Why do some women think their age is so sacred to tell?

[RedRobin]

Hold on...money is one thing. But age? Who DOESN'T ask for an age? It's like asking for a name.

 

I think we are just on two VERY different wavelengths here.

 

*I* want a confident woman. A woman who loves herself and everything about herself, including her age. Hell...I already have that woman so I know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

Lying, testing, gameplaying, whatever...I don't go for NONE of that.

 

The difference between you and I is you're trying to weed out the bad ones....I'm looking for the good ones.

 

No. It is no different.

 

Some women 'bin' men based on income.

 

Some men 'bin' women based on age.

 

If I were a rich man, I'd absolutely downplay my wealth until I get to know someone.

 

Men who are obsessed by age (and aren't looking to have children) are, by default, not good ones. Just like women who are obsessed by a man's income, are IMHO, not the good ones either.

 

If they have to ask and they have to know, then that just shows me they are obsessed by age. Otherwise, why would they care? Why does the OP care, BTW? Because other people thinks he should?

 

If he feels ripped off because he thought she was in her early 40's (close to his age) and she's not, then move along. Big deal. He's apparently attracted to her, but obviously the age thing is bugging him... and her method is sorting that out quite well if I may say so.

[FitChick]

I Would tell her outright next I met her: "look, I understand many guys are superficial, they fetishize young girls and will discount an amazing lady simply based on numbers because they get off on a gap. But I'm clearly not doing that here, I know you are older than me and I don't care. I don't want to start our relationship out on secrecy, so out with it. And in turn ill tell you a secret I normally don't tell the ladies"

Like how much money he makes? After all, the reason most relationships and marriages end is arguing over money. Slap that credit report and pay stub on the table! What are you afraid of?

[xxoo]

If they have to ask and they have to know, then that just shows me they are obsessed by age. Otherwise, why would they care? Why does the OP care, BTW? Because other people thinks he should?

 

If he feels ripped off because he thought she was in her early 40's (close to his age) and she's not, then move along. Big deal. He's apparently attracted to her, but obviously the age thing is bugging him... and her method is sorting that out quite well if I may say so.

 

iirc (the OP) typically speaks admirably of women older than him. I don't think that is why he wants to know her age, although he could clarify.

 

Personally, I'd simply want to know the age of someone I'm dating. If nothing else, I'd want to know what decade you grew up in, were a teen, began dating, etc. It's part of getting to know someone, anyone, really well.

[FitChick]

I’ve dated men who told me their real ages. It didn’t stop them from lying about marital status, being unemployed, being overweight, being an alcoholic, bankrupt or any number of other things. So it's naive to think that if someone tells you their real age, they will be honest about everything. The reverse is also true. Of course, I realize most of the people on here seldom date, so have no real world experience.

 

The trouble starts when a man or woman posts an old photo and pretends they are still that same age, weight, hair color. When you meet them, clearly they have lied. If a man looks like his photo and that is what attracted me to his profile, that is who I expect to meet, regardless of age.

 

I’ve dated men who looked like their photos but I assumed they had knocked off a few years because they looked older. I was shocked to find out they hadn’t lied about their ages at all. So you really can’t go by the number, you have to go by looks. Shallow but true!

 

I think the OP is going to blow a potential relationship with a hot looking woman and will be back on here whining that he can’t meet any attractive women – of any age. I do place some blame on that woman because she stirred up a hornet’s nest unnecessarily.

[SJC2008]

I'm pretty good at guessing age. When I guess a womans age I subtract 3 years from how old she looks and I'm usually right!

[KungFuJoe]

Online dating is for...well...I don't want to say the word because I might get dinged.

 

Maybe if you can't meet someone in real life you should just stay single.

 

I need another drink.

[FitChick]

I'm pretty good at guessing age. When I guess a womans age I subtract 3 years from how old she looks and I'm usually right!

You should work in a carnival.

[silvermercy]

When does they lying end? Should I lie about my income or where I live?

No. I'm just telling what a patriarchal society (yes, that includes MEN) has been brain-washing women to do so for centuries/millennia. According to history though, society has not been brain-washing men to lie about their income or status or anything else! No big pressure there.

