na49 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Well for the past few days I've been wondering who I am? I don't know if it's normal for people at my age (18, just starting college) to have this feeling. but I have no idea who I am. I feel like I'm taking bits and pieces from different people I know and trying to shape myself after them instead of being my own individual person. I've already changed my major twice and am not really sure what I want to do with my life. I think I want to study Psychology because it interests me, but I'll have Business to fall back on. I'm not really sure how any of you can answer this for me. but how do you suggest I find myself? I have no idea who I want to be or how to be the person I want to be. I have a very mellow calm personality, and I know I can't change my personality which I hate. (I'd rather be loud and interesting than quiet and boring) I can change my behavior though, I just don't know how to go about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Debbie2508 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I don't have all the answers na,but you sound just like I did at 18. I'm now 50 and still feel the same!! How about seeing a counsellor? Please dont get to my age and wish you'd spoken to a professional about it. Having said that,you sound like a lovely guy...and I think quiet and interesting is far more preferable to being loud and boring . try not to be so hard on yourself,you've just had a big knock back due to your BU,which is a big confidence drainer,but you'll bounce back,it just takes time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Well for the past few days I've been wondering who I am? I don't know if it's normal for people at my age (18, just starting college) to have this feeling. but I have no idea who I am. I feel like I'm taking bits and pieces from different people I know and trying to shape myself after them instead of being my own individual person. I've already changed my major twice and am not really sure what I want to do with my life. I think I want to study Psychology because it interests me, but I'll have Business to fall back on. I'm not really sure how any of you can answer this for me. but how do you suggest I find myself? I have no idea who I want to be or how to be the person I want to be. I have a very mellow calm personality, and I know I can't change my personality which I hate. (I'd rather be loud and interesting than quiet and boring) I can change my behavior though, I just don't know how to go about it? your mellow and calm and your 18? you want to be loud and `interesting`?? na... stick with the mellow and calm the loud and `interesting` guys you see now? will have no lfe in 5 years times i really hope you carry on being mellow and calm you will get whatever you want with that attitude, you will. people that have to shout all the time will get heard but in the wrong way carry on be mellow and calm and don`t hate it i envy you. be proud that are ,what most aren`t:) aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 I need to see a counselor for a lot of reasons. My self esteem, dealing with the BU and now finding myself apparently. I would rather be quiet and interesting than loud and boring, but it seems like people who are outspoken are more interesting and people like that have more friends and are more respected than people like me. Who keep to themselves, don't say anything unless spoken to and add nothing to the conversation. Maybe loud was the wrong word. More like those upbeat "crazy" people who everyone wants to be friends with/talk to. You never see a quiet kid who everyone wants to be friends with/talk to. I want to be proud of what I am. If I was more recognized for it and respected for it maybe I would be. Being the way I am right now has gotten me cheated on and dumped. It's gotten me stepped all over and used. It doesn't matter how "sweet" of a guy I am because apparently that's the wrong way to go about things. I never thought being "nice" would be such a bad thing as I got older. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 I hate being the quiet type. No one respects the quiet guy or wants to be around him. (and I understand why) Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Be yourself. Besides no one respects the big mouthed Guy either. Link to post Share on other sites
blindotter Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Well for the past few days I've been wondering who I am? I don't know if it's normal for people at my age (18, just starting college) to have this feeling. but I have no idea who I am. I feel like I'm taking bits and pieces from different people I know and trying to shape myself after them instead of being my own individual person. I've already changed my major twice and am not really sure what I want to do with my life. I think I want to study Psychology because it interests me, but I'll have Business to fall back on. I'm not really sure how any of you can answer this for me. but how do you suggest I find myself? I have no idea who I want to be or how to be the person I want to be. I have a very mellow calm personality, and I know I can't change my personality which I hate. (I'd rather be loud and interesting than quiet and boring) I can change my behavior though, I just don't know how to go about it? You are already on the path, m'dear. Your questions point to the opening up of the path of the sadhaka, the seeker. Makes me think of another question - do you choose your path, or does your path choose you? things that make ya go, hmmmm.... A devotee of Ramana Maharshi wrote down his guru's answers to various questions related to "the question" (Who am I?) - it's called "Nan Yar?" (which means, funny enough, "who am I?" LOL). It's a pretty interesting read, I think it's always a good idea to see how other people explored the same existential questions that you have. Also, FWIW, your personality is absolutely plastic and you have the ability to alter it. I was very quiet and demure in my youth, and became loud, bombastic, and outgoing in my 20s. I have now settled back into being an introvert and observer because ain't nobody got time for all that. Beliefs are just as plastic, you can take them off and on like a change of clothes, once you get the hang of it. Anyways, good luck, it's a crazy ride once you open that whole "who am I" can of worms, but don't look back and keep going, even if it gets confusing, crazy, or even painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 your mellow and calm and your 18? you want to be loud and `interesting`?? na... stick with the mellow and calm the loud and `interesting` guys you see now? will have no lfe in 5 years times i really hope you carry on being mellow and calm you will get whatever you want with that attitude, you will. people that have to shout all the time will get heard but in the wrong way carry on be mellow and calm and don`t hate it i envy you. be proud that are ,what most aren`t:) aM Do you know them personally? Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Be yourself. Besides no one respects the big mouthed Guy either. That's my problem. I don't really know what it means to "be myself". People respect the big mouthed guy more than the soft spoken guy because the big mouthed guy doesn't put up with anyone's sh*t while the soft spoken guy doesn't know how to say "No" Link to post Share on other sites
czen Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Finding yourself takes time and self-acceptance. You can be whoever you want to be, but in my opinion, people often don't realize what they want. I think that's also a big part of confidence. We often think those loud people are very confident and they probably are, but people who aren't so loud can be confudent too. Self-confidence is an inner state of mind. But it's all about self-acceptance. If you want te be a more polite and quiet guy (I didn't say shy, shy isn't a personality trait, being shy is a sign of having no self-confidence) then accept that and don't make any apologies about it. Like for a while, I became this guy who went out a lot, partied hard, etc. And sure, I liked it. But I'd rather sit at home on my own and watch a nice film, have a nice night inside with my friends playing videogames and just chilling or have a nice intimate night with my girlfriend than go out and party. Sure, I want to party sometimes, but not multiplke nights a week. A few times a month is more than enough. But since I'm stil kinda young, society sort of expects you to be that party guy. But screw society. It took me a while to be able to say that and really believe it. So I always try to do what I want and like nowadays. And you should do the same. Just look at yourself in the mirror today and ask yourself "What do I want, what makes me happy?". You can write down your answers, think a while about it, etc. Just make sure it is what you want, and not what the rest wants. And when you found it out, just do it. And yes, if you really can't find out on your own, going to a therapist is a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Do you know them personally? them? 2 posters are posting as 1?? is THAT allowed on here? no i don`t know na49 (the original TS) personally! i was giving my view on his/her post ok for me to do THAT ross??? ross , you seem to have something against me posting ANYTHING lately? i`d rather you pm me than highjack someone else`s thread ...ok? aM Edited February 24, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
Debbie2508 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 them? 2 posters are posting as 1?? is THAT allowed on here? no i don`t know na49 (the original TS) personally! i was giving my view on his/her post ok for me to do THAT ross??? ross , you seem to have something against me posting ANYTHING lately? i`d rather you pm me than highjack someone else`s thread ...ok? aM[/quote Apologies for butting in here,but.....I think Ross was referring to "the loud and interesting guys" that na had spoken of. Link to post Share on other sites
ultracare Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Who am i: I was regarded as the best fast ball hitter of the 90's & i got the best of Billy Wagner? Link to post Share on other sites
allenpo123 Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 You're title is "WHO AM I" I automatically sang "I'm Jean Valjean" from Les miserables HAHAHHA 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mina Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 You're title is "WHO AM I" I automatically sang "I'm Jean Valjean" from Les miserables HAHAHHA You beat me to it. I was going to post this. It's normal for people your age. You are still discovering who you are a person. You'll continue to grow, and each year you'll look back on yourself a year previously and think "Was I really that annoying?" Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) It's quite common for people to go through this stage and sometimes it lasts for years (well it did with me!). At your age, there are so many options and pressures that it's easy to get overwhelmed by other people's ideas of what you are like or should be doing. In some respects, you probably have a good idea of what you are like personality wise. Some ideas that might help you to be clearer about yourself are little exercises like: 1) What are the main hobbies/interests you always seem to keep coming back to and which you enjoy? 2) What do you find inspiring and interesting? 3) Are there careers that you feel really drawn to and have found out a lot about or read about a lot? 4) What do you see as your strongest personality traits? What traits do you feel are there but frustrated at the moment? What characteristics do you feel would 'go against the grain' of your personality? 5) What do you value in life? What morals are you likely to stick to, regardless? What morals are you likely to ditch, given the opportunity? 6) What kind of people do you like to spend time with? What qualities do you like in your friends? You might also enjoy doing one of the free personality tests similar to Myers-Briggs like this one, but it's worth doing the tests again with gaps in between to see whether any characteristics persist or not: Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory Bear in mind no personality test is definitive, they just give you an idea. We all change as we grow older and more life experiences. Edited March 10, 2013 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts