Sexy Christian lady! ;)

[BetheButterfly]

"Hey sexy lady!" is such a fun quote from the awesome "Gangnam Style" song by PSY! While listening to it, I was thinking about how important it is for me to be a sexy lady for my husband: a sexy Christian lady.

 

Due to the stuffiness in church history, that sounds like an oxymoron: putting "sexy" and "Christian" together. However, the guidelines God has for sex are not to dampen one's sexiness or sex drive, but rather to protect His children from getting hurt spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

 

Just like sports have rules/guidelines for each specific game (such as soccer has rules and basketball has rules) so for the "game" of a Christian marriage, rules and guidelines are given. Now, some people don't like the rules in games very much. I wonder if soccer players who tend to get the red penalty card a lot don't like the rules? In marriage, there are people who seem to not like the rules too.

 

Anyways, I personally do not think the rules/guidelines for Christians concerning sex mean that Christian ladies can't be sexy!!! Rather, I believe it's very important for Christian ladies to be sexy for their husbands, to treasure the delicious gift of sex with their mates, and to be, as the singer Lil Flip says in "Sunshine" - "A lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets." [with only one's husband!]

 

What do you think? What is "sexy" to you and how do you think Christians can be sexy (both ladies and men)?

 

Also, do you think the book of the Song of Solomon is sexy? When I read it at first, I thought it was very culturally different!!! However, after studying it through a series by Tommy Nelson, I got to understand the Hebrew culture of that time period and see how sexy the romance in that manuscript is, and how I would like to model that romance and sexiness in my relationship with my hubby!!!

 

As for all the Christian ladies on this forum, what do you think about being a sexy Christian lady? How do you keep your sexiness and honor God with your body?

[pie2]

...do you think the book of the Song of Solomon is sexy?

 

Umm...yes! Are we really sure it's meant to be in the bible ?

 

In addition to our physical bodies, I think attitudes can also be sexy. Like being respectful and encouraging.

[TheFinalWord]

As for all the Christian ladies on this forum, what do you think about being a sexy Christian lady? How do you keep your sexiness and honor God with your body?

 

Are bros allowed to answer?

 

I think modesty is attractive in a woman.

 

Pretty interesting survey:

 

Modesty Survey :: Main

[pie2]

Modesty Survey :: Main

 

This is so interesting!

 

Thankfully, my lip gloss is safe, lol . I may have to get rid of my shirt with a neckline down to the belly button though.

 

(j/k ;))

[todreaminblue]

"Hey sexy lady!" is such a fun quote from the awesome "Gangnam Style" song by PSY! While listening to it, I was thinking about how important it is for me to be a sexy lady for my husband: a sexy Christian lady.

 

Due to the stuffiness in church history, that sounds like an oxymoron: putting "sexy" and "Christian" together. However, the guidelines God has for sex are not to dampen one's sexiness or sex drive, but rather to protect His children from getting hurt spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

 

Just like sports have rules/guidelines for each specific game (such as soccer has rules and basketball has rules) so for the "game" of a Christian marriage, rules and guidelines are given. Now, some people don't like the rules in games very much. I wonder if soccer players who tend to get the red penalty card a lot don't like the rules? In marriage, there are people who seem to not like the rules too.

 

Anyways, I personally do not think the rules/guidelines for Christians concerning sex mean that Christian ladies can't be sexy!!! Rather, I believe it's very important for Christian ladies to be sexy for their husbands, to treasure the delicious gift of sex with their mates, and to be, as the singer Lil Flip says in "Sunshine" - "A lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets." [with only one's husband!]

 

What do you think? What is "sexy" to you and how do you think Christians can be sexy (both ladies and men)?

 

Also, do you think the book of the Song of Solomon is sexy? When I read it at first, I thought it was very culturally different!!! However, after studying it through a series by Tommy Nelson, I got to understand the Hebrew culture of that time period and see how sexy the romance in that manuscript is, and how I would like to model that romance and sexiness in my relationship with my hubby!!!

 

As for all the Christian ladies on this forum, what do you think about being a sexy Christian lady? How do you keep your sexiness and honor God with your body?

 

 

im voluntarily celibate have been for years...i am single so....its hard for me ....i was in a fifteen year relationship engaged for about seven of them.......i was highly sexual ......the relationship was a mutually sexual very active one... it ended..........fortunately because the trust was gone on my side......he was also sexual with others.......

 

 

i think sexuality is important in a marriage...i was as if married several years ago and i was an inventive lover in that relationship....sex to me is a show of love and i like it to be mutual and have mutual attraction there..otherwise that would suck.