 

I just can't believe men are trying to sweep under the rag this hugely important historical parameter about women as if it didn't exist! And then complain about it despite them being the century-old instigators! Yes, it's happening even today! On a relevant note, may I also remind people that not too long ago women didn't have the vote and in some places they still don't! The time-frame is peanuts compared to millennia-old indoctrination.

Edited February 17, 2013 by silvermercy

[e40]

No. I'm just telling what a patriarchal society (yes, that includes MEN) has been brain-washing women to do so for centuries/millennia. According to history though, society has not been brain-washing men to lie about their income or status or anything else! No big pressure there.

 

I just can't believe men are trying to sweep under the rag this hugely important historical parameter about women as if it didn't exist! And then complain about it despite them being the century-old instigators! Yes, it's happening even today! On a relevant note, may I also remind people that not too long ago women didn't have the vote and in some places they still don't! The time-frame is peanuts compared to millennia-old indoctrination.

I don't know how this is relevant, but lying is not acceptable. Why do some people try to justify lying about age? Lying starts a relationship off on the wrong foot.

Edited February 18, 2013 by e40

[e40]

Lying over your age is stupid and immature. Any woman that feels the need to withhold that information has low self esteem and/or confidence and I know from experience that women AND MEN with low self esteem or confidence should be avoided like the plague.

On OLD I've seen ages change. What a big red flag.

[El Brujo]

Met her on OK Cupid, VERY attractive, former fashion model, now nurse. She revealed to me in conversation that the age she had put on her profile isn't quite the age she actually is ,and she still hasn't told me ....yet.

 

IMO being hung up on one's age is a relic of the 1970s and before. I have an aunt who's like that... she obviously looks to be at least 60 but she wouldn't even tell me her exact age when a lawyer needed me to list my surviving family members.

 

The female age thing has pretty much outlived its usefulness, especially because more women look younger than they really are because fewer of them are smoking.

[irc333]

You should work in a carnival.

 

Next date, I should take her to one on a date. LOL....then subject her to the guy who can guess someone's age or weight within 2 years. lol

[silvermercy]

I don't know how this is relevant, but lying is not acceptable. Why do some people try to justify lying about age? Lying starts a relationship off on the wrong foot.

Lying is never acceptable. But if a woman refuses to reveal her age is because of CULTURAL reasons. In my country, one of the biggest shames for a woman is to reveal her age. In addition, the rudest thing for a man to ask a woman is also the same. Don't blame the woman, blame society.

[Emilia]

No. It is no different.

 

Some women 'bin' men based on income.

 

Some men 'bin' women based on age.

 

If I were a rich man, I'd absolutely downplay my wealth until I get to know someone.

 

Men who are obsessed by age (and aren't looking to have children) are, by default, not good ones. Just like women who are obsessed by a man's income, are IMHO, not the good ones either.

 

If they have to ask and they have to know, then that just shows me they are obsessed by age. Otherwise, why would they care? Why does the OP care, BTW? Because other people thinks he should?

 

If he feels ripped off because he thought she was in her early 40's (close to his age) and she's not, then move along. Big deal. He's apparently attracted to her, but obviously the age thing is bugging him... and her method is sorting that out quite well if I may say so.

 

I agree with KungFu Joe on this one. Downplaying money is different because it's a positive. I sometimes downplay positives too (like my financial status which is better than average) because a) I don't want a guy to treat me like a cashcow and b) I don't want him to think that I want the same thing from him, I'm not materialistic at all, I just want financial security.

 

However, I'm always honest about my age and if a man doesn't like how old I am (I'm 40) - and there are plenty that don't - then it's a way for me to filter them out or for them to self-select. I don't blame them for not wanting a 40 year-old, I tend to like younger men myself so how could I hold this against them? I would absolutely start going against a guy if I found out that he was 45 because I would worry about his sex drive long term, I'm sorry.

 

Age matters, a lot of guys want kids or worry about long term prospects when the age gap is significant. I want a man who has a good and healthy sex drive. It's perfectly reasonable to discriminate based on that and I don't even hide the greys in my hair (which I only have few so far ) and barely wear make up.

 

Lying and testing are not for me. There are plenty of good men out there. I don't consider downplaying my financial status the same thing at all as the outcome on that isn't likely to be a disappointment for the other person.

