Married neighbor is texting my boyfriend in the middle of the night.

[bried88]

A little (sorry actually A LOT) background information...

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. It hasn't always been the smoothest relationship, but we do love each other. We broke up for a couple of months last summer because we weren't getting along. Once we got back together, we decided to discuss who/if we'd slept with anyone else during our time apart (bad idea, i know).

 

We both admitted to sleeping with someone else after our breakup -- me with an old friend who lives out of state and him with his married (and slightly older) next door neighbor. I was very upset, not only because I'd chatted with her on several occasions before our break up, but also that I had to see her on a regular basis when visiting him at his apartment. It made me insecure and worried that he could just call her up if we were in a fight (though he's never actually cheated on me to my knowledge).

 

I made him promise not to speak to her again and it's something that I've put out of my head in the last few months. Then things started getting rocky with my boyfriend again this past month or so. We've been fighting a lot and decided to give things a break for a few days.

 

We decided to resolve things and our now back together once again. Everything had been going well until out a week ago. He and I were watching a movie and he received a text message around 130am. He acted defensive and wouldn't tell me who it was. That drove me to grabbing his phone and seeing that it was the neighbor saying "sup."

 

I of course got irrationally upset and pushed him to texting her to say that he was back together with me. She responded "K." He then admitted to speaking with her during our most recent break which made me even more angry -- not only with him, but with her. Though I'm no saint, the woman is married. She is also a local artist, so her contact information is readily available online.

 

After my boyfriend went to sleep I sent her an email saying "Stop contacting my boyfriend. I have no problem speaking to husband about this." Yea...I probably shouldn't have done that, but I lost control of my emotions. The next day she emailed me back saying: "Um, okay... You have nothing to worry about." To which I responded: "Great, glad we're on the same page. Good luck with your marriage."

 

After that, I had no intention of contacting her again. The next day however, I received and email from her husband saying: "Leave us alone. Our marriage is fine. I don't get petty or jealous when she has friends of the opposite sex."

 

I'm assuming he has no idea that she slept with my boyfriend in the past (it also irritated me that he acted like I was harassing her. I really want nothing more to do with her). Though I'm not sure..It seemed strange that she would bring him into it all -- unless she was trying to cover her past indiscretion by making me seem like an insecure liar. I didn't respond to him even though I wanted to and I'm not really sure what to do. I will see these two in the near future -- they share a parking lot with my boyfriend. It also makes me upset that her husband thinks I'm some crazy person.

 

If you've made it this far -- thank you! Any and all advice would be appreciated.

[Keenly]

It sounds like you are being overly jealous and a little irrational.

 

I bet you still talk to that guy you slept with...

[anne1707]

I would question whether the email was really sent by the husband. It could be that she wrote it to try and get you to back off.

[silvermercy]

I doubt this was really sent by her husband. Even if it was, she's still trying to portray you as a crazy person who harasses her to cover her tracks.

 

Very illogical email since it was YOU asked her to leave you alone. Not the other way round as she now claims.

 

Keep every communication for future reference.

Also, maybe it's time to involve your boyfriend.

 

As a side note, irrelevant to all of this: don't you think you've both had too much drama in this relationship? Fighting, breaking up, sleeping with other people, making up again, fighting, and now this... Relationships within your current time-frame are supposed to be in the most rosy stage. I think you're incompatible.

[stillafool]

Wouldn't it be your bf's responsibility to tell her to stop texting him? You are acting like your his mother.

[carhill]

Another reflective question may be, considering the totality of the relationship, how do you feel about committing to someone who so quickly and easily had sexual relations with a married person during a 'breakup'?

 

IMO, the neighbors are largely irrelevant to your relationship. It's the man in front of you who is relevant. Focus on him.

[ComingInHot]

You are NOT in a healthy relationship, and I fear you may Not be the only one In it.

 

A simple way to end the current avenue of communication is to have bf change his number and/or Block hers.

 

Better yet* save both of you a couple of buck every month & get on the same cell account. (Oh ya, then you can check the call logs on-line)

 

If he's still texting, talking whatever you'll know to get rid of him and drop him from your cell account.

[Darth Vader]

A little (sorry actually A LOT) background information...

