Sheilalou008 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) I am not sure where to even start. I was dumped back in early Jan. We lived together at the home he bought. I was told after a pretty awful fight to "get my stuff and I had a week to move out." I was sure that after things cooled down that we could talk and everything would be ok. Well, it wasn't. I came back to my apt at my parents house with some clothes and my dog. I had nothing here at all. I spend a month sleeping on the floor with a laptop cus everything I owed was in his house. Being in NY, the winter has been brutal and getting my stuff was a chore. I finally got it a week and a half ago with the help of some great people. Now everything is back here and I am trying my best to move on and heal. BUT... He still contacts me, as recently as last night. Asking all kinds of questions and telling me he thinks of me. I am just broken hearted. Why does this man think after telling me to move out that somehow him telling me he misses me is going to make me feel better? I have asked a few times to leave me the hell alone and let me move on and heal but every couple of days I get a text. They are always lame but make my heart jump and I end up in tears cus it is the same old thing...nothing. We broke up for a few different reasons. I was jealous at times. He has a dwi with he relied on me for every ride to everything and more. If I complained about it, I was ungrateful. I didnt work, he paid all the bills. Which he seemed to throw in my face everytime we fought. I did my best with keeping the house clean and cooking any and all meals no matter what time of day. I just want it to all go away. The pain. The anger. The hurt. The thinking of him and what was and will never be...I sent him a polite email asking him please not contact me anymore. Its over, and unless he has a change of heart, to let me go. That all his little texts give hope where there is none. He wanted it this way, so this should be a blessing for him. I just need time to learn to get on with life without him in it...no matter how little that is. I guess I dont really have a question and much as the support. I have been reading on the forums since all this happened and it is amazing the support that is given. I guess I just need some myself... Thanks for reading this far. Sheila I am not sure what happened to my heading but I swear I am somewhat intelligent. Oy! Edited February 17, 2013 by Sheilalou008 Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 That is so cruel what he did to you... he kicked you out! Knowing you dot have anything. That's heartless! Don't go back with him for sure because he would just do it again when he feels unhappy. Get yourself together and how him you can live without him! And make it on your own. Hang in there it will be hard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 You pretty much dealing with this as best you can. Sadly there is no easy fix for a broken heart. Its just small steps day by day. Try keep activate (both in working out and socially) and try your hardest to get a job. I think he contacts you to try alleviate his own guilt. Unless you are willing to block his number, all you can do is not respond and preferably auto delete. There is a lot better out there for you, but like everything in life it requires hard work to get it..That hard work becomes even harder with a broken heart.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Please (here I go again folks!! ) Read the No Contact link in my signature. He's being grossly unfair in maintaining contact with you. he dumped you - you have every right to be left alone, and given the solitude you need to heal, pick up and move on. He is depriving you of that, which is selfish, egotistic and inconsiderate. Yes, it is. Read the Guide, and stick with it 100%. Do everything it tells you to do. Fall off his radar, delete, block, deny, ignore. It's the only way you'll get your life back. It's the only way to achieve what you deserve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 That is so cruel what he did to you... he kicked you out! Knowing you dot have anything. That's heartless! Don't go back with him for sure because he would just do it again when he feels unhappy. Get yourself together and how him you can live without him! And make it on your own. Hang in there it will be hard He blames me for everything. All of it. If I wasn't this or that, I would still be there. Blah, blah, blah. He wanted to work on things while I got my life in order and I just cannot do that and try and balance his crap. He kicked me out and didn't care that I was sleeping on a floor while he slept in my bed. Sad thing is, I still love the jerk and would take him back. Just makes me feel even more foolish to admit that. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 You pretty much dealing with this as best you can. Sadly there is no easy fix for a broken heart. Its just small steps day by day. Try keep activate (both in working out and socially) and try your hardest to get a job. I think he contacts you to try alleviate his own guilt. Unless you are willing to block his number, all you can do is not respond and preferably auto delete. There is a lot better out there for you, but like everything in life it requires hard work to get it..That hard work becomes even harder with a broken heart.. I know that there is better. It is hard to see it through the heartache I feel. I want to go school and better myself for me but I am hitting all kinds of road blocks as it is. I feel like I take 1 step forward and 25 back. I should block him and auto delete. I am just not ready. I seriously hopes he listens to me and leaves me alone. I am stuck in quick sand and he is just standing there laughing as I drown. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 Please (here I go again folks!! ) Read the No Contact link in my signature. He's being grossly unfair in maintaining contact with you. he dumped you - you have every right to be left alone, and given the solitude you need to heal, pick up and move on. He is depriving you of that, which is selfish, egotistic and inconsiderate. Yes, it is. Read the Guide, and stick with it 100%. Do everything it tells you to do. Fall off his radar, delete, block, deny, ignore. It's the only way you'll get your life back. It's the only way to achieve what you deserve. I have read them over and over and over again. I try my hardest and he just keeps trying to get at me to make himself feel better. He is lonely, he is hurting, he is blah, blah, blah. I don't care about his feelings right now. Mine are the only important ones. It just kills me that he would call me selfish and insufferable when he texts me and I lose it. I mean, come on! He opens the flood gates and expects a trickle to come out? He actually said in his last text that I can call him tomorrow if I have a better attitude. You kicked me out, broke my heart and I am suppose to have a good attitude and/or happy that he contacts me? He has some nerve. Sad thing, I would take his selfish ass back in a second... Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de Lis Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Why not just change your cell phone number? Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Why not just change your cell phone number? I have an android and i downloaded an app that is called ultimate call text blocker. It blocks calls and texts and can even send a message to people u blocked. I havent tried it yet bc i havent received messages from the people i have blocked. Maybe you can try it.my ex dis the same thing after she broke up with me. Its just somethig they do bc there are indecisive at the moment and they are nostalgic. Does not mean they actually want you back. They will stop soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Why not just change your cell phone number? Sadly like many dumpees the OP is in denial. Despite everything she would still take her ex back (in six months she will be thinking what the hell was I thinking!).. Until she takes off the rose tinted glasses, until she comes out of denial, until her self esteem improves then no advice on this thread will help.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 I am on day 5 of NC and I feel fantastic. I blocked his email and phone number. I am sure the good feeling will pass but for now I am enjoying it. I am taking the proper steps to get on with my life without him. I couldn't be more thrilled with my progress. I enrolled in school for something I have always wanted to do, am in therapy and taking care of myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Sadly like many dumpees the OP is in denial. Despite everything she would still take her ex back (in six months she will be thinking what the hell was I thinking!).. Until she takes off the rose tinted glasses, until she comes out of denial, until her self esteem improves then no advice on this thread will help.. Hello, I understand the frustration you all must feel from the same threads and comments over and over again. When I posted I was feeling pretty down. I have blocked him on any and all media fronts. Denial is something that I think we all go through when we make a tough decision for the greater good. I knew chatting with him before was stupid cus I was always hurt after while he got his ego boost. He no longer will get that from me. Ever. I have a long way to go with the self esteem issues. They existed long before he came into my life. I am taking the proper steps to improve myself for me. In any event, I feel a hell of a lot better not talking with him. I am getting back to me again. Something that was on the back burner because of him. Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Oh so very well done, Sheilalou!! Keep us updated, and be strong! good to know you're putting yourself in priority position! Hang in there, and enjoy your life!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Well done, very inspiring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Oh so very well done, Sheilalou!! Keep us updated, and be strong! good to know you're putting yourself in priority position! Hang in there, and enjoy your life!! Thank you so much. Everyday has its up and downs. I am staying strong though. No unblocking or waiting for breadcrumbs. I am over that. Do I miss him? Yes. Do I love him. No doubt. Do I question why I feel this way? CONSTANTLY! But know what? I think it is a normal progression after a break up. It will fade in time and be a passing memory. I did have a good cry last night. I hadn't broke in a while. I almost felt weak but I embraced it and let it all out. I felt so much better after. I have no doubts that I will have a few more. I some times say "I wish I didn't ever have to feel anything" but I like to feel. It allows me to be able to love again in the future. I have nothing but high hopes... This really is a great place. I have read so many threads and have cried, shook my head, sympathized, empathized...so many things here hurt to read and see it for what it is. But you all have helped me without even knowing it. I am grateful and thankful. <3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 I am feeling down this monday morning. I know it is best to not know anything about him or to care what he thinks but today seems especially difficult for me. I find myself ruminating quite a bit. I am NOT going to contact him or anything stupid. I just cannot understand how things ended up this way. I mean, wtf happened? Ok, so we had our disagreements and didn't always see eye to eye on things. Isn't that just the norm for most couples? Show me one relationship without any issues at all and I will eat my hat. It doesn't matter what I want. