst to make you feel better.

 

I don't see the point in isolating yourself from other people like that because you think there is going to be a reconciliation or you're not over so and so, if I did that I'd never get over the hurt and pain of the breakup.

 

You're right about being honest when you start dating again as well, just make sure to not get someone's expectations up when you get involved with them. That's the right thing to do.

Joaquin Established Member

Joaquin

Posted
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I think its complex. Some people self talk themselves into being ready. Issues like bio clocks and lonliness are very strong drivers in both men and women to get back on the horse.

 

I guess all you can do when you honestly think your ready is to test the waters with someone new and take it slowly, but if your mind keeps going back to the ex, or you still feel a need for the ex in your life, or you find yourself not connecting on an emotional level to the new person, maybe you gotta pull the plug.

 

A girl that says she isnt sure if she is ready, or keeps ex's in her life, will have me running for the hills.

 

Lessons learnt the hard way arent quickly forgotten.

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Hopeful714 Established Member

Hopeful714

Posted
Posted

I don't see the point in isolating yourself from other people like that because you think there is going to be a reconciliation or you're not over so and so, if I did that I'd never get over the hurt and pain of the breakup.

 

Yea, I do think this is more of a girl thing. And although maybe not really healthy, its what most girls do until they feel somewhat confident again.

 

Eventually, after meeting a few women and hanging out with them and seeing how it works out leads to healing.

 

I guess I still don't fully get this. I suppose if you are a decent/healthy man with values looking for a real relationship this IS the way to go. Its the guys that are messed up players who do this that I don't get. If they don't resolve their own commitment issues, then it just seems like more destruction and hurt in the wake of what they already did to someone.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted (edited)

She could genuinely mean that she wants to take a break from relationships, OR she could be saying it to get you to take a hint that she's not interested in you.

 

Me for example: I'm 9 months out of a relationship. I've had a few guys interested in me and I use the same line all the time. "I'm taking a break from relationships right now and I'm not looking for anything." Complete lie. At least to those guys. I'm just not interested and I don't have a valid excuse besides "I'm not attracted to you and I don't ever see me dating you." But to say that straight out would be kind of mean and cruel. So I play the "breakup card."

 

If I met someone I clicked with and I was attracted and he was into me too? That whole "I'm taking a break thing" would fly right out the window.

Edited by KatZee
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Joaquin Established Member

Joaquin

Posted
Posted (edited)
She could genuinely mean that she wants to take a break from relationships, OR she could be saying it to get you to take a hint that she's not interested in you.

 

Me for example: I'm 9 months out of a relationship. I've had a few guys interested in me and I use the same line all the time. "I'm taking a break from relationships right now and I'm not looking for anything." Complete lie. At least to those guys. I'm just not interested and I don't have a valid excuse besides "I'm not attracted to you and I don't ever see me dating you." But to say that straight out would be kind of mean and cruel. So I play the "breakup card."

 

 

I agree with this to, and its a decent enough way to signal to someone not to proceed. There are a million and one ways to let a guy or girl down gently whio you arent in relationship with.

Edited by Joaquin
KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted
I agree with this to, and its a decent enough way to signal to someone not to proceed. There are a million and one ways to let a guy or girl down gently whio you arent in relationship with.

 

Exactly. It's seen all the time. You talk to someone, they tell you they're not looking for a relationship, and a week later they're dating someone officially.

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daylight Member

daylight

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She could genuinely mean that she wants to take a break from relationships, OR she could be saying it to get you to take a hint that she's not interested in you.

 

Me for example: I'm 9 months out of a relationship. I've had a few guys interested in me and I use the same line all the time. "I'm taking a break from relationships right now and I'm not looking for anything." Complete lie. At least to those guys. I'm just not interested and I don't have a valid excuse besides "I'm not attracted to you and I don't ever see me dating you." But to say that straight out would be kind of mean and cruel. So I play the "breakup card."

 

If I met someone I clicked with and I was attracted and he was into me too? That whole "I'm taking a break thing" would fly right out the window.

 

That's a very good point, however if you're clicking with someone and attracted to someone then you're probably already over the break up for the most part anyways and ready to start dating again. That's usually when I know that I'm over it is when I can connect with someone again.

youdunsay Established Member

youdunsay

Posted
Posted

I have to admit that I say this most of the times to guys who are not my type. Everyone has their own ideal type of partner so don't take it to heart.

 

As to why she's hung up to him, you probably wouldn't be able to feel deeply how she feel because of the times she shared with the guy. She need time to cleanse herself and get back on track. Then again she'll still look for her ideal type of partner which her criteria aspects may not match what you are.

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daylight Member

daylight

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I don't see the point in isolating yourself from other people like that because you think there is going to be a reconciliation or you're not over so and so, if I did that I'd never get over the hurt and pain of the breakup.

 

Yea, I do think this is more of a girl thing. And although maybe not really healthy, its what most girls do until they feel somewhat confident again.

 

Eventually, after meeting a few women and hanging out with them and seeing how it works out leads to healing.

 

I guess I still don't fully get this. I suppose if you are a decent/healthy man with values looking for a real relationship this IS the way to go. Its the guys that are messed up players who do this that I don't get. If they don't resolve their own commitment issues, then it just seems like more destruction and hurt in the wake of what they already did to someone.

 

 

Just because he goes out and bangs everything he can after he suffers a breakup doesn't mean he's a player either. Just that he doesn't know how to deal with it. That's exactly what I did when I was young...

 

My first breakup ever that is exactly how I responded to it, I went out and tried to nail everything I could. Wasn't a very healthy coping mechanism and never lead anywhere. Eventually as I got older, I longed for the emotional and physical companionship rather than the purely physical one. So, when I meet a new girl nowadays I'll start with a friendship first and see where it leads from there.

Love Bytes Established Member

Love Bytes

Posted
Posted

Don't look too far into it.

 

I said the same exact thing to a couple girls I'm talking to. It would be unfair for me to lead them on when I know full well I'm not ready for a relationship right now.

BarbecueMan666 Established Member

BarbecueMan666

Posted
Posted

Yeah don't read too much into it.

 

I'm a guy and just got out of a long term relationship (my first actually) - I ended up sleeping with a girl 2 weeks after and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Not because she was bad or anything of the sort - just the emotional baggage that came with it - I felt guilty for "cheating on my ex" I felt "nothing was as good" I compared everything, and nothing seemed as pleasant. I just had my ex rolling round my head the whole time which spoilt the experience and made everything 10x worse.

 

She's probably in a similar phase and knows how to treat herself.

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