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I want a child; do I break this off now or wait?


mattea

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Yes later in life. Not just that but also other useless things eg wisdom teeth. Why did I have to get them? I had worst case (lower) impacted wisdom teeth. It took The specialist 2 hours to get them out. I regretted taking my mothers advice and being awake. They were very painful. Meanwhile other people go to the hospital to get easy wisdom teeth out. How does that compare to childbirth?

 

My mom had her wisdom teeth out when she was pregnant, so no pain killers. I'll ask her for you :)

 

I still have all my wisdom teeth, so maybe it is just like me to do things 'later' in life. Or never do them? :(

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I understand what you're saying. This seems to be getting more and more common. Women seem to get the short end of the stick. We haven't got as much time as men do. I still feel lied too that we could have it all abd a career. Anyone agree?

Your parents say wait til 40??

 

I didn't wait til this age because I drank any kool aid or anything. I don't think I was equipped to have a child in my 20s. In the last decade, I just haven't had the best luck with relationships. I was with a few men who said they wanted kids (one of them who changed his mind at times), but unfortunately the relationships were not healthy/good enough for that. Now I am in what *seems* like it has the potential to be a healthy and good relationship (early to know for sure yet), but with a man who might not want another child.

 

I've wanted a child for many years - it wasn't chosing to wait that got me here, but not finding a relationship that would support co-paenting. It has been a painful road...

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Yes later in life. Not just that but also other useless things eg wisdom teeth. Why did I have to get them? I had worst case (lower) impacted wisdom teeth. It took The specialist 2 hours to get them out. I regretted taking my mothers advice and being awake. They were very painful. Meanwhile other people go to the hospital to get easy wisdom teeth out. How does that compare to childbirth?

 

People are evolving without wisdom teeth.

 

Some people don't develop any at all.

 

I see it all the time in my job (I'm a dentist)

 

Evolution doesn't work over one or even two or three generations though, and its only really in the last 20 years that more women have left having children till their 30s. Biologically this makes no sense, AND there are still plenty of women having children at the "optimal" biological age, so there is no reason for the evolutionary process to adjust itself.

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I am thinking more about the heart-to-heart with him. It will happen soon. I had to hold back tears when he told me about how he and his ex played music for their son when she was pregnant. I hold back tears at work, too, because of several pregnant coworkers sharing things with me and men who's wives are expecting. Not that I am not happy for them, but I am so scared I won't have the experience it causes real pain. It is too much.

 

I know this pain very very well. You are not alone.

 

If you want to be a mother, and you are willing to do whatever you need to do in order to get there, it WILL happen for you.

 

Part of it is letting go of your pre-conceived notions about what you think conception, pregnancy, birth, family, and motherhood mean, and instead doing what gives you the best odds of success. Keep your eyes on the end goal.

 

And don't hide your head in the sand ignoring it. This is one of those issues that require information and moving forward, especially at your age. If it is something you really want, your actions need to reflect your desire.

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I know this pain very very well. You are not alone.

 

If you want to be a mother, and you are willing to do whatever you need to do in order to get there, it WILL happen for you.

 

Part of it is letting go of your pre-conceived notions about what you think conception, pregnancy, birth, family, and motherhood mean, and instead doing what gives you the best odds of success. Keep your eyes on the end goal.

 

And don't hide your head in the sand ignoring it. This is one of those issues that require information and moving forward, especially at your age. If it is something you really want, your actions need to reflect your desire.

 

Thank you so much for pteromom! Sometimes, I really do feel so alone in this. It feels like all around me it just happens naturally for people, and I am constantly exposed to it. Two women at work are pregnant, having baby showers there, talking about their pregnancies. Wives of men at work have babies on the way. I see a man on the bus reading a book about what to expect with pregnancy. Even the man I have been seeing has had and is having this experience, though it is quite possible he doesn't want to do it again with me. Sometimes, it is just so hard to withstand.

 

Yes, I could give up all my preconceived notions, but that is hard to do when I see people around me starting families WITH loving partners who are both happy about becoming parents, and having a baby who is part of both of them - two people who love each other and want to do it together. That is what I want for myself.

 

I could go it alone, but that is very scary and does require me to give up a lot of those notions and dreams of how it would happen.

 

In any case, I did get results of blood tests. My doctor said the numbers are good and I am still ovulating. So that is good news. Of course, the nurse said something like, 'What we wouldn't want to see is those numbers go up in the next couple of months or a year from now. You should be trying now, or thinking about freezing your eggs'. Jeez, that only costs like $20,000, right?

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I doubt it will cost $20K.

 

I had full IVF and that was $13K (NZD) and nearly half of the cost came from the high doses of drugs I had to have. If you are ovulating normally and the numbers are good you wouldn't need to have such high doses of drugs.

You'd be having eggs extracted and stored- the storage fee isn't that much per year.

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I doubt it will cost $20K.

 

I had full IVF and that was $13K (NZD) and nearly half of the cost came from the high doses of drugs I had to have. If you are ovulating normally and the numbers are good you wouldn't need to have such high doses of drugs.

You'd be having eggs extracted and stored- the storage fee isn't that much per year.

 

I see. Thanks for the information. I will check in with the clinic to get more details.

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MoreThanThat
To the contrary, the number of abortions in women over 40 has risen by a third in the past decade, with 8,000 choosing to terminate a pregnancy in 2010 alone. I wish they'd opted for adoption instead.

 

I had to terminate a pregnancy when I was 38. I had no support structure at all and had complications from day one. I would have LOVED to have gone through with the pregnancy and had it adopted but I met with several adoption lawyers, agencies and contacted many couples looking to adopt and NONE were interested because of my age and the issues I was having.

 

When I went for the termination, all but 1 of the 20 or so women at the clinic were 35+.

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lucy_in_disguise

My understanding is that freezing eggs is a newer, more expensive, more experimental technology than freezing embryos, which has been done for years with great results as part of ivf. Based on my preliminary research, the cot of freezing an embryo is about 4-10 k depending on how much drugs u need to assist with ovulation. On the other hand the cost of freezing eggs is about 20k in the us and results are less positive (less credibility due to newer technology).

 

You could consider doing that, using your bf's sperm (thus delaying the decision to have kids with him until a later date) or a sperm donor.

 

I am really excited about advances in fertility technology. It is the next huge thing for feminism IMO. I am planning to freeze my eggs within the next few years, before I turn 30. Having the freedom to make decisions without the sound of the ticking clock will be a huge load off my chest.

 

In the future I expect egg freezing will be a routine procedure for teen girls, preserving fertility until its ready to be used.

Edited by lucy_in_disguise
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