What's the normal frequency of communication in an LDR?

[tinyvipers]

Just wondering how often do you and your SO speak to each other (texting/facebook messaging/skyping) every week or month?

[Pyro]

Back when my relationship was long distance we spoke on a daily basis. We had to make up for not being able to be with each other on a physical level, plus we were straight crazy for each other.

[LittleTiger]

We talk every day on Skype for at least an hour. Sometimes twice a day and often for a lot longer. Plus the occasional text, phone call, email or message on Facebook.

 

We are pretty much in contact whenever we're both awake and that's how it has been for most of the three and a half years we've been in an LDR.

 

We behave and communicate like a married couple, minus the daily physical contact.

[tinyvipers]

But it seems like my SO never really wants to speak to me when we're away from each other. He only wants to Skype say maybe three times a week? And we don't Facebook/text on a regular daily basis either. But whenever I bring up taking a break, he refuses to let me go. His behaviour is really confusing? Is he not interested?

[SugarBerry]

Everybody's relationship is different, it depends on how much ''free time'' you have. Me and my partner talk on Skype everyday and if not we are messaging each other on Viber. Perhaps he doesn't want to talk ALL the time in case he gets to clingy towards you and starts to lose touch with reality? He does want to talk at least, I would be more concerned if he didn't want to at all!

[ana0pera]

I second everything SugarBerry said. some people (guys in particular) are really bad at communicating, especially with digital apps like skype, SMS, etc. You need to tell him that you would like to talk more, and talk to him about how much you two should aim to talk to one another. Out of curiosity, how often do you want to talk to him? You said he thinks three times a week is good...i personally don't think that's bad.

 

If one/both of you are busy, expect to talk less because of the increased demands that "real life" will put on you--I am definitely the type of girl who wants to talk every day for an hour a day but when I am busy with work, I'm lucky to get a text message in. Don't take it personal, but I think the key is that you talk to him about it and reach a compromise. He obviously wants to be with you if he's putting forth the effort to talk to you and doesn't want to break up, he might just have different expectations in the relationship.

[NoMoreJerks]

If he doesn't want to talk more than 3 times a week, I would say there is a problem. The key word here is: he doesn't want to talk. (If he can't, because he is busy, then that's another matter altogether). I have very little patience with someone who, despite having the time, does not WANT to talk, because he wants to do other stuff with his free time. If his other stuff ALMOST ALWAYS trumps me, then there is no point in us being together, is there? The emphasis is on "almost always". I'm not saying that all his spare time should be spent talking to you, but on the other hand, if all his spare time is spent on doing other stuff FIRST, and then talking to you when he does have extra time or when he is bored, then I think there might be a problem. Maybe he just talks to you when he is bored?

 

My bf (soon to be ex) has not talked to me in 2 days now. Not much texting either. He mssged me on Skype today, and said he was ripping some DVDs, and when I asked if that would intervene in us voice+video-chatting, he said: the internet connection is slow at the moment, I am downloading lots of stuff (torrents). Really? So his downloads are more important than talking to me, especially that we have not talked for days?

 

You know what? Some men expect to get away with this behaviour. I am not putting up with this for much longer. If they are interested in us, talking to us shouldn't be a chore, and the whole "I'm not good at communicating" thing is bull****. If he misses you, he would communicate with you. Mine goes out of his way to text/call me when he is depressed or bored -- funny how he has no trouble communicating THEN.

[CherryT]

communication is so key in a LDR... My bf and I talk pretty much every hour, every day. We text during the day when we're at work and then at night we're on the phone or skype etc. Even when I have a local boyfriend, we tend to message each other throughout the day via text and then see each other in the evening. We do the same, just different forms. I don't know, I would think something is off if I didn't hear from my bf by 10 AM. We are on the same timezone though... our intensions is to communicate like we're local so if something happens during the day, he's the first to know about it and vice versa.

 

I don't feel like I'm living "in technology" versus real life. We have our friends and play in sport leagues so we do go a few hours without communication. But we make an effort to plan our Skype dates and just check in whenever we can. If I'm out for dinner with friends, I let him know and usually connect with him after or message him if I head to the restroom just to let him know I'm OK.

[Life'sGood]

Me and my boyfriend talk everyday too on skype. Text and phone calls are super expensive but we make it up by talking for at least 3 hours on skype. If not talk, we will just let the video run while we do our own stuff. We have our specific time to skype, that's when he gets home from work and before he go to work (half an hour or so). When he have to work and there's no skype, we will communicate via facebook chat.

 

Communication is very important in any relationship. If you feel like you don't communicate enough, tell him how you feel and he should meet you halfway.

[tinyvipers]

I mean, neither of us really have time to talk constantly - we both are only free around the evenings. But I'd really like for us to be able to Skype maybe half an hour to an hour every evening. I don't think that's too much to ask for since we only see each other once or twice a month (different countries, same continent)?

 

One thing I really did get annoyed with the other day was that I sent him a Skype message and instead he only replied to another female friend of his on Facebook. The reasoning he gave me for it was 'I felt like it' and 'We were going to Skype later tonight anyway'. Should I be concerned?

Edited February 20, 2013 by tinyvipers

[HeavenOrHell]

Skype every night, not necessarily always camera, just typing, we skype on and off all evening, just leave it running, for about 6 hours, from when he gets back from work to when we go to bed, we to and fro between skype and cooking or whatever else we're doing. At the weekends we have skype on all afternoon and evening. We often leave it running even if one of us goes out, for some reason

I could msn him at work, but I feel I'd not get much done here, so I resist

We talk on the phone every night, unless we're out, or very tired, or don't get enough time, that's rare though.

We send texts now and again.

