Miss1122 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Are they dominant and controlling when it comes to relationships too? This guy that I met is very dominant in bed ( no we haven't had sex) but we have flirted. He's very close to his family. He's good with kids and takes care of his nephew who is close to him. He's also very close to his younger sister. We went out on a date and he said that he really likes me and we should start dating. At this point I'm not sure he may be a controlling type of guy. I need feedback please. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Ive found a persons flirting, or dancing, has nothing to do with their bed skills. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Controlling people are EASY to spot! They're never wrong and always defend themselves, even if you're joking. What the hell is dominant sex? Link to post Share on other sites
shadow15 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Not really, it could merely mean he just likes to be in control in those type of situations, and there's the fact that he may get more enjoyment out of being in more control. I know I'm that type of guy, when it comes to that stuff, I like being in control cause I like to please more, and im not a controlling guy. Unless he's making you feel uncomfortable while you guys are flirting around and he's not trying to tell what you can and can not do with regular life then I wouldn't say he's the controlling type. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 What is dominant sex? You are the only one who uses that phrase. Is it some sort of bdsm thing? I assumed dominant in the bedroom was referring to sex?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I assumed dominant in the bedroom was referring to sex?? Pretty safe assumption.. I wouldn't have thought it had anything to do with linen and furnishings! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Are they dominant and controlling when it comes to relationships too? This guy that I met is very dominant in bed ( no we haven't had sex) but we have flirted. He's very close to his family. He's good with kids and takes care of his nephew who is close to him. He's also very close to his younger sister. We went out on a date and he said that he really likes me and we should start dating. At this point I'm not sure he may be a controlling type of guy. I need feedback please. thanks. there was this hottie who I was friends with when I was around 19. she was on and off with her neighbor bf and she was sad and came over and she said she's be wanting to sleep with me for a while. well we got into it and I WAS HORRIBLE! I was passive and didnt do know what to do really. half way through she stopped and that was that. biggest tip I got from her was that a man in bed must lead. I took that and from then on thats what I did. I am dominant in bed. im not passive. if I want it like this, I move her gently with my hands. I give her gentle clues, I put a pillow under her head, make sure she's comfortable. I decide. the other thing that I learned is that I was too skinny and she nagged me about it. she said a man needs to look like one. be strong and muscular. night and day difference between that. the way I look affects everything on a day to day basis. my GF tells me that all the guys shes been with have been passive and she likes it that im in control. it bothered her in the beginning because she said it didnt let her express herself but after a little while she enjoyed that I was the one deciding and that she can relax while I pleasure her. she can decide too but almost always I decide. just like in dancing, a man has to lead. yes, I do like to control my life. but more for me. it revolves according to a clock. she is always late and im on time. I keep her in check and give her order at times. she gives me spontaneity and to be more relaxed and laid back. but everything from my diet which are on a schedule and weighed to my workouts are planned. but there's no mystery to me. she knows where I am all the time and it gives her comfort, but im not dominant. these are 2 different things. I am a virgo. a perfectionist. we need order. an itinerary. everything is analyzed and thought out over and over. the mind is on over time. we are practical and logical most times. 2 legs HARD on the ground. I always plan and never forget the smallest details. but I want that on me only. I see ahead and when it comes to it, everything runs perfectly. add to that im a professional photographer who can see the smallest details in color and im very perceptive. I see 360º always. I see things no one notices. she loves that about me. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Yes, it does. What is there not to understand about it? Pretty straight forward stuff. dominant in bed implies you have had sex and you say you havent so ...you confuse the hell out of m e....can you clarify any of that? How exactly do you feel dominated? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss1122 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 dominant in bed implies you have had sex and you say you havent so ...you confuse the hell out of m e....can you clarify any of that? How exactly do you feel dominated? Like I said we have flirted. We have kissed. We've made out a little bit. I could tell he's a dominant type of guy in bed. Also, he told me that that's how he is. He likes to lead and be in control when he's having sex. I told him it kinda bothers me but he said hes a caring and loving person that I should give him a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Dominant in bed only means controlling if he insists he ALWAYS be dominant in bed. Because that 'my way only' is the kind of attitude a controlling person has. Flirting hasn't got squat to do with his sex style. You'll have to bed him to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedConfusedEtc Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 In my experience there isn't a correlation. My bf is dominant in bed and not controlling at all. I dated controlling men who were boring and vanilla in bed. I like a man who takes what he wants and light s&m so for me this is a big plus. Depends on ur sexual preferences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Ive found a persons flirting, or dancing, has nothing to do with their bed skills. From women's conversations over the years K, I think there's plenty of women you put stock in both as indicators when weighing up the guy. From a guy's perspective we wouldn't write off a girl we initially met for either. OP - I think you need to have sex first (and more than once) to really tell if this guy is actually dominant in bed. I don't think dominant in bed (lead) = controlling in