I'm a bit lost with my ex girlfriend. NC or Friends?

[crash&burn]

Hi everyone.. been broken up now for 6 weeks with my girlfriend of 2.5 years. We've remained in minimal contact, maybe once a week. I can be around her now without feeling depressed. When we do hang out it has a good vibe. She doesn't want to try and get back together at this stage, as she is content with being on her own, and working on herself mentally and physically. She is enjoying have the extra time to read, go to the gym, hang out with her friends, work more. We pretty much broke up over her not being able to do her own thing.. She was always at my house, I never went to hers.. SO she didn't feel as though she could live her life properly.. or do the things that she is now doing. Things were also getting a little stale.. but that happens

 

I want to work things out, she knows I do, she still loves me, but like I said isn't ready. What is my best option in this situation?

 

I'm not sure if I should call her and try and hang out as friends, hoping that she will remember how good we were together, and hopefully want to try and work things out.

 

OR

 

Tell her i can't see her anymore because I love her too much and its hurting me. Maybe this way she will experience loss and miss me and want to try and work things out.

 

Its funny but I think the first option of being friends will be easier for me.. maybe short term anyway.. She is moving an hour away in January.. I want to try and work things out before then.. I honestly believe that our situation required us to move in together.. but I didn't want to at that stage... I now feel as though I am ready.. And want to tell her that I want her to think about taking me with her when she moves..

 

What do you think?

[uriel]

What can you do to reassure her that her needs, interests, time will be more respected if you get back together? That's the problem you need to address if you want her to be with you.

 

-- uriel

[sundrop]

From my experience, do what you feel is best for your sanity. Do some sole searching.

I know I tried for two months to be "buddies" w/ my ex (we dated for two years) and I

about had a nervous break down. I wanted him back so bad, and tried to be "friends" so he

would remain a part f my life. But it was really hard. Every time I was around him, I wanted to

hold him, kiss him... And I finally had to say for my sanity, at this point I could not be just a friend, my feeling are to strong. He knows I want him back badly, and I love him very much.

 

But take this time to search your sole, and find yourself. Everyone deserves to be treated like a million dollars, and finding the right person that will treat you right may take time.

Take care of yourself first. That's what I'm going to do.

[crash&burn]

Well I know that I can't just tell her that things have changed, it doesn't work that way... She needs to see it for herself, which I don't know how to do, without making her feel as though I'm pressuring her to work things out with me... In this past 6 weeks I have done a lot of thinking and soul searching, more than I probably have ever done over anything in my life. The things I see now, I couldn't see when we were together, which is why I believe that this breakup did actually help.

 

Now i'm ready to show her these things, but I don't know how I can without making it too obvious that I want her back. Afterall she did say "I'm happy with my life at the moment" then corrected herself and said "i'm content with my life at the moment". I told her to tell me that there's no chance of us getting back together so I could move on. She couldn't say it. She tried to avoid the situation.

 

Going back to my question about NC or friends in my previous post.. It seems as though for me to be able to work things out, I need to try and be friends. Then maybe she'll see the changes that i've made in myself...I don't know though.

 

I know that a lot of women go through a stage of needing space, and needing to be single to work on themselves.. maybe this is what she needs to go through.. I jus hope that when she's ready to begin a relationship again, i'm the person she looks to first.. I'm scared that she's after that fairytale feeling you get when you first start dating someone..

 

How do I show her that things will be better? How do I reassure her that I have changed?

 

Any got any advice or experienced this aswell?

[dugs]

Like so many others have said before on this board

 

DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER!!!

 

Its true...read my post. In my situ once I quit chasing her for a couple of months she has started to chase me. If you. just give up and don't call everyday then they might start to miss you and realize what it is they had. Make her miss you for a couple of months.

[sundrop]

I wish I knew the answers to your last questions, cause I wouldn't be in the same boat as you.

I know my ex told me he didn't have the "warm Fuzzy feeling" anymore. I told him I didn't either have that very first fuzzy feeling you get at the beginning of the relationship, but my feelings have grown much deeper and beyond that.

I have gotten so much advice, some good some bad, what works for one person might not work for another.

People have said don't call him, don't go over to his house. But it so hard.....

I was trying to be friends w/ my ex for the last two months, for him to see that we can hang out and have a great time together, and we did, BUT, it killed me. If you can do that great, be friends, hang out and hopefully things will go your way. As for me I couldn't handle it (just being friends). I would go over to just hang out and he wouldn't let me leave his house, he would just hug me and hold me, tell me he was losing his best friend (still confused over his actions, any advice on that?)

It's not easy, when they won't tell you it's Over for good, my ex wouldn't tell me either, he said he will never say there is no chance, but at some point, if it doesn't work out, you have to be prepared. I held on for two months, hoping and when it didn't happen, I had to start the healing process all over again.

Good luck.