Dumper ex-gf contacts once again 2 years after breakup

[ryandxtreme]

Hello Friends ... It's been 2 years post my breakup..Things have gone a lot easier for me.. It does for everyone I guess at some point..To all the people out here who see no light ahead I can only assure you just the cliched "Only time heals" ...Trust me nothing else does..

 

Recently my ex contacted me(She was the dumper) ..She probably follows my FB status(we are not FB friends though)..I went back to my hometown at December end..and suddenly she texted me ..Random stuff .."How are u?Why haven't u been in touch?I tried calling u up but your phone isn't reachable etc"..She wanted to meet up as well,though that didn't happen..Since then she has been texting me 3-4 times in a week..I keep my replies short,sweet and decent..Though she didn't bring the relationship topic but she says life has gotten difficult for her and boring as well.Her relationships with friends and family has deteriorated.Once she even messaged me 2 links from her blog ...One was a poem in which she had written about how she wants her pain to be taken away..I felt it was on us..The other was a short extract which she wrote for some blogging competition..It was basically our love story(the name of the girl Rheta and the guy Neil)...Even our first kiss was there..After reading it I messaged her in FB that probably Rheta's eyes were not open during the kiss,they were closed..She replied with a Rheta is "not exactly" Sara(I called her Sara)..I thought this was a bit lame :

 

Few days back she suddenly texted at 2 AM at night " It's been so long since we broke-up..Still I think of u sometimes..That's why I call u ..Stay well,have fun ..Good night"..I know we are broken up but obviously a message like this at 2AM shakes u up and gives that parting feeling once again..I called her up and we talked for 10-15 minutes or so...She was normal(or maybe acting)..I didn't feel she was missing me as such..I told her to stay well as well and that was that..

 

Suddenly last week she called me up at 00:30 AM.I was on a call with a friend.I put it on hold and she said "Can you please call me if u are not too busy ? I don't have enough balance" .To be honest I didn't want to hear any new things from her that would put me in a state of trance for a day or two but still I felt maybe she might have something important to talk about.When I called she said she was drunk(when we were together she never drank),she was coming back from a workplace party..She wanted someone to talk to and hence called me ..She said she was feeling like calling me during the party as well but she wanted to call after getting back home..I asked if calling up anyone would have been acceptable for her,she replied she wanted to call up a good friend..I said "We are not friends,we never will be..We were too close to be just friends"..She was like "as of now we are friends...I have accepted u as friends now..I don't have anything to give u"...I said "I haven't,it was your choice that we broke up and it's my choice that we can't be friends " She asked "so what do u want? " ..I dodged it,I didn't want her to think that I wanted her back still...Then I asked her 2-3 times if she was feeling alright..She said she is...I noticed during the times we have talked recently that she is going down the hills and at a good speed..That was not how I wanted her to be ever,with or without me...I told her that I always had high expectations from her,in-terms of her career and the person she becomes ..and I still do..and that she can be a lot better than how she is living right now...She thanked me..I told her not to send me a "sorry for disturbing u last night text when she woke up",she laughed and said okay..

 

I really think we can never be friends,I know she misses me,maybe a part of her wants to come back but she has too big ego-issues to tell that..I don't know if I handled the situation all right last night...What do u people think???I am really eager to know if what I said regarding we can't be friends was the right thing to say...Maybe she needed me but I don't want to screw my life again..It was really hard to come this far though I still want her to come back and convince me..

 

However, after that call from her last week it's been all silence till now..

 

Anyways if u people want to take a look at how we broke up here's the link...I would not want any of you to follow anything I did post break-up though.. Mostly I made lots of mistakes ..

 

1)http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...ths-no-contact

 

2)http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...-find-way-live

 

Please feel free to give your opinions

[JasonRules]

I think she dumped you to be with someone else. Fast forward a couple years and it seems like the guy she dumped you for, has dumped her.

 

So she is alone, vulnerable, and probably remembers you as this caring and wonderful guy so she's looking to you to be her "emotional tampon" to get her self-confidence and ego back up.

 

My ex dumped me (probably over another guy) although she never admit it. She specifically told me some months later to not contact her because she is in a relationship with someone and he is getting upset that we would talk.

 

Well guess who texts and calls me a year later? Yup, you guessed it. I never talked about the past or anything that transpired between us. She came up with a few BS reasons to contact me to see "how I'm doing...".

 

One thing is certain; this phone call or text is NEVER ABOUT YOU, but about them.

 

They contacted you for the following reasons:

 

1. To alleviate the guilt they have for causing you extensive emotional damage, pain, and grief

 

2. To use you as an emotional tampon or ego boost so they can lay out their misery upon you because the new guy isn't the guy they thought he was when they were dumping you for him.

 

Many times we would like to think that our exes contacting us is because they miss us or want to be with us again, but it rarely ever is. Nine times out of ten, they are using you for their own selfish reasons.

 

My advice to you is to not play their games because you risk going into a relapse.