Getting married and sharing passwords

[tiki]

Hey guys, wanted to get some opinions on this topic. Another thread jogged my brain on this topic.

 

Do you think that you should give up all usernames and passwords to your accounts (banks, emails, forums, etc.) when you wed? If you think so, when should I give out this info? Should I expect to get his in return? Should I assume that he won't go reading through my stuff? Or should I expect for him to snoop if I give it to him?

 

I know how I feel but I want your opinions!

[Fayebelle]

I think only joint accounts require both to have access- therefore anything else should be kept private.

[YellowLioness]

Even though you are nearly married, I think you both will need your own privacy.

 

Wil and I do our e mail accounts like we do our banking:

 

We each have our own checking accounts, then we have a savings account that's joint.

 

I'm not saying that's what you should do, but its something to consider.

 

Personally, I don't give my password away to anyone, even if they just want to use my account to e mail.

 

I'd hate it if someone could look at my e-mails any time they wanted.

[Pocky]

Do you think that you should give up all usernames and passwords to your accounts (banks, emails, forums, etc.) when you wed? If you think so, when should I give out this info? Should I expect to get his in return? Should I assume that he won't go reading through my stuff? Or should I expect for him to snoop if I give it to him?

 

Oh hell no.. I don't share my passwords and I don't expect him to share his.

[katie79]

I would never let anyone know my email passwords. You need some privacy! Also, as a woman, you should always have a private savings acct set aside that he has no idea about. Not that I think it would ever happen...but you never know. People are people. Make sure you're always working, getting your own bucks, and saving some in case he's gone one morning. So he shouldn't know EVERY password. You need space too. Joint acct's, obviously, you have to know the info for (both of you). Keep private things, private!

[Artifact]

My guy and I give each other our passwords for, say, the ATM if one is driving and the other can't reach, or for our e-mail if there is something we want the other to read. We hardly think twice about it though- and often ask over and over again. They don't seem to stick in our heads. (My memory is horrible and he is just not a snoop... )

 

I can't imagine handing over a list though.

[DerangedAngel]

Hm. I wouldn't mind sharing my passwords.

 

-DA

[RowanRavyn]

We don't mind at all.

 

We share all of that sort of information.

 

We had trust issues the first time we were together. So its one way of showing our trust. By the same token we are not snoopers. Nor do we view it as "permission" to go snooping.

 

Our checking account is joint, and we aren't married yet.

 

He is on the emergency forms for my kids.

[Adunaphel]

Do you think that you should give up all usernames and passwords to your accounts (banks, emails, forums, etc.) when you wed?

 

I think it would be a great thing to do.

 

If you think so, when should I give out this info?

 

Whenever a email-related topic is being discussed.

Whenever you feel like it.

You can also use an excuse to give that information to him.

(hey, could you check my email for me? my password is 27564fr0XYU32. btw, I have no problem if you enter my mailbox anytime.)

 

Should I expect to get his in return?

 

I think people should never _expect_ anything like this from their SO, but if you'd willingly give him access to your private stuff only if he would do the same, start giving him only a password with an excuse and see what he'll do.

 

Should I assume that he won't go reading through my stuff? Or should I expect for him to snoop if I give it to him?

 

If I give away my private email's password, it is because I am fine if he snoops (or because I'd actually like him to snoop).

Imo giving someone your password (as a sign of trusty or whatever) and getting upset if he/she snoops is total nonsense.

 

Of course the right/necessary thing to do in such cases is to inform whoever usually sends e-mails to you that your SO has your password(and your permission to snoop).

And offer to delete any e-mail that they sent you and is currently still in your mailbox.

[Newly Engaged]

Everyone needs their own space.

 

You might give out your email password if you don't mind giving up that part of your life as your own private area. That's fine.

 

But some couples have separate work areas (like separate studies etc) : private spaces aren't unhealthy in a relationship, and that includes your email.

 

I certainly wouldn't use it as some sort of trust test. People are different, and what might be no big deal to you might be sancrosanct to him. This includes all sorts of personal stuff. In the same way you sometimes just can't get your man to part with his ugly favourite chair or wagonwheel coffee table, you shouldn't expect him to feel the same way as you do about sharing passwords.

 

As for bank accounts - that's a knotty one. Money is one of the most common problems for a new couple. And I don't mean having some - I mean dealing with how each of you spend/save it. Tread carefully whenever talking about money. Sound out his views on how he thinks things should go before you suggest open access to all accounts.

 

In short - you can't expect everyone to feel the same way, and attaching any special significance to his reaction is liable to be incorrect.

[billybadass36]

I have no problem whatsoever with my g.f. having my passwords, ATM PIN #'s, etc. (a) I don't have anything to hide; and (b) I don't think she would take all my money (she's better off financially than me since I recently got out of grad school...damn student loans...). If we ever break up it takes 10 minutes to change all my passwords. No big. And, yes, I believe everyone needs to "personal space". It's called a journal. If you need personal space in an email account, then just open up a separate email account that you use for "ultra-private" stuff and don't share that password. I think the "gesture" of openness is what's important. But then again, it's ME that wants to share these things, not her. I would have no problem with her not wanting to share the same things with me if she chose not to. Whatever.

[Love2share]

You should definately have some privacy. Noone should have access to everything, not even your spouse.

[Leikela]

My boyfriend and I live together and we have a joint checking and savings account. We put in an equal amount each month to cover rent, utilities and groceries. He has his own checking and savings account and so do I.

 

Also, he knows my e-mail password, etc and I know his. I don't care if he can access my e-mail anytime he wants. I have nothing to hide. We trust one another.

[lioness]

You always need to keep a little something of your own privacy.

 

But whatever you DO share, if something bad happens, it is nothing to change your passwords.

[faux]

My bank account information is mine. My social security number will only be given to employers and organizations which have good reason to know it. My passwords are mine, and I will not share them. I tend to think that something guarded with a password is intended to be private.

[honey2005]

My boyfriend knows all of my passwords (for email) and I know his. I don't mind if he looks at my things, I don't have anything to hide.

[ladyangel]

I have never asked my husband for any password of his and he's never asked me for mine. It's not something either of us have even thought twice about. I mean, WHY?

 

A relationship is based on trust. If you trust the other person, why do you need to know their passwords? I also see it as a form of independence. I don't keep any secrets from him and I'm sure he doesn't have any from me. I have no need or desire to double check that.

[Thinkalot]

If we need to check on stuff...sure. Banking stuff...sure. Dont think too much about it, and have complete trust.