Resentment

[Resentment]

I watched my wife's actions since the last post. It seems that after everything has calmed down a bit.

Her efforts of affection have slowed down.

 

I still feel hurt and think about our issues but not as much since d-day. We pray together at night about our issues.

 

She would push nightly prayers. That has even slowed down.

 

I brought it to her attention that her efforts seem lacking and that I am still hurting.

 

When d-day happened she would send me emails about how much she loved me. She would show affection in many ways.

 

Now since I am not outward complaining it almost seems like she has backed off the effort.

 

I have made corrections in my life as well.

 

Communication is way better, respecting her needs, thinking before I speak, physical touch, respecting her interests.

 

I complement her more and we have a lot more sex. I was addicted to Internet porn for a few years, which hurt our sex life.

 

I have come clean and told my wife everything. She needed to know because it was a major issue why our marriage was failing.

 

She thought I was looking at porn but could not prove it.

 

This was a form of adultery.

 

Tonight we have another session. I will post again

 

R

[jmargel]

Whether or not porn is a form of adultry, that's upto everyone's opinion. However if you are doing it excessivily and it's hurting the marriage, then steps need to be taken to allivate that.

[Resentment]

Well it has been about 4 months since d-day and 4 MC sesions.

The wife and I have been getting along very well. We are friends and lovers again!

 

Even though we are getting along great I still feel the sting of d-day every so often.

The morinings are the worst. and the drive to and from work.

 

This is where I have time to think.

 

The last 3 days have been hard for some reason.

 

I have been questioning the truth even after she passed the polygraph.

 

Why is my mind doing this? Why does it paint disturbing pictures in my head.

 

The last MC vist my wife said that she is starting to dislike goinging. She states that I embarrass her.

 

in front of the MC.

 

She hates when I quote her about things that she had said to me.

 

Example: She told me she had an intrest in the OM because he like to go out to bars.

 

When I told the MC her shallow statement I think she was ashamed of making it.

 

I would love to go out to bars and be reckless. But I have a Mortage, Car Payment, Kids

and everything else to support my family.

 

The OM told my wife so much BS about himself even the MC said what ever he said add 50% bs to what he told you.

 

I found myself reading other sites about how the polygraph is junk science. Why does the gov use it all the time!

 

I would like to hear other polygraph stories.

 

why am I doubting the test after she passed? with 98% no deception found.

 

 

 

R

[whichwayisup]

why am I doubting the test after she passed? with 98% no deception found.

 

Because your heart says one thing and your head says another. Conflict and pain right there.

 

I'm glad to hear that you both are having fun.

 

Just a suggestion, you said you would love to go out to a bar...I don't know your financial situation but one night out COULD make her see you in another light; having fun, flirting with eachother at the bar!!!

 

All the best.

 

WWIU

[jmargel]

Stop yourself from OVER ANALYZING things! You are NOT her therapist. You are her husband. She passed the polygraph, nothing else happened.

 

You are still insecure about alot of things, perhaps a private session with the counselor will be beneficial to you. Right now, you being insecure is NOT your wife's problem, it is yours. She is doing everything she can to get through this with you. If she wanted to be with that other guy, she would've been gone by now. Perhaps she thinks the MC is becoming just a 'bitch' session, so nothing productive will come of it.

 

Try a session by yourself, what you say to the MC, your wife will not know about.

 

Your mind is over-working itself regarding all of this. When you find yourself thinking about this, especially on the way to work & back, think positive thoughts about her. Your obession over this is going to hurt you both.

 

SHE IS WITH YOU BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE.

[Resentment]

J

 

You are a straight shooter and I like that about your posts.

It seems that you are very knowledgeable about relationships.

When I read your replies it lifts my sprits.

 

I watched Oprah last night it was about emotionally abused wives

I could see myself in some of the men that were on that stage.

But not as abusive. It is very sad.

 

How were you hurt? How log did your pain last?

 

 

r

[jmargel]

Thanks.. I've taken the pain I have endured and have tried to use it to benefit others.

 

As for me, my heartbreak came from an ex-fiancee. I was with her for 5 years, we spent literally every day together. I thought she was my soulmate. She came from an abusive mother, who didn't want anything to do with her, until she turned 21, which allowed her mom to take her out to the bars with her.

 

I was about 4 years older than her, and at 23 bought my house. She moved in, and things went downhill from there. She became verbally abusive, and I was walking on eggshells most of that time. It was I guess due to her depression she had, which was a result of her not coming to terms to everything she endured in her past. I became her emotional punching-bag. Back then, I had no clue how to deal with such things, so I just kept to myself. Many of nights she went to bed alone, while I stayed in another room, just so that I could keep the peace. I thought that's what was good for the relationship.

 

Needless to say, my now ex-best friend at the time was talking to her, telling her the things she wanted to hear, and before long she left me for him. I knew him for 15 years, even went into his burning house once to get his dog, and try to save him. I grew up with him. I'll never forget when it happened. The night before we all went out, and things just seemed weird. She blew me off to dance a slow dance with him. That's when I wanted to leave. The next morning in bed, she tells me she is leaving me, and has feelings for him. I wanted to throw her out the window.

 

So not only was there a betrayal of trust in her, but also in him. When she came and got her stuff, she actually took my 12 week old german shepherd puppy, and sold him to her mom's neighbor. She even sold my dog!

 

During the next month she put me on such a guilt trip. Everything was my fault. It wasn't until 3 months of no contact with her, that I finally realized that she was the abusive one. She wouldn't help me out fianically either, since she went to college & only worked part-time. It became my responsibility to make her happy.

 

During the next 3 years, I worked on myself, for I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes in how I communicated with her, but that wasn't any excuse for what she did to me. Last summer, she came over unexpectantly and apologized for everything she's done in the past. That she had this guilt and wanted forgiveness (btw, she married him & has a kid now to him). I told her it's in the past and we just need to move on. I met someone new then.

 

I got married in August, but the week before my ex emailed me trying to get me to reminince about the past and then said ''Well I guess it's bad to dwell on the past and what should have been". I didn't email her back. She now knows what she lost. I'm happy in my life and I hope she is as well.

 

Not only that though, during the past 3 years, my brother unexpectently was diagnosed with cancer. Thank god we found it when we did, the doctors said two more weeks, and he would've been gone. Thing is, he never got worried about him dying. When he first was diagnosed, all he said was "I'll beat it", like he could predict the future. He did beat it, and it's shown me to never take life or the one you are with for granted. You never know when you or your loved ones won't be around anymore. I learned to appreciate the little things in life. Two years ago I was in ICU for 4 days, in the hosp. for 8 days total. Bad blood clot which messed me up. That too has made me realize we have so much in life, which unfortunetly most of us just glance over. We are more concerned about what we don't have in life, rather than wanting what we do have.

 

As for the pain of my ex-fiancee, I still have issues today because of it. I can be pretty insecure at times, which gets on my wife's nerves, but she tolerates it. My counselor told me if I keep worrying about the 'bad' things in life, and the 'what if's', then in a sense I am going to drive my wife away and make them true. That I have to literally tell myself that I'm acting irrational when those stupid thoughts get into my head. It does work. The imagination can get pretty wild at times, and things we might think up would seem near to impossible for it to happen. Just like your wife having sex with that guy, it didn't happen. If you let it bother you to the point where you drive your wife away, then this other guys wins. You don't want that to happen.

 

Continue counseling, but like I said have a session by yourself. So then when she goes it may seem more constructive to her. She doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe her. But you both owe alot to the relationship you have with each other.