Struggle to ignore ex if she texts

[Dan08]

I really struggle to ignore my ex if she texts me while NC. I'm not a mean guy and I feel like a t*sser if I don't reply and even a little petty that I'm effectively ignoring her...

 

Can someone please help me to see that it's not a tw*t move? That it's justified? Because I'm really struggling.

[mammasita]

Why are you even aware that she's texting. BLOCK her number. No, it's not a dick move. This is about YOU healing, NOT her feelings.

 

Read the no contact guide in my sig (I'm stealing Taramaidens famous words )

[ScienceGal]

IMO, in the long run, it's worse for you to reply... worse for both of you.

 

If it's over, it's over and NC is the best choice to move forward. Has nothing to do with being a jerk, it's just a means to get through a tough time as best you can.

 

Good luck.

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

No contact means NO CONTACT. That means you need to ignore her if she texts/calls/emails you. This is not a 'tw*t' move, this is simply following the rules of NC. NC is meant to help you get over your ex. If you start contact again, you will have to start all over cause the pain of losing her will come back with a vengeance.

 

There are times, of course, when it's okay to break the NC rule. But I doubt they apply here.

 

Just out of curiosity, what kind of stuff does she text you?

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

BLOCK her number.

 

I just want to add my opinion on this here. I would suggest never blocking her. Sure, it will remove her completely from your life and allow you to get over her easier. And if you truly do want to forget about her, then by all means, block the s**t out of her.

 

But if you ever have desires for any sort of reconciliation, do not block her. This is the reason I am not blocking my ex.

[mammasita]

I just want to add my opinion on this here. I would suggest never blocking her. Sure, it will remove her completely from your life and allow you to get over her easier. And if you truly do want to forget about her, then by all means, block the s**t out of her.

 

But if you ever have desires for any sort of reconciliation, do not block her. This is the reason I am not blocking my ex.

 

Meh. Like you, I would love to reconcile with my ex.

 

that said, if your ex, my ex.....anyones ex truly wants to be with you/me/whoever......a blocked number will not stop them. I think you're fooling yourself with that glimmer of hope.

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Meh. Like you, I would love to reconcile with my ex.

 

that said, if your ex, my ex.....anyones ex truly wants to be with you/me/whoever......a blocked number will not stop them. I think you're fooling yourself with that glimmer of hope.

 

 

That being said, I fully agree

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

I think you're fooling yourself with that glimmer of hope.

 

Probably. But that glimmer of hope feels a million times better than the abyss I was in last week.

[Dan08]

No contact means NO CONTACT. That means you need to ignore her if she texts/calls/emails you. This is not a 'tw*t' move, this is simply following the rules of NC. NC is meant to help you get over your ex. If you start contact again, you will have to start all over cause the pain of losing her will come back with a vengeance.

 

There are times, of course, when it's okay to break the NC rule. But I doubt they apply here.

 

Just out of curiosity, what kind of stuff does she text you?

 

Nothing major, just the other day for example she asked to use some videos of time I spent in Africa for one of her projects. I replied short to the point saying for her to rip them off facebook (yes we're still friends on fb, I'll change that shortly) and within minutes she's back saying she'd already got them, which lead me to think why bother texting me in the first place?? and then she's asking all kinds of questions and of course once I started replying I felt bad just stopping but then she just went cold on me with ofc f*cked me right over and got me pissed off again.

 

So even though we have mutual friends I will be blocking her on fb (again) and removing any texts she sends me without even reading them from now on (I don't know how to block a number on an iPhone without jailbreaking it)

I need to remove myself from her life completely and in doing so her's from mine so I can just forget about **** and enjoy myself down here without having to worry about when the next text comes in.

[mammasita]

Probably. But that glimmer of hope feels a million times better than the abyss I was in last week.

 

You're only prolonging your healing....and unfortunately the inevitible. Do you think I wasn't in a bottomless pit when I was dumped? Take it head on, lean into it instead of side stepping, tiptoeing and most importantly avoiding.

 

You'll be better off in the long run.

[Keenly]

I had the same problem you did last week. Ex started messaging me on Facebook about random stuff. I didn't want to seem like an ass so I just carried on normal conversation while she slipped in backhanded insults and proceeded to be a huge bitch. When I finally called her out on her rude behavior she snapped and tried to make it look like I was begging for her back while being an ******* some how.

 

The best part was the worst insult I have ever given her and I know it struck home and it struck hard. Told her I've been going to the gym and she said "good luck losing weight or whatever " so I replied with "yeah you too". I know that messed her up inside haha.

 

 

Anyway the point is there is zero positive.outcomes for responding to her.

[Mr Reptile]

I had the same problem you did last week. Ex started messaging me on Facebook about random stuff. I didn't want to seem like an ass so I just carried on normal conversation while she slipped in backhanded insults and proceeded to be a huge bitch. When I finally called her out on her rude behavior she snapped and tried to make it look like I was begging for her back while being an ******* some how.

 

The best part was the worst insult I have ever given her and I know it struck home and it struck hard. Told her I've been going to the gym and she said "good luck losing weight or whatever " so I replied with "yeah you too". I know that messed her up inside haha.

 

 

Anyway the point is there is zero positive.outcomes for responding to her.

 

But thanks to that you find out what a huge b!tch she was, wasn't easier to ignore her after that?

[Dan08]

Could I also get advice for another issue guys?

 

Basically, me and the ex are still friends on fb. I removed her at the start of the breakup then re-added her when I believed I was over her although I was wrong.

Now, obviously I won't reply to my ex's text's anymore but I should also remove her off fb again to stop her checking up on me if she were so inclined.

 

However, the problem lies that if I remove her say this week for example then I will see her first week of march for a mutual friends birthday which could make things awkward again.

Do you suggest just doing it regardless?

[Sav]

My advice is going to be a bit different from some people. For me if she texts you, be courteous BUT give her an indication of not wanting to continue the conversation.

 

For example :

 

She: Hi, just want to check up on you. Hope everything's fine (or some bs text, or wishing you happy birthday. Wdv you get my drift)

 

You: Hey, thanks, you too.

 

Your reply should be short and sweet. Courteous but also at the same time let her understand you dont wish to continue this conversation. Some people might disagree with me but personally I feel that it's okay to be courteous and take the high road.

 

Now for your next question. I would just say delete her. Why add her back at all? Just delete her. If you see her just smile. Always be courteous but mind your own business. You have no need to catch up with her. No need for long conversations. No need to go back being friends. Nothing.

 

If you just remain courteous, there will be no danger of anything being "awkward". Respond but don't initiate.

[Dan08]

My advice is going to be a bit different from some people. For me if she texts you, be courteous BUT give her an indication of not wanting to continue the conversation.

 

For example :

 

She: Hi, just want to check up on you. Hope everything's fine (or some bs text, or wishing you happy birthday. Wdv you get my drift)

 

You: Hey, thanks, you too.

 

Your reply should be short and sweet. Courteous but also at the same time let her understand you dont wish to continue this conversation. Some people might disagree with me but personally I feel that it's okay to be courteous and take the high road.

 

Now for your next question. I would just say delete her. Why add her back at all? Just delete her. If you see her just smile. Always be courteous but mind your own business. You have no need to catch up with her. No need for long conversations. No need to go back being friends. Nothing.

 

If you just remain courteous, there will be no danger of anything being "awkward". Respond but don't initiate.

 

I tried that response the other day however it lead to her then asking questions about my uni life etc. so it didn't work really for me....so to avoid that I see the alternative as saying nothing. I tried the high road.

 

Ok, I'll do it this week and like you said I will of course remain courteous.