iwanttolive Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Hi LS, I've been living with my fiance and his mom for 2 years. Unfortunately, I lost all respects for her in the course of time. I see her as a materialistic, money-face, selfish, blood sucker monster who squeezes her children dry. All her three children earn very little, which I blame her for not giving a damn about their education. Basically, she just did and provided the bare minimum for them while growing up. Now she demanded the best for them, unconcerned that my fiance and I are saving up for our marriage and starting a family. She bought the most expensive stuffs for herself - food, clothes, lingerie, travel - while her daughter (my fiance's sister) struggled to make ends meet. She did not buy anything for her daughter and instead passed her pathetic handdowns.. Part of the reasons I'm feeling this way is I'm comparing her to my own mom who is self-sacrificial and puts her children's needs before her own. My question is, is there anyway I could detach myself from her? I am close to driving a wooden stake through her heart while she's sleeping. Although she mostly leaves me alone, I just could not stand seeing her step all over her children when they respect her dearly. Our marital home will only be ready one year from now. How do I tolerate living with her until then without tearing her apart? Thanks, all tips and advice are greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Hi LS, I've been living with my fiance and his mom for 2 years. Unfortunately, I lost all respects for her in the course of time. I see her as a materialistic, money-face, selfish, blood sucker monster who squeezes her children dry. All her three children earn very little, which I blame her for not giving a damn about their education. Basically, she just did and provided the bare minimum for them while growing up. Now she demanded the best for them, unconcerned that my fiance and I are saving up for our marriage and starting a family. She bought the most expensive stuffs for herself - food, clothes, lingerie, travel - while her daughter (my fiance's sister) struggled to make ends meet. She did not buy anything for her daughter and instead passed her pathetic hand downs.. Part of the reasons I'm feeling this way is I'm comparing her to my own mom who is self-sacrificial and puts her children's needs before her own. My question is, is there anyway I could detach myself from her? I am close to driving a wooden stake through her heart while she's sleeping. Although she mostly leaves me alone, I just could not stand seeing her step all over her children when they respect her dearly. Our marital home will only be ready one year from now. How do I tolerate living with her until then without tearing her apart? Thanks, all tips and advice are greatly appreciated! you say she i snot giving but she is letting you and your fiancee live with her.....hmmmm.....you need to respect her no matter what you feel about her, she bought the fiancee you love into the world and i assume he is loving......be grateful for things look for them diligently....i respect parents because i know just like me they aint perfect.......when i stayed with my exes parents i did what i could to make her life easier better, i did not sleep with my partner in her house, slept in the same bed did not have sex especially because she gave up her bed for me to sleep in, she is old school and i respected her and the relationship she had with her son..and he respected her too....sign of a decent person........dont judge......and talking about driving a wooden stake through her heart, after she let you move in......not very nice you know....suck it up girl..be the woman who deserves respect too..you have a year to go ...you can decide to make it easy or hard..why should she have to be what you respect...what makes your different values more important than hers...you are living under her roof......because you give respect she will respect you..make it easy it will go quicker.or yoru option if you cannot show her th erespect she deserves.....to move out with yrou fiancee ....and battle with the extra financial strain......best wishes..deb Edited February 21, 2013 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 todreaminblue, thanks.. we pay her market rents.. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 todreaminblue, thanks.. we pay her market rents.. is there a reason why you are staying with the mother in law then break it down fro me...ill try and help you find reasons to like her....or at least give he respect if you cant like her..think of some things that she has done you though hey that was nice.... write them here.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 She bought the most expensive stuffs for herself - food, clothes, lingerie, travel - while her daughter (my fiance's sister) struggled to make ends meet. She did not buy anything for her daughter and instead passed her pathetic handdowns.. How is this any of your business at all? She's free to spend her money however she likes. Part of the reasons I'm feeling this way is I'm comparing her to my own mom who is self-sacrificial and puts her children's needs before her own. Not everyone is going to raise their children like your mom did. Comparing people to your mother is kind of unfair, and also pointless. My question is, is there anyway I could detach myself from her? Step number one, and the most important one, is to move out of her house. Since you are not able to do that yet, you're just going to have to deal with her personality traits that you don't like because you have no other choice if you're living under her roof. I am close to driving a wooden stake through her heart while she's sleeping. Although she mostly leaves me alone, I just could not stand seeing her step all over her children when they respect her dearly. This, again, seems like none of your business. There's nothing you can do to change the way she treats her children. The only people who have the power to change that are her own kids. I mean, you can be supportive of them, or whatever, but you walking around being angry at her on the behalf of others is futile. Stop that. And the last thing I want to add is that family dynamics can be really, really, ****ed up. I mean, really. It is best if you try your hardest not to get in the middle of that. Be supportive. Don't meddle. This isn't your fight. Stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 Todreaminblue.. My bf wanted me to move in because he figured it would be better for the rents to go to his mom than to some strangers.. CC12, thanks.. None of my business.. Hmm, yes and no. Yes because i see the same pattern being slapped on my fiance. She demanded thick monthly allowance to satisfy her lifestyle. My fiance earned less than me and is still repaying his study loan. As a result, i pay for most of our dates, holidays and the coming wedding expenses. Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Your boyfriend wanted to move in with his mother, you say he respects her dearly, and you say that she mostly leaves you alone. I don't really see what she's doing that is so bad? She raised her children to adulthood and now spends money on herself instead of giving all of her money to her children. That doesn't really make her a bad person. If you're upset that you're paying for most of your dates and wedding expenses, that's an issue to work out with your boyfriend, not his mother. It sounds like you're upset about your current financial situation and are hating on his mother for having more money than you. Since your boyfriend likes his mother and she mostly leaves you alone and you live with her, you really just need to try to be grateful for having a place to stay and don't dwell on what seem like jealous feelings... it's just a mindset that you have to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
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