I falsely accused him of lying to me , now he is giving me cold shoulder .

[1Sucker4Love]

We had a great Valentines Day . We actually had 4 days together and it was okay we relaxed together and went out to eat . Everyday I was really loving him this week ....

Everything has been going so good lately . He took me and spent money on me bought me clothes . Spoiled me .

 

We been together for just about 1 year . I told him I loved him few months ago he still wont tell me he loves me but I never press that issues I will let him tell me when ever he feels the urge .

Well on Saturday night I was being nosey and I listened to his voice mail and heard a females voice at 2am . (It was my voice, im so dumb)

We had a great night he kissed me goodbye in morning and texted me to let me know he was home save .

I text him later in day and asked who was the female calling him at 2am .....he said "I don't know I didn't get any calls just from you"

I said your" lying Bull**** " & he got upset and said he wasn't lying . I kept going and accusing him of having females calling him .

Once I realized it was my own voice . I didn't tell him I ****ed up . I just said im sorry I believe you can we please stop now .

He responded by saying that maybe we should break up because he is tiered of proving hisself to me and he feels if I cant trust him we shouldn't be together .

I just cryed and said that's not what I want and we need to work it out and I told him I trust him ......

Please help me. Now he is giving me clod sholder what can I do or say to make things better.

Edited February 19, 2013 by 1Sucker4Love

[nofool4u]

Your biggest mistake was not telling him you realized it was your voice and that you screwed up.

 

Either way, you probably came off like a psycho to him. Believe me, after dealing with this and recognizing that behavior, the first time a woman exhibits such behavior, I'm gone.

 

Only suggestion I can give you is come clean and tell him you realized it was your voice you heard, rather than leaving him thinking that you still think you heard someone else, but you are just choosing to believe him.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi 4love!

 

I’m glad you chose to share this situation with us, and I hope we will be able to give you some useful advice.

 

I think that if I were in the position of your boyfriend, I’d like to know why you (re)acted in such a manner and what were the odds this being a constant problem in the relationship...

 

So I’d like to ask you a couple of question...

 

- you said “I was being nosey and I listened to his voice mail “. Did you have any suspicions or reasons beforehand to think he was perhaps cheating on you, to not trust him? How come you decided to listen to his voice mail?

 

- have you done such things in previous relationships?

 

- are you otherwise insecure or very jealous? In this or previous relationships?

 

- how come you didn’t tell him you realized it was your own voice and that you made a mistake? I can see from your writing that you realize that would probably make the situation better, but still you didn’t doi?

 

- do you think it is likely to happen again (not trusting him, not telling him you’ve made a mistake, etc.?) if this wasn’t an isolated occurence, have you thought about doing sth about this?

 

At least for me (but people are different, so I’m not sure how valid this point is for others), it was easier to bear the problems in the relationship if I knew that I/she/we were working on it (talking more, consciously trying to avoid repeating certain mistakes/behaviour, using relaxation techniques to calm before acting rashly, reading books, also counselling,...) and making a progress (even a small progress).

 

So I think it would be really good if you told him soon that you’ve made a mistake, and if you guys talked about the situation, what you/he/you two will do about it in the future etc. And if you realize that perhaps this is a part of a pattern or a wider issue, talk to him about it and try to reassure him that you’re aware of it and will try to work on it.

 

One last thing - what was his reaction to you saying you loved him? I know you said that he didn’t say it back, but how did he react. And how did it make you feel? Could that perhaps be one of the reasons that made you feel insecure/not trust him?

 

I didn’t mean to be harsh on you, I hope you didn’t take it this way. It’s just that I’ve realised in the past that a lot of what I have done and thought were isolated events, were really signs of an underlying problem. And once I realised that and started facing this problem, things eventually got better.

 

Hope to hear from you again, and I hope things will turn out for the best! I thing it’s a great sign that you’ve come to get advice from other people!

 

Best wishes

[ChessPieceFace]

I said your" lying Bull**** " & he got upset and said he wasn't lying . I kept going and accusing him of having females calling him Once I realized it was my own voice. I didn't tell him I ****ed up . I just said im sorry I believe you can we please stop now .

 

Please help me. Now he is giving me clod sholder what can I do or say to make things better.

 

Maybe an actual genuine apology admitting what you did and why? You admitted your mistake to us on here, why can't you admit it to the man you say you love?

[anna121]

Apologize and show a little humility.

 

I'd be pretty pissed too.

[silvermercy]

Some more info is needed I think:

 

- did you tend to be like that in previous relationships, too?

 

- has you bf given you any signs in the previous year that he's not to be trusted?

 

Without knowing your past history, I don't think we can reach a safe conclusion if this was indeed a mistake or if you had genuine reasons to snoop.

[Woggle]

I would have apologized. This kind of stuff sets of all kinds of alarms in a guy or a woman for that matter.

[iKING]

One day you'll look back on this and laugh a little. I'm assuming you won't admit that you were snooping to him, and while snooping, got jealous over.. Yourself.. So best course of action would be a sincere apology, explaining that you over reacted and feel bad for it. That's about the best you can do to try to salvage this situation. Next time try approaching the situation a little less assertive, and make sure you have some hard facts to go by. Don't get too worked up over it but try to make amends best you can.