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. It hasn't always been the smoothest relationship, but we do love each other. We broke up for a couple of months last summer because we weren't getting along. Once we got back together, we decided to discuss who/if we'd slept with anyone else during our time apart (bad idea, i know).

 

We both admitted to sleeping with someone else after our breakup -- me with an old friend who lives out of state and him with his married (and slightly older) next door neighbor. I was very upset, not only because I'd chatted with her on several occasions before our break up, but also that I had to see her on a regular basis when visiting him at his apartment. It made me insecure and worried that he could just call her up if we were in a fight (though he's never actually cheated on me to my knowledge).

 

I made him promise not to speak to her again and it's something that I've put out of my head in the last few months. Then things started getting rocky with my boyfriend again this past month or so. We've been fighting a lot and decided to give things a break for a few days.

 

We decided to resolve things and our now back together once again. Everything had been going well until out a week ago. He and I were watching a movie and he received a text message around 130am. He acted defensive and wouldn't tell me who it was. That drove me to grabbing his phone and seeing that it was the neighbor saying "sup."

 

I of course got irrationally upset and pushed him to texting her to say that he was back together with me. She responded "K." He then admitted to speaking with her during our most recent break which made me even more angry -- not only with him, but with her. Though I'm no saint, the woman is married. She is also a local artist, so her contact information is readily available online.

 

After my boyfriend went to sleep I sent her an email saying "Stop contacting my boyfriend. I have no problem speaking to husband about this." Yea...I probably shouldn't have done that, but I lost control of my emotions. The next day she emailed me back saying: "Um, okay... You have nothing to worry about." To which I responded: "Great, glad we're on the same page. Good luck with your marriage."

 

After that, I had no intention of contacting her again. The next day however, I received and email from her husband saying: "Leave us alone. Our marriage is fine. I don't get petty or jealous when she has friends of the opposite sex."

 

I'm assuming he has no idea that she slept with my boyfriend in the past (it also irritated me that he acted like I was harassing her. I really want nothing more to do with her). Though I'm not sure..It seemed strange that she would bring him into it all -- unless she was trying to cover her past indiscretion by making me seem like an insecure liar. I didn't respond to him even though I wanted to and I'm not really sure what to do. I will see these two in the near future -- they share a parking lot with my boyfriend. It also makes me upset that her husband thinks I'm some crazy person.

 

If you've made it this far -- thank you! Any and all advice would be appreciated.

 

 

Was it a different number that her husband used to text you? If so, I'd inform (text) her husband of his wife's cheating, as he should know that (I assume he doesn't know that!)

[ascendotum]

I also would be very surprised that her husband would send a message like that, though it is possible he logs into her business account to update her on her msgs and she had to explain it and you get painted as the overly suspicious neighbor's gf naturally.

 

I tend to agree with Just a Poster's feelings on this, just not as vehemently, because its really hard to know whats going on for sure. Scenarios like this can happen during the times when couples live separately and or spend a lot of time busy with their career. People want to act with certainty and want to feel they can trust their partner not to **** on them. Its tricky to be certain when you just have suspicious behaviour (most of it coming from the neighbor). If you bump into the neighbors husband and he has a go at you, its up to you if you want to dob her in for their fling, but at the minimum set him straight on the 1.30am texts from her

[loversquarrel]

Lets see...you guys frequently fight, broke up for a few months and in that time frame both screwed other people (you an "old friend" and him a MW). You get back together and fight some more, call it quits for a few days then get back together.....

 

You are both insecure about the other. Your BF sleeping with a married woman calls into question his moral integrity, but lets face it, neither one of you is truly in love if you are going to bang someone within a few months time. Sounds like you are both suffering from bruised ego's. All within two years? Not really good for a relationship.

 

As for the text you received? Considering this woman may be the "artsy fartsy" type, she may be involved in a so called open marriage with her husband. How humiliating would that be if you decided to blow the whistle?

Just pondering...

[road]

I would question whether the email was really sent by the husband. It could be that she wrote it to try and get you to back off.

 

Above and

 

That and you were wrong to tell the OW to back off or you would tell her BH.

 

You should of not threatened OW because you gave her the time to do damage control so her BH will not believe you.

 

You should of just told her BH.

 

I would see the BH in person to confirm if and what his WW said.