relationship, otherwise there would be a lot more controlling men out there imo, but I guess the women here really need to give you their experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) Like I said we have flirted. We have kissed. We've made out a little bit. I could tell he's a dominant type of guy in bed. Also, he told me that that's how he is. He likes to lead and be in control when he's having sex. I told him it kinda bothers me but he said hes a caring and loving person that I should give him a chance. being a leader in bed doesnt mean a controlling person ....being a leader at anything should mean controlling .......being a leader can be merely stepping up not controlling......if a guy is good leader in bed he is aware of what his partner likes and he leads by not only wanting to lead the moves but the pleasure as well..and if he isnt aware he wants to fidn out...so its a mutual enjoyment thing...i dont find that controlling..i dont know if your man will be a leader in bed because you havent had sex with him.....that is the only way to tell what he is like that and actually really knowing what he is like as a person there should be no doubt to his personality....and you should only have sex if you are sure anyway and he cannot control that readiness to take it further.....by himself...again a mutual decision..or that is controlling if he decides yep doin it now....you seem hesitant and unsure i would say you arent ready to take it further yet...........deb Edited February 18, 2013 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 In my experience there isn't a correlation. My bf is dominant in bed and not controlling at all. I dated controlling men who were boring and vanilla in bed. I like a man who takes what he wants and light s&m so for me this is a big plus. Depends on ur sexual preferences. NICE! thats me. I see I take I give. I want her relaxed and let her enjoy the ride! I think a lot of the controlling men have can be because of self esteem and jealousy issues. where are you going and with whom? be back by x. youre late. who were you talking to? that kinda stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 use your intuition. we cannot say yes or no. I do believe the two are a bit correlated - a guy who likes to be more physically dominant will most likely try to have some control over how the relationship goes (or at least his way). But we are not dating him, are not talking to him, you are. Never ignore your intuition. I believe we all have a feeling about certain people, when we see them at the beginning. Then, when you start dating, people will work hard at showing what they have best about themselves: pushing forward what they have that's more appreciated and downplaying the least pleasant traits of character. This may make us push back that initial feeling / intuition we had. Always remember that, when forming an impression about someone. Link to post Share on other sites
outsidethebox Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Why would a guy say something like that? I thought OP was making statement based on making out, not something guy told her while they were flirting(?). wow, I guess it takes all kinds to impress. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I tend to be fairly dominant in bed. Not silverback male gorilla dominant, but in control (most of the time). In control in a very good way, I think. Outside of bed, I don't GAF what somebody does. I want pe ople to be able to be independent, make their own decisions and live the life they want to live. During my entire relationship w/ my STBXW, I never once imposed a rule on her. what is stbxw Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 what is stbxw ...soon to be ex-wife...???? Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Are they dominant and controlling when it comes to relationships too? This guy that I met is very dominant in bed ( no we haven't had sex) but we have flirted. He's very close to his family. He's good with kids and takes care of his nephew who is close to him. He's also very close to his younger sister. We went out on a date and he said that he really likes me and we should start dating. At this point I'm not sure he may be a controlling type of guy. I need feedback please. thanks. IMO you're getting a little ahead of yourself. If you like him, just go with it and if becomes too "controlling" for you, eject. There's no way to know if he would be like that with you unless someone else he dated were to tell you so. Of course, they could be lying. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Not a chance that anyone can provide you with an accurate perception based on the very little you've provided, especially since you're relying what he says about his bedroom activities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss1122 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Why would a guy say something like that? I thought OP was making statement based on making out, not something guy told her while they were flirting(?). wow, I guess it takes all kinds to impress. We have flirted, made out and I could tell he's physically controlling in that area. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss1122 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 IMO you're getting a little ahead of yourself. If you like him, just go with it and if becomes too "controlling" for you, eject. There's no way to know if he would be like that with you unless someone else he dated were to tell you so. Of course, they could be lying. The thing is I get attach to the guy by the time they show their true color It's hard for me to back away. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Why would a guy say something like that? I thought OP was making statement based on making out, not something guy told her while they were flirting(?). That's what I was thinking. It's impossible to determine what, if anything, is wrong just based on your posts, but I wouldn't dismiss that sense of caution either. How are his overall interactions with you and other people (such as strangers, and especially service workers)? Does he listen as much as he talks, or does he talk over you? I'd definitely take note if he responds to you sexually in a way that makes you uncomfortable - if he's too grabby with you, or negates your feelings if you ask him to slow down or stop. If you're not feeling good vibes at the thought of becoming further intimate with him, he's not right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 The thing is I get attach to the guy by the time they show their true color It's hard for me to back away. That is another problem all together. Link to post Share on other sites
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