New here and need s, support...

[destroyed4sho]

I am happy for you and find this inspiring.

How did you get over it within the month of posting? What clicked in side of you? Was it that you have a new job and classes to look forward to? Was it something else?

Also, if you dont mind..what was his reasons that led up to him throwing you out?

[Sheilalou008]

I am happy for you and find this inspiring.

How did you get over it within the month of posting? What clicked in side of you? Was it that you have a new job and classes to look forward to? Was it something else?

Also, if you dont mind..what was his reasons that led up to him throwing you out?

 

 

I have been going to therapy, signed up for school and been working with my father. I am not sure anything "clicked", it just was more of a fading out type of thing. I have been keeping busy with the above things and hanging and reconnecting with friends that I kind of let fall to the wayside while I was with him. I have no one else, I have no interest in dating at all. I am totally happy alone. I think it just took time to see that I could live without him and be content. I like not having to deal with a relationship. Is it lonely at times, of course. I can always call a friend or busy myself with cooking, cleaning or hanging with my daughter.

 

The night we fought and he booted me was bad. He had been trying to go sober for about a month and I got drunk the night before and woke with a pretty nasty hangover. I came downstairs after sleeping all day and the house was a disaster after I had just cleaned the day before. I flipped and went nuts. Yelling and carrying on about the house and he went to the basement to have a cig and let me be. As I cleaned and cooked dinner I was furious and went down to tell him it was dinner time and he yelled at me that I couldn't just make good food and expect everything to be better. I ended up taking off and going to a friends for a little while and when I came back I assumed that things would be ok...they weren't. We continued to fight about the above things and many other things. It ended with him telling me I had a week to move out. I left that night with my dog and never went back but to get my furniture.

 

This is just what happened that night. There were many other issues leading up to it. It was not just one of our faults, but both. We at one time, use to communicate so well and I am not sure what happened but it fell apart. I felt like I couldn't tell him how I felt and went straight to being angry. He felt the same but he use to hide in the basement and just act like it would just get better.

 

Phew, sorry you asked?

[Sheilalou008]

I cannot stress enough how no contact is the way to go. I am a huge advocate for it. I am not sure I would be where I am right now if it wasn't for the decision to just let all that anger and pain go. I finally had control of my life since the break up happened. It was empowering and felt amazing to get back to me again, to find myself and what made me happy.

 

Am I happy that my relationship fell apart? Yes and no. No, cus I deeply cared about this man. Yes, cus I got to see the error of my ways and find myself again. Will I make the mistakes in my next relationship? Absolutely, but at least I can take what I learned and try and not make them again. We are all human. Communication is key.

 

If you are feeling lost and sad that your relationship is over, dont! Pick yourself up, learn from it and move on. Why would you want to go back to something that is so broken? Why be with someone who doesn't think you are worth it? Why pine over someone who dumped you, regardless of who was to blame? Be sad for a bit and move on. Go no contact and take your life and power back. Do not think that you will be the exception cus we are all the rule. Don't expect him or her to come running back and say I made a mistake...They are gone. Do not waste your precious time on someone who isn't willing to do the same for you.

[crimsoncurrent]

Glad to hear you're doing well after 5 days of NC. Continue the progress of healing.

[Damsel in Distress]

Thanks for sharing your story and for the motivational post. I think a lot of people are no longer posting on LS by the time they reach that point, so it's very inspiring to see somebody who is so far along in this process. You are a strong woman! Gives us all hope.

[destroyed4sho]

Thanks for sharing your story and for the motivational post. I think a lot of people are no longer posting on LS by the time they reach that point, so it's very inspiring to see somebody who is so far along in this process. You are a strong woman! Gives us all hope.

 

Yes! Its good to hear that someone has made great progress and moved on. This is a good story from being kicked out physically and emotionally by your partner to now looking firward to a new beginning and a bright future. I hope you can still stay on and help others with similar stories! :-)

[Sheilalou008]

Glad to hear you're doing well after 5 days of NC. Continue the progress of healing.