 

 

 

sex is like dancing to me, its how i express the love in where i am or who i am with or what i am doing that to me is passion.....i put who i am into it.......so ......when we broke up it was the end for me i had two attempts at dating and my heart wasnt in it so i stopped i was actually really broken...messed up more than usual.......and right now i keep my sexuality in check ...actually chained it down ...and horse whipped it a bit...i am not able to express it outside of a committed relationship so yes, i believe in keeping it sexy for your husband then it is a wonderful expression of that love.

 

 

 

to share to bond and to show love......the song annoys me when it has sexy lady in it....because my fourteen year old sings i t...i prefer she didnt ...every time i hear it...i think of that.....i also think of how many guys have called me sexy...hot .......sex on legs and made disgusting noises, that i have had to ignore.....the song with that sexy lady in it....is a way guys can make fun and light of sexual harrasment that women have to ignore......and the fact the tonal quality of i t(close your eyes and listen to the lyrics....) of it listen to how it is sung it is in a louder voice...........i prefer the clean version...love the goofy dance it appeals to the goof in me...especially when a toddler i know did it...so keeeeewt luv him....lol.then it rocks...other wise ....it sucks....smilin...hugs to ya...deb

Edited February 22, 2013 by todreaminblue

[BetheButterfly]

im voluntarily celibate have been for years...i am single so....its hard for me ....i was in a fifteen year relationship engaged for about seven of them.......i was highly sexual ......the relationship was a mutually sexual very active one... it ended..........fortunately because the trust was gone on my side......he was also sexual with others.......

 

I am sorry for the part boldened above. It is always a choice... a choice to be faithful to one's loved one, or to be unfaithful. I am sad that he made the choice to be unfaithful.

 

i think sexuality is important in a marriage...i was as if married several years ago and i was an inventive lover in that relationship....sex to me is a show of love and i like it to be mutual and have mutual attraction there..otherwise that would suck.

Agreed!!! Pastor Fidel, one of the pastors at my church, said that marriage is the only relationship where sex is involved. I believe that's true, because with my relationships with my other friends, we do not have sex. With my relationships with my other family members, we do not have sex. With my relationships in work and school, we do not have sex. The only relationship that sex is included is with my husband, and that's why sexuality is so important in marriage!!! It's what sets marriage apart from other relationships!

 

 

sex is like dancing to me, its how i express the love in where i am or who i am with or what i am doing that to me is passion.....i put who i am into it

That is so beautiful:love:

.......so ......when we broke up it was the end for me i had two attempts at dating and my heart wasnt in it so i stopped i was actually really broken...messed up more than usual.......and right now i keep my sexuality in check ...actually chained it down ...and horse whipped it a bit..

I am so sorry. It is so important for relationships of any kind to be healthy and truly loving, because otherwise people get hurt.

 

.i am not able to express it outside of a committed relationship so yes,

I am praying that God will bring you together with a wonderful man!!! Do you think you are healing and ready for a committed relationship?

i believe in keeping it sexy for your husband then it is a wonderful expression of that love.

to share to bond and to show love......

100% agreed!!!

 

the song annoys me when it has sexy lady in it....because my fourteen year old sings i t...i prefer she didnt ...every time i hear it...i think of that.....

Oh yeah I see how that is an issue. I think she just sings it though cause it's so catchy! How I learned about the song was from a teen that I used to teach writing about it on facebook.

 

i also think of how many guys have called me sexy...hot .......sex on legs and made disgusting noises, that i have had to ignore.....the song with that sexy lady in it....is a way guys can make fun and light of sexual harrasment that women have to ignore......and the fact the tonal quality of i t(close your eyes and listen to the lyrics....) of it listen to how it is sung it is in a louder voice...........

Oh yeah I understand how that is sexual harassment and I wouldn't appreciate that either. I have a problem with the word "Sweetie" because when I go walking alone, some guys always call out "Sweetie" and ask me if I want a ride. I don't like to walk alone anymore because of that. When I am with my husband, guys don't say things like that. It does make me sad that it seems I get more respect when I am with my husband than when I am alone. I don't think it should be that way. I don't know why some guys think they can disrespect strangers and leer at them. This has also happened when walking with other girlfriends. While many times we like to joke about it, it is annoying. One of my good friends likes to make fun of older guys who try to pick her up.

i prefer the clean version...love the goofy dance it appeals to the goof in me...especially when a toddler i know did it...so keeeeewt luv him....lol.then it rocks...other wise ....it sucks....smilin...hugs to ya...deb

I love the goofy dance too!! Aww to the toddler dancing!!! Hugs!!!

[BetheButterfly]

Are bros allowed to answer?

