Cobbler Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Okay, here's my story. Back in high school, I had a huge crush on this one girl for a couple years. She was always on my mind. I was the typical socially awkward guy that didn't really know how to deal with girls that I liked yet, and so I ended up screwing it up. I was always super nervous around her and never really had a conversation with her. Basically, I ended up sending her a Myspace (Facebook wasn't cool yet) message telling her I liked her (in hindsight, an obvious bad idea, but I was awkward back then), and it went downhill from there. I had hoped that it would maybe help to make things easier to get to know her and then she'd notice me too, but it ended up making every future situation with her awkward for her and me. Eventually she told people and a lot of the school found out too. I went through high school never asking her out. Fast forward to now. I'm finishing up college this year and have had other relationships since high school. I'm a lot more confident in myself, and have really come out of my shell I guess you could say. I'm more fit, social, and I'd say better looking than I was then. Basically, I'm not the awkward high schooler anymore, but someone who knows who they are and has a sense of direction in life. When I went into college, I tried my best to forget this girl, and until recently I had done a good job of not really thinking about her. I dated other people, lived the college life, worked hard, etc. But in the back of my head, its always been a "what if" scenario and I've always regretted that I never even asked her out. And lately, I've been thinking about it a lot more and feel like I need to do something about it. That's what is really bothering me, that I never really took the chance. And I think that if I hadn't handled things so badly then, we would've at least been good friends. I do genuinely believe that there could've been something if I hadn't handled it so awkwardly. I'm not a bad looking guy, I'm funny and fun to be around, and people generally like me. She never saw that side of me, just the guy who liked her but never talked to her. With college coming to an end for both of us, we'll probably be going back to our hometown for a while. And honestly, I really want to see if we could actually work as a couple with me being more confident than I was back then. I checked out her facebook profile and she is definitely single. I am still attracted to her (but its not like putting her on a pedestal like I probably did in high school) and feel like maybe she'd like me if we got a chance to have a conversation or date. So, I would like to finally ask her out. If I was certain to run into her, I wouldn't have a problem with that and would be able to have a good conversation with her, but there is really no guarantee that I'll bump into her or anything. So what could I do to re-establish contact with her? So here are the obstacles: We haven't talked at all since high school (4 years ago) and even then, they were short awkward moments. So I do think there needs to be some way to re establish contact with her. If I don't see her in person, how would I do this? Facebook seems like a possiblity, but without the face to face interaction I feel like it might come off as obvious or creepy. I don't have her number, so contact by phone is a no-go. And I feel pretty certain that she does remember who I am, meaning that if I contact her there is that risk that she'll assume I'm still crushing on her and might feel awkward talking to me. I just don't know how to approach this without coming across as a creep. I really don't want to regret never asking this girl out for the rest of my life, and I feel like I need to do something about this or else I'll keep thinking about it. I do think that there is a chance we could work if I managed to successfully show her that I'm a different person. And at the very least, a date with her will give me some closure even if it doesn't work out. So does anyone have any advice as to how I can reintroduce myself, and try to make something happen? I greatly appreciate any help you guys can give me.
PogoStick Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You're too obsessed for a girl you've had nothing to do with for 4 years! Think what that says about you, that she's your top option after all this time? Then add in that you'll have to hunt her down with some grand plan. If you're really doing much better then you should have other options and not even need this girl. If the cosmic divine brings you both to IHOP someday then go for it but don't waste another minute trying to make it happen.
Author Cobbler Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 You're too obsessed for a girl you've had nothing to do with for 4 years! Think what that says about you, that she's your top option after all this time? Then add in that you'll have to hunt her down with some grand plan. If you're really doing much better then you should have other options and not even need this girl. If the cosmic divine brings you both to IHOP someday then go for it but don't waste another minute trying to make it happen. Okay, let me respond to this, because I anticipated someone jumping to that conclusion. Its not an obsession thing. I haven't felt a need to talk to her or anything for 4 years; this is just a recent development. I haven't spent every waking hour obsessively planning about some magical ending to this. Its just more of a wondering "what if" scenario. Is it the end of the world if I don't do anything? Of course not, and I am well aware of that. But is it something that I'd like to say, "at least I gave it a try"? Yeah. I hardly call trying to simply reconnect with someone you had feelings for in the recent past a "grand plan." I was only saying that its something that I have wondered in the back of my mind about, and was wondering if there was an opportunity here to try and see if anything could come of it. Its very possible that there is very little I could do, in which case I will go on with my life. But my whole point is that, I would be interested in meeting with her to see if there is any chemistry, just like I'd be interested in other girls. But thanks for your input, regardless.
hudson701 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go for it. One life- live it. You will only regret it if you don't and be wondering what if?
Author Cobbler Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go for it. One life- live it. You will only regret it if you don't and be wondering what if? Thanks for the reply. I guess I'm just kind of wondering what I could do to contact her. I've thought about chatting with her over Facebook for a while and then seeing if she'd want to meet up and catch up over coffee, but I guess I'm just sort of concerned that it would end up seeming creepy for her if I did that out of the blue. Any advice as to what you guys think would be great.
StanMusial Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You should hire Matt Dillon to drive down to Florida to see if he can look her up. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 if you feel passionate abotu her do it....in spite fo fear......passion is not a bad thing.....theres this awesom guy i heard speak just yesterday he is an enlightened and gifted man, who said quote, passions have to be bridled end quote...meaning to have passion is good but to control it is better...you have to have passion to give something your all.....but control it so it doesn't rule your head...passion comes from the heart...... opne thing that is a true turn off is a guy who hunts me down.......dont be a predator.....be honest with what you feel and do it face to face....that is an honorable thing to do for a man.........be respectful of her .....and take things slow....the sky is the limit.....hold your passion close to you and dont release it......bridled passion is useful and necessary if you find a girl worth something to you you see her for who she i sand her self worth to you and others ...a man will always be respectful and do the asking and risk rejection, that's passion adn also the sign of a true gentleman.....and that's also bridled with respect for the one you desire.......so be honest and invite her out ...you want to, so do it...deb
Author Cobbler Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far guys. Any advice on what you think the best way for me to go about contacting her would be?
Author Cobbler Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Hey guys, I just wanted to bump this up a little bit so it doesn't just get pushed way back and never get seen. I really appreciate your input.
clia Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I think you should just send her a friend request on Facebook. Since you went to high school with her, it isn't weird to do that, even though you haven't been in contact for 4 years. (ASSUMING you are friends with other people from high school on Facebook...) Then I think you should just hang back and wait a little bit, see if she comments on any of your posts, etc. Then, maybe in a month or two, send her a private message just generally asking how she's doing, what she's doing after graduation, etc. Keep it cool! Then you can gage her interest and see if you want to ask her out once you are both home after graduation. If she feels awkward about you, she doesn't have to accept the friend request, and then you'll have your answer. I don't think you should put all your eggs into this basket, though.
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