looking for a clique to fit into in college

[drumguy18]

Throughout high school, I became part of a "clique" of a bunch of friends (some just acquaintances, some closer friends). Senior year I started to hang out with another clique of friends I met at the arcade (yeah I know, sounds dorky but we don't go anymore, that was just the way we happened to meet). Basically, I've become used to being a part of a clique and hanging out with them almost on a daily basis.

 

Come freshman year of college, I went to a different college than any of the people from these cliques, or more generally anyone that I was truly "friends" with (i.e., hung out with on a regular basis). The first semester, this really wasn't much of an issue because I spent the time with my girlfriend who was in a similiar position. (We dated most of our senior year of high school (yes, we went to the same high school), and we both went to the same college (though it wasn't because of each other...we both have prior history with the school through parents/etc.). We actually broke up the summer before college, but got back together a few weeks into the first year... in my opinion because we were both lonely without our friends and so we hung out with each other.) At the end of the first semester, though, she broke up with me. (Coincidently, she found her way into a clique at nearly exactly the same time... I think she broke up with me largely because she no longer needed me to be her friend.) I was very depressed at the time, and throughout most of the next semester, because I found myself not only in a break up but also alone without any close friends to spend the time with.

 

Anyway, that has all passed now. Over the summer after my first year of college, I spent a great deal of time with people from both of the first two cliques I mentioned, since I was back in my hometown, and it did a total 180-degree change on the depressed state I was in. I honestly had an awesome summer.

 

And now is the beginning of my second year of college. Things aren't as bad as last semester when I was still fighting to recover from a break up, but still I find myself to be bored a lot and sometimes it does make me sad. I am not part of a clique here and it's like a slap in the face.

 

So, my question is: what can I do to become happier? I find it difficult to find a current interest of mine that could also prove to be social (like my arcade years were). I'd love to be a part of a clique here, but it's hard to force something like that... it's really, in my experience, just something that happens without you realizing it. Would I be better off just trying to get used to not being a part of a clique for once, and learn to be happy on my own? I understand that I shouldn't necessarily depend my happiness on others, but I don't think being a total loner is quite the best solution either. Also I feel I'm very bad at initiating conversations with people I don't really know, like people in my classes. Does anyone have suggestions on how to approach people, guys and girls, or make myself more approachable? I'm just worried about appearing desperate.

 

I appreciate anyone taking the time to read. Thanks.

[Papillon]

Here's an idea.... you're growing up now, and you have to start focusing on your future, and stop worrying about your peeps. Get your degree, get a good job, make lots of cash, and the rest will fall in place.

[DerangedAngel]

Would I be better off just trying to get used to not being a part of a clique for once, and learn to be happy on my own?

 

Yes.

 

I don't think being a total loner is quite the best solution either.

 

Of course not, silly. It's not clique-- or loner. There's middle ground in there, you know.

 

Does anyone have suggestions on how to approach people, guys and girls, or make myself more approachable?

 

Smile often. Look friendly. Say hello to (almost) everyone you see. Initiate a simple conversation with people sitting around you in your classes. See if you have anything in common. Go from there.

 

-Deranged

[simplybrill]

I have to agree with Papillion on this one, and coming from someone who's in college as well - its time to learn to stand on your own feet, because with how much people move around in college, its not guaranteed that people you meet this year will stick around next year anyways.

 

People change their minds, change their friends, change their majors all the time- so I understand its hard keeping in touch and getting together a regular friend group - but what I've learned is that I like having a few good friends that I get with every once in a while instead of a "friend group" because its not really the easiest thing to upkeep once you're going full on with classes and a job, friend groups create drama, and nobody really walks around clumped up like that in groups but the freshmen.

 

I would just concentrate on getting a few individual people who you get along with, and have a good time with. In reality the whole "Friends" tv show scenario rarely plays out well.

[drumguy18]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. However I may have put a little too much emphasis on the "clique" thing than I really intended. I would also be happy having just a person or two to hang out with, "guy" friends. I'd just like to have a friend to eat lunch with and hang out with sometimes, that sort of thing. I never really made a friend like that during last semester, which is mainly why I was concerned with what lies ahead.

 

I am starting to at least recognize some people in my classes as they are more specialized this semester toward my major (and thus, lots of the same faces in different classes). This makes it a little easier, so I do have some momentum in the right direction.