 

I think modesty is attractive in a woman.

 

Pretty interesting survey:

 

Modesty Survey :: Main

 

Sure bros are allowed to answer!!!

 

That is interesting. My husband did not really even think about modesty till he met me. I think that's a cultural difference though, because he grew up going to the beach in Ecuador and modesty was not usually there on the beach.

 

I think one can be beautiful and sexy while being modest. Also, I think there's a place for modesty and a place to not be For example, it is important to be modest outside the home, but inside the home and in private, it is just fine to be immodest!

 

My husband loves lingerie and I do too, but that is for our private life, not for going out in public.

[RealLove]

My husband loves lingerie and I do too, but that is for our private life, not for going out in public.

Did you tell anyone else

[pureinheart]

"Hey sexy lady!" is such a fun quote from the awesome "Gangnam Style" song by PSY! While listening to it, I was thinking about how important it is for me to be a sexy lady for my husband: a sexy Christian lady.

 

Due to the stuffiness in church history, that sounds like an oxymoron: putting "sexy" and "Christian" together. However, the guidelines God has for sex are not to dampen one's sexiness or sex drive, but rather to protect His children from getting hurt spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

 

Just like sports have rules/guidelines for each specific game (such as soccer has rules and basketball has rules) so for the "game" of a Christian marriage, rules and guidelines are given. Now, some people don't like the rules in games very much. I wonder if soccer players who tend to get the red penalty card a lot don't like the rules? In marriage, there are people who seem to not like the rules too.

 

Anyways, I personally do not think the rules/guidelines for Christians concerning sex mean that Christian ladies can't be sexy!!! Rather, I believe it's very important for Christian ladies to be sexy for their husbands, to treasure the delicious gift of sex with their mates, and to be, as the singer Lil Flip says in "Sunshine" - "A lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets." [with only one's husband!]

 

What do you think? What is "sexy" to you and how do you think Christians can be sexy (both ladies and men)?

 

Also, do you think the book of the Song of Solomon is sexy? When I read it at first, I thought it was very culturally different!!! However, after studying it through a series by Tommy Nelson, I got to understand the Hebrew culture of that time period and see how sexy the romance in that manuscript is, and how I would like to model that romance and sexiness in my relationship with my hubby!!!

 

As for all the Christian ladies on this forum, what do you think about being a sexy Christian lady? How do you keep your sexiness and honor God with your body?

 

You are SOOOOOO funny! As far as the "sexiness" I'm working on it GF. God said He'd restore me and it's a slow process:laugh:

 

I think one can be sexy and still have good taste. You know what is really sexy (at least have been told this by many men), is to leave a lot to the imagination (hope that sounds right).

 

I watch what I wear. The thing that looks the sexiest on me is a white cotton long sleeved shirt, rounded neck, with baby blue jeans and white Reebok tennis shoes...that's my idea of sexy

 

You know, when it's the right person, a pair of jeans and a turtleneck can be a sexy outfit, no?

Edited February 23, 2013 by pureinheart

[pureinheart]

Umm...yes! Are we really sure it's meant to be in the bible ?

 

In addition to our physical bodies, I think attitudes can also be sexy. Like being respectful and encouraging.

 

How a person carries themselves should be what is looked at first- but it usually isn't

[pie2]

My husband did not really even think about modesty till he met me. I think that's a cultural difference though, because he grew up going to the beach in Ecuador and modesty was not usually there on the beach.

 

'Modesty' is so cultural. I saw this movie called The Emerald Forest (based on a true story), and in it the tribal women of the forest are usually clothed in virtually nothing. There ends up being a time when they have to join a prostitution ring, and are forced to wear tube tops and mini skirts. The women find wearing these clothes so degrading and immodest, they eventually rip them off in disgust. They re-affirm their control by running away, and asserting their right to be nude.

 

I know that nudity is obviously viewed much differently in the Christian community . I have to say though, that I was genuinely surprised by some of the responses on the Modesty Survey! Some Christian communities around the world do not view make up, pants or jewelry for women so liberally . I would be curious to see how the survey results change around the world.

 

Ultimately, I think it comes down to whatever works for each individual couple

Edited February 23, 2013 by pie2

[todreaminblue]

I am sorry for the part boldened above. It is always a choice... a choice to be faithful to one's loved one, or to be unfaithful. I am sad that he made the choice to be unfaithful.

 

Agreed!!! Pastor Fidel, one of the pastors at my church, said that marriage is the only relationship where sex is involved. I believe that's true, because with my relationships with my other friends, we do not have sex. With my relationships with my other family members, we do not have sex. With my relationships in work and school, we do not have sex. The only relationship that sex is included is with my husband, and that's why sexuality is so important in marriage!!! It's what sets marriage apart from other relationships!

