sunshine2000 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I have been with my boyfriend for a year, we spend a lot of time together going out and at his place. About a week ago he asked me to move in with him and i was very suprised becasue when it comes down to talks about marriage he always tells me he wants to get married when he's 35 and he's 28 now. I know moving in together is not marraige but it's also a huge commitment. I'm very exited about that idea and of course i said yes. The only thing i have a problem with is that his ex girlfriend lived there as well about 3 years ago. Now i know this might sounds crazy but i keep getting in jealosy fights with him over this saying "this is her place"!! He's not even in contact with her and he keeps telling me that this never was her place that this is my home now!! i think it's also because i keep finding little things of hers in the cabinets like nail polish or whatever and since he's so disorganized it's still there. help why do i feel this way, how can i stop it?? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I can see how you'd feel somewhat jealous, but three years was a long time ago. I don't think its too much to ask of him to go through VERY thoroughly and remove all of her personal belongings for good. You don't deserve to have her thrown in your face when you're going about your business in your own home, as he calls it. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 To some extent, I understand how you feel. I'm presently living in a house that an ex of my SO other once lived in. And it was kind of weird thinking about it. But like in your situation, it was a long time ago. Try to get in the mindset that this is your home now. Ask him if it's ok if you go through and get rid of her junk (the old nail-polish and stuff). And ask if you can redecorate the place a little, so that it's YOU and him. Most of all, just keep reminding yourself that she stayed there some time ago and that's over. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
ltomlinson81 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I think you are being too jealous. Every man has had girlfriends. None of us are the first ones. He is the one that asked you to move in, maybe you shoud look at how much he probably loves you, and trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2000 Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 Thanks guys, Yhea he's totally fine with me throwing anything that i find away. Like i said beofre, he's so disorganized that he doesn't know what's in the kitchen cabinets or whatever so i've been throwing it away. And his place looks like a bachlore pad so i don't have much to change other then add my things. It's just that thought that she was his first love and you know how they say you never forget your first love so it's just in my mind that he was so in love with her and that they lived there together, even though it's been 3 years and i know he's deeply in love with me now. I mean if he wasn't thinking seriously why would he ask me to move in in the first place right?. I mentioned to him that we should get a new place so we can start nice and fresh and he already signed a lease for the new year so we can't. He just told me to think of it as she just stayed there a couple nights that's all, because from what he's saying she never contribute anything for that place. I'm a very jealous type to begin with so it's driving me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Sunshine, I think we're saying that we all know how you feel, but reality is reality and you can't change the fact that she lived there. Maybe you should not move in at all. Stay where you're at for the next year until his lease is up. After all, you don't have to accept his invitation to co-habitate. It may not be a bad idea to get a fresh start together. If you do move in, I hope he is more organized with paying bills, etc, than he is with throwing out his ex girlfriend of three years' crap. Could be a warning sign. My 2cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine2000 Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 the thing is is that i stay there all the time so we do want to be together and we do want to live together. He's very organized with bills and other stuff, but like i said the kitchen cabinets and under the sink in the bathroom was all this crap of hers and his too, so i don't think he has that there for a reason of a warning sign but just becasue it takes him forever to get up and clean...thanks for your response. i think i just to trust him, if he didn't care and would have wanted to get back to her (which i know for sure that will never happen) then he would have not asked me to move in in the first place. i guess i just need to chill. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Let's see...how to deal with debris of a prior relationship...it depends. Dried up bottle of nail polish: toss in trash. Sexy lingerie, photos and looping videos of sexual activity displayed in altar like formation at the foot of his bed: toss boyfriend in street. Link to post Share on other sites
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