Game of Love Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Hello! This is my first thread. I wanted to share my story with you guys. Little bit of a background, my boyfriend broke up with me back in November. I was completely devastated. We had a really stupid fight and he ended things. We were apart 2 months before he decided to reach out to me (no contact really works you guys, I can't stress that enough). I went over to his house, he cried, I cried, we talked things out and got back together. I was beyond happy I can't even describe it. However....since we've been back together (just over a month now) I am constantly on edge and worrying that he'll leave again. Knowing that it was one stupid fight that ended us once, I am petrified of having any sort of disagreement with him. I am stressed out all the time. We had our first argument the other night (since getting back together) and I was crying hysterically. He was so confused as to why I was so upset about it and he told me "couples fight, it doesn't mean it's the end you need to relax". He doesn't really understand what it's like to be the dumpee and that it's hard to trust again. I'm not too sure what the point of this post was, if I'm looking for advice or just to let you guys know that it's not always rainbows and butterflies once you get an ex back. It can be very stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 ^ This. I've been trying to tell people this is how it feels like. The higher the expectations, the harder the fall 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lullaby Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Yes, it's not always rainbows and butterflies... It's not easy to get back with an ex, and even more so if the reasons of the break up are not clear and if both parts didn't work on their insecurities and so forth... I think you should relax, like your boyfriend said, couples fight, and yes, you're the dumpee but it's also your choice being with him again. So try to take it slowly, and hear your heart, and don't force things if you think they're not working out for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Skalabanan Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Without wanting to sound harsh and I can completely understand your stance at present, but your the reason the second time isn't working at the moment and it would seem you didn't have enough space/time to heal. I'm guilty of something similar and we all rush back to the people we love, when in reality sometimes we need to work on ourselves a bit more before doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Njeanne Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 From what I read... here is my analysis. The problem that made you two break up has not been resolved, two months wasn't enough time to evaluate the old relationship problems and to fix it. You continued your old relationship, since you are living in the past worrying he is going to leave you again, which is the most horrible mistake you can do when you get a second chance with him! The problem is YOU, you didn't let go of the old relationship and therefore it will clash again causing more problems then before. Girl, second changes DO WORK but you gotta let go of the past and it's problems and focus on the future without the problems! Two months wasn't enough time to heal for you... If you want the second chance to work, take a deep breather, stop worrying and forget the past. Fights happen in relationship, arguments happen. It takes two to make a relationship if so second chances to work, and at this point only your boyfriend is trying too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marklarsson Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Yes. I can understand why it's difficult. But you indeed need to forget about the old relationship. This is not the continuation of the old relationship you had with your boyfriend but rather a brand new one. Couples do fight take it easy just let things happen naturally. What was you or you boyfriend doing in the space of the 2 months you had no contact? Did you guys date others? etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Game of Love Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for the responses everyone. The 2 months we were apart we both tried meeting/dating other people but we both agreed it didn't feel right. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de Lis Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Why don't you guys just go to couples counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Game of Love Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would love to. We can't afford it right now though, and I also remember him telling me a long time ago that therapists are a waste of money. Link to post Share on other sites
dumPI Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Have you thought that if you have to be constantly on edge it might indicate that it is not the right time for reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
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