The SOONER you STOP the BETTER

[McDonald]

I agree with Simon. If she's with someone and you start messaging her, you only push her closer to him. When I was with my ex, her previous ex was still contacting her. It didn't make her want him more. It drew her closer to me because she was telling me everything he was doing, and I was telling her "He's a clown. Tell him to stop messaging you!" (of course they're still friends because she stays friends with all of her ex boyfriends except for me because I'm such a bad guy )

 

Also I'm confused. You're worried about the door closing? If she's not dating you and is dating someone else, I think the door is closed already. Doesn't mean the door can't open again, but you shouldn't worry about that.

 

Now if only I can take my own advice..

 

I mean in terms of the door closing.. ugh actually I dont know what I mean. Probably in denial that this has happened. this hasnt been a great day because I tried to go out last night but just couldnt talk to other girls. Guess Im not as over it as I thought.

 

IDK what Im trying to get out of it anymore. I feel like I havent made progress in a few weeks. Like there is one more thing i can try to do... IDK its all just hard to explain.

[ShootingStar80]

So after 7 years, my ex and I just broke up a week and 2 days ago... We were dating Long distance for 3.5 years and then she moved to be with me and were dating for another 3.5.

 

She was really wanting to marry me and I was planning on asking her this year.

 

She also was really busy 7 days a week with school (graduate degree), intership and work so lately she never had time for us. I felt our relationship getting strained, but I felt as soon as she was through with school it would bounce back.

 

However, in the last 4 months she got really chummy with a coworker.

She works with this guy for 10 hours each weekend day so they spent a lot of time together.

 

Flash forward to a month ago, she starts going really cold. She suggested we focus on the tasks we really need to focus on, but at the same time told a friend we had 'separated'. A week later she came back and said she was wrong. Finally she was crying and told me she didn't thing we should be together and that she was out.

 

I went full force to try to get her back for a week, (we were living together) but now 90% of my stuff is out of her place and now shes dating and has at least made out with this new guy. Everytime she talks to this guy (overheard) she seems really happy.

 

She's supposed to come over some day this week to have a talk, because all the other times she was going to be late for work or class or whatever.

 

I don't know if I should forget about the meeting and go NC now or later, or if there's really a point to pursuing it. It seems really crappy that after all the time we spent together, that she would end it this way.

 

Any perspectives as to what I should do?

[LifeIsGreat]

Actions speak louder than words..... there is nothing else you need to hear from her. Do not have that meeting with her and go NC now. You not meeting with her and going NC will give you some of your power/control back and make you feel much better than any meeting with her.

[ShootingStar80]

Actions speak louder than words..... there is nothing else you need to hear from her. Do not have that meeting with her and go NC now. You not meeting with her and going NC will give you some of your power/control back and make you feel much better than any meeting with her.

 

Should I bother getting the stuff out of her place? It's in a spare room so really not bothering anything. But if she calls just to have me get the stuff out of there, then what? I've already been NC for two days, so I'd like to keep it that way.

 

PS. Heard from one friend that my ex told another close friend all the things that made her think that she and I wouldn't be together in the end. It would have been nice if she told *me* a few months ago. Apparently my ex also told her close friend that she wasn't planning on getting back together.

[thekarmacist]

how about NOT hijacking this thread and posting your own?!

[ShootingStar80]

how about NOT hijacking this thread and posting your own?!

 

Thought about that... but since this thread is a combination of 'how soon' posts, it's related to the topic.

[big bear]

I have a different take. Although, I am learning it the hard way, once a relationship is broken it's gone.

You beg, you don't beg. You change, you don't change, nothing can turn time back.

 

Of course there will be successful reconciliations. But those are not the norm. They are the outliers and exceptions.

 

See, it this was however hard you try to put a broken mirror back, there will always be a crack and the reflection never the same.

 

Oh and me. Almost 100 days of NC (barring a small exchange of mail and an ignored message by her).

 

Don't get me wrong I have crossed the one year mark on the break up. Had significant periods of NC too. And no I have not been celibate. Had good action.

 

But I am just not able to connect.

[fungusamungus]

I have a different take. Although, I am learning it the hard way, once a relationship is broken it's gone.

You beg, you don't beg. You change, you don't change, nothing can turn time back.

 

Of course there will be successful reconciliations. But those are not the norm. They are the outliers and exceptions.

 

See, it this was however hard you try to put a broken mirror back, there will always be a crack and the reflection never the same.

 

Oh and me. Almost 100 days of NC (barring a small exchange of mail and an ignored message by her).

 

Don't get me wrong I have crossed the one year mark on the break up. Had significant periods of NC too. And no I have not been celibate. Had good action.

 

But I am just not able to connect.

Well, reading your posts... she probably doesn't reconnect because she doesn't want you back, or found someone that she would rather be with and it was easier to cut you out altogether.

 

Successful reconciliations happen all the time if the relationship was a good one. Yours was not. You were never faithful, lied to her, you were emotionally abusive, continuously manipulated her, invaded her privacy, showed her no trust and you continued to harass her after she broke up with you. You are not the kind of person that deserves a second chance, and once you realize that, perhaps you will change so that the next woman that you are involved with does not get hurt the same way the last one did.

[big bear]

Well, reading your posts... she probably doesn't reconnect because she doesn't want you back, or found someone that she would rather be with and it was easier to cut you out altogether.

 

Successful reconciliations happen all the time if the relationship was a good one. Yours was not. You were never faithful, lied to her, you were emotionally abusive, continuously manipulated her, invaded her privacy, showed her no trust and you continued to harass her after she broke up with you. You are not the kind of person that deserves a second chance, and once you realize that, perhaps you will change so that the next woman that you are involved with does not get hurt the same way the last one did.

 

I can give a 100 instances where I was right in my case but that's all spilled milk.

 

I know my faults. I realized them and left her alone.Doesn't mean I can't be sad about it.

 

And regarding reconciliations, good luck and I am happy for those who have it. It was just an opinion mate.