youngnlove89 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Two weeks ago I was a victim of rape. I rather not go into too much detail, but it has been a very intense two weeks. I had gone on a second date with a guy that I met on a dating site. He came over to my house to watch a movie before he went to his friends for Super Bowl. We were kissing and he wanted to go further. I didn't, I wasn't ready yet. He took advantage of me when I was screaming no. He threatened he would hurt me if I didn't be quiet. I laid there while he took everything away with every thrust. I felt used, abused and like a rag doll. After he was done, he put on his clothes and proceeded to leave while asking me if we could hang out the next weekend. He made me feel like it was consensual, as if I wanted that to happen. I was shaking and scared he was going to come back. I contemplated suicide. I was so sad and hurt. I didn't know what to do. First thing I did was contacted my ex that I hadn't spoke to in two months. As soon as I told him he drove over to my house as fast as he could. The cops had already arrived when he got there, but he was shaking and in tears. I just wanted to hug him. I just wanted to feel okay again. I had to answer a lot of questions with the police officers and my ex stood by my side the entire time. We went to the medical examiner and he stayed with me for the 5 hours it took to do everything. He told me I could stay with him for as long as I wanted to. He was loving, attentive, a good listener and a really good distractor. And for the past two weeks I have been living with him. I had a work release from work for a week and I took that time to do the whole process of getting tested, signing papers, answering questions, calling the detective, doing this and that. It was crazy, but without him by my side, I don't know how I would've made it. This is the first night I've been by myself. And it is all coming back into my mind. Being with him, I kind of forgotten that I was raped. He protected me and loved me. And now here I am alone. He is boarding a cruise tomorrow that was already booked and I'm happy for him and I think that will be a great vacation, but at the same time, I don't want him to go. I can't call him because he is overseas and I won't have someone with me at my house. He offered to make me a key and stay at his place, but I figured it would be weird. I now have to face this nightmare by myself in the very exact place it happened. I don't even know what is going on with my ex and I at this point either. After all he is done for me I have fallen for him all over again and stronger than ever. He really showed me what a good person he is. I'm scared that I have to start all over. Now reality kicks in and I don't know how to handle the fact that I've been raped. I have no one to talk to. I don't even know if I really want to talk about it with someone, it's too hard. It's embarrassing. I feel guilty, and it is my fault. I invited this guy over that I hardly knew. Did I deserve this? Link to post Share on other sites
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 No you DIDN'T deserve this! This is not your fault! This is an important matter - may I recommend counselling as this is what I would do in such a situation? Also for your own privacy, please consider removing your pic. Link to post Share on other sites
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 This is a great site with a lot of wise people providing advice. They are wonderful people and will do all they can to help you through this. Know we, at LS are all her for you as you deal with this! But please take my advice on the counseling thing and note there are many other resources out there also to assist. Did you report the crime? Link to post Share on other sites
Love Bytes Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 That's terrible. First off, this is NOT your fault. Inviting someone into your house is not the same as inviting them to violate you and your rights. I know guilt is a common feeling in this kind of situation, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. You had absolutely no way of knowing this was gonna happen...could have happened to anyone. Also, again I know it's easier said than done, but do not be embarrassed to talk about this. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. NO YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS. Nobody will be able to fully understand what you're going through, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't find someone to open up to. Even if it's someone here on the forums. I don't post here all that frequently, but I do check in a couple times a day. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent or just talk about anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Two weeks ago I was a victim of rape. I rather not go into too much detail, but it has been a very intense two weeks. I had gone on a second date with a guy that I met on a dating site. He came over to my house to watch a movie before he went to his friends for Super Bowl. We were kissing and he wanted to go further. I didn't, I wasn't ready yet. He took advantage of me when I was screaming no. He threatened he would hurt me if I didn't be quiet. I laid there while he took everything away with every thrust. I felt used, abused and like a rag doll. After he was done, he put on his clothes and proceeded to leave while asking me if we could hang out the next weekend. He made me feel like it was consensual, as