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I can think all the things in the world, he doesn't feel the same way. What I see isn't what he does. I may think he is worth it, that we could be better but he doesn't feel the same. I hope just venting here helps me feel better and be able to get over these negative feelings I am having. Frankly, I am tired of wasting my time on them but they always creep in. I have to tell myself that this is all normal and it will be ok. I am allowed to feel these things and it will hurt. There is no movement without pain. I just want something real and to be loved. I miss that feeling. For years I never let myself get close to any man for this same reason. I let myself fall deeply and this is the price. I just hope that I can allow myself to love again without fear of being hurt. I am not getting any younger. Dammit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 I guess I didn't block him to an old spam email I never use. I check it randomly last night and low and behold there was a email from him. A ****ty, breadcrumb of an email. It said "I try so hard but at times like this I need to crumble an say hi." Um, yeah, blocked and deleted. It did sting a bit but only cus it was so pathetic. After everything we went through this is the grand gesture? Give me a break. I did cry but I did not cave. I chatted with a friend who hugged me and told me it would be ok. That if it meant anything more than that I would know but for now, take it as it is, a weak moment to absolve some guilt. I am doing better everyday though. I am officially enrolling in school and will start in May. I am so excited. I also will more than likely will be getting my old job back for the time being. The money and independence will be a welcome change. All in all the ONLY thing I can thank this man for is letting me go so I could get my life back on track. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unknow Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 omg sheila i really wish i could say something than just a coment like "you doing fine and will be ok" but im in a deeper hole and dont even know what to do by myself...but yes a person that has zero consideration for the person you are after years is very disapointing :'( ...very disapointing when is the person you love the person YOU choose to share your life with to share trust dreams and plans.. :'( Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Sheilalou, your thread is so inspiring. From what you have posted, you have handled a devastating situation with such strength and grace. I am rooting for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Sheilalou, your thread is so inspiring. From what you have posted, you have handled a devastating situation with such strength and grace. I am rooting for you! Well, thank you. I had no other choice. I could sit in my own depression or I could pull myself up and move on. I found another email when I was cleaning out the spam address. It said "so, no response. seems to be so easy for you" Yeah, cus being kicked out in the middle of winter, sleeping on a floor, having to move my whole life out and be told that he couldn't tell if my heartbreak was mortal or just a flesh wound, that it was all my fault. Screw that noise. It has been far from easy but I am doing it, and all alone. I can live without him. He made the choice and I am holding him to it. But thank you. I see so many people on here who are so sad and I want to give them all a bit of hope that it does get better but you have to want it to. Sitting there pining away does nothing good for the soul. Pick your ass back up and get on with it. I foresee a few more bad days and I will deal cus there is always good days not far behind... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I swear it just keeps coming! He contacted my best friend and asked when they were going to hang out. wtf? He must just be trying to get me to contact him cus he has tried many different angles from the few emails and now this. He knows my friend is going to tell me. It just hurts my feelings. Why the damn games? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 because it's DRAMA. Damn Retard After More Attention. What a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 because it's DRAMA. Damn Retard After More Attention. What a jerk. Ya think? I won't break though. He gets nothing from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilalou008 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Share Posted March 29, 2013 An update of sorts. I am doing amazing! A far cry from where I was when this all started. I am sure to be flamed for this, but after numerous attempts of contact on the ex's part, I finally caved and spoke with him. We went to have coffee and talked about what lead up to the break up and that we both agreed that it was for the best. We are NOT getting back together and will be friends when a little more time passes if things work out that way. I walked away feeling even better than I had been in a long time. I hold no resentment for the way things happened. On some level the problems should have been dealt with before it got to the break up but there isn't much that can be done but learn from it. I wished him well, gave him a quick hug and was on my way. If anything, he seemed more broken hearted than I was. I can't lie, it made me feel good that it isn't me that feels that way any longer. I feel totally at ease and better than I have in a long time. I am not suggesting that anyone break no contact and hope feel as good as I do or look for false hope where this is none. I went into KNOWING that things were way beyond over and was not looking for any sort of reconciliation. I have moved past that a while ago. I still continue to read and post here cus I really enjoy the advice that is given. It seriously helped me see that I was doing most of the wrong things before I actually listened to what everyone was suggesting. Imagine my surprised when they actually worked. Thank you everyone for everything. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 I feel totally at ease and better than I have in a long time. I am not suggesting that anyone break no contact and hope feel as good as I do or look for false hope where this is none. I went into KNOWING that things were way beyond over and was not looking for any sort of reconciliation. I have moved past that a while ago. This is the key difference from most folks who break NC. I'm so glad to hear that you are doing well! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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