 

5 days of no contact? I went much longer than 5 days. Actually, I am not even sure how long it was. I stopped counting after a week. It was more than a month or so.

[Sheilalou008]

Yes! Its good to hear that someone has made great progress and moved on. This is a good story from being kicked out physically and emotionally by your partner to now looking firward to a new beginning and a bright future. I hope you can still stay on and help others with similar stories! :-)

 

It was by far not easy and took an active effort on my part to actually move past it. I was feeling sorry for myself for the first 2 weeks, I was devastated. I felt I had lost everything. I didn't though. I gained so much from it. I got the kick in the ass I needed. I had been struggling for years after my therapist died. I tried a few years ago to see someone new and I did not like her and just gave up. I finally found someone I could jive with and could understand my issues and not just say I needed a job. In any event, I got the help I needed for me and my daughter. I am much happier with my life than when I was with him. I depended on him way too much for everything from financial stuff to emotional well being.

 

I find myself reading other peoples break up stories and wish I could help more and help them see that they are probably better off without the person they are pinning over. I have been through this more times than I care to admit and I can and will live after these men have hurt me. I know I am just as much to blame for where I ended up but all I can do is try again and hope for the best. My time will come.

[Sheilalou008]

If you would have asked me back in Jan if I would be where I am at this moment, I would have laughed(or cried) and told you all that I would never get past the hurt...imagine that, I did and continue to.

 

I seen him this past weekend. He had to pick up his pop up camper from my driveway, as it had been here since last Sept. We chatted in the driveway while he hooked it up. As he drove away it wasn't sad at all. He called me a few hours later and asked if I wanted to go do some shopping with him. It use to be one of our favorite things to do, a late night Walmart trip to get groceries. I said yes and met him there. We walked around and just talked about nothing, had some laughs. It was nice to have no pressure to talk about anything deep. We spent about an hour or so shopping and as I was going to leave he asked if I wanted to eat cus he was hungry and was going to cook some food. I went to his house and it wasn't strange or uncomfortable.

 

While he cooked he brought up some things I didn't think he would. We talked more about the break up and the break down of the relationship. We both agreed that it was a huge communication gap. We both assumed the other knew what the other was thinking and feeling. We fell into an abyss that we couldn't pull ourselves out of while I was living there. Yes, we should've/could've done things differently, but it just didn't happen that way. Lots of other things got brought up as well. It was nice to talk more about it. He admitted that he always loved me and continues to. It felt good to have a talk where there was no angry words, drama or just hurt behind it. It was very honest.

 

We ate and it was time for me to go home. I didn't feel sad or upset leaving the house. I wasn't even 4 minutes away and he text that he hopes in the future we can be more than what we are but we both have a lot of work to do on ourselves and no reason to derail any of that. I am happy with my life as it is and am moving forward for me and my daughter.

 

He has text me many times over the past few days. Some I ignore and some I answer when I have something to say. Mostly just little things. He has asked me to come and hang out or do dinners but I think that for right now it is best to just let things be. I refuse to be hurt again after all the progress I have made. I am not looking to hurt or mess with his head but there just has not been enough time. I still have much more work to do on myself before I can even entertain the thought of maybe giving it a try. He understands and agrees.

 

I am sure that some will not agree with my decision to let him back into my life but I am confident that I am strong enough to deal with what comes with it. I have no delusions that everything will be amazing and we will live happily ever after. I feel as though we have a ton of things that would have to be different before that could even be an option. I am just here, no expectations of anything. If things evolve, they do. If they don't, I am ok with that as well. If anything, I can have my friend back to talk to and laugh with. I am enjoying my life that is separate from him, my friends, family and daughter. If anything, I don't even know if I would want to be in a relationship with him again cus I refuse to ever feel like I did.

 

Flame away!