Lost my best friend for his religion

[Sweeetie]

Hello fellow LoveShack members, I had originally posted this thread in the 'Friendship' forum but wasn't getting many responses so I thought I'd try this place. This is a bit long and I apologise, but I'd really appreciate your help!

 

I'm a 23-yr old female. I did my Masters degree at University with a Muslim guy who I grew very close to: just as friends. He is from Afghanistan and has been living here in London since he was 13, he is 23 now. He's always been very religious. There was nothing romantic between us; just a very strong friendship (I got a boyfriend during that time anyway). We were like brother and sister. He was always there for me when I needed help and we understood each other very well; we had a connection that was very deep. He also did things for me that most other people don't do (including my ex!), and he always brightened up my day. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met and he means a great deal to me.

 

Our Masters course finished in September, it lasted one year, but this friend and I stayed in touch. I invited him to my birthday dinner in October and that was the last time I saw him. About two months ago, in mid-December, I noticed that he stopped replying to my texts and Facebook messages. This carried on for weeks and I tried calling him several times and sending him emails via his Outlook account (I knew only that email address of his). He hadn't even been on Facebook since mid-December, I saw last week when I checked. I also checked his Youtube account and saw that he had been inactive on that for 2 months too.

 

First one month passed since he stopped replying, and that made me start worrying, and as it was approaching 2 months I was growing very worried indeed. I thought that something had happened to him. I didn't know his home address but I knew what town he lived in, so I was thinking of going to this town and finding out where he lives to know if he was OK. Another friend who was in our Masters class lived in the same town as him and I asked her if she knew his home address but she didn't; she did know his Hotmail address though. She tried emailing him due to my worries to check if he was OK and he replied to her so I was very relieved, and I then emailed him on this address too.

 

I emailed him saying I had been very worried about him and asked him if everything was OK, asked him what he was doing now. He replied the next day which was today. His tone was very distant and the email was short. He was telling me about what he's doing in terms of work currently and said that he'd forgotten the passwords of his Facebook account and other email account and that he sometimes forgets to text back, hence the lack of replies.

 

At the end of this short email to me, he said that since the month of Muharram, which is a month in the Islam calendar (finishes around mid-December) and which is a sacred month of mourning for Shia Muslims where they remember a catastrophe that their ancestors faced, he had got "much more religious" and has now "started to be more restrictive on how and how often" he talks to girls. He finished with "I hope you understand. Take care."

 

This has made me very upset since this person is the most amazing friend I have ever had, he is very very dear to me. I replied to his email the next day after thinking of what to say. I put my emotions aside and said that I respect his decision, that I have always said I admire his dedication to his religion and how it has made him into the amazing person that he is, but that I also don't want to lose him s a friend. Is there any hope that I will get his friendship back? I am thinking that after a few months he might revert back into his old self. I really do hope so.

 

I'd really appreciate advice from members on this site on what to say/do in this situation, how to increase the likelihood of getting this man's friendship back.

 

Thanks

[TaraMaiden]

Well, I would say it's probably one of two things:

Either, (one) he truly has deepened his interest and commitment to his Religion, and wishes to adhere to the principles,

 

or

 

(Two) he has developed feelings for you which take him into unfamiliar, alien territory, and he is concerned and confused about where to go with this.

 

I suspect the former.

 

It sucks, but coming from two such diverse backgrounds is going to raise issues anyway, whatever the situation might be.

 

If his family is extremely traditional, it's also possible that he already has a wife arranged.....

[BetheButterfly]

I lost 2 Muslim male friends before, I know a little bit how you feel.

 

What happened is that we were talking about the differences in our beliefs. (I am a Christian.) They were telling me about Muhammad and I told them what I believe concerning Muhammad. I believe he is a false prophet. They got greatly offended, even though I didn't say it in a mean or insulting way at all... I just said "I believe Muhammad is a false prophet and is one of the false prophets Jesus talked about that's accounted in Matthew 24:11 and Matthew 24:24."

 

They were so mad and said they were offended, and I apologized for offending them and that I meant no offense; that's just what I believe.

 

They no longer wanted to be friends. I was sad about that but respected their decision.

 

Now, I have other Muslim friends who know what I believe concerning Muhammad and yet are friends with me anyways. They don't take offense. Rather, they pray for me. I think that's sweet and I know they pray for me because they love me and are afraid I'm going to hell. I don't think I'm going to hell though! My Muslim friends are very nice people who strive to help others. I really respect what they do to help others and am grateful for freedom of religion where people, no matter their beliefs, can live and help each other!

 

I am sorry your friend is drawing back. My advice would be to simply respect his decision. If he decides later on to be friends again, that is your decision if you wish to be friends.

 

What is good though is for Muslims to see that people of other beliefs or no belief in God can be tolerant and care about them. Sad to say, many Muslims experience prejudice and hatred against them due to some people lumping them all into the category of killers. However, thousands of Muslims are not killers but rather are people just like everyone else, studying, working, spending time with their families and friends.

 

So, my advice is to let him go yet keep the door open for if someday he decides to be friends again, as well as respect his decision and understand he might never change his decision. There are many other wonderful people in the world, and I hope you find a wonderful friend who does not decide someday to let your friendship go for any reason.

[ErosOcean]

I lost 2 Muslim male friends before, I know a little bit how you feel.

