What day of NC are you on, and how are you feeling

[EAP]

Day Four...

I feel so alone and I've wanted to go to the person I usually always talked to.. but I can't because that person is now my ex.

It's really difficult.

[NoLeafClover]

Now you had me looking how long it has been (I had totally lost count):

BU - 11 weeks + 3 days

NC - 10 weeks + 1 day = 71 days, 2.3 months

 

Never caved in the breadcrumbs she sent me asking if I ever loved her and missed her and never talked to her when she was calling me restricted multiple times.

Also saw her car drive by my house on the surveillance cameras in front of my house.

 

People please be strong. You can't let NC get into you. This is for yourself and not the other person. Face it the relationship is over and start to heal.

It will be rough but you will see better days with time I promise you.

Don't cave in the breadcrumbs either. Unless they make a true effort they want to reconcile don't give in.

 

Stay strong everyone.

[131313]

2 weeks of LC, two days of strict NC.... Still moving my stuff out. Feel like I am in a dream world, can't focus on anything.

I have to actively stop myself from obsessing or texting. But I'm making progress.

[bollixology]

Few days over the month for me now and I have to say for all those who are doubting NC it works!!!

 

I urge you all man, woman, child or animal......read the guides on the subject they are plentiful!!!!

 

The only thing that i will say on it and this is my own experience you must do it for you and you must stick to it......only pain lurks behind it not the fairy tail we all wish for!!!!

 

Good luck to you all!

[meeji]

Day 20 and I feel fine! I feel like I'm 90% over it. I don't think about him all day and whenever I do, I don't feel sad. I'm almost to the point of indifference at this point. I know that I am a catch and he can't see that, someone else will.

 

I am looking forward to my future and thinking that he did me a favor in being confused. I have to thank LS bc I'm sure I would be in a totally different mindset if I hadn't been keeping up with this forum.

 

I have gained all of my confidence back and I'm ready for what lies ahead.

[jagdude14]

I am on day 34 with no contact from me and no contact from her. She broke up with me prior to returning from home to school. Nothing was wrong. I treated her the best. I loved her so so much and the problem is I still do and she didn't treat me right however I am the one suffering. To be honest it hasn't gotten any better. I have to stay nc because I don't want to hurt myself talking to her and I am respecting what she asked. I do anything to get her back but to not hear a darn thing from her after treating her the best and she even admits that it just hurts so bad.

[Mr Reptile]

9 months of NC...

 

I don't have any panic nor am I depressed about it anymore. I'm happy, everyday actually, got enough friends and working out in the gym with one of them

Still have my weak moments but they only appears at night (not every night) when I'm alone and just sitting here wondering. I think I only miss A girlfriend, not my ex girlfriend.

 

My ex is a happy chapter in my life that I will never forget, she's so far my biggest love of my life, but it doesn't mean I won't find any bigger... I will, I know that.

 

I still actually wanna contact her and have a last talk about what went wrong and listen to her version, just to learn and improve from it.

But not within a certain time, definitely not when she have a boyfriend, but someday.

 

Keep improving yourselfs and don't forget that it will get better!

[Ruby Slippers]

Almost 2 months. I still think about him, but not nearly as much.

 

I'm moving along, doing OK - actually, overall better than I have in years.

 

I don't regret being with him, and I don't regret letting him go. We had an overwhelmingly positive influence on each other, and that's a good thing.

[SharkTooth]

Like 3 weeks for me. She hit me with a recipe request. I was 90% before that text then had a few bad moments. Snapped out of that and I'm maintaining course and speed. When she pops in to my head I think of a select couple of negatives and it gets me thru the lapse very quickly...on my way back to enjoying life!

[newsbug]

5 days.

 

I'm horrible, but I want to be better. I want to not think about him. But it's just so fresh and it was so unexpected. I had another coworker ask me today if we had set the wedding date yet. That hurts.

