Trying to make changes....

[brokenhearted91]

When I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, and when I met him I was probably the happiest I have been in my life for a considerable time. This is the person he fell in love with.

 

I had a group of close friends who I enjoyed spending time with, I had good relationships with my family, and I felt (for me anyway) as confident about myself as I could be (for a few years prior to this, I was involved with people who really knocked my confidence).

 

I moved up to university, away from home for the first time in my life, and the main reason was to be closer to my boyfriend. It was new and strange at first, but I coped the first few months, then my Dad suffered from a stroke in January (whilst I was at university) and since then, I've hated being away from home because of the distance and the thoughts of things happening to family while I'm so far away. This has made me miserable, irritable, selfish, moan-y and in general unhappy with my life and it has also had an effect on the people I love most.

 

My boyfriend ended our 3 year relationship, 4 weeks ago because of my behaviour (of which I hold my hands up for that aspect) because I pushed him away, took things out on him etc. My family get frustrated at me because they say I'm always miserable and even when I come home I'm not happy because I'm miserable about going back to university. I feel like I lost a lot of my friends when I moved away, I made no friends up at university so also felt pretty lonely too.

 

This isn't a person I want to be anymore, I want to make positive changes for myself, to help me in the long run, but also to fix relationships with family members, friends, and ideally my ex boyfriend (although I'm not sure if I've ruined it)

 

Changing yourself is hard, especially when you've got to do it on your own I guess, is there any tips or advice to try and become the fun, loving, happy and positive person I was 3 years ago??

[TaraMaiden]

Frankly?

You have to look at the person you were 3 years ago, and 'fake it until you make it'.

 

if you got by without him before - you will do so again.

 

But letting go, is up to you.

nobody but you can loosen the vice-like grip your mind has on misery.

 

Hard as it may be to believe, it's a choice.

 

A difficult one to negotiate, granted, and far form easy.

But it's a choice, nevertheless.

[brokenhearted91]

I don't wanna change just in hope that it might make my ex realise we are worth another shot... I wanna change because I want to become a happier person too, being miserable is no fun.

 

I've already been out a couple of times with friends etc, and I feel slightly happier but I don't want it to be just temporary because I'm just trying to throw myself into stuff (because of the break up).

 

It's hard though to pretend to be happy when you're not.