 

 

That is so beautiful:love:

I am so sorry. It is so important for relationships of any kind to be healthy and truly loving, because otherwise people get hurt.

 

I am praying that God will bring you together with a wonderful man!!! Do you think you are healing and ready for a committed relationship?

100% agreed!!!

 

Oh yeah I see how that is an issue. I think she just sings it though cause it's so catchy! How I learned about the song was from a teen that I used to teach writing about it on facebook.

 

Oh yeah I understand how that is sexual harassment and I wouldn't appreciate that either. I have a problem with the word "Sweetie" because when I go walking alone, some guys always call out "Sweetie" and ask me if I want a ride. I don't like to walk alone anymore because of that. When I am with my husband, guys don't say things like that. It does make me sad that it seems I get more respect when I am with my husband than when I am alone. I don't think it should be that way. I don't know why some guys think they can disrespect strangers and leer at them. This has also happened when walking with other girlfriends. While many times we like to joke about it, it is annoying. One of my good friends likes to make fun of older guys who try to pick her up.

I love the goofy dance too!! Aww to the toddler dancing!!! Hugs!!!

 

 

I think i am healed as much as i will ever be healed, everyone has their issues, i have faith that i am who i am fro a reason that me having the issues i have has a purpose and for the most part i am able to help others because of them so i accept them and my life is not defined by them

 

 

i am ready for a committed relationship, and even though i have see sawed a bit about this due to my issues and history, i know that i would make a loyal and loving partner adn i want the same returned...drug and alcohol free environment......with a loving and loyal man.....its not too much to ask considering what i have to give....so you never know be the butterfly....one day......huge hugs to you....always love your posts, you are an inspiring lady.....deb

[BetheButterfly]

I think i am healed as much as i will ever be healed, everyone has their issues, i have faith that i am who i am fro a reason that me having the issues i have has a purpose and for the most part i am able to help others because of them so i accept them and my life is not defined by them

 

 

i am ready for a committed relationship, and even though i have see sawed a bit about this due to my issues and history, i know that i would make a loyal and loving partner adn i want the same returned...drug and alcohol free environment......with a loving and loyal man.....its not too much to ask considering what i have to give....so you never know be the butterfly....one day......huge hugs to you....always love your posts, you are an inspiring lady.....deb

 

God has gifted you with beautiful artistry with words and I love reading your posts too. You are inspiring to me. I am praying for you and wish that you were never hurt in the first place, but I am so glad that you have healed and yes you're right, you can and do help others and have empathy and love and understanding for those who have been hurt too. That's so important: empathy and love and understanding

[BetheButterfly]

'Modesty' is so cultural. I saw this movie called The Emerald Forest (based on a true story), and in it the tribal women of the forest are usually clothed in virtually nothing. There ends up being a time when they have to join a prostitution ring, and are forced to wear tube tops and mini skirts. The women find wearing these clothes so degrading and immodest, they eventually rip them off in disgust. They re-affirm their control by running away, and asserting their right to be nude.

 

I know that nudity is obviously viewed much differently in the Christian community . I have to say though, that I was genuinely surprised by some of the responses on the Modesty Survey! Some Christian communities around the world do not view make up, pants or jewelry for women so liberally . I would be curious to see how the survey results change around the world.

 

Ultimately, I think it comes down to whatever works for each individual couple

 

 

So true!!!

 

Yeah some things are surprising. I personally don't see the problem at all with makeup, pants, or jewelry, except for if a person feels they have to have those things in order to be beautiful and sexy, cause one can be sexy without those things too!

[TheFinalWord]

So true!!!

 

Yeah some things are surprising. I personally don't see the problem at all with makeup, pants, or jewelry, except for if a person feels they have to have those things in order to be beautiful and sexy, cause one can be sexy without those things too!

 

Which ones in particular are you guys referring too? I'm curious now I'm looking at "Jeans are generally immodest" and 76% strongly disagree/disagree. Nearly 10% are neutral, so you have a small segment saying they agree. But I think that is extreme and a minority. Seems about right to me. Skin tight jeans, is higher, but I can see why most say that. The main thing they ask everyone to take away is not what is right or wrong, but among Christian men what are stumbling blocks to them. Certainly not to condemn, but you have to judge based on your conscience. And women in general, may not realize how visual men are And I agree, if you are married if you are both in agreement, than that is probably a good filter. Heck, even for guys, I am very cautious at the gym. I have big arms (19" biceps, not fat ) but I am very careful not to wear cut off shirts b/c I don't want to be a stumbling block, don't want to be thought of as just a piece of meat, and I feel my body is only for future wife. But that is my conviction. I personally like the old days when men went to gym on Mon, Wed, Fri and women went on Tues, Thur, Sat. But I realize that isn't a popular business model.