Edited February 18, 2013 by Emilia

[Emilia]

Met her on OK Cupid, VERY attractive, former fashion model, now nurse. She revealed to me in conversation that the age she had put on her profile isn't quite the age she actually is ,and she still hasn't told me ....yet.

 

Very nice woman, we get along well so far, and also she said she won an email name in a Playboy contest, and I asked her what kind of "contest" and she said "Hm, I don't know you well enough to tell you HOW I won it."

 

(I'm assuming it involved nudity or something like that, big deal)

 

[...]

 

THAT being said, are these kind of yellow or red flags? After I have gone out with her a couple of times, is it time to revisiting the secrets she has reveal to me yet?

 

As to reply to the original post: I think because she is used to earning a living based on her looks. Some of the most insecure people I know are models because their looks are judged so openly all the time. Unfortunately she has been conditioned to think that she offers no value beyond her youth and looks. shame

[xxoo]

IMO being hung up on one's age is a relic of the 1970s and before. I have an aunt who's like that... she obviously looks to be at least 60 but she wouldn't even tell me her exact age when a lawyer needed me to list my surviving family members.

 

The female age thing has pretty much outlived its usefulness, especially because more women look younger than they really are because fewer of them are smoking.

 

Yes, she's essentially showing her age by refusing to tell it.

[RedRobin]

As to reply to the original post: I think because she is used to earning a living based on her looks. Some of the most insecure people I know are models because their looks are judged so openly all the time. Unfortunately she has been conditioned to think that she offers no value beyond her youth and looks. shame

 

Actually, the OP's obsessing about her age makes me think all HE cares about is her looks and age.

 

She has been conditioned to weed out guys who need to be with someone younger than them in order to feel good about themselves or have something to impress their friends and family with.

 

I'd suggest the OP not waste anymore of this woman's time. He clearly has some weird fixation on her age. I'm kind of at a loss why it is such a big deal to him.

[Emilia]

Actually, the OP's obsessing about her age makes me think all HE cares about is her looks and age.

 

She has been conditioned to weed out guys who need to be with someone younger than them in order to feel good about themselves or have something to impress their friends and family with.

 

I'd suggest the OP not waste anymore of this woman's time. He clearly has some weird fixation on her age. I'm kind of at a loss why it is such a big deal to him.

 

I care about looks and age. My view is in the post above yours on why I think she is behaving the way she is. I very much doubt it's a screening process, more an insecurity. If I felt a guy was holding his age back (or his marrital status, or whether he has kids, or whether he has a steady job) I'd want to know why he is reticent as well.

[irc333]

Actually, the OP's obsessing about her age makes me think all HE cares about is her looks and age.

 

She has been conditioned to weed out guys who need to be with someone younger than them in order to feel good about themselves or have something to impress their friends and family with.

 

I'd suggest the OP not waste anymore of this woman's time. He clearly has some weird fixation on her age. I'm kind of at a loss why it is such a big deal to him.

 

Well, good friend of mine, was married to his wife, for about 5 years into the marriage, he come to find out his wife was 5 years older than he was. She never revealed her age during dating, engagement, and only a few years into the marriage he found out.

 

So, he was even telling me that would be a bit shady, too, and he wouldn't tolerate not knowing a woman's age if he's dating her.

 

I think the person has some kind of insecurities themselves if they cannot tell the most basic, simplistic information about themselves.

 

When she told me she has never revealed her true age since the age of 21.....and that issue goes THAT far back, there's something wrong "upstairs".

[RedRobin]

Yes, she's essentially showing her age by refusing to tell it.

 

No, she is showing the OP's obsession with age by refusing to tell it.

 

It's her life and she doesn't owe a complete stranger anything.

 

I've never had anyone... man or woman... have positive intentions when asking my age... at ANY age. They are seeking to stick me in some kind of box they have in their mind... Not that I really care... but it does show ME what they are made of to even ask. When I was much younger, they needed to paint me as young and immature. Now that I'm older, they need to paint me as something else. Sorry... people who need to dig can just spin on their heads. Don't care.

 

Same thing as if I asked THEM their income, or if their parents were still married, or lots of other personal questions.

 

The way I do things is I volunteer my own information... and if the other person wants to volunteer theirs... fine. If not, fine.

[irc333]

I very much doubt it's a screening process, more an insecurity.

