Gunny376 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Hell stays open all night long! From dawn to dawn! It never closes! Like a lot of bars I've been to known to frequent in Okinawa, Japan and the Phillippines! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FazedOut Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I'm embarrassed to say I was starting to believe men really had less feelings when it came to loving a woman (based in my situation only). Gunny, your description of loving a woman made me cry...and realize I was headed in the wrong direction mentally. I'm sorry you lost her, but I'm glad you talk about it. It helped me see that REAL, manly-men do care just us much as women (the ones with hearts, anyway) when it comes to real love. Maybe the ones who don't seem to care just hide it well (or are simply douche nozzles...male or female).lol Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 i care heaps maybe thats why i`m such a mess and she`s doing....whatever it is she is doing i don`t know. i`m always cared. i may not of always said the right thing at the the right time or vice versa but i meant no ill. thats hard for me to get my head round ghow she can just forget about me and just live like we never happened and i don`t exist anymore Then again, maybe this is just as hard for her but she`s being more level headed about it onward and upward , for now aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 I hear you aM... those same thoughts plague me... did 'us really lose all value to her... is life really so much easier for you without me... am I that disposable... I keep reminding myself when I have these thoughts - "Yeah - but what does that have to do with me?". It's such a challenge to move forward in to a life that we did not select - one we did not envision - and one we do not prefer. But like we always say - we move into it one day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 maybe we both are that disposible maybe they didn`t care as much as we did aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 Weekends are tough... too much time not enough motivation dragging these emotions around. Got out, ran some errands, dinner with a buddy, watched a movie at the apartment. Ebb and flow... Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 I hear you aM... those same thoughts plague me... did 'us really lose all value to her... is life really so much easier for you without me... am I that disposable... I keep reminding myself when I have these thoughts - "Yeah - but what does that have to do with me?". It's such a challenge to move forward in to a life that we did not select - one we did not envision - and one we do not prefer. But like we always say - we move into it one day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time. Xxxx totally hearing you had the flattest few days! I keep trying to stop giving my ex my head space! It's so hard! I'm seriously gotta try to focus on me..please let it work! Will start with an early morning walk, Monday a swim ... Gonna keep it simple, I can't dwell anymore .... I feel at a loss in every way, my kids are the only thing holding me together! Me time! Small simple steps .... Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 maybe we both are that disposible maybe they didn`t care as much as we did aM Disposable .... Not the case! they are gutless and unaware of who they are! I know 100% that If it was me who was unhappy in my marriage and considering an affair I would he dealt with my feelings and actions in a very different way... Even if the end result would have meant separation, I seriously would have done it and tried to maintain as much respect as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I agree with you Suzie - I would have entered into a discussion with STBX rather than into a new relationship. I suppose we feel cheated in the sense that we were the last to know and by the time we found out - they were already gone. WTF... right? I try to remind myself that their actions are a reflection of their character, not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Fazed Out Somewhere I read that in general it is the male that has a harder more difficult experience detaching from a loving relationship, even more so with a marriage, and even harder when kids are involved. TS75 Also note how Gunny speaks glowingly of the new Mrs. Gunny. Most of us eventually move on to better relationships. There is a light at the end of the tunnel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the encouragement 2.50 - as you may know from experience it's just enduring the thoughts and feelings that gets old. I do believe that things will eventually work out for the best and that I'll be okay. The struggle truly is in enduring through this process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 Question... they say that anger is a natural part of the grieving process. I do find (at times) a bitterness toward the STBX but don't know why I'm not 'angry'. Is this something that just comes with time or does effort need to be put in to 'get there'? Just feeling sick and tired of being down and feeling hurt all the time... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Question... they say that anger is a natural part of the grieving process. I do find (at times) a bitterness toward the STBX but don't know why I'm not 'angry'. Is this something that just comes with time or does effort need to be put in to 'get there'? Just feeling sick and tired of being down and feeling hurt all the time... The problem with people? Is they're ALL the same ~ yet they're ALL different? A paradox of sorts? Some people? Because of their family, cultural, sub-cultural, socialization, culturalization, religious upbringing parents, family ~ any and all kinds of different variables and reasons? Simply lack the capacity to experience anger? Or at least express it? Some people are like round blocks and readily fit into round holes ~ the considered 'norm' of the spectrum of humanity. Others? They're square blocks, others are triangular, others are octagonal, others are __________________ (fill in the blank) Hell some of us are just odd shaped as Hell and don't fit into any particular pattern? I've been divorced from the XHEX for over 23 damned years, and yet to this day? I still have some sort of epitome', revelation, etc. I wouldn't worry nor place to much emphasis on What your going through isn't so much a trip to a specific end-point ~ so much as it is a "journey" which involves a transition/metamorphosis/transitioning/reconciliation of who you once were, to who you currently are to who you are yet to become? It can difficult to 'wrap' that around your head ~ as its not a straight forward liner process. There will be days when you will move forward in your thinking and awareness, and then there will be days when you move backwards, and then there will be days when you do neither. There will good days, bad days, and there will be days when your "Give A Damn ~ Don't give a Damn" meter will go from full to empty to somewhere in between. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Question... they say that anger is a natural part of the grieving process. I do find (at times) a bitterness toward the STBX but don't know why I'm not 'angry'. Is this something that just comes with time or does effort need to be put in to 'get there'? Just feeling sick and tired of being down and feeling hurt all the time... I don't feel anger either, the only time I have is when I felt my ex has been selfish since he left around the kids. I'm so frustrated as I feel I was doing better emotionally few weeks back than I am now?? The past week I've not stopped crying at the slightest thing... I'd stopped walking, so this am if forced myself up and out for a walk, although I got in the car after and annoyingly cried form a thought that popped into my head, I do feel better and was making plans as I walked to make an effort to get myself out there and fit again. This is so true G and aim as much as possible to follow ...... I wouldn't worry nor place to much emphasis on What your going through isn't so much a trip to a specific end-point ~ so much as it is a "journey" which involves a transition/metamorphosis/transitioning/reconciliation of who you once were, to who you currently are to who you are yet to become? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Question... they say that anger is a natural part of the grieving process. I do find (at times) a bitterness toward the STBX but don't know why I'm not 'angry'. Is this something that just comes with time or does effort need to be put in to 'get there'? Just feeling sick and tired of being down and feeling hurt all the time... why do you feel the need to be `angry` at her Tails ? in bold is the more natural grieving process. and by with effort , do you mean put effort in to feel angry?? i know what you mean thou, sometimes i wish i could feel anger towards my... errr, i guess i should start calling her, my STBXW:(. would be a lot easier than the pain you know what they say, time heals all wounds chin up mate, it does get better aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I hear you Suzie - I too felt better in the recent pas than now. It's tough to 'understand' as I've said before, nothing about it 'feels' right. Gunny did have some encouraging words. It's amazing how much the sadness and the hurt just kills any motivation. I too have to force myself to my plans - too easy to think I can just bury my head in the sand. I didn't make it out of my 'P.J.'s' today (just one of those days I guess). Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Those days are needed but must be kept to a minimum! I am fortunate as I have my children full time and financial issues i have to drag myself up and out... Even if most days my brain hasn't followed. I'm thinking of simple little things I'd like to try, things for me and things to do with my kids... Stuff we wouldn't normally do, to avoid reminders, im gonna make the effort to do them, even if its just a few hours on the wknd. Small steps in the right direction! Trying to push those him thoughts out of my mind and push me thoughts forward.... It will be hard, but with practice will get easier. Don't allow tomorrow to be another pj day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I love the positive attitude and plans Suzie and I hear you on tomorrow - no PJ day for me! My inner voice remains positive but today has felt like a day of defeat - and one where I began questioning myself (bad combination I know). Thanks for the inspiration Suzie! Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I love the positive attitude and plans Suzie and I hear you on tomorrow - no PJ day for me! My inner voice remains positive but today has felt like a day of defeat - and one where I began questioning myself (bad combination I know). Thanks for the inspiration Suzie! I hate those days!!! I question myself a lot, my counsellor says I'm way too hard myself ....which I know I am. I'm off to work soon, with a sore head and eyes from crying lol .... Bloody mess! ill have a laugh there so all good.... Gonna check out eBay for a stand up paddle board new family wknd thing, I'll be in the water more than out Enjoy your pj free day onwards n upwards!! For this hour anyway :-)) Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 We've all been in the situation where a freind or family member came over on a lazy ~ dazy kind of day. Perhhaps you were feeling down, melechony ~ Hell like a sack of potatoes laying on the counch contriously and repeatedely flipping throiugh your 5000 channel cable / satelitte tv box. They come over and they're in a good mood, up-beat, bright eyed and bushy tale. "Hey! Come on! Let's go to ___________________(the club, the park, the zoo, the party, the coffee shop, the race, the game,...................... whatever. But you're having nothing of it! "Naw! I don't feel like it!" "Come on! Get up and get dressed ~ ready! We'll have a great time! We'll have a blast!" "Naw!I don't feel like it!" I don't whatnna'! You start making any and all kinds of lame-azz excuses. "No, really I don't want to! I've got to get some Q-tips and clean in between the ceiling tiles in the back bathroom! I've been putting it off for months!" This goes on for 10, 20, 30 mintues ~ maybe even an hour. But they're not buying it!! So just to get them to shut up? You go anyway, but begrundingly so! You bitch, moan and groan the whole time ~ all the way there. And guess what? You have the time of your Life!!!! This kinda-sorta happened to my DS29. "T" never went to any kind of school after he graduated from HS. He had a couple of hit and miss short lived careers, before getting a job with a 'power line' contractor working on the power lines. The power companies throw these guys enough work to keep them busy and in work throughout the year? But what they're really there for is for when the power companies need to call in the reserves ~ after tornados, hurricanes, a really bad-blow of a thunderstrom down here in the South. Something like "Sandy" hits? Its off they go! "T" started out as a basic groundsman/fetcher/all around laborer/grunt/gopher. He eventually worked his way up to working in tha' "bucket" doing actual work on the power lines and transformers once they figured out that he was dependable, reliabble, and smarter than your average rock? My SIL gets out of the Army ~ he's an ATC, "Air Traffic Controller". His plan was to go into the Army ~ do four years ~ guarnatted ATC, get four years or so experience, get his FAA ATC liscens ~ get out and go to work for the FAA as an ATC. He meets DD32 back about 10 years or so? Typical Boy meets AWESOME GIRL! (Sorry shameless Proud Papa 'plug!" ) They get married (Well actually first he got her 'pregno" and then got married ~ but I'm not suuppose to know that! Trouble is? I can do basic math? And know a thing or two about tha' human reproductive process?) Trouble with getting out of the Army as an ATC? The Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marine Corps, FAA? Just so happen to ALSO train ATC's! :eek: :eek: :eek: Infinite number of job applicants for a finite number of jobs ~ clearly a case of not thinking things through. (A bad habit I still have and am in a hurry and forget that the bank, gas station, Subway, Burger King, WalMart, ATM, highway system weren't built and in business for my own personal exclusive use! :mad: :mad: ) Even if you make it through the application/first interview/second interviw/third interview/ fourth interview/ National Security Background check/physical? And do get hired by the FAA? Your going to probally end up in some God forsaken place like "Eagle Puke Alaska , or Rattlesnake Gut, NM? Well the SIL made the cut! Not only that? He gets a job in sunny Tallahasse Fl, not more than hundred miles or so from where the DD is from! Great! Right! Nope! DD tells him ~ "Well you do what you have to do! You do what you feel like you have to do! You do what's right and best for you! But me and your son? We're going to be right here in Alabama, because I'm not leaving my Mama! (Giving proper credits where due? The XHEX was, has been, and is a really good mother to her/our children ~ she was a lousy, lying, two-timing, whoring, selfish, self-centered, narcisstic, insecure, ignorant, stupid..................... Sorry about that! Anywho? The SIL gets a job here there, and everywhere. He works as lost prevention agent at Sears snagging shop-lifter and preventing employee theft. Then he gets a job as a Security Officer at a Nuclear Power Plant, because he's former Army, has good credit, can pass the ENTAC (Basic National Security Clearance ~ Level 1) etc. These are more than your basic security guards that you see at the mall. They're dressed in flak jackets, helmets, carry loaded 9m pistols and M-16's 'full auto' He tells my DS29 ~ "Go out there and apply for a job! DS tells him ~ "Naw! I'm just an old grunt electical linesman! All I know about is going out after hurricanes and tornados and reparing people's power lines and restoring power to their homes and businesses! I don't know anything about Nuclear Power Plants! I never was in the Navy on a Nuclear powered sub or air craft carrier. I never went to school for anyting past HS! (Some people graduate Cum laude? Some graduate Suma Cum Laude? My DS? Hated school and academic work ~ he's more of the outdoorsman type ~ hands own kind of guy! He graduated from HS ~ "Thank Ya! Lordy! He's DAMNED smart ~ just not in an academic type way! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Anyho! Just to get "S" off his back after about nine months of constant and never ending baggering? "T" goes out and applies for a job? They hired him the same day! As a Nuclear Power Plant Operator "trainiee!" He ACTUALLY protested against them hiring him ~ "You DO know I'm only a high school graduate! I've never been in the military! On a submarine or nuclear powered Air Craft carrier, never went to trade school ~ all I know is what I've learned working on power lines, transmitters, power stations, working construction, repariing pumps, water compression, gas lines, weilding, AC/DC motors, re-building motors, transmissions, how to read blueprints, high voltage lines? He makes $35 and hour! They told him ~ "You know about HIGH VOLTAGE, POWER GRIDS, ELECTRICAL POWER SYSTEMS! They don't teach that at Auburn University (The Mass of Instituate of the South ~ many astronauts graduated from Auburn) What you don't know? We'll teach you! We have classes, seminars, etc every week! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 This gets back to what Stephen Hawkins has said. (Proper Respects to my English Brothers and Sisters across the "Pond" (The Atlantic) that set me straight as to where the quote came from here!) In and with any human endevor? Its very much a question of? E = r In which "E" represents a tremendous investment of 1. Time 2. Effort 3. Energy (metal, emotional, pyschological, financial, etc) which yields no or negilable reusults! But with given "time" patience, self confidence, self assurance, self awarness, self validation, The equation 'reverses" itself? In which e = R in which little energy yields great RESULTS (Are you listening and leanring here Jenny?). Its judo, kindo, kunfu, karate, the Eastern arts. The great "E" ~ aka as "Effort which yields little or no results? Becomes the little 'e" in which little effort results in great RESULTS! Its the compression of self awarness ~ less is more! The awarmess of ha the 'less said? Is the best said!" Of self validating? Not wanting ~ nor needing the validation of others. But the confrimation of...................... Well me and Mrs Gunny? I don't want her because I need her! Hell there's a vagina and a gal on every street corner! I want and need her because she's who as I say to her all the time! "If YOU weren't the person the good Lord Made you! And your Mama and Daddy raised you to be? I wouldn't have you! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Anyho! Just to get "S" off his back after about nine months of constant and never ending baggering? "T" goes out and applies for a job? They hired him the same day! As a Nuclear Power Plant Operator "trainiee!" He ACTUALLY protested against them hiring him ~ "You DO know I'm only a high school graduate! I've never been in the military! On a submarine or nuclear powered Air Craft carrier, never went to trade school ~ all I know is what I've learned working on power lines, transmitters, power stations, working construction, repariing pumps, water compression, gas lines, weilding, AC/DC motors, re-building motors, transmissions, how to read blueprints, high voltage lines? He makes $35 and hour! They told him ~ "You know about HIGH VOLTAGE, POWER GRIDS, ELECTRICAL POWER SYSTEMS! They don't teach that at Auburn University (The Mass of Instituate of the South ~ many astronauts graduated from Auburn) What you don't know? We'll teach you! We have classes, seminars, etc every week! Sorry, I've the "Curse of the beast" upon me, 666 Six days a week, six to to six ~ twelve hours a day! My point in all of this? Was to say simply this ~ sorry I had to draw it out! "Action most often precedes emotions! You've got to get you sorry azz out there to doing it, before you "feel" like doing it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) I hear you Gunny - there haven't been many times where I've felt like going out - but when I did I generally felt good for having gone (if nothing else just to get out). This crawling in my skin, moving though life without skin at times, the weight of 'this burden', the forging ahead into a life I did not choose is an amazing challenge. The suffering and the agony of being blindsided by divorce is an incredible human experience (in the sense that no other experience is quite like this and it's such a stark contrast to any positive experience and one that many will experience for themselves). Thinking about things one doesn't want to think about - the need to make decisions that one doesn't want to make - and the necessity of not burying one's head in the sand when that's all we want to do. Having a good method, tactic, technique for getting through this is essential - but it doesn't take away the thoughts or feelings. I can be composed when posting, journalling, or taking it out with others - but cannot escape the times when I'm under its weight. Those first 6 weeks were the most challenging times of my life - and while it's no picnic now, it's a far cry better now than it was then. That initial period was about true survival where now it's a matter of endurance. I keep the faith that things will get better - that a time will come when I don't move through life as if I have no skin. Until then - I do continue to grieve - wrestle with 'wants' that my mind does not want to want - push myself to 'do' and get out there - vent and purge these thoughts and emotions... Edited March 17, 2013 by TailSpin75 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TailSpin75 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Much better day today than yesterday! Got out and played racquetball this afternoon - when home, showered, and quick turned to a buddy's house who was having people over. Good time tonight! I (of course) didn't 'want' to go out but I got out and I'm happy I did! Thought the 'feelings' were going to get the best of me a few times but managed to stay in control - victory today... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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