Ex husbands childhood friend.....

[tiberonmom]

Ok, I will try to make this as short as possible. Not too awful long ago my husband of nearly 11 years moved out and filed for divorce. He wanted to "explore his options and see what single life without a family would be like". He currently is living with his new girlfriend whom he had within a month of him moving out. I have no issue with this, I am very happy to have him gone! Life is much more peacful and calm. He grew up in a very small town (where i live with the kids now) and one of his childhood friends has always been around, even lived with us for a year about 6 years ago (he then moved out of state until right before the ex left). This friend and I hit it off immediatly upon meeting. We are pretty much kindred spirits and truely enjoy and like eachothers company. We of course were just friends until recently. Once the Ex left this friend came round to see if the girls and I needed any help with anything and we redicovered how much we did enjoy each others company and similar intrests/personality. He and I went to a few parties of mutual friends and on new years night we got messed up and slept together. We discussed it and decided it wouldn't happen again foor awhile. Well that lasted about three weeks. We then decided to just be FWB. This went really well except that he would come over and stay for multipal nights in a row.....seemed odd i guess. We didnt have sex every time he stayed. We are friends first and foremost. Couple weeks ago he moved into our spare room. Now he just automaticly spends the nights in my bed when the kids are with their dad or grandma. We do everything together and people are starting to assume we are a couple. Now what I am having a hard time with is not the divorce, my ex moving on or the FWB thing......its some of the things he has said recently as well as I don't have a clue how my ex would handle hearing we wanted to be together even though this friend and I have been closer than the ex and him for many years now. And this friend who also lives in my house is saying things like "I just kind of assumed we would eventually be together" "Maybe if I became your boyfriend we would't have to sneak around the kids all the time" etc...however he does not like to cuddle, we do not kiss, hold hands or hug that often unless i ask for a hug lol. We do sleep together, literally, on my kid free nights....his brother and cousin know about us and we regularly joke about our escapades without either of us gettting uncomfortable. We stay in the room and continue conversations while the other is getting dressed or out of the shower....so needless to say I am confused. I do like him alot and would have to be honest and admit I always have had a little crush on him even way back when. I am fine with just doing the FWB thing, but am just confused by the mixed signals he seems to be giving. I don't know what to say or do at this point. I do think it's rather too soon for a real relationship, but it does make sense and would be a comfortable and easy transition....if I actually knew what he wanted!! I need advice! HELP!

[Nyla]

Ok, I will try to make this as short as possible. Not too awful long ago my husband of nearly 11 years moved out and filed for divorce. He wanted to "explore his options and see what single life without a family would be like". He currently is living with his new girlfriend whom he had within a month of him moving out.

 

I have no issue with this, I am very happy to have him gone! Life is much more peacful and calm. He grew up in a very small town (where i live with the kids now) and one of his childhood friends has always been around, even lived with us for a year about 6 years ago (he then moved out of state until right before the ex left).

 

This friend and I hit it off immediatly upon meeting. We are pretty much kindred spirits and truely enjoy and like eachothers company. We of course were just friends until recently. Once the Ex left this friend came round to see if the girls and I needed any help with anything and we redicovered how much we did enjoy each others company and similar intrests/personality. He and I went to a few parties of mutual friends and on new years night we got messed up and slept together.

 

We discussed it and decided it wouldn't happen again foor awhile. Well that lasted about three weeks. We then decided to just be FWB. This went really well except that he would come over and stay for multipal nights in a row.....seemed odd i guess. We didnt have sex every time he stayed. We are friends first and foremost. Couple weeks ago he moved into our spare room. Now he just automaticly spends the nights in my bed when the kids are with their dad or grandma.

 

We do everything together and people are starting to assume we are a couple. Now what I am having a hard time with is not the divorce, my ex moving on or the FWB thing......its some of the things he has said recently as well as I don't have a clue how my ex would handle hearing we wanted to be together even though this friend and I have been closer than the ex and him for many years now. And this friend who also lives in my house is saying things like "I just kind of assumed we would eventually be together" "Maybe if I became your boyfriend we would't have to sneak around the kids all the time" etc...however he does not like to cuddle, we do not kiss, hold hands or hug that often unless i ask for a hug lol.

 

We do sleep together, literally, on my kid free nights....his brother and cousin know about us and we regularly joke about our escapades without either of us gettting uncomfortable. We stay in the room and continue conversations while the other is getting dressed or out of the shower....so needless to say I am confused.

 

I do like him alot and would have to be honest and admit I always have had a little crush on him even way back when. I am fine with just doing the FWB thing, but am just confused by the mixed signals he seems to be giving. I don't know what to say or do at this point. I do think it's rather too soon for a real relationship, but it does make sense and would be a comfortable and easy transition....if I actually knew what he wanted!! I need advice! HELP!

 

Please use paragraphs so that your posts are easier to read. I had to chop up your post so that I could understand it properly.

 

I'm wondering if your friend is either taking advantage of your vulnerable state or he was waiting until your husband was gone to let you know how he feels. What does it seem like to you?

 

People can say anything. It is their actions that tell the real story. If a man won't be affectionate but wants sex, that is not a good sign.

 

Have a discussion with your friend about what he is expecting from you. If he wants a relationship, you will have to let him know that you would like to be hugged and kissed.