Emotional Affair - Afraid she will become "Bored again"

[analystfromhell]

Having gone/going through something similar myself, it's not been my experience that anything other than a public reckoning will prevent this from happening again in the future- not that it will but just that it could.

 

A public reckoning doesn't need to involve your neighbours but it HAS to involve her family and yours. If her mom is close or she has sisters there's a very good chance this has been discussed, perhaps even before you were aware of the affair. Unless the behaviour is public knowledge within the family there are only repercussions with you to deal with and, pardon my rudeness, but she's shown by her behaviour that in and of itself isn't a sufficient deterrent.

 

You're changes are awesome and fair play to you esp if the two of you find a counselor who suits you both and can help deal with the underlying lack of respect on her part and you of course can continue to improve your dedication. It's a two way street of course and she's evidently still not heading in the same direction, at the same speed as yourself. The counselor isn't going answer that question on their own. Just as she made the decision to have an affair on her own, it's up to you to decide if this is the climate and the person you want your child growing up with. That decision is yours alone, she's already expressed her opinion..

[Darren Steez]

Thankyou for your reply. I would rather not get into any debate about whether it was physical or not because I know that it would seem that it was by reading my above post.

 

After I found out I went on a crazy detective spree. I hijacked every email and every profile she has ever created. I did file recoveries on her old phone and sd cards and keylogged her internet activities. I became obsessed and even impersonated her via email and started talking to the guy for a while and asked enough questions to be pretty sure that she didn't. I had read an thread in which she was speaking about her own struggles with wanting to cheat and how she didn't because she knew it was wrong.

 

Our child has my hair, shaped eyes, my nose and my lips. I believe that she didn't have sex with him. They live 4 hours away from eachother and there were about 3 time where she had the opportunity to. Our daughter was conceived 20 days before she had an opportunity to have sex with him. I can never know for certain, only believe and if I keep being obsessed about pursuing this it will ruin me. I have pinned her about it time and time again and said that I will stay with her if she is totally honest with me about everything but if I find out that she has lied to me I promised that it would be over.

 

She used to be a overly private and secretive woman and I suspected that she would check my emails and text messages but I never made a point of it because she has been cheated on so many times. Now she is very open about her emails and texts and does not hide anything from me. She is earning trust although I can't put a time frame on how long it will take to heal and trust again.

 

errrm if I had sex with somebody, what possible questions could she ask me afterwards that would make me allude to the fact I had sex with her. I would automatically know from what she was saying and how she was phrasing the questions that in fact it wasn't her I was talking to.