 

I think it is cultural, to an extent. Adam and Eve were naked and God clothed them, so I think there is at least that foundation? TBH I have rarely heard a preacher talk about modesty, but I think it would be edifying. I have seen girls in church wearing some really skimpy outfits. Thinking to myself, if you were my daughter you wouldn't leave my house looking like that I'm sure it's sensitive topic (and not to pick on women, men have areas they need convicted too), but it should be discussed more.

 

PS: Bethe if I am derailing your thread, please let me know Now I am curious haha

Edited February 23, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[pie2]

Which ones in particular are you guys referring too?...women in general, may not realize how visual men are .

 

Oh, I found lots of surprising information.

 

The survey said that the majority agree that a one-piece swimsuit is modest. They also said that skirts that go above the knee are immodest (there was a separate "mini-skirt" category...I'm not sure what "above the knee" actually means). It's hard to understand how a guy can see a girl in a one-piece swimsuit and think that that is more modest than a girl in a skirt (who will obviously be more covered than if she were wearing a swimsuit). Being a girl, I guess I have a hard time understanding.

 

Another example was that a girl can sit cross-legged and not be a stumbling block to other guys, but if she adjusts her bra strap (under her shirt), she would be...?

 

It makes me wonder how much the guy's mindset is playing in to what is considered sexual and what isn't, rather than what the girl is actually doing/wearing. And this goes back to the fact that modesty is very culturally driven.

 

There was a time that a one-piece swimsuit was considered immodest, and now, in N. America, it's perfectly acceptable (for most people). Over time, what else will change among Christian communities as society pushes the limits of what is "acceptable"? And how far will it go, I wonder?

 

Like at church, if all the women were wearing halter-top shirts and short cut-off shorts, would it just be normal, and guys wouldn't think twice about it?

[TheFinalWord]

Oh, I found lots of surprising information.

 

The survey said that the majority agree that a one-piece swimsuit is modest. They also said that skirts that go above the knee are immodest (there was a separate "mini-skirt" category...I'm not sure what "above the knee" actually means). It's hard to understand how a guy can see a girl in a one-piece swimsuit and think that that is more modest than a girl in a skirt (who will obviously be more covered than if she were wearing a swimsuit). Being a girl, I guess I have a hard time understanding.

 

Another example was that a girl can sit cross-legged and not be a stumbling block to other guys, but if she adjusts her bra strap (under her shirt), she would be...?

 

 

Great points!

 

With the swimsuit one, I think you are right that some of those questions needs teased out a bit. A lot of guys were saying...

 

"In a pool, yes. But then after they go swimming they think that means they can just walk around in it all day. WRONG."

 

"Overall, I agree, but I have seen some very revealing one piece suits."

 

I think the one about bra straps might be more a way of saying "bad form" based on the text responses...

 

"This isn't a stumbling block for me, but I consider it to be in bad taste. Adjusting ones underwear (whether one is male or female) is best done in a bathroom or in private."

 

Most responses seem to line up with that...they do not see it as sexual as much as just tacky

 

It makes me wonder how much the guy's mindset is playing in to what is considered sexual and what isn't, rather than what the girl is actually doing/wearing. And this goes back to the fact that modesty is very culturally driven.

 

There was a time that a one-piece swimsuit was considered immodest, and now, in N. America, it's perfectly acceptable (for most people). Over time, what else will change among Christian communities as society pushes the limits of what is "acceptable"? And how far will it go, I wonder?

 

Like at church, if all the women were wearing halter-top shirts and short cut-off shorts, would it just be normal, and guys wouldn't think twice about it?

 

Yeah I agree that culture drives it. But should culture dictate what is appropriate attire for Christians? And how much of "cultural standards" are desensitization to godly standards? Good questions to think about.

 

I actually do see a lot of girls wearing those kind of outfits in church. To me, it's crazy. But hey, maybe I'm oldschool

 

And I see the other side too, that women are not to blame because men cannot control their minds. So there has to be a careful line between helping fellow brothers and blaming women for men's lack of control. I read a book with my youth group years ago called "every young man's battle" about men and porn and how to break it from a Christian perspective. There is a major problem with porn in churches today, and it is kind of an un-discussed issue b/c Christian guys are supposed to be above it. Which is really a shame because church should be the one place where you can be yourself and share your struggles. But I digress, that is a whole other topic.