 

Funny how you mention this, she was telling me one of her main qualities is her confidence. I didn't want to bring up the fact that she lacks confidence if she cannot reveal to the man she's dating her age....but just didn't want to go there.

 

I've never had anyone... man or woman... have positive intentions when asking my age... at ANY age. They are seeking to stick me in some kind of box they have in their mind...

 

Funny how Red Robin has her own spin on it, turning it around to make ME look like the bad guy here, and justifying LYING about her age in her dating profile, KNOWING how old I AM, and then shaming me for wanting to know HER age.

 

THAT being said, hypocritical big time.

[candie13]

age is a private info, but not what I'd classify as "confidential". If a person would be so private about such an info, I'd ask myself what about other information, just as important but a lot more private that they may choose not to share with me.

 

big red flag, too much work, why waste your time with a person so complicated? love is supposed to be easy or at least start easily.

 

I am very very curious, I am always asking the age of guys I am dating, sometimes even before an actual date (when I just meet them). I don't have a problem with my age, I don't see why they would have a problem with theirs. I prefer to ask and say my age, than being asked (less awckward, since I'm over 30).

[RedRobin]

Well, good friend of mine, was married to his wife, for about 5 years into the marriage, he come to find out his wife was 5 years older than he was. She never revealed her age during dating, engagement, and only a few years into the marriage he found out.

 

So, he was even telling me that would be a bit shady, too, and he wouldn't tolerate not knowing a woman's age if he's dating her.

 

I think the person has some kind of insecurities themselves if they cannot tell the most basic, simplistic information about themselves.

 

When she told me she has never revealed her true age since the age of 21.....and that issue goes THAT far back, there's something wrong "upstairs".

 

ok... how has her being 5 years older than him impacted his life exactly?

 

My ex-H's grandmother lied to everyone in her family being 5 years younger than she was until she was 90... She lied in her youth so that she could obtain employment as a teacher. People do what they have to do to survive. The modeling world is pretty cut throat.

 

Anyway, you can make her out to have something wrong 'upstairs'... if it makes you feel better about being insecure yourself and needing to be with someone younger. Whatever floats your boat.

 

Why not just get to know her? You don't have to make it romantic or sexual if you think you aren't compatible. Some companionship is nice sometimes too.

[RedRobin]

Funny how you mention this, she was telling me one of her main qualities is her confidence. I didn't want to bring up the fact that she lacks confidence if she cannot reveal to the man she's dating her age....but just didn't want to go there.

 

 

 

Funny how Red Robin has her own spin on it, turning it around to make ME look like the bad guy here, and justifying LYING about her age in her dating profile, KNOWING how old I AM, and then shaming me for wanting to know HER age.

 

THAT being said, hypocritical big time.

 

I'm not shaming you. I'm saying the problem is yours if you need to know that bad. She didn't lie to you. You haven't even gone on a date, right? You had one phone call, sounds like. She said she was older than her profile then... before you went on a date. So get over it.

 

What would you have done if you'd met her IRL?

 

If it bugs you that much, just don't see her again. Big deal.

[Emilia]

It's her life and she doesn't owe a complete stranger anything.

 

I've never had anyone... man or woman... have positive intentions when asking my age... at ANY age. They are seeking to stick me in some kind of box they have in their mind... Not that I really care... but it does show ME what they are made of to even ask. When I was much younger, they needed to paint me as young and immature. Now that I'm older, they need to paint me as something else. Sorry... people who need to dig can just spin on their heads. Don't care.

 

Same thing as if I asked THEM their income, or if their parents were still married, or lots of other personal questions.

 

The way I do things is I volunteer my own information... and if the other person wants to volunteer theirs... fine. If not, fine.

 

It's true that a stranger doesn't owe anything to another stranger.

 

People do stick you in a box yes because they don't know you. I stick them in boxes because I don't know them. I assume every guy under 25 is immature until he shows me otherwise. I assume many guys 26-35 start to look for women to settle down with. Things like that. Of course I'm wrong a lot of the time but initially these are the things I assume.

 

The key is not to be overtly concerned over superficial views people might have of you. there is nothing you can do so why worry. To be honest, I've found that my being honest and straight up has scared shadier guys off and encouraged the more selective, nice ones to talk to me. It's a good strategy.