ltomlinson81 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I recently found out that my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me. He made out with, but did not sleep with, another girl one night after he was out with his friends. I found out on my own, he did not tell me. We live together and have talked about getting married. I don't know if I can ever forgive him. I don't know if I should ever trust him again, or if he really loves me. Do I stay or leave hime? Please offer some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 This has to be your call. If you feel you can forgive then do, if not then you need to move on. Even though he may not have slept with her, ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship where you're always wondering if it will happen again? If he just "made out" with her, what stopped it from going further? Did he realize it was wrong all of a sudden? Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Do you love him enough to "try" to get through this? This will pass - though you may not agree right now. It will. You need to decided what you want and if you are getting from him what you need and then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I'm curious to know the answer to what Analyzer asked. Did he suddenly realize that what he was doing was wrong, and stop? If so, then it should be much easier in the long term to file what he did under the "stupid thoughtless mistake" category and accept that he got caught up in the moment. It's a betrayal of trust, yes, but it should be forgivable. But, not unconditionally forgivable -- you guys have a relationship problem. There's a reason he did what he did -- either because he's unhappy about something, or because he's a dishonest dickhead. You need to find out which, and he has to move heaven and earth to rebuild your trust. And lastly, I strongly advise that you make your views on infidelity very clear, right now. What he did was cheating, even if only on a small scale. Tell him that you will forgive -- but you will only forgive once. If he EVER cheats on you again, in any way, it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltomlinson81 Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 We had another discussion and I got some better insight into why things happened. My boyfriend is 25 and still in college - he has a year left. He has been in this relationship since he was 21, for four years. Most of his friends have good jobs and money and he started having a little bit of a crisis. He was frustrated and confused with where he is at in life and wanted a momentary change. But now he has gotten over that. He said he stopped it because he realized his cheating would ruin the best thing that has ever happened to him. He realizes that he wants to rebuild our relationship so it is strong and we can look toward our future. I still don't know how I feel. I don't want to be that girl who had the wool pulled over her eyes. I want to do what is best for me. I know that I would want to be with him forever, but I think I have a hard time seeing that if he does, too, why he would even consider cheating, because I wouldn't. But he and I have very different lives and I know he is having a bit of an identity cirsis. Link to post Share on other sites
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