 

The technique described in the book was called "starving the sumo", where men basically increase their sex drive by feeding their mind with it with a constant stream of porn. That natural drive is healthy in a marriage, but can become damaging and desensitizing to single men. They also let their eyes go and if a woman is dressed scantily, he will indulge, visually. It basically, ingrains the reward path system in the brain. It can get to a point where a man can essentially undress a woman in his mind and it is not really even controllable. So one thing I think would be interesting is to be able to compare results of these surveys with how many of these guys watch porn and if so, the amount/type of porn these guys watch. Then we might be able to get to the heart of the entire issue.

 

For women, I think it is a matter of conscience. I definitely do not support everyone wearing burkah's And I do not support men blaming women for their weaknesses (to me women's immodesty is an issue of their heart they need to work out; but also should consider 1 Cor. 8, to not become a stumbling block to the weak). I do think modesty should be taught more for their benefit, and to support their brothers, but also men need to be taught their end too. For me, I do not rely on anyone's conscience. I have just trained myself to "bounce" my eyes. It is a method discussed in the book. Basically the author was a major player in college, came to the Lord, and decided he was not going to be mastered by his flesh any longer. Good book for teen guys. He talked about this girl that ran everyday in sports bra and tight spandex type shorts, and he would stare at her as he drove by. With this technique, he basically would bounce his eyes away as soon as he noticed her (Job 31:1). Sounds silly, but it works. He would use this technique for any attractive woman, and overtime he only needed it when he saw a woman that dressed immodestly. He basically "de-conditioned" his mind to not be so sex-focused. I think that is really the key for men, rather than to just say "oh I can't help it b/c of women's dress".

 

Edited February 24, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[todreaminblue]

Great points!

 

With the swimsuit one, I think you are right that some of those questions needs teased out a bit. A lot of guys were saying...

 

"In a pool, yes. But then after they go swimming they think that means they can just walk around in it all day. WRONG."

 

"Overall, I agree, but I have seen some very revealing one piece suits."

 

I think the one about bra straps might be more a way of saying "bad form" based on the text responses...

 

"This isn't a stumbling block for me, but I consider it to be in bad taste. Adjusting ones underwear (whether one is male or female) is best done in a bathroom or in private."

 

Most responses seem to line up with that...they do not see it as sexual as much as just tacky

 

 

 

Yeah I agree that culture drives it. But should culture dictate what is appropriate attire for Christians? And how much of "cultural standards" are desensitization to godly standards? Good questions to think about.

 

I actually do see a lot of girls wearing those kind of outfits in church. To me, it's crazy. But hey, maybe I'm oldschool

 

And I see the other side too, that women are not to blame because men cannot control their minds. So there has to be a careful line between helping fellow brothers and blaming women for men's lack of control. I read a book with my youth group years ago called "every young man's battle" about men and porn and how to break it from a Christian perspective. There is a major problem with porn in churches today, and it is kind of an un-discussed issue b/c Christian guys are supposed to be above it. Which is really a shame because church should be the one place where you can be yourself and share your struggles. But I digress, that is a whole other topic.

 

The technique described in the book was called "starving the sumo", where men basically increase their sex drive by feeding their mind with it with a constant stream of porn. That natural drive is healthy in a marriage, but can become damaging and desensitizing to single men. They also let their eyes go and if a woman is dressed scantily, he will indulge, visually. It basically, ingrains the reward path system in the brain. It can get to a point where a man can essentially undress a woman in his mind and it is not really even controllable. So one thing I think would be interesting is to be able to compare results of these surveys with how many of these guys watch porn and if so, the amount/type of porn these guys watch. Then we might be able to get to the heart of the entire issue.

 

For women, I think it is a matter of conscience. I definitely do not support everyone wearing burkah's And I do not support men blaming women for their weaknesses (to me women's immodesty is an issue of their heart they need to work out; but also should consider 1 Cor. 8, to not become a stumbling block to the weak). I do think modesty should be taught more for their benefit, and to support their brothers, but also men need to be taught their end too. For me, I do not rely on anyone's conscience. I have just trained myself to "bounce" my eyes. It is a method discussed in the book. Basically the author was a major player in college, came to the Lord, and decided he was not going to be mastered by his flesh any longer. Good book for teen guys. He talked about this girl that ran everyday in sports bra and tight spandex type shorts, and he would stare at her as he drove by. With this technique, he basically would bounce his eyes away as soon as he noticed her (Job 31:1). Sounds silly, but it works. He would use this technique for any attractive woman, and overtime he only needed it when he saw a woman that dressed immodestly. He basically "de-conditioned" his mind to not be so sex-focused. I think that is really the key for men, rather than to just say "oh I can't help it b/c of women's dress".