[Poptree]

It's been about a week. Not super hard but sometimes I really want to contact him, then I remember how much better I feel when I don't contact him vs. when I do.

[tvball11]

Day 21 for me... I used to wake up and hope to see a text or something and was getting that at first but nothing now. I come to not expect it...on the road to recovery and starting dating. Friends help, exercise, and the couple of dates weren't great but talking to new people and know I will find someone else who deserves my love and will reciprocate it back unlike she did towards the end.

[d0620]

BU for 1 week today. 3 days of NC and I wish I would have started NC from day 1 instead of making a fool of myself sending unanswered text messages and emails. He didn't deserve it and they don't deserve not one more minute of our depression, anger, sadness, doubt, etc. Every day, I take about 100 deep breaths to remind myself to keep moving, and remove the "if only I" syndrome.

 

At the end of the day, I keep telling myself "it's not me, it was you". My heart is heavy and my mind is full, but when I think about all that I have been through in my life. This too shall pass

 

I still think about him every morning and night, but when you truly are a good person and you love for real, you will hurt and that's what life is all about. Those who can't love will not live a fulfilling life. Feel sorry for them and not yourself. We will make it through this, even though the road is tough.

[Exitleft]

3 days today broke it after two earlier this week, my emotions fluctuate over it which is most frustrating but I look forward to moving past the one week mark and so on.

[Kaza]

Only been a couple of hours, but I'm determined to have NC and let him go and not hope he will come back.

 

I deserve someone who can make the decision to love me and be in a relationship.

[na49]

3+ months of NC and think about her every single f*cking day, dream of her every (most) nights... Unless you want to count my text telling her "We have nothing to talk about. Please leave me alone" which I sent before blocking her number as breaking NC of course.

 

I had a pretty good workout today, and felt good when I got home. Then I sat down to work on a paper and my mind has been wandering since. I had a conversation with her in my head where I was explaining why I blocked her, ignored her and don't want to be her friend. I was saying my answers out loud. (I'm not crazy. I swear!)

 

I admit, I have urges to break NC. I have urges to check her facebook. I won't act on these urges though. Every day has been a struggle since the BU. Some are easier than others, but it's a daily battle with my emotions and thoughts.

[Derpderpleton]

Day 11. I broke it the last time because she posted some status on fb that I thought was about me, she said it wasn't, and fed me some bs about how we're still friends. I work with her (luckily I haven't much since the break up), so full blown NC isn't really possible.

 

As for how I'm feeling, I'm more lonely and confused than anything else. There's still some sadness there, but it's gotten easier to deal with. I'm confused because this break up left me to ponder the question of "Who am I?". Everyone says that I've changed since the breakup, for the worst. I'm slowly trying to find my identity again, and it's hard since my only support here is family (pretty much all of my friends live out of town).

 

Just gotta take life as it comes, I guess. Hopefully one day I'll become a new and improved version of my old self and my ex will be kicking herself for letting me go, haha.

[Chloe1980]

Im 24 hours NC.

Im here all the time because its the only place I can talk about my feelings.

I'm feeling crappy right now, thinking on him 99% of the day. Couldn't block him on Facebook, so Im all the time checking on him, just because it give me some relief. I hope I can stop this behavior, hopefully it will diminish.

Very depressed, sad and hopeless.

[jagdude14]

While I am struggling myself as I posted earlier and reading a few posts on here I must say if you are having a tough time with Nc....

 

 

DO NOT GO ON their Facebook page. It is off limits. There is nothing and I mean nothing good going on there for you.

 

I have logged myself off Facebook the day I started no contact and I do not miss it.

 

I miss my ex like crazy. I'd do anything to get her back.

 

But that is crazy I am the one willing however she broke up with me and I treated her the best. She even said so herself. Wth

 

But stay off their Facebook !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[destroyed4sho]

7 weeks of NC...5 months BU. Ehh...feeling better then first 3-4 weeks....thinking about her less and less. The rose colored glasses are finally off!! YAYAY!....now I find myself thinking mostly about the bad times, - her yelling, lack of empathy, her belligerent behavior, selfishness, name calling, abuse, put downs etc.