We have contact on facebook during the day when he's at work.

 

 

Just wondering how often do you and your SO speak to each other (texting/facebook messaging/skyping) every week or month?

[HeavenOrHell]

As you meet once or twice a month maybe he doesn't feel the need to have as much contact as people who see their partner every few months or every few weeks.

 

When he said 'I felt like it', that's a bit of an offhand comment, quite rude.

 

 

I mean, neither of us really have time to talk constantly - we both are only free around the evenings. But I'd really like for us to be able to Skype maybe half an hour to an hour every evening. I don't think that's too much to ask for since we only see each other once or twice a month (different countries, same continent)?

 

One thing I really did get annoyed with the other day was that I sent him a Skype message and instead he only replied to another female friend of his on Facebook. The reasoning he gave me for it was 'I felt like it' and 'We were going to Skype later tonight anyway'. Should I be concerned?

[HeavenOrHell]

He gets away with it because you let him.

 

I

 

You know what? Some men expect to get away with this behaviour. I am not putting up with this for much longer. If they are interested in us, talking to us shouldn't be a chore, and the whole "I'm not good at communicating" thing is bull****. If he misses you, he would communicate with you. Mine goes out of his way to text/call me when he is depressed or bored -- funny how he has no trouble communicating THEN.

[Life'sGood]

One thing I really did get annoyed with the other day was that I sent him a Skype message and instead he only replied to another female friend of his on Facebook. The reasoning he gave me for it was 'I felt like it' and 'We were going to Skype later tonight anyway'. Should I be concerned?

 

Yes. You should be concerned. Something is really off when he's not talking to you but he can and waited until the time that you're supposed to talk? That's odd. HoH is right though, you and your SO get to see each other every couple of weeks and maybe that's not enough for him to miss you.

 

Whatever it is, tell him of how you feel.

[NoMoreJerks]

OK, some of this stuff is a bit obsessive/obsessed... I mean, talking all day long? That's insane. I'd get sick of someone quickly if we talked all day long. Even husbands/wives do not see each other/talk all day long, and they live in the same house... And this is coming from someone who was called "needy" and "clingy" by her bf/ex....

 

For me, 15-30 minutes a day by Skype (or voice call only) is good enough, plus some texting here and there (again, not a lot, it gets on my nerves if a lot).

 

We've done the whole leaving SKype on while we do our own thing, or we watch the same movie together while leaving Skype on, and talk about it during/after the movie. Sorta like being together. But that is about once a week or once every 2 weeks, when we both have that much time to spare in one go.

[NoMoreJerks]

He gets away with it because you let him.

Who said I let him get away with it? I am not going to nag him though, like some women on here clearly do with their partners. If he acts like a part-time boyfriend, I will eventually dump him. 3 break-ups in 8 months, and I think this would be the last one. I am a patient person and do not think people are perfect (unlike some women here, who want their partners to read their minds and be exactly who they want them to be), so I have given my bf lots of chances to prove that he can (or wants to) change into someone who is more reasonable and who acts more like a bf than a part-time fwb. If he can't demonstrate that he's changed after 3 strikes, he's out.

[justwhoiam]

how often do you and your SO speak to each other (texting/facebook messaging/skyping) every week or month?

Pretty every day. If either of us is traveling, then less often, but not necessarily. But if we think we can't talk to each other, we can either text, send emails or write notes/letters or exchange pics & upload them to our cloud space.

 

neither of us really have time to talk constantly - we both are only free around the evenings. But I'd really like for us to be able to Skype maybe half an hour to an hour every evening. I don't think that's too much to ask for since we only see each other once or twice a month (different countries, same continent)?

Well, that's a little bit binding. He might have a party or a happy hour. Or maybe he's out with friends... If you both were more flexible, you'd be able to get your Skype hour. But like this... I'm not surprised he's not completely into it or supporting it.

 

One thing I really did get annoyed with the other day was that I sent him a Skype message and instead he only replied to another female friend of his on Facebook. The reasoning he gave me for it was 'I felt like it' and 'We were going to Skype later tonight anyway'. Should I be concerned?

I'm not sure if he's just being careless or what. As I don't know if he would like to see the reverse happening: you talking, and liking and leaving messages on Facebook for anyone to see and not looking for him. Maybe you can try that and see what happens.

[JourneyLady]

He**. I'd be happy with a half hour, but he won't even do that now. And expected me to read his mind that he was going to get on and talk to me. Then blew his top because I wanted to discuss and negotiate in person. Claimed he was going to talk to me tonight before he got mad. Yeah... sure. If that was the case, he could have texted me to let me know.

 

I am so done. He's getting nasty with me now and it's getting abusive. Particularly when he keeps bringing up stuff that has nothing to do with the issue.

 

I just wanted to talk and work something out.

Sort of reminds me of a bi-polar ex-bf who never wanted to "discuss" anything. Because if there was something I wanted to discuss, he felt there would be an upset and so didn't want to discuss it. That wore out real fast. This is the shortest relationship I have ever had. 3 decades of marriage and most recently got out of a 5 year relationship. I don't think *I'm* the one with the problem here. Not one so big it can't be worked with anyhow.

[taiko]

Just wondering how often do you and your SO speak to each other (texting/facebook messaging/skyping) every week or month?

There is no normal. In my lifetime the world has gone from waiting weeks for the local postal service to couples claiming to leave their webcams open 24/7 to watch each other sleep. As if the endurance contest were a test of "true love"

 

When I was in my LDR phase I had practically free, on my end, yahoo messaging through my phone and computer with a token cost on her end to reply. And a weekly phone call plus whatever longer emails and snail mails we sent. Neither of us had skype or web cams. So there were daily text.