At wits end and dont know where to turn....

[freduk]

See there are days like today, where without asking me if I have anything planned, which I did, loads and achieved next to nothing, I look around the house at the amount of work I need to get on and do, and yet get no time to do so.

 

After lunch she dresses our son (she keeps him normally in baby grows throughout the day unless he has to go out), and hands him to me with "take him out give me some time off".

 

And it just gets my back up, what about time off for me?

 

As a result all day I have been quiet and closed off, and this evening she thanks me and kisses me for doing a few other things.

 

Mixed feelings, mixed emotions, I keep getting trickles of love that make me think maybe its worth staying, but then the days with nothing enforces the fact of will she ever snap out of it?

 

Thankfully I am off to see my terminally ill mother next weekend and not back till wednesday, so that will give me a break.

[freduk]

I am sorry all, life has been getting worse and worse, and my mother is getting worse in her illness, so I said I wanted to go over and see her for a long weekend. My wife did agree, so I also suggested that I took our son with me for it to give her a break over the weekend. She went mad, "You wouldnt know what to do with him" and "I cannot live without him", or "I love him too much".

 

After that I started writing her a letter, and as I started, unlike my previous ones, I stopped holding back, I stopped editing and removing what I think would upset her, and I really completely opened up.

 

It took a few days, and getting ready for the weekend, her attitude was getting worse, and I was really looking forward to just getting away.

 

Roll on to the day leaving, travelling to my mums is about 20 hours, and its all driving, I could fly, but I prefer to have my car, and I clear my head better driving.

 

I got up and worked from home that day, that way I could go for a snooze about mid day, then get up around 5pm, have dinner, do bed time with my son, then hit the road by 7.30.

 

Something happened at work and I had to work through till 3.30pm, she came to my home office looked at my lunch plate and cup and said "suppose you want me to take your s**t downstairs"

 

I had been at it none stock from 8am trying to rescue a business critical server.

 

I started to finish my draft, and went for a laydown, and stared at the clock until 5pm.

 

Got up, did time with son etc,

 

During this entire time she teased with "would you like to go away with daddy", "na, you wanna stay at home with me", and "Daddy would be stuffed if you went away".

 

Fuming I hit the road, her hug was loose and unloving, she hesitated kissing, and barely whispered love you.

 

Since coming away and talking to my parents and describing my day, life and unloving I have come to realise I go out and work 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and barely make ends meet. But I come home and think nothing of spending my evening looking after my son, I have even stayed up till 4am rocking him to sleep so she can get some.

 

And I come home to an ungrateful woman, who does not wash or iron my work clothes (I pay someone), she cooks ready meals, she stays in her nightclothes all the time, my son lives in a baby grow, but we buy him loads of clothes and she never has any time, but she manages to watch over 20 hours of recorded tv a week, surfs for hours, and everytime I come down stairs if working from home is normally playing games on her mobile, while my son plays in his playpen.

 

So why do I always put her first, and why do I feel guilty about wanting to put me first for once? I pit this all in an email, because over our first few serious arugements my wife has a strange way of turning and twisting an argument so you feel like the bad guy and you start to doubt your sanity, and she never listens to your side. So the last time I walked out I gave her a letter and left, this time I could not face any more arguments and my son had just gone to bed, I wanted to leave peaceful, so I watched remotely on our nannie cam and waited till he got to sleep, then sent the email.

 

I laid everything on email, how undervalued and taken for granted I feel, how I feel like a babysister and not a dad, and how I feel betrayed, I have not seen my friends in a year, I have not done any of my hobbies, stopped riding my motorbike and even stopped watching what I want to watch on tv as she decides what we watch. I gave her 3 choices, 1 we stop, listen and work this out, she gets professional help and I get to find me, having a few nights a week or time spread for me. Or choice 2 we split and sell the house and setup arrangements, or we split, I keep the house going and buy her out when I can and we setup arrangements.

 

One of her voicemails are very angry and in the middle is a comment about if we split, dont think its going to be 50 50, because you are wrong???? WFT... but she wants me back

 

I can feel the darkness of her depression surrounding me and starting to pull me in and I dont want to go there.

 

I think my marriage is truely over, at least I have the support of my family.

Edited March 4, 2013 by freduk
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