xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I screen on character first. Always. It's too bad that so few of any age have much. But you screen based on age, too. You aren't interested in dating an older man. The only difference is, you don't outright ask his age. You wait for it to be revealed. I don't personally understand how that makes a huge difference. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 So, yes, women do the picking. Sorry. Women have more freedom and ability to pick when it comes to sex than relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) But you screen based on age, too. You aren't interested in dating an older man. The only difference is, you don't outright ask his age. You wait for it to be revealed. I don't personally understand how that makes a huge difference. It makes all the difference in the world. My way, you have the opportunity to know the person... and they get to hear my preferences too and how I organize my life and choices... and how I came to them without being put on the spot themselves or made to feel uncomfortable. Now, if a guy decided to be a d*ck and try to pump me for information... I DO know how to give it right back and make him squirm... and yes, I would likely lie to a guy like that or just excuse myself... that is not my first choice. Anyway, I never said I wouldn't share my preferences. I've mentioned many ways that I do. With my method, they have the chance to self-select too. It is more graceful that way. Like I said, my Southern roots are showing. Edited February 20, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 So then it's a matter of style--grace and tact--not character. Many of us are more direct. That's not a bad thing. It can, in fact, be a very good thing! Instead of getting attached, getting hopes up, and possibly being left to wonder what went wrong, I'd rather just know that the age gap is an issue. And I'd rather know sooner than later. YMMV Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 No, you are idiots for thinking you don't have to be upfront about your preferences... and that she owes you information. I mean, if he won't share his age preferences with you, what else will he withhold? Next time, if the topic comes up, just state your preferences, or is that too scary for you? I have a bit of bad news for you. The OP met his lady on Ok Cupid. Age is one of the mandatory fields. Other mandatory fields include the age range and the type of relationship (LT, ST, casual, etc.) in which you're interested. OP did disclose his own age, his desired range in a partner, and whether he was interested in commitment or a quick lay. The woman chose a medium where age disclosure was mandatory, listed incorrect information, and persists in keeping the actual information to herself. I would be delighted to disclose and demand all money and health related information as soon as possible. The reason I don't isn't because there's anything to hide, but because the mere act of discussing it is likely to be a turnoff. But even looking at it purely from a woman's self interest, what benefit could she possibly accrue from lying about it? Isn't it a waste of her own time, especially if she wants a LTR where it comes out eventually? Is it worth wasting her own time just to be the person that does the rejecting rather than being rejected for a reason she can't control and should be meaningless? I guarantee you that the men with whom you're arguing would rail against any man who wore lifts in his shoes for several dates to maintain a dishonest height on an Ok Cupid profile. If you want to make the point that men are ageist, you'll get no argument from most of us. However, you've somehow gotten off track and now find yourself making the point that women are morally superior, and that very moral superiority should be supported by lying. The train has indeed gone off the tracks. At least this was fun for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Women have more freedom and ability to pick when it comes to sex than relationships. Maybe, but I think women have lots of resources and ways to be creative when it comes to figuring out if a guy is looking for a relationship or just a good time. One of them is not giving out information that can be used to try and manipulate them or hook them emotionally before she finds out what his true intentions are. Avoiding the three hour faux intimacy phone 'convos' is another suggestion... It is really not that difficult... Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 It would be a huge red flag for me if someone wouldn't disclose their age. I'm 33 and surely have been passed over when I did OLD as a result. For some reason 32 seemed to have been the magic cut-off. Oh well. I'm happy now and he couldn't give a rip. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Maybe, but I think women have lots of resources and ways to be creative when it comes to figuring out if a guy is looking for a relationship or just a good time. One of them is not giving out information that can be used to try and manipulate them or hook them emotionally before she finds out what his true intentions are. Avoiding the three hour faux intimacy phone 'convos' is another suggestion... It is really not that difficult... Screening isn't the same as picking.... The point is, the men get a lot pickier when it comes to relationships. She doesn't get her pick as easily as she can with sex. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I have a bit of bad news for you. The OP met his lady on Ok Cupid. Age is one of the mandatory fields. Other mandatory fields include the age range and the type of relationship (LT, ST, casual, etc.) in which you're interested. OP did disclose his own age, his desired range in a partner, and whether he was interested in commitment or a quick lay. The woman chose a medium where age disclosure was mandatory, listed incorrect information, and persists in keeping the actual information to herself. Yes, and the OP decided to keep seeing her knowing she was older (by how much, he doesn't know), so apparently his posted age range on OKC is in need of adjustment. ... and yes, this has been fun. The funny thing is, in real life, lots of guys ask me my age when I'm not even attracted to them and without knowing if I even like them much. Another reason not to share. Like, who cares if they think I'm hot and might want to date me (depending on how old I am)... I'm not looking for their approval. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Screening isn't the same as picking.... The point is, the men get a lot pickier when it comes to relationships. She doesn't get her pick as easily as she can with sex. Well, if she did a better job screening out guys who like to bin women and make it tough for them to do so, I think she'll find the ones who aren't serious about finding a relationship won't bother. Those guys are looking for easy pickings. Asking a woman's age is one way guys look for easy pickings and modify their dating strategy accordingly (sex for 'fun' vs relationship). She isn't obliged to play along. This is just one more area where women need to make guys work a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yes, and the OP decided to keep seeing her knowing she was older (by how much, he doesn't know), so apparently his posted age range on OKC is in need of adjustment. ... and yes, this has been fun. The funny thing is, in real life, lots of guys ask me my age when I'm not even attracted to them and without knowing if I even like them much. Another reason not to share. Like, who cares if they think I'm hot and might want to date me (depending on how old I am)... I'm not looking for their approval. We get it. Your a perfect human being.that's better than us. So why are you on an advice forum? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 The funny thing is, in real life, lots of guys ask me my age when I'm not even attracted to them and without knowing if I even like them much. O, so you do choose/pick/screen based on looks, and just won't admit it............... Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I know a lot of women are touchy about their age, especially if they are over 30 and single. My older sister has been 29 for over 10 years now. Uh, this is not rocket science... why will this thread not die... die thread die! Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yes, and the OP decided to keep seeing her knowing she was older (by how much, he doesn't know), so apparently his posted age range on OKC is in need of adjustment. ... and yes, this has been fun. The funny thing is, in real life, lots of guys ask me my age when I'm not even attracted to them and without knowing if I even like them much. Another reason not to share. Like, who cares if they think I'm hot and might want to date me (depending on how old I am)... I'm not looking for their approval. It would be nice if the OP would chime in here with her listed age and his parameters. Here's a breakdown for me: I am 36, my parameters are 26-41. If a woman is over 41, or under 26, it's extremely unlikely that I'd be interested in her for a serious relationship. I will volunteer that information to anyone who asks, very comfortable with the possibility that it may cause a beautiful, fun 42 or 25 year old to reject me. Does that make me a prince among men, or a regular guy? It seems that a key tenet of your position is that I am a rare snowflake in this regard. I highly doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well, if she did a better job screening out guys who like to bin women and make it tough for them to do so, I think she'll find the ones who aren't serious about finding a relationship won't bother. The point is that she can screen for the group of men who are serious about finding a relationship, but she can not simply "pick" one of those men. He still needs to pick her. Not picking an individual woman for a relationship doesn't make a man less relationship minded. I just means he didn't pick her, for whatever reason. He might marry the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 So I would assume that if I told RedRobin that I'm looking for someone that's open and honest, she would "self-select" and say "sorry Weezy, I'm not what you're looking for." Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Is anyone surprised that alot of guys here absolutely HATE the idea that there are other ways to filter them out? I'd rather no woman lets herself get binned by idiots who think they are entitled to pick and choose like some ranch hand at a cattle show... LOLOL! You think Im worried about dishonest women filtering me out? I actually welcome them doing so, that way I dont have to deal with their bullcrap. And dont have to deal with a crying woman once I find out her true character and dump her.most women aren't as shallow as most men... and they are the ones who are usually looking for relationships, while men are mostly trying to weasel a piece of *ss. So, yes, women do the picking. Sorry. BULL CRAP! Ive had girls practically throw themselves at me before...and all they wanted was a fling and I wasnt quite feeling it. Plenty of guys wants relationships. Edited February 21, 2013 by kaylan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 No, you are idiots for thinking you don't have to be upfront about your preferences... and that she owes you information. I mean, if he won't share his age preferences with you, what else will he withhold? How on earth is asking a womans age being "owed" information?? You won't even tell a stranger how old you are? Who cares?? You make it seem like age is an intimate detail, it's NOT! A couple of weeks ago I was in class and needed a stapler and went into another class to get one (it was before class started) and there were some students from the last class waiting to ask the teacher something. Well, the guy talking to her at the moment told her he was an older student and that he was born in 85' and the teacher was joking that it killed her lol. But not like she was really "hurt" over it, it was in a good way. It was so funny, she was acting like she was stabbing herself in the heart lol. Anyway there was a woman standing next to me who happend to be older than I am and she asked me if I was an older student and instead of just saying yes it told her "Yeah I'm 31". Yes it is a little embarassing to be older in school but I don't care and gave my age without being specifically asked. I know there were probabaly a couple of average college aged people who heard me and thought I was "ancient" but I don't care!!! I still said how old I was! Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 ^Shes obviously insecure about her age. Thats why she doth protest too much. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 LOLOL! You think Im worried about dishonest women filtering me out? I actually welcome them doing so, that way I dont have to deal with their bullcrap. And dont have to deal with a crying woman once I find out her true character and dump her. BULL CRAP! She's making it seem like age is a sacred initimate detail when it's not. Then she says instead of a man asking how old she is he's suppposed to not ask her and say "I'm looking to date between the ages of x and y" and then she doesn't have to give her age and she can walk away! Mind you this would be a rare scenario becuase you can usually tell by looking at someone if they're within your age preferences. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) How on earth is asking a womans age being "owed" information?? You won't even tell a stranger how old you are? Who cares?? You make it seem like age is an intimate detail, it's NOT!! Anything about me is an 'intimate detail' if I don't care to share it. Strangers aren't entitled to jack. Women would be wise to keep more to themselves until they determine if a guy is looking for a relationship. Pass on the 'deep' convos. That's nothing. Anyone can do that. Doesn't mean anything. There is this thing called faux intimacy that some guys are very crafty in perpetuating. Gets women hooked emotionally and feeling like the guy gives a crap when he really doesn't. All they've done is make her feel like sharing... and all this without the guy really investing or sharing much of himself at all. Posters like NinjaPajamas has talked about it before... how women are silly that way. When it comes to women and dating... I thought about this quote I heard in the movie "Lincoln" this weekend. "A compass, I learnt when I was surveying, it'll... it'll point you True North from where you're standing, but it's got no advice about the swamps and deserts and chasms that you'll encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination, you plunge ahead, heedless of obstacles, and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp... What's the use of knowing True North?" ... and that is how I feel about barfing up lots of info for strangers in general and men in particular. Telling the truth is the compass... but that tells you nothing about how to navigate to your destination. Guys keep plenty to themselves... and happily swim in the tide of emotional warmth sent their way by plenty of hopeful women without offering sh*t really. You don't like it that I'm giving women advice on how to avoid your swamps. Tough. Edited February 21, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 If you really feel this negative towards men why are you even looking for one. Women have their swamps as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 If you really feel this negative towards men why are you even looking for one. Women have their swamps as well. I just love how she assumes that pretty much all men are out to screw women over in one way or another. It's to bad she will never answer your question........ Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Sounds like she wants a penis attached to a bottomless wallet. Absent a brain or mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Anything about me is an 'intimate detail' if I don't care to share it. Strangers aren't entitled to jack. Women would be wise to keep more to themselves until they determine if a guy is looking for a relationship. Pass on the 'deep' convos. That's nothing. Anyone can do that. Doesn't mean anything. There is this thing called faux intimacy that some guys are very crafty in perpetuating. Gets women hooked emotionally and feeling like the guy gives a crap when he really doesn't. All they've done is make her feel like sharing... and all this without the guy really investing or sharing much of himself at all. Posters like NinjaPajamas has talked about it before... how women are silly that way. When it comes to women and dating... I thought about this quote I heard in the movie "Lincoln" this weekend. "A compass, I learnt when I was surveying, it'll... it'll point you True North from where you're standing, but it's got no advice about the swamps and deserts and chasms that you'll encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination, you plunge ahead, heedless of obstacles, and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp... What's the use of knowing True North?" ... and that is how I feel about barfing up lots of info for strangers in general and men in particular. Telling the truth is the compass... but that tells you nothing about how to navigate to your destination. Guys keep plenty to themselves... and happily swim in the tide of emotional warmth sent their way by plenty of hopeful women without offering sh*t really. You don't like it that I'm giving women advice on how to avoid your swamps. Tough. My swamps? Excuse me but how dare you and don't get me started. I've posted here long enough for you to know that I never have and never will use a woman so you can save your faux intimacy story for somene else. I don't sell hopes and dreams and make promises other than I'll be honest and that I have good intentions. BTW: The quote in the movie is wrong, a compass (especially the ones in that era) points you to magnetic north, NOT true north. Edited February 21, 2013 by SJC2008 speeling Link to post Share on other sites
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