Please help me...I have no idea what to do

[Piglet]

Me and my boyfriend have been togatehet for 9 months. I love him and he says he loves me, too. The problem is his best friend. His best friend is my ex-boyfriend, and I can't stand him. He's hurt me so much that I don't want to have anything to do with him. When I found out that they're best friends I told my boyfriend that I won't get between them. The thing is that I don't really have much time to see him except for the weekends, but whenever I can see him during the week I call him up and ask him if he's got any plans, and if I can stop by for a while. Very often when I come over my ex calls him up and asks him if he wants to hang out. That happend yesterday when I was over as well. he asked me if it's cool with me if we both go out and chill with him, I said no. I felt bad cuz I knew he really wanted to see him so the next time he asked me if I want to go I said that I'll go if he wants to. He got a major attitude and cald back his friend saying that he won't be seing him cuz I'm over. After that he wouldn't talk to me or anything so I decided to leave (he wouldn't even sit next to me, he just sat on the floor). When I was leaving I told him that he can see his friend every day of the week and that he shouldn't get mad cuz I want to spend some time alone with him. He told me that he's been ditching him for me and hasn't seen him in a while. He also told me that he thinks that he doesn't mean a lot to me, cuz of my behavior. That's a bunch of crap. I just want to spend some time with him, just one on one. I told him that I'll try hanging out with his friend, but he shouldn't expect me to be all happy and smily when I'm out with them. Then he really got mad and said that when we went out for his b-day I didn't have any problems with talking to his friend and having fun around him. I did that that night just for him cuz I knew it meant a lot to him, and now he's bringing this up. I don't know what to do. I'm sick and tired of this whole thing. The best I can do is to try to hang out with him from time to time, and I'm doing this just to save my relationship with my boyfriend. I have no one to talk to so please.......please help me out here, I really need some advice. I'm desperate

[Tony T]

I think it's pretty sick that your boyfriend prefers to be out with his friend, who is your ex, more than he wants to be with you. Matter of fact, it's beyond sick.

 

Your boyfriend should understand perfectly why it makes you uncomfortable to be around his friend and should not ever require you to go along.

 

You really need to take a close, hard look at a relationship where your boyfriend cops an attitude because you want to be alone with him once in a while.

 

On the planet where I live, Earth (third planet from the Sun in the Milky Way galaxy), guys give priority to their girlfriends and spend somewhat more time with them than they do going out with their guy friends.

 

On earth, we call guys who prefer to be with other guys than with girls...well, we call them gay or sometimes bisexual.

 

Your guy may tell you he loves you but he really doesn't show it. Maybe one day he'll grow up. Meanwhile, you don't have much choice but to let him play marbles with your ex.

 

I think eventually you'll get tired of this dude and ditch him. Then your two ex's can spend all their time together.

[he]

Tony,

 

I think you should join the real world. If you have noticed a lot of the posts on here are pissed cos their boyfriends spend more time with their friends. THIS IS MODERN DAY SOCIETY. IT IS NOT LIKE YOUR DAY !! THERE ARE NO GOOD MEN OUT THERE !!! I KNOW !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THEY ALL SUCK !!!!!!!!!

[Tony T]

You are probably right...in a lot of cases. It's really sad. What went wrong? What happened to priorities?

 

I think changes in society can only be made if they are allowed and accepted by those who are affected.

 

How do we solve this? Or is it something we should try to solve? Are most people just selfish these days?

 

I really do feel sorry for women nowadays because it seems they really want men who care about them and want to spend time with them. The men seem to want to do whatever they want.

 

I really don't understand. I tend to want to be with those I care most about. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

 

I've got to give this a lot of thought.

[sparkle]

Piglet,

 

How often do you hang out with your female friends?

 

Perhaps, if you saw less of him and hung out with your

 

other friends, he'll have less of your time. Then he

 

might appreciate being with you...and you alone. And then maybe he won't want to call up his friend to go hang out with him.

 

You said:

but whenever I can see him during the week I call him up and ask him if he's got any plans, and if I can stop by for a while.

Stop calling him asking him to hang out with him. Let him make the effort this time. Go hang out with your other friends, and enjoy yourself. This way he won't take you for granted, and he'll appreciate the times he's with you. Also, you'll feel better too!

 

Take care

[Deejette]

It's always been that way, except in the old days the wives and girlfriends didn't expect as much attention from the guys. It used to be the poker night, hunting and fishing trips, or working all day only to come home to the easychair and the newspaper, some TV and to bed. Women didn't make as many demands on the men because they were home all day with the kids and were not earning the money in the family.

 

The women were trapped financially and were not in a position to make demands and their wants and needs known. They were also used to being more submissive to men in general due to custom and tradition. But as women gained more financial equality, we began to make more demands nf our relationships.

 

Now we are brutally disappointed if the men in our lives don't live up to a certain standard of romantic and thoughtful behavior we have come to expect through the movies, novels, and our imagination. We begin to hate them for not being able to show love the way we want them to show their love to us.

You are probably right...in a lot of cases. It's really sad. What went wrong? What happened to priorities? I think changes in society can only be made if they are allowed and accepted by those who are affected. How do we solve this? Or is it something we should try to solve? Are most people just selfish these days? I really do feel sorry for women nowadays because it seems they really want men who care about them and want to spend time with them. The men seem to want to do whatever they want. I really don't understand. I tend to want to be with those I care most about. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I've got to give this a lot of thought.