Heartbroken over loss of FWB.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Hey everyone. I'm going through a bit of a hard time and am wondering if anyone has thought on my situation and why I can't seem to let go.

 

A little background on me: I'm 26. Up until my 26th birthday at the end of November, I hadn't had any sort of contact whatsoever with men on any sort of sexual or romantic level in over 3 years because I had lost a lot of trust after an abusive relationship. I had guarded my heart pretty well.

 

So I've been going out a lot more lately and meeting men and feeling a lot better about myself.

 

At the end of December, I met this really cute guy at a club my friends and I like to frequent. He was drunk, and very aggressive (should have been a light bulb right there), but I was turned on so we ended up "hooking up". He texted me later that day and I thought nothing of it and we didn't talk the rest of the week. But then the following Friday, I ran into him again at the same club. He did not approach me, and later told me it was because he wanted me to "work for it". So we ended up getting together again at my place, and from there it developed into a FWB situation. He would text me to come over, and we'd watch movies and listen to music and end up having sex. Despite the sex, we had a really great time together. We would cuddle, talk, watch movies and order takeout, and just get to know each other. He would stay the night at my place everytime and there would be times I would wake up with him holding me really close. It felt really nice to have that intimacy again.

 

A little background on him: he's 21 (5 years younger). He's military, and one of those testosterone-filled dudes that likes to make it known he's a tough guy.

 

At first he would text me often throughout the week to chat, and I was pretty easygoing about the whole situation and didn't really care where it went. However, about a month into it after one of our nights together I realized I was starting to develop feelings for the guy. I began to think of him constantly, and wonder how he was and if he was with anyone else.

 

I will say we had both made it clear that we didn't want any sort of relationship, but I guess my feelings ended up changing (I know- inevitable in a FWB relationship, right?). I told him how I felt, expecting him to no longer want to see me because it was weird for him, but he kept coming over. I feel he was giving me mixed signals, and that a lot of the things we did are "off limits" and breaking the rules of FWB, like cuddling, kissing in a more intimate rather than sexual manner, sleepovers, etc. He even called me drunk one night when I had to work the next morning and, stupidly, I went and picked him up and called out of work to take care of him because I was worried about him. He was drunk that night, telling me he had called me because he wanted to "hold" me. I guess that I foolishly believed that his drunