dazednveryconfused Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 So I've been with with the same girl for 11 years, married for 2.5. Over the years we've had some issues, and a lot of them came to light about a year ago, and we've been going to therapy since then. I suppose things have gotten better, but I feel less and less attracted to her. I think a lot of it has to do with our lifestyles, i'm very active I like being active outdoors, I train for powerlifting, and i'm always willing to try new things. I notice over time she has become less active to the point where she'll come home and sit on the couch and snack till she goes to sleep. It's not just a lack of physical attraction (she's gained weight), but she's overall lazy and very unwilling to try anything. We haven't had sex in probably at least a year, and I just don't feel happy. I keep thinking that maybe it's something I did, or maybe there something i can do? But I've tried to get her to become more active on weeknights/weekends, even found a softball group from some coworkers that we participated in, but she only lasted a couple times before she started to complain about some of the people there. I've tried to make other suggestions of stuff to do, but a lot of the time she says she's tired or that it's raining, or something sort of excuse (she calls them reasons) Does anyone have any suggestions? tia Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyWifey Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Sometimes people are just not willing to change no matter what you do. No sex in a year? I understand that there must be some serious issues there to need the help of a therapist but you need to ask yourself "how much of my life am I willing to sacrifice in the hope that she will change?" Only you can come to this conclusion but I would like to say that even one year of our lives are worth more than any amount of money. Life is precious and I would suspect that when our time on our death bed comes we would want to know that we had spent our life well. If she has issues then help sort them out and if she is unwilling to do so then spend your life with someone who will. No amount of feeling sorry for someone will change them. Only they can do that. You need to decide when enough is enough and only you can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 That is weird. If you've only really noticed this in the past year, that means that for the other 10 years she was active and outgoing and stuff - so for it to suddenly change would actually make me think that she may have some kind of illness that's new or has gotten into some kind of depression. I mean if she wasn't like this for those other 10 years, then something is causing this change. Did your therapist address that at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Sounds like depression. Lots of people are susceptible to depression, but are often doing things like eating well, excercising, and socializing, which mitigate the symptoms. However, as physical activity decreases, and poor eating habits increase, the symptoms of depression are exposed. The problem, is that the depression causes a downward spiral from that point, as it demotivates you further from the things that would likely mitigate the symptoms. This happens to a lot of people. Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Its pretty obvious she is depressed. It is insanely hard to get a depressed person motivated enough to lose weight. My oldest friend has been depressed for years and still has never come close to being motivated enough Link to post Share on other sites
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