 

 

 

i think all people can do the eye bounce thing too, instead of pointing out a woman or a man or if they see a display of public affection that might be a little racey instead of drawing eyes to it..saying to others hey look at them isnt that disgusting or they should be ashamed.......look away....it works....and then i think you are in cotnrol of the only thing you can be in control of ...your self and not others and i dotn agree with public groping....but i know all i have to do is look away...i choose to see what i want to see...ill look at the pelican instead....much cooler......deb

[TheFinalWord]

i think all people can do the eye bounce thing too, instead of pointing out a woman or a man or if they see a display of public affection that might be a little racey instead of drawing eyes to it..saying to others hey look at them isnt that disgusting or they should be ashamed.......look away....it works....and then i think you are in cotnrol of the only thing you can be in control of ...your self and not others and i dotn agree with public groping....but i know all i have to do is look away...i choose to see what i want to see...ill look at the pelican instead....much cooler......deb

 

You always have a very good way of putting things. Very practical Pelicans are pretty cool I might add

[pie2]

I actually do see a lot of girls wearing those kind of outfits in church. To me, it's crazy. But hey, maybe I'm oldschool

 

Oh, it's crazy to me too, lol!!! When I see girls like that, I may stumble too...'cause I get annoyed :). But I know, I've got to have more compassion, and pray that they can find the attention they seek through God, and not the poor guys at church (imo).

 

But should culture dictate what is appropriate attire for Christians? And how much of "cultural standards" are desensitization to godly standards? Good questions to think about.

 

I love these questions (they are very difficult to figure out though)!

 

So one thing I think would be interesting is to be able to compare results of these surveys with how many of these guys watch porn and if so, the amount/type of porn these guys watch. Then we might be able to get to the heart of the entire issue.

 

Oh, I hadn't even though of that! Good point....hmmm....

 

"starving the sumo"...He basically "de-conditioned" his mind to not be so sex-focused. I think that is really the key for men, rather than to just say "oh I can't help it b/c of women's dress".

 

What a relief to hear that guys have some control over their minds in this area, lol. Seriously, it's rare that guys admit this...women are often made to be the culprits of all elements of seduction. Well, I guess that's my own view on it.

[TheFinalWord]

Oh, it's crazy to me too, lol!!! When I see girls like that, I may stumble too...'cause I get annoyed :). But I know, I've got to have more compassion, and pray that they can find the attention they seek through God, and not the poor guys at church (imo).

 

haha you're hilarious!

 

That is a great point though!! B/c something like anger, jealousy, lust are all basically emotional responses. Yeah, someone cut me off on the road, but is it their fault that I gave them the finger? No, it's mine. Yeah, they made it easier to get angry, but there are a lot of preventative things I could do to not put myself in that spot in the first place (remove triggers, work on my anger so I don't blow up at first sign of stress). And my reaction is 100% in my control (even if it is nearly impossible to not want to kill someone lol)

 

I love these questions (they are very difficult to figure out though)!

 

Yes ma'am they are!

 

What a relief to hear that guys have some control over their minds in this area, lol. Seriously, it's rare that guys admit this...women are often made to be the culprits of all elements of seduction. Well, I guess that's my own view on it.

 

Yes ma'am we men do have the potential for full, 100% control. Full, 100% dedication to not allowing it a foothold is another thing Admission is the main key. Job made a covenant with his eyes to not look on a woman with lust, and that is really the key part. I'm not saying it's easy and not a constant battle. But to me, it's like any area of temptation. It's one thing to just not have knowledge/education, to struggle, not have support, to sincerely be looking for God's strength etc. But as long as we're blaming someone else we won't get anywhere.

 

We have to take ownership and admit to God, that it's a sin and we need his help. He that lives within us is greater than he that is in the world There is no yoke that Christ cannot break in our lives. Christ was tempted in all ways, yet was without sin. If anyone has a reason to blame it would be him, yet he took our blame! Very humbling to me For me, if I fall, and catch myself blaming someone else (whether it is anger, lust, jealousy), I find the Holy Spirit just gives that gentle reminder (one thing I have learned, Holy Spirit is very gentle) that it is my sin and we need to work through this thing Time to walk in fruit of the spirit and bust out that warchest of spiritual armor and weapons.

 

Here is the first chapter of that book if anyone is interested. They also have more out now, every young woman's battle, workbooks, and the like.

 

http://www.fredstoeker.com/media/EYMBch1.pdf

Edited February 24, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[pie2]

B/c something like anger, jealousy, lust are all basically emotional responses....Time to walk in fruit of the spirit and bust out that warchest of spiritual armor and weapons.

