Stopping by with an update. Its been 14 months since we reconciled.

[ZimboGon]

I used to post here a LOT. I would spend my days laying in bed, growing out my beard, staring at the ceiling and mindlessly scrolling through the web in my boxers. My girlfriend of two years left me for another guy when we were going through some turmoil in our relationship. I was destroyed.

 

Eventually i turned that turmoil and bitterness towards myself and improving myself. I started working out, being really social and making a name for myself. I did use the no contact strategy for the entirety of the break up until one day months later i heard about her talking to one of my friends about me. Something about me despising her. I shot her a text, and we started talking.

 

By this point we were both pretty different. She was much more confident and able to speak her mind, while i was happier and more upbeat and much more comfortable with myself. It is almost a completely different relationship now. No longer do we really feel dependent on each other, we just feel comfortable with each other. Since we got back together, we've celebrated two valentines days, christmas, each of our birthdays, and several other holidays i pretty much never expected to be with her on ever again.

 

Another huge positive? I left the relationship and came back into it realizing one thing. I do love her, but if things become unbearable or if any problems just come up, i WILL be okay and there ARE other fish in the sea. I would love to spend my life with her, but if something happens and it isn't meant to be i know i'll be okay. Because of that, the sense of dependency is gone. While we were broken up through our own self development, we worked out the problems we had with ourselves and each other. Had there been any sense of resentment or any trace of unhappiness from the previous relationship it wouldn't have been worth it.

 

I guess the point I'm making is wallowing around doesn't help. If you lose someone, they will keep living their lives without you and you'll just be hurting yourself even more. So stop obsessing over them and obsess over yourself. If you want them to ever want to be with you after leaving you, you'll need to become someone they want to be with. Don't do it just for that purpose, either. Do it for yourself, because you don't need someone who doesn't want you right now. Either way it'll be win/win because you'll become a better, happier person with or without getting back together.

[lovelifexx]

Thanks for the update; it's like a ray of sunshine on this site.

[mammasita]

Another make my heart smile post.

 

Thank you

[H3Drvr]

This is the kind of post that should be sticky'ed on the breakup forums. People are so hung up on getting their ex's back they really don't focus on what's important, themselves.

 

I want my ex back like just the next newb but, it's not like I'm putting myself on developmental holding pattern.

[tvball11]

That is great! I know since i am going through something similar that it gives me strength that there is life outside of being with that (one) person and that truly you need to focus on you (and more important things in your life). Gives hope to those that think their life is over just because someone left when in fact it is just another chapter in our lives and that many (i would actually say most) people go through the same hardships but it is how we handle it that defines ourselves.

[movin it]

That is great news mate! Thanks for letting us know how it all went.

I'm in the process at the moment.

 

Can i ask how long the process took and how the reconcilliation happened?

[SharkTooth]

Right On! And great advice for everyone!

[TaraMaiden]

This is one of those rare occurrences that make breaking up and No Contact, worthwhile.

I'm thrilled to bits you've posted, because it proves two things:

 

1) Sometimes, breaking up/No Contact is absolutely 100% necessary.

 

They're necessary because people need time to do precisely what you did. Grow, develop, move on, evolve, change what doesn't work, and maintain/improve what does,

 

2) Success stories DO exist.

People can - and DO reconcile: But it has to be a joint effort, where two people are joined - equally - in the determination to make it work. One can't fix two.

 

But two - can.

 

And to all those folks who believe I am an eternal party-pooper, and that I delight in break-ups, and am happiest when it doesn't work out - you really couldn't be more wrong, if you tried.

This is a true triumph of Love over adversity.

And nobody is happier than I that this has worked out the way it has.

 

With the probable exception of the OP, that is.....

 

Edited February 19, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[ZimboGon]

I'm glad my story could have cheered everyone up

 

And moving it, we had NC for about 5 months until, as detailed in my post, I texted her. Word spread to me about the end of her rebound relationship a few months prior. Small talk ensued, she wanted to be with me and was sorry, and we started over completely and started dating a few weeks later.

 

Tara is completely correct. No contact does wonders and really is the best thing you can ever do. You need to develop YOURSELF.

Edited February 20, 2013 by ZimboGon

[movin it]

Wow! I'm at about the same time period, i was NC for about 3.5months till i emailed her to say hi, now about 4.5 months and we are in LC but she has started initiating emails etc.

 

I'm just playing it cool, ive grown a lot and learned a lot since we broke up and it seems as though she has aswell jist by how she talks.

We cant meet yet as she is interstate for another 2 months but i'm open to giving us another try and i kind of get the feeling she is to but we havnt spoken about it yet.

 

Maybe soon i will have a success story to post aswell

[lullaby]

I guess the point I'm making is wallowing around doesn't help. If you lose someone, they will keep living their lives without you and you'll just be hurting yourself even more. So stop obsessing over them and obsess over yourself. If you want them to ever want to be with you after leaving you, you'll need to become someone they want to be with. Don't do it just for that purpose, either. Do it for yourself, because you don't need someone who doesn't want you right now. Either way it'll be win/win because you'll become a better, happier person with or without getting back together.

 

Well put and I'm really happy to read this!

 

Of course couples do reconcile, it´s just rare and we're not used to hearing succesful stories, right?

 

At first I didn't think NC would work with previous BU, but it did. It's dammed hard alright, but it works because it helps you to gain a new perspective on things, YOUR life goes on, you see you don't die after a BU, and you grow and develop as a much better and experienced person indeed.

 

I would love to tell you all my successful story some day

[iouaname]

How long were the two of you broken up for?

 

Congratulations, though! It's great to see some people around here find some happiness.

[marklarsson]

I'm glad my story could have cheered everyone up

 

And moving it, we had NC for about 5 months until, as detailed in my post, I texted her. Word spread to me about the end of her rebound relationship a few months prior. Small talk ensued, she wanted to be with me and was sorry, and we started over completely and started dating a few weeks later.

 

Tara is completely correct. No contact does wonders and really is the best thing you can ever do. You need to develop YOURSELF.

 

First of all thanks for taking the time to share with others on here your experiences. because most people abandon the site once they reconcile so most people don't know what happened or that in fact it can happen.

 

i think reconciling happens more often than people think. the question is only do they last. and they only tend to last when taken the approach you did. Most rebound relationships do end as shown here but the only way to have a chance after if the other person does realize that they did hurt you are sorry and do actually miss you and if you did not try to interfere with their rebound relationship at the time.

[ZimboGon]

How long were the two of you broken up for?

 

Congratulations, though! It's great to see some people around here find some happiness.

 

About six months. During that period she dated another guy for about 1.5 months.

[marklarsson]

About six months. During that period she dated another guy for about 1.5 months.

 

sis she give you a reason why she dated this guy?, did she know she was rebounding?, who broke it off?,

[ZimboGon]

The guy was a charmer, and i guess she liked the attention he gave her and it helped her avoid the pain of our relationship ending. After awhile, the guy was too timid to really speak his mind and she said he was just too obedient that she realized she wasn't really attracted to him at all.

 

At least, that's what i heard and from my impressions with the guy.

[Cutiepie1976]

So glad things worked out for you! All the best moving forward.

[marklarsson]

The guy was a charmer, and i guess she liked the attention he gave her and it helped her avoid the pain of our relationship ending. After awhile, the guy was too timid to really speak his mind and she said he was just too obedient that she realized she wasn't really attracted to him at all.

 

At least, that's what i heard and from my impressions with the guy.

 

ah see sometimes women don't know what they want until they experience it. she wanted a push over but when she finally got one she felt he was too much of a doormat

[pandora_be]

I'm glad my story could have cheered everyone up

 

And moving it, we had NC for about 5 months until, as detailed in my post, I texted her. Word spread to me about the end of her rebound relationship a few months prior. Small talk ensued, she wanted to be with me and was sorry, and we started over completely and started dating a few weeks later.

 

Tara is completely correct. No contact does wonders and really is the best thing you can ever do. You need to develop YOURSELF.

 

Even when you are together in a relationship with someone you should keep developing yourself.

[marklarsson]

Even when you are together in a relationship with someone you should keep developing yourself.

 

if you want it to last yeah

[movin it]

When you guys finally started communicating again, did she take her time to reply to emails etc?

 

I'm at a point where my ex gf has initiated contact through emails and when i reply she takes about 4 or 5 days to reply, she then asks me more questions and when i reply she takes another 4 or 5 days.

She is a GP so she is very busy, but also she is constantly updating onfbook.

[TaraMaiden]

You shouldn't be communicating with your GF at all.

[ZimboGon]

When you guys finally started communicating again, did she take her time to reply to emails etc?

 

I'm at a point where my ex gf has initiated contact through emails and when i reply she takes about 4 or 5 days to reply, she then asks me more questions and when i reply she takes another 4 or 5 days.

She is a GP so she is very busy, but also she is constantly updating onfbook.

 

Tara is correct. She's keeping you hung by a string. I've been there, it makes the pain for you worse while making it easier on her. Stop talking to her, initiate no contact because man, the more you respond the more she'll think everything is okay and move on when you won't.

 

When my girlfriend and I got back together, the talks beforehand were fast. She would reply in minutes, and get worried when i was too busy to reply immediately. I found her initiating the conversations more and more, and it was just kind of like, "Hey, i thought you let me go months back, what're you pulling now? :P" kind of thing.

 

But honestly man sounds like you're being strung. If she wanted you she'd act on it. If she wanted to message you she would. Break the string if you ever want a chance in the future with her, or more importantly a better you.

[Smiley88]

This post gives hope, im in the same situation..She left me for someone else because i was kind of afraid of commiting, and didnt know what i wanted from life, and acted a bit immature and iresponsible.(she saw i needed some growing up to do and i wasnt able to give her what she wanted when she wanted)

 

I only found out what i wanted after she left me for this other guy, now i feel like i have made the biggest mistake of my life.

Im only 24 and didnt think i wanted to settle down so early..but this girl was worth it:)

 

This breakup really showed me what i want in life,and that i shouldnt be afraid to grow up and take life head on. All i can do now is improve myself and maybe get another shot at her down the line,or if not...meet someone new, even though i feel i wont be able to find someone like her at the moment:)

[OwlSoul]

Heh, I'm happy it worked out for you OP. Out of curiosity I've searched your previous threads. Last one was when you two were together for 4 months and there were so many people saying it won't work and etc. Glad they're mistaken.