Any Advice?

[Melissa]

I have been dating the same guy for 7 months..... Seriously dating, planning on moving in together in four months. He is extremely jealous of guys that I used to date and am still in contact with. I am still friends with a lot of males I used to date.

 

Not too long ago, he lost it and pushed me into a plate glass window. He is now seeking therapy and wants me back.

 

Too many people tell me that he will never change and only get worse. Any advice?

[Tony T]

I don't know the wisdom of upgrading a relationship with a man who committed a felony assault on you, but that's my personal opinion.

 

There is no way to predict whether or not someone will change but if a man is capable of a violent attack on you, I'm not so sure he's worthy of another chance.

 

If you care about yourself or your life, you will find a very kind way to get out of this guy's life. Had Nicole Simpson Brown taken the proper precautions to get away from O. J. Simpson after his first few assaults on her, she might not have been carved up and killed by him.

 

Exactly what does your boyfriend have to do to you, what kind injuries does he have to cause, to get you to stay away from him?

 

It's great that he's in therapy. But there is no telling what the outcome will be. If he genuinely wants to get over his problem with anger, violence and jealousy, it could take him a few years to improve. My feeling is that he's going to therapy out of guilt and because he doesn't want you to press charges.

 

I would certainly forgive him for what he did, but it takes a lowlife coward of a man to strike a woman. I hope you will make it a point in your life to quickly exit the life of any man who strikes you physically.

 

Don't listen to me on this, just pick any woman you know at random and ask her...or just ask someone on the street. They'll tell you the same thing.

 

In many legal jurisdictions, there is a zero-tolerance policy where men who strike their partners get instantly put in jail, no questions asked. This is not a great way to have a relationship.

 

I get criticized a lot for sometimes suggesting that people split rather than work things out. But I also like to see people live long lives. See what other people have to say about this and make up your own mind.

 

You'll be in my prayers.

[sparkle]

Melissa,

 

Do you know how it feels to be punched in the face at the

 

grocery store, just because your bf thought you were talking to a guy there?

 

Do you know how it feels to be slapped in front of 20 people, because he felt that you needed to be punished?

 

Do you know how it feels to see your best friend after her bf smashed her head through her car window?

 

Do you know how it feels to see her hand after he broke one of her fingers?

 

Do you know how it feels to see your friend's face so bloody and beat up, her eyes swollen, her lips barely able to make out words, and then listening to her say "but he said he was getting help..he cried..he promised he'd never hurt me again".

 

Melissa, I've been there, I've seen my friends there. It is THE WORST feeling in the world, and I wish never to see any of my friends go through it.

 

I wish never to see any woman (or man) endure any type of physical or verbal abuse.

 

It makes me sick to my stomach.

 

Please Melissa, for your sake, get out. It might not be bad now, but there's a great chance that his behavior will progress into something worse.

[Lonely Again]

Stay away from this guy. I dated someone who kept in contact with her ex boyfriends, and let me say that WILL make your current boyfriend jealous, no matter what -- however, no matter how upset and jealous I was I NEVER once got violent. Things can sometimes be rough in a relationship, but if someone acts out violently, that's a sign that maybe they don't know how to take something like a man, and fail to have the kind of qualities to keep cool and communicate without exploding. I would never tolerate it.

 

Nonetheless, IF it was only ONE incident AND he has sought therapy for it then MAYBE you can give him one more chance. I just hope it won't be your last.

[Deejette]

He has jealousy problems that won't go away just because he wants them to or says he will try. Keeping in contact with your past male friends is asking for trouble with your current boyfriend. So, either you give up all contact with your past male friends, or you give up this guy.

 

My choice would be to give up this guy. That was a very violent act he inflicted on you and such lack of control and anger will come up again. He will ask for forgiveness and humbly cry that he will never do it again, but that is the pattern of the typical batterer. Listen to what Sparkle says and think it over.

Stay away from this guy. I dated someone who kept in contact with her ex boyfriends, and let me say that WILL make your current boyfriend jealous, no matter what -- however, no matter how upset and jealous I was I NEVER once got violent. Things can sometimes be rough in a relationship, but if someone acts out violently, that's a sign that maybe they don't know how to take something like a man, and fail to have the kind of qualities to keep cool and communicate without exploding. I would never tolerate it. Nonetheless, IF it was only ONE incident AND he has sought therapy for it then MAYBE you can give him one more chance. I just hope it won't be your last.