I am getting more clarity. Starting to feel a tinge of relief that it is over, it was a lot of ups and downs. I feel that the relief is going to weigh in more than my broken heart at some point very soon. Her bad points are starting to seep in and overshadow the good qualities I thought she had.

 

But I still get these gnawing questions and an internal dialogue that won't just leave me alone!

 

• "how could she just do that?"
  
• why did she fall out of love??
  
• is she thinking about me? - no she is not, she is relieved and happy its over,
  
• what is it about me that made her fall out of love? - maybe it is was this..maybe it was that....
  
• will the next person I am serious about do the same to me?
  
• what did she tell her friends?? The usual lies/exaggerations...wonder what they think...i shouldn't care anyway
  
• When was the moment she fell out of love with me, was it 1 year ago, maybe more than a year ago?? Why didn't I see it?
  
• Did she leave me for someone else? Because that is how it usually happens...
  
• How could she just throw it all away?
  
• Why is it taking this long to heal?
  
• We could of had a future together.....
  

Maybe, I just need some closure...

[destroyed4sho]

Im 24 hours NC.

Im here all the time because its the only place I can talk about my feelings.

I'm feeling crappy right now, thinking on him 99% of the day. Couldn't block him on Facebook, so Im all the time checking on him, just because it give me some relief. I hope I can stop this behavior, hopefully it will diminish.

Very depressed, sad and hopeless.

 

The first 3-4 weeks are pretty intense.....just hang in there...and its ok to just cry it out, even if it is once as day, all day long. I thought that it will be like this forever....and no, the brain adjusts itself without asking for your approval. Its just the way it goes. I heard it takes 3 months of NC to heal on average...but may take longer if relationship was long.

You will get better, just keep reading about other peoples experiences on here and advice! It may help you with closure and speed things up a bit.

[jagdude14]

What I don't understand is how she just dropped me. I treated her the best and we had so so many great times. But it is like I don't matter anymore. Never heard from her post BU.

[brokenbeaten]

7 weeks of NC...5 months BU. Ehh...feeling better then first 3-4 weeks....thinking about her less and less. The rose colored glasses are finally off!! YAYAY!....now I find myself thinking mostly about the bad times, - her yelling, lack of empathy, her belligerent behavior, selfishness, name calling, abuse, put downs etc.

I am getting more clarity. Starting to feel a tinge of relief that it is over, it was a lot of ups and downs. I feel that the relief is going to weigh in more than my broken heart at some point very soon. Her bad points are starting to seep in and overshadow the good qualities I thought she had.

 

But I still get these gnawing questions and an internal dialogue that won't just leave me alone!

 

• "how could she just do that?"
  
• why did she fall out of love??
  
• is she thinking about me? - no she is not, she is relieved and happy its over,
  
• what is it about me that made her fall out of love? - maybe it is was this..maybe it was that....
  
• will the next person I am serious about do the same to me?
  
• what did she tell her friends?? The usual lies/exaggerations...wonder what they think...i shouldn't care anyway
  
• When was the moment she fell out of love with me, was it 1 year ago, maybe more than a year ago?? Why didn't I see it?
  
• Did she leave me for someone else? Because that is how it usually happens...
  
• How could she just throw it all away?
  
• Why is it taking this long to heal?
  
• We could of had a future together.....
  

Maybe, I just need some closure...

 

 

My situation is so similar. BU 5 months, went NC almost 2 months...started to do better, was mostly OK, still felt depressed late at nights or when I was hungry/tired/lonely...

