keltonsublet Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 My wife and I have been together 8 years, married 3 with a one year old daughter. Since the baby, our sex life has tapered off quite a bit. We have talked about it on multiple occasions and although she acknowledges that it has declined and it's not working well, that if we work on it, it will get better. So far not much has changed. Last night, I try to initiate and she says she's exhausted. I offer to just help her out, she declines and then tells me that she doesn't like oral sex at all. This came as a shock to me, as it wasn't a constant thing, but we did have oral sex occasionally throughout the relationship. So after 8 years of being in a relationship, she decides tells me that she doesn't enjoy it and is basically telling me in a roundabout way that she no longer wants to have anything to do with oral sex. I asked her why and she just tells me she doesn't know but it's not something she enjoys. I'm really at a loss about this whole thing. This is kind of a huge part of a sexual relationship and now she decides to inform me that it's no longer something she wants to do. Looking for input from anyone that has experienced anything similar? Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 So she doesn't want to give you oral sex? Is she ok with you giving her oral sex? How would you describe your sex life before baby? Perhaps with a one year old, she's a bit overwhelmed and exhausted. Not exactly the most romantic combination. Have you heard why all brides smile on their wedding day? Because they know they have given their last blow job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author keltonsublet Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 No, I offered to just give her oral sex. She turned me down and then told me that she doesn't like receiving oral sex. We've been together for 8 years and this is the first time she's ever mentioned not liking oral sex. Me receiving oral sex is pretty sparse, but I have to think that after this, that she'll make some comment about not liking that either very soon. Of course our sex life was better before the baby, and the last trimester and the first couple months were especially tough, and I was understanding during that time. Although there are still the night feedings, our daughter is on a much better schedule and is asleep by 7:00 pm every night. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 My response comes with the disclaimer that I've never given birth and I'm jaded by some horrors I've read regarding what women go through in the process... but... Do you think that since she's given birth that maybe she's self conscious about her vagina now. I mean maybe she had tearing during the process and it isn't as it was before and she's self conscious of that? Also, maybe she's more prone to yeast infections and stuff like that - and she doesn't want to broadcast that and tell you about it, but she's embarrassed by that? Just throwing that out there. I think you should talk to her more about this, and not make it sound accusing, just try to understand if it has always been like that , or if this is a new thing -> if it is new, then what's causing it? This is definitely worth more of a discussion with her. The over all lack of desire to have sex after a baby is born, seems to be a very common thing - mainly that the mother is too exhausted by the end of the day. I don't know what more to say except that I do sympathize with your issue and I hope that posters who actually have had kids or have gone through a similar thing can offer way better insight than mine. Link to post Share on other sites
KLS2b Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Many women do not feel sexual so soon after a baby. She may feel out-of-touch with her body especially if she delivered vaginally and oral sex was a large part of your intimate life. Talk with her when things are calm and the kids are settled and not feeling amorous. It'll feel more like conversation as opposed to pressure. On a side note, has she displayed any symptoms of PPD? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyWifey Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) My wife used to go down on me alot before marriage and openly used to say that she feels it very important to do for your man. She rarely does it at all now, let alone for more than 1 minute. You are not alone. She is pregnant now so I don't pressure her for sickness reasons. My advice would be to be very supportive of her and do not try to put pressure on her about it. Support her, don't put her down or belittle her, love her and show her that she your world. Work on developing a healthy communication in general about things she doesn't usually talk to you about. Encourage her to confide in you in general, not just about this sex issue that you are having. My wife had not started enjoying recieving oral sex until only a few months ago. She has been sexually active for 14 years. I have been working at supporting her and praising her on her strengths as well as being devoted to her in every way I can think of and out of that she has begun helping me please her sexually. This has taken a year to reach this point. Up until recently I had no idea how many things I could have been doing better. But I can say that now that she is opening up to me our sex life is far better than it has ever been. She now loves me going down on her.... and god I love doing it! Edited February 19, 2013 by LoveMyWifey Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 If she doesn't want to have sex, she won't want oral sex either. I'd wager a guess that if she desired sex with you, she'd desire oral too. How is the rest of the relationship? Close hugs and warm kisses every day? How much husband/wife time to you get, rather than dad/mom time? Link to post Share on other sites
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