 

So true!!!

 

Here is the first chapter of that book if anyone is interested. They also have more out now, every young woman's battle, workbooks, and the like.

 

http://www.fredstoeker.com/media/EYMBch1.pdf

 

You're right...he was quite the player , lol !

[BetheButterfly]

You are SOOOOOO funny! As far as the "sexiness" I'm working on it GF. God said He'd restore me and it's a slow process:laugh:

 

Yep life is a journey!

 

I think one can be sexy and still have good taste. You know what is really sexy (at least have been told this by many men), is to leave a lot to the imagination (hope that sounds right).

 

Agreed!

I watch what I wear. The thing that looks the sexiest on me is a white cotton long sleeved shirt, rounded neck, with baby blue jeans and white Reebok tennis shoes...that's my idea of sexy

 

You know, when it's the right person, a pair of jeans and a turtleneck can be a sexy outfit, no?

 

Yep!!! One of my husband's fav pics of me is of me wearing a sweater and jeans. I am surprised at that lol, but you are right! Sexy doesn't always mean wearing provocative clothing.

[BetheButterfly]

haha you're hilarious!

 

That is a great point though!! B/c something like anger, jealousy, lust are all basically emotional responses. Yeah, someone cut me off on the road, but is it their fault that I gave them the finger? No, it's mine. Yeah, they made it easier to get angry, but there are a lot of preventative things I could do to not put myself in that spot in the first place (remove triggers, work on my anger so I don't blow up at first sign of stress). And my reaction is 100% in my control (even if it is nearly impossible to not want to kill someone lol)

 

Yeah, it's amazing how with God's help we can program our brains to not react in insults to insults! (I boldened some of what you wrote cause I think it's so important... I hope you don't mind).

 

 

Yes ma'am we men do have the potential for full, 100% control. Full, 100% dedication to not allowing it a foothold is another thing Admission is the main key. Job made a covenant with his eyes to not look on a woman with lust, and that is really the key part. I'm not saying it's easy and not a constant battle. But to me, it's like any area of temptation. It's one thing to just not have knowledge/education, to struggle, not have support, to sincerely be looking for God's strength etc. But as long as we're blaming someone else we won't get anywhere.

I love that verse and I think it's so important for women too, to control our eyes and minds for God's glory out of love for Him and for our husbands!!!

 

Job 31 (I boldened some.)

Job 31 NIV - ?I made a covenant with my eyes not - Bible Gateway

 

“I made a covenant with my eyes

not to look lustfully at a young woman.

2 For what is our lot from God above,

our heritage from the Almighty on high?"

 

We have to take ownership and admit to God, that it's a sin and we need his help. He that lives within us is greater than he that is in the world There is no yoke that Christ cannot break in our lives. Christ was tempted in all ways, yet was without sin. If anyone has a reason to blame it would be him, yet he took our blame! Very humbling to me For me, if I fall, and catch myself blaming someone else (whether it is anger, lust, jealousy), I find the Holy Spirit just gives that gentle reminder (one thing I have learned, Holy Spirit is very gentle) that it is my sin and we need to work through this thing Time to walk in fruit of the spirit and bust out that warchest of spiritual armor and weapons.

Awesome advice!!! Thanks for sharing this. We all have issues in which we need God's help through the Holy Spirit, and this is so beautiful that He helps us break sinful addictions if we seek His help and do our part!

 

Here is the first chapter of that book if anyone is interested. They also have more out now, every young woman's battle, workbooks, and the like.

 

http://www.fredstoeker.com/media/EYMBch1.pdf

I'll read it. Thanks for the link.

[pureinheart]

So true!!!

 

Yeah some things are surprising. I personally don't see the problem at all with makeup, pants, or jewelry, except for if a person feels they have to have those things in order to be beautiful and sexy, cause one can be sexy without those things too!

 

I think make-up looks soooo pretty on women when it's done right. If the applicator is a putty knife, then it might not look so good?

 

In exerimenting when younger, used a lot of eye liner... my dad called me iron eyes:lmao::lmao: my dad rarely said anything, but when he did, it was usually right!

 

LOL, if it takes more than 2 min, then it's not usually going to work for me in the area of make-up. Hate face make-me on me and how it feels. I can't handle how silk feels either. Sooooo cotton can be madeto look very sexy IMO:D

 

Some people look weid with a lot of make-up, some don't. Make-up is meant to enhance.

 

Jewelry is the same. I wear little. Some of my family and friends wear a lot- they look good. I don't. Pearls or diamond studs are the way to go IMO:D