 

then last week, several triggers reminded me of him (accidentally finding an album of pictures, his bday + email, etc etc)...and I fell off the wagon in a horrible way....massive depression...going through the same questions as you

- how could he just fall out of love? maybe now that things are little different, he'll give us another chance? maybe i should tell him that things are different (some of the issues we previously had have now been resolved) and maybe he'll reconsider? maybe i just need to see him one more time and he'll fall back in love with me? I needed closure....

 

so i saw him....and remembered exactly why I fell in love with him in the first place and it all came back...and he's been so nice to me throughout the BU, trying to be considerate of my feelings, telling me he feels bad etc, but still doesn't want me back...I went all the way back to day 0...emailed him for 3 days straight telling him how I can fix this or that and if he's thinking this, it's not true, if he's worried about that, I can fix that too....found articles that said that "feelings die" in 2 yrs and it's normal and natural and if only he'd hang on for a little longer, we'd get to a better stage...

 

yeesh...so not proud of myself. I think I just destroyed what could have been a respectable, amicable separation...now he probably thinks I'm a psycho...but each email was more and more positive - no begging or pleading (ok some, disguised as queries and potential scenarios)...just asking if he'd consider this or that...and letting him know that i appreciated his support, i was sad but trying hard to move on....

 

i don't think i regret sending those emails...I'm not at all ashamed of the fact that I still love him, but I do worry that he'll get annoyed. he's been so nice to me but he may be running out of patience with me b/c I may be holding him back from moving on...

 

I guess, having gone through that relapse, I'm now at the stage where I feel OK....I said EVERYTHING I could have said and yes, emailed him so its out there and he knows and I won't wonder "what if"....i don't really care what it does to his ego or how he see's me - he's already dumped me so what's there to lose? my stance is that my pride will recover, but I can't live with regrets...so meh.

 

The other thing that really helped was googling love and understanding what actually happens....understanding that love is a chemical reaction and what I'm experiencing is a combination of excess dopamine ("love" hormones) and excess seratonin ("attachment hormones") and these hormones do run out of our circulation systems eventually so I am guaranteed to heal from this.

 

Also, understanding the fact that my ex isn't a bad person at all and I wasn't wrong to have loved him. He is a great guy and was worthy of everything I had given him and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, knowing he'd break my heart one day. He let me go because he couldn't feel more for me and sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe and I don't understand how/why he couldn't love me when i loved him so intensely...but it still doesn't make him a bad person. You can't force feelings..

 

point is, it does get better, and then worse if you break NC and seek closure but its ok because you get better again....chemistry dictates that you will heal from the heartache fully whether you want to or not...so cheer up and look forward to it...its inching closer =)

[brokenbeaten]

I should mention - even though he was a great guy - we both had issues.

 

I was aware of the issues during the relationship and chose to accept them so I'm choosing not to dwell on them now. Sure he could have done things differently/better....but I chalk it up to him being human and imperfect. Had I done the breaking up, I'm sure he'd be able to think back to bad things about me...

 

I do get really negative thoughts sometimes - I wonder whether he left me for someone else, if he had never wanted me, whether he had known that he had wanted to break up for a long time and whether I could have fixed things if I had picked up on the signs earlier...

 

but then I decide that it doesn't matter. doesn't help to dwell on those things. When I chose to love him, I chose to trust him so I will trust that he meant what he said to me during the BU...and even if he didn't, it was to protect my feelings so I respect that.

 

forgiving him for breaking my heart, acknowledging that I did care for him immensely so its ok if it takes some time to heal and if i fall off the wagon a bit, accepting that it WILL get better and I WILL love again and even more intensely because now I know that I'm capable of it and it's wonderful - all of that helps!

[brokenbeaten]

What I don't understand is how she just dropped me. I treated her the best and we had so so many great times. But it is like I don't matter anymore. Never heard from her post BU.

 

she may just be trying to give you space to heal...she may realize that her contacting you would be more damaging for you - may lead you to hang on to hope, delay the recovery...it may not necessarily mean that you don't matter anymore...she just doesn't want to lead you on with false hope perhaps?