imtooconfused Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I'm encouraged to hear that a large portion of the responses to this post point to the need to be happy in a marriage as a condition for staying married. I would like to point out that achieving the status being divorced does not grant automatic happiness. I am in a similar situation and do not stay in the relationship because of a chivalrous support of marriage. Rather I weigh that the odds of being significantly less happy outside the relationship (for me) are more likely than staying in a reasonably unhappy relationship, so I choose to stay. Which leads to the obvious question "what level of happiness" is necessary for you? Sufficient for you? Everyone is different. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Happiness in a marriage fluctuates. Today the marriage is happy, tomorrow it is not. Marriage is about commitment and leaving is better left as not an option. When the time is right to leave, then you will know. Leaving any sooner will cause you to doubt and may have you leaving a marriage that is not only fixable but better than what you will get in the future. As has been said, don't leave until you have exhausted every possible way to fix the marriage. You do not want to look back and not know the answer to what if. Having been where you are and now being in a much happier place, I can definitely say that if I had left, then I would have missed out on the happiness I have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) I disagree, I think most of the men on this forum are just average men who are going through extraordinary circumstances. There are obviously extremes on both sides of the spectrum, but I think the vast majority, while possibly leaning one way or the other, fall somewhere in the middle, and most of the men you would label an Alpha in the garage, bar, or bedroom can quite likely be the same guy you label a Beta here. TOJAZ Go ahead a keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that most beta's wives/girlfriends have given them permission to post here as it is. Let's just say we disagree and end this meaningless discourse. Edited February 20, 2013 by standtall Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Go ahead a keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that most beta's wives/girlfriends have given them permission to post here as it is. Let's just say we disagree and end this meaningless discourse. I don't have to tell myself anything to make myself feel better. I only know the truth behind one poster on this sight and thats really all I need to know. If you have been chosen to speak for the rest then so be it, doesn't effect my day in the least. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I don't have to tell myself anything to make myself feel better. I only know the truth behind one poster on this sight and thats really all I need to know. If you have been chosen to speak for the rest then so be it, doesn't effect my day in the least. you know the TRUTH now as well? or you gave your reason with what you read? stereotypical skirt chasers ?? THAT my friend...is what is called as `labelling` just so you know so you won`t make the same mistake again aM Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 you know the TRUTH now as well? or you gave your reason with what you read? stereotypical skirt chasers ?? THAT my friend...is what is called as `labelling` just so you know so you won`t make the same mistake again aM Read the posts again, maybe slower this time. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) no i dont have too, dont you dare patronise me!! get of your horse just because you say something you always have to be right?? and btw...do YOU really think i only post on HERE to `boost my ego`??? pleeeease!! I post on here cos i`m just as messed and fked up as just about everyone ELSE that posts on here? Or i`m the smart a** and EVERYONE else is wrong? apart from you of course? isn`t that the reason for this forum???? aM Edited February 21, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 maybe i`m wrong and you are right i`m too fe king ill too care anymore!!!! whatever aM Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) you know the TRUTH now as well? or you gave your reason with what you read? stereotypical skirt chasers ?? THAT my friend...is what is called as `labelling` just so you know so you won`t make the same mistake again aM A thorough read would show that when i referred to truth, I was quite obviously referring to myself. I only know the truth behind one poster on this sight and that's really all I need to know. . As for labeling, yes, I am officially labeling the classic idea of the alpha male skirt chaser as a stereotype. That's pretty much what the word stereotypical means. Of course, if you might of thought that I was referring to somebody in particular, then that would be quite offensive, but you would also be mistaken. I think most men do extend beyond stereotypical skirt chasers being only driven by their urges. Can we move on now? TOJAZ Edited February 21, 2013 by tojaz Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 can we??? like i`ve already said i`m too ill to even care anymore your the 1 that has too have the last word aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 it wasn`t OBVIOUS to me!!!!! jeeeez . omg i`m so f ing down now and you have to try and belittle me? wellll done to you I hope your happy!!!! aM Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 it wasn`t OBVIOUS to me!!!!! jeeeez . omg i`m so f ing down now and you have to try and belittle me? wellll done to you I hope your happy!!!! aM No aM, I'm not happy, and my intention is not to belittle you and if it came across that way, then my apologies. I don't take it personal, it's just a debate on an abandoned thread. If your down, why not start a new thread and tell us about it? Thats what the forum is for. