RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well, there husbands are pretty odd then, because most people (man or woman) would have a problem with being lied to about things such has engagements & abortions. Obviously, whatever underlying concern they had that prompted the question was dealt with. Any worries he might have had about her being able to have more children, or that she would abort his, was misplaced. They had kids... ... and the one who was worried about the number of engagements... if he was worried she'd 'jilt' him after agreeing to be engaged... that didn't happen either. So, the moral of the story here is deal with the underlying concern and talk about that directly. If the OP is worried about her age, he can talk about why. Is it health related? sexual? what? If all he wants to do is put a label on her, then yea, she is correct in withholding that information as long as she likes... or walking away herself. So basically any thing a guy might care to know about is insignificant then, as far as you are concerned? Yes, the things that many men care about are insignificant when it comes to the things make relationships last. Absolutely. Deal with it. ... and since most men aren't in it for the long haul with any woman, I see no point of barfing up my life to every dude who comes along for the sake of his curiosity. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I have no problems with it (and I know I am still "young") but I do find it interesting I'll have a great conversation with someone (i.e. the right type to settle down with), and we do the age exchange and they suddenly back off..... I've had similar in real life, even with men my own age and a couple of years older. When I tell them my real age (the first time they ask), they look all disappointed. I'm sure in their mind they thought they had a much younger prospect on the line and they are bummed. That's ok. When they call me back for another date, I tell them I'm busy or I just want to be friends... ... or I just don't tell them in the first place. Them asking is all the information I need to make a decision about whether I want to continue seeing them in a romantic context. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 yes, I don't lie about my age when asked (because I don't want to start anything off with a lie). But there have been times when I wondered if my age would be a deal breaker, like before they ask or find out. Many have been surprised to find out I am older than 30. But so far its not been a deal breaker. I suppose I have the mindset that if he is going to be uncomfortable with my age, than he's probably not going to be comfortable going into anything like a relationship with me. This will help me weed out those guys when I am ready for serious relationships again. Fully agree. I volunteer my age or at least make cultural or other references to the age range so that there are no misunderstandings. The most common reaction I get from younger guys is uncertainty on their part whether I'd take them seriously - since they always know that I'm older so it's not a surprise. Some men my age are definitely interested in younger women but they work out quickly too that I'm not their target age. All in all it's not rocket science, most men decide what they are comfortable with before the conversation/reference comes up. I've never had one falling off the barstool with surprise, though when I was 5 years younger it was harder to guess my age. Eventually age overtakes women who've built their lives on looks instead of accomplishments. For once I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Women are taking this a little too personally. In a sport like baseball, a guy from the Dominican Republics lies about his age so he'll look like a hot young prospect of 17 and not a 22 year old who doesn't seem to be good enough for the Major Leagues. A 38 year old sounds like he's about to hit the wall, but that 5 year lie makes it seem like a 33 year old that has a few good years left. Eventually age overtakes women who've built their lives on looks instead of accomplishments. No, I think it is the guys who are taking it way too personally. They are the ones who are investing their egos on the age of the women they date and wrapping it ever so closely with how they feel as men. If they weren't, they wouldn't care so much. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 "Honey, how do I look in this new dress?" "You look like a cheap whore." Be careful what you wish for... Wouldn't you want to know? I'd be more likely to ask "does this dress make me look cheap?"....and I'd want to know the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 No, I think it is the guys who are taking it way too personally. They are the ones who are investing their egos on the age of the women they date and wrapping it ever so closely with how they feel as men. If they weren't, they wouldn't care so much. You care about age. You don't date men outside a certain age range. Why do you care so much? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 If we want to talk about pathological behavior that results in the most harm to people, you will have to look to men first, I'm afraid. They are the ones who make up the vast majority of people in prison and mental institutions. Prison yes. Mental insitutions? Probably not. Mental health facts and statistics - Mind ... but the truth is you need to hold onto the idea with a friggin' DEATH GRIP that women must be barfing out whatever information you want for YOUR convenience... and that you get to sit back and judge whether she is 'worthy' over retarded, trivial things that have no bearing on success of relationships whatsoever. Information that in the big scheme of things only affects her and not you in ANY meaningful way except what you tell your friends and family.... or what makes you and your d*ck feel special. ... and THAT folks... is how desperately hard some men feel the need to protect their own egos. Hate to break it to you but everyone judges everyone based on various types of criteria. Some of that will be very subjective, others objective. To bring this on men or pretend that they are in any way more critical than women is disingenuous and a complete myth or lie. When I'm picking a partner I want my c*nt to feel special and I'm pretty sure many women agree with me (though not all of course). I have various criteria that I base my selection on, just like the other 6.99 billion people on this planet. If you are so scared of being judged and you are so insecure, maybe you should work out why and seek some kind of help? Rather than throw around bitter, spikey, misandrist and frankly increasingly nutty comments? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) You care about age. You don't date men outside a certain age range. Why do you care so much? In the past, I've dated men much younger, older, and same age as myself and did my best to eliminate stereotypes based on age... and I work around all men... so I see and hear things many women don't. After doing that for awhile... I've come to the conclusion that most single men these days view women as commodities and accessories, not human beings... and they don't value commitment. These men are fine as friends but not someone I'm going to invest in romantically. So I don't 'date' anymore. They can show me who they are in other ways. Why do I care? because I have better things to do with my time than prop up some guys ego (if he is older), be a placeholder while he looks for someone younger (if he's my own age), or 'train up' a younger guy. The OP's obsession with age is all too common. He hasn't explained what concerns he might be having beyond the fact that he feels entitled to her sharing her age. So they are at an impasse... he should just move along. Edited February 20, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Prison yes. Mental insitutions? Probably not. Mental health facts and statistics - Mind Hate to break it to you but everyone judges everyone based on various types of criteria. Some of that will be very subjective, others objective. To bring this on men or pretend that they are in any way more critical than women is disingenuous and a complete myth or lie. When I'm picking a partner I want my c*nt to feel special and I'm pretty sure many women agree with me (though not all of course). I have various criteria that I base my selection on, just like the other 6.99 billion people on this planet. If you are so scared of being judged and you are so insecure, maybe you should work out why and seek some kind of help? Rather than throw around bitter, spikey, misandrist and frankly increasingly nutty comments? Whatever floats your boat... It isn't that hard to find a man of any age willing to f*ck. Set a low bar if you care to. That's your choice. I have better things to do with my time. It isn't insecurity that drives my decisions regarding romantic involvement with men. It's called effective time management. Considering lots of men's overall condition and lack of responsibility when it comes to relationships... I'd say it is time THEY seek the help and stop expecting women to fix 'it' for them... whatever 'it' is. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Why do I care? because I have better things to do with my time than prop up some guys ego (if he is older), be a placeholder while he looks for someone younger (if he's my own age), or 'train up' a younger guy. So you feel that you have a justified reason to be concerned with age, and a man doesn't? You can make negative assumptions based on age and experience, and he can't? I don't see any evidence that the OP is obsessed with age. On the contrary, in fact, he seemed very intrigued by this older woman--and then put off by her weirdness regarding age. You, otoh, seem obsessed with age. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 It isn't insecurity that drives my decisions regarding romantic involvement with men. It's called effective time management. It would be a lot more effective to wear your age on your name tag. Can't get quicker screening than that! Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 You, otoh, seem obsessed with age. No. just enjoy a good debate. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) It would be a lot more effective to wear your age on your name tag. Can't get quicker screening than that! ok, that made me laugh... ... but I've got nothing to prove... If a guy needs to know that bad, his priorities and mine are just not going to be in line. ... and my negative assumptions about many men have nothing to do with their age. Most of them are quickly trying to commoditize women in some way. They just do it differently depending on their stage in life. The common theme among most of them is that they aren't looking for a commitment and don't value women much beyond her looks and age. That's what most of them have in common. Big waste of time. Edited February 20, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 ok, that made me laugh... ... but I've got nothing to prove... If a guy needs to know that bad, his priorities and mine are just not going to be in line. ... and my negative assumptions about many men have nothing to do with their age. Most of them are quickly trying to commoditize women in some way. They just do it differently depending on their stage in life. The common theme among most of them is that they aren't looking for a commitment and don't value women much beyond her looks and age. That's what most of them have in common. Big waste of time. If