 

What happened is that we were talking about the differences in our beliefs. (I am a Christian.) They were telling me about Muhammad and I told them what I believe concerning Muhammad. I believe he is a false prophet. They got greatly offended, even though I didn't say it in a mean or insulting way at all... I just said "I believe Muhammad is a false prophet and is one of the false prophets Jesus talked about that's accounted in Matthew 24:11 and Matthew 24:24."

 

I guess that depends on your view or definition of what a prophet is. As for Mohammed, he didn't view the Prophets and Messiahs as a personification or embodiment of God, but as good men sent by God. In that sense he accepted the ministry of Jesus and acknowledged him as a true prophet sent out of God. In that same sense, I believe Mohammed to be a true prophet.

 

(I'm not a Muslim or Christian, but I still believe Mohammed and Jesus were great men and prophets of God.)

 

Is it not interesting that Mohammed makes no distinction between the God of Islam and Christianity. They are both the same. The viewpoints of salvation may be different. But your Christian God and your friends God of Islam, is the same. God is the hand, religion the fingers of God, and each is fighting the other for dominion. Such foolishness, is it not?

 

The problem that I see is, with all good things, his teachings much like Jesus's teachings have been corrupted and obscured by the ignorant man. What confounds me, besides the violence from the extremist, is the Muslim states who mistreat women. Yet Mohammed himself says, "You have certain rights over your wives, and so have your wives over you... They are the trust of God in your hands. So you must treat them with all kindness."

 

As for your false prophets, turn on your TV at night and watch the debacle. These TV evangelists who preach that God wants you to be rich materially. Now that is absurd, when Jesus himself says to leave all things behind to follow him. Mohammed gave up his wealth and lived a simple life. Buddha abdicated his kingdom to seek enlightenment. All the wise men and sages knew that God's kingdom was greater than the material wealth of man.

 

Anyway, OP I have nothing further to add because I think the others have already answered it.

 

Good luck.

[Sweeetie]

I lost 2 Muslim male friends before, I know a little bit how you feel.

 

What happened is that we were talking about the differences in our beliefs. (I am a Christian.) They were telling me about Muhammad and I told them what I believe concerning Muhammad. I believe he is a false prophet. They got greatly offended, even though I didn't say it in a mean or insulting way at all... I just said "I believe Muhammad is a false prophet and is one of the false prophets Jesus talked about that's accounted in Matthew 24:11 and Matthew 24:24."

 

They were so mad and said they were offended, and I apologized for offending them and that I meant no offense; that's just what I believe.

 

They no longer wanted to be friends. I was sad about that but respected their decision.

 

Now, I have other Muslim friends who know what I believe concerning Muhammad and yet are friends with me anyways. They don't take offense. Rather, they pray for me. I think that's sweet and I know they pray for me because they love me and are afraid I'm going to hell. I don't think I'm going to hell though! My Muslim friends are very nice people who strive to help others. I really respect what they do to help others and am grateful for freedom of religion where people, no matter their beliefs, can live and help each other!

 

I am sorry your friend is drawing back. My advice would be to simply respect his decision. If he decides later on to be friends again, that is your decision if you wish to be friends.

 

What is good though is for Muslims to see that people of other beliefs or no belief in God can be tolerant and care about them. Sad to say, many Muslims experience prejudice and hatred against them due to some people lumping them all into the category of killers. However, thousands of Muslims are not killers but rather are people just like everyone else, studying, working, spending time with their families and friends.

 

So, my advice is to let him go yet keep the door open for if someday he decides to be friends again, as well as respect his decision and understand he might never change his decision. There are many other wonderful people in the world, and I hope you find a wonderful friend who does not decide someday to let your friendship go for any reason.

 

Thank you for your post. But in my case, I have never said anything against his religion or beliefs; I have only ever told him how much I admire it and how wonderful it is. So he has nothing to hold against me here, other than the fact that I'm a woman who he shouldn't be talking too much to.

[BetheButterfly]

Thank you for your post. But in my case, I have never said anything against his religion or beliefs; I have only ever told him how much I admire it and how wonderful it is. So he has nothing to hold against me here, other than the fact that I'm a woman who he shouldn't be talking too much to.

 

For some Muslims, it is against their beliefs for men to talk with women who they are not married to or who are not part of the family.

 

When I was in Chicago, I was invited to eat at the celebration of the end of Ramadan: Eid al-Fitr. I was not allowed to talk to any man there. I came with a wonderful Muslim guy (who at the time I was in love with; he is the one who invited me) but I ended up quickly veiled then led upstairs away from him the whole time.

 

The Muslim ladies were very nice and led me upstairs where we ate and talked and had fun, but we were always separated from the men. That is a part of some Muslims' lifestyle due to their religious beliefs.

 

I did not appreciate the segregation, because I am used to conversing with both men and women. However, I did not tell them this, but rather accepted the hospitality they showed me graciously, and informed my Muslim friend later on that I do not want to live in segregation from men at holiday gatherings.

 

Some Muslims are very strict with segregating men and women. It is very possible that wanting to be his friend is actively going against his belief, if he is now of the persuasion that he should only be friends with people of his same belief and that he should not "hang out" with women. It is possible he might see you as a temptation.

[BetheButterfly]

ErosOcean,

 

I replied to you by starting another thread: Christianity and Islam.