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 so i can be just as shot downagain? no thanks aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 sorry for the tj OP aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 No aM, I'm not happy, and my intention is not to belittle you and if it came across that way, then my apologies. I don't take it personal, it's just a debate on an abandoned thread. If your down, why not start a new thread and tell us about it? Thats what the forum is for. TOJAZ tojaz,i`m sorry i appreciate your words, but you cant help me noone can but thank you anyway:) aM Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 If you have been chosen to speak for the rest then so be it, doesn't effect my day in the least. I offered the OP my opinion, and you attempted to correct it. I could care less about your opinion as I did not engage you originally...you engaged me. Now I am going to disengage you and let you live in internet lala land where the men are sensitive and actually care about what other people think. OP, again, IMHO, lack of sex or bad sex is a deal breaker for most men. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I offered the OP my opinion, and you attempted to correct it. I could care less about your opinion as I did not engage you originally...you engaged me. Now I am going to disengage you and let you live in internet lala land where the men are sensitive and actually care about what other people think. OP, again, IMHO, lack of sex or bad sex is a deal breaker for most men. enjoy your land of gloom Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 tojaz,i`m sorry i appreciate your words, but you cant help me noone can but thank you anyway:) aM I'm not saying I can, sometimes it just helps to talk about it and get it out even if you don't find the answers your looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 OP, again, IMHO, lack of sex or bad sex is a deal breaker for most men. yes it is we are driven by a `need` to f*** everything `female` DEJA VU here for me here!! Tojaz i admire your sensitivity but you are wrong Again... WE (human males) aren`t `built` to be `beta` to females we are `alpha` its in our dna its in our millions of years of `evolving`?? i reckon this is why the world is so fked up lately `testicles`?... are no longer give it another 10 years and women will have bigger cli*ts than most mens pen***? There`s an insight i saw and read about ages ago about when this `turnaround` happened. And like most things. it happened in england aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I'm not saying I can, sometimes it just helps to talk about it and get it out even if you don't find the answers your looking for. i`m done with `talking` 4 `counsellors` couldn`t help me why`d you think YOU`D be any different??? i`ll stick to my pillls thank you for now, they are working aM Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Tojaz i admire your sensitivity but you are wrong Well, like I said, I can only truly speak for one of the species, if the rest chose to behave like apes, that's up to them. If actually holding more value for a relationship then just getting laid makes me a beta, I can not only accept that, but will wear it with pride. My life suits me just fine. TOJAZ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jeddarnold Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 i have been in a sex less marriage since 8 years, by the way tojaz i like your quote, its what i needed, did you write it on own was it taken from some one ? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladybugz Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 No it is not.but who told you marriage isn't hard work.. if there where sex.you would not complain? Is it just sex or are you just wish there was more affection? dont answer me.think about it. communication is very important.see what she is about and find solutions togheter, Also take time to connect and To be alone with each other.do effort.add water to the plant. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 by the way tojaz i like your quote, its what i needed, did you write it on own was it taken from some one ? That one's mine. Posted it on a thread a couple years ago. A little embarrassed I can't remember who's though. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) That one's mine. Posted it on a thread a couple years ago. A little embarrassed I can't remember who's though. TOJAZ It was What Next's thread. Just to chime in from a woman's POV, it's not just sex that is a priority, it's communication, affection and emotional intimacy. Alpha's don't have 3 of those 4 things as a priority in my opinion, and I love to set alpha's on their a**'s. The interesting thing about alpha's, is how they turn into posters here complaining about the lack of sex..it's not that their women don't like sex..it's just that they don't like it with THEM....yep, I don't get it either. Why do I feel this just turned into a re-run of Animal House??? Edited February 24, 2013 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
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