you've assumed that about the op, you're probably wrong. And if you are wrong about him, you are likely wrong about others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) If you've assumed that about the op, you're probably wrong. And if you are wrong about him, you are likely wrong about others. No, I haven't assumed that about the OP He could afford to stop acting like the other type of guys though... I'm sure that is how he is coming across to this woman and maybe others he has dated. If he has a firm cutoff age, he could just tell her what it is then let her make the decision. Seems like a fair way for everyone to save face. If a guy I came across in my daily travels said "I couldn't date a woman who was older than XX"... that seems a lot more respectful than asking me my age... and it also doesn't presume that I or he necessarily have a romantic interest in each other. For instance, when I'm getting to know a guy, I tell him I wouldn't date someone with poor credit history or a criminal record. Everyone saves face that way. He can self-select without giving away personal information to a near stranger just for the sake of getting a date. Edited February 20, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 No, I haven't assumed that about the OP He could afford to stop acting like the other type of guys though... I'm sure that is how he is coming across to this woman and maybe others he has dated. If he has a firm cutoff age, he could just tell her what it is then let her make the decision. You have an entirely wrong idea ans you ran with it. I say "how old are you " not because I am some evil shallow man that's going to leave a woman that's over a certain age like you seem to be so paranoid about. Taking it to the extreme now assuming Im going to demand every thong that ever happened in her life to be told to me... The ENTIRE purpose of dating is to use process of elimination to find some one to marry. I ask a wants age simply to analyze her mentally to make sure we are on the same page. Have you acknowledge your hypocrisy yet? Its okay for YOU to lie because you want to change.the perception of who you really are? The fact that you are trying so hard to justify the lie shows that you have a "there is nothing wrong with omitting details, not being honest, manipulating the truth to suit your desires.... How can you possibly see that as okay....haven't you ever been lied.to.before ? You can't sit Here and tell me that when you were lied to that it didn't bother you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 You have an entirely wrong idea ans you ran with it. I say "how old are you " not because I am some evil shallow man that's going to leave a woman that's over a certain age like you seem to be so paranoid about. Taking it to the extreme now assuming Im going to demand every thong that ever happened in her life to be told to me... The ENTIRE purpose of dating is to use process of elimination to find some one to marry. I ask a wants age simply to analyze her mentally to make sure we are on the same page. Have you acknowledge your hypocrisy yet? Its okay for YOU to lie because you want to change.the perception of who you really are? The fact that you are trying so hard to justify the lie shows that you have a "there is nothing wrong with omitting details, not being honest, manipulating the truth to suit your desires.... How can you possibly see that as okay....haven't you ever been lied.to.before ? You can't sit Here and tell me that when you were lied to that it didn't bother you. I haven't lied to anyone. I have every right to withhold information from anyone about my life, especially on matters that do not affect them. The other person has every right to have their preferences and state what is important to them and why. You seem to think you have the right to ask people things and they are obliged to answer. They aren't. A softer, and more respectful approach is simply to state your needs. If someone is going to lie, they will do so whether you ask them the question or not. By stating your needs, and explaining why, you've respected the other person's privacy. One of the things I hate(d) most about dating in general and OLD in particular is people feeling obliged to have me regurgitate my life-story to a near stranger. It's kind of gross and uncouth if you ask me. I agree that it would be dishonest if say, in my example above, a guy with a poor credit history or criminal record kept wanting to see me after I told him those issues were important to me. Same thing as if I tell a guy I'm looking for a relationship leading to marriage... if he's not looking to get married and continues to see me... then yes, that is dishonest. Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Same thing as if I tell a guy I'm looking for a relationship leading to marriage... if he's not looking to get married and continues to see me... then yes, that is dishonest. I wouldnt bring this up...so many men on this forum feel entitled to be dishonest about that sort of thing Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I haven't lied to anyone. I have every right to withhold information from anyone about my life, especially on matters that do not affect them. The other person has every right to have their preferences and state what is important to them and why. You seem to think you have the right to ask people things and they are obliged to answer. They aren't. A softer, and more respectful approach is simply to state your needs. If someone is going to lie, they will do so whether you ask them the question or not. By stating your needs, and explaining why, you've respected the other person's privacy. One of the things I hate(d) most about dating in general and OLD in particular is people feeling obliged to have me regurgitate