if I wanted that to happen. I was shaking and scared he was going to come back. I contemplated suicide. I was so sad and hurt. I didn't know what to do. First thing I did was contacted my ex that I hadn't spoke to in two months. As soon as I told him he drove over to my house as fast as he could. The cops had already arrived when he got there, but he was shaking and in tears. I just wanted to hug him. I just wanted to feel okay again. I had to answer a lot of questions with the police officers and my ex stood by my side the entire time. We went to the medical examiner and he stayed with me for the 5 hours it took to do everything. He told me I could stay with him for as long as I wanted to. He was loving, attentive, a good listener and a really good distractor. And for the past two weeks I have been living with him. I had a work release from work for a week and I took that time to do the whole process of getting tested, signing papers, answering questions, calling the detective, doing this and that. It was crazy, but without him by my side, I don't know how I would've made it. This is the first night I've been by myself. And it is all coming back into my mind. Being with him, I kind of forgotten that I was raped. He protected me and loved me. And now here I am alone. He is boarding a cruise tomorrow that was already booked and I'm happy for him and I think that will be a great vacation, but at the same time, I don't want him to go. I can't call him because he is overseas and I won't have someone with me at my house. He offered to make me a key and stay at his place, but I figured it would be weird. I now have to face this nightmare by myself in the very exact place it happened. I don't even know what is going on with my ex and I at this point either. After all he is done for me I have fallen for him all over again and stronger than ever. He really showed me what a good person he is. I'm scared that I have to start all over. Now reality kicks in and I don't know how to handle the fact that I've been raped. I have no one to talk to. I don't even know if I really want to talk about it with someone, it's too hard. It's embarrassing. I feel guilty, and it is my fault. I invited this guy over that I hardly knew. Did I deserve this? No you didn't deserve what happened to you, I would consider serious therapy not relying on your ex.....this is going to sound strange but ill askyou anyway.....do you have another bedroom to sleep in........until you get therapy..or did it happen in the lounge room....... .....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Ohh younglove. I'm so sorry. This horrible news sucked the air out of me I know how hard the BU was and just as you get back up now this. I don't know what to say but you have been so inspirational to so many people here and i wish i knew how to give some of that back to you now. Please don't blame yourself and go to counseling. I cant even imagine what your going thru but my thought are with you and i know you will survive this. You have shown us all so much strength and inspiration. Cav 4 Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Ofcourse it is not your fault. This guy is a sick bastard and deserves to go to jail for a long time. You were a victim, you didnt ask for this! Even if you invited him over your place that does not automatically mean that you want or will consent to sex. He is a sick and controlling individual. You must feel very violated and i hope you seek counseling and help soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
big bear Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would recommend immediate counseling. Many times these feelings transform to something else. You may loose all the work you did to detach yourself from an ex and fall again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Police and Psychiatrist. Those are the two things you need to seek out. I'm awfully sorry this happened and no, you did not deserve it and you did not "ask" for it. But yeah, this type of situation is well beyond the LS pay grade (and your ex's for that matter) and I suggest you go to professionals to a) get this scumbag behind bars and b) heal from this awful, awful occurrence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Police and Psychiatrist. Those are the two things you need to seek out. I'm awfully sorry this happened and no, you did not deserve it and you did not "ask" for it. But yeah, this type of situation is well beyond the LS pay grade (and your ex's for that matter) and I suggest you go to professionals to a) get this scumbag behind bars and b) heal from this awful, awful occurrence. I agree.. I think the Police is a must. If he did this to you.. I guarantee the scumbag will or has done it to other girls. It's not right what he did and the bastard should be ashamed of himself. Sad to see guys with no respect for women at all. I agree seeing a Psychiatrist too. and I'm sure if the police was involved they would point to the same route too. This is a time to talk to someone and get help. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I have no one to talk to. You can call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE or can chat online with their online hotline here: National Sexual Assault Online Hotline Don't be embarrassed to talk to them about it. These people are trained to help you. They want to help you. I'm sorry that happened to you. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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