my life-story to a near stranger. It's kind of gross and uncouth if you ask me. I agree that it would be dishonest if say, in my example above, a guy with a poor credit history or criminal record kept wanting to see me after I told him those issues were important to me. Same thing as if I tell a guy I'm looking for a relationship leading to marriage... if he's not looking to get married and continues to see me... then yes, that is dishonest. But if were dating and I'm not at all looking for marriage... that's personal information and you don't get to know that stuff. You expect me to just share that kind of stuff? I have a feeling you are arguing a point you dont actually believe in. Age is not a personal piece of information. If it was your birthday would not be on every public document you ever show anyone. If a woman refuses to tell a man her age, or she lies about it, it is her that has the problem with the age. Not the man. Some people have tried to argue its the person being lied too,s fault... and that is completely irrational. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I wouldnt bring this up...so many men on this forum feel entitled to be dishonest about that sort of thing That's funny... yes, I know they do. ... I do bring it up though. That's often enough to stop any age related questions when they realize I'm not interested in a quick f*ck. Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) But if were dating and I'm not at all looking for marriage... that's personal information and you don't get to know that stuff. You expect me to just share that kind of stuff? So if you have a gf of 8 months who wants to get married someday and you dont, you lie or omit information so you can keep seeing her even though youare wasting her time because she wants someone who will want to marry her eventually? If thats the case, then I can lie about having a 1 year expiration date on most relationships but the guy doesnt need to know that...because well thats personal Edited February 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed quote Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 But if were dating and I'm not at all looking for marriage... that's personal information and you don't get to know that stuff. You expect me to just share that kind of stuff? I have a feeling you are arguing a point you dont actually believe in. Age is not a personal piece of information. If it was your birthday would not be on every public document you ever show anyone. If a woman refuses to tell a man her age, or she lies about it, it is her that has the problem with the age. Not the man. Some people have tried to argue its the person being lied too,s fault... and that is completely irrational. ha, ha. Good one. You expect someone to invite you inside her body and you can't even share what your relationship goals are? That's hilarious! Age and especially birthdate IS personal information... as personal or even MORE personal as your relationship goals (or lack of). Ask anyone who has had their identity stolen. I can see we will have to agree to disagree on this one... all I have to say to the ladies who are reading is that there are lots of ways to suss out a man's intentions. Getting him to divulge his age preferences is a very important piece of information... and it doesn't require you offer yours either. Since age is so important to guys, and their reputation(s) so crappy regarding interest in commitment... I'd say the burden is on the guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) But if were dating and I'm not at all looking for marriage... that's personal information and you don't get to know that stuff. You expect me to just share that kind of stuff? So if you have a gf of 8 months who wants to get married someday and you dont, you lie or omit information so you can keep seeing her even though youare wasting her time because she wants someone who will want to marry her eventually? If thats the case, then I can lie about having a 1 year expiration date on most relationships but the guy doesnt need to know that...because well thats personal Im using the ridiculous to illustrate the ridiculous. I would share any information i could with my SO because thats the POINT. Would I say it on the first date? probably not, but I WOULD tell her personal things because I want her to be close to me. I'm not just going to lie about what year I was born in in order to MAYBE appear something different than what I really am. Besides, If a man tells you he wants marriage and kids, and then he ends up not having them WITH YOU, you will call him a liar. Even though he didn't actually lie to you, he just didn't pick you. That doesn't make him a liar. Edited February 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Since age is so important to guys, and their reputation(s) so crappy regarding interest in commitment... I'd say the burden is on the guys. Once again, you are blaming the men for YOUR lies, YOUR dishonesty, and YOUR deceit. We don't care about the number itself, we care about your willingness to share with us. If you can't trust us enough to tell us BASIC ice breaking information such as "whats your name, how old are you, and what do you do" Then how are we supposed to trust you with our hearts exactly? And I see my sarcasm in my last post completely blew over your heads, showing just how hypocritical your defenses sound. See how your implying its okay for a woman to lie, but not a man? You still have not explained that one yet. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 .. I meant... it doesn't require you offer your age. Get him to state his age preferences (if he has them) and dating habits. If he won't, then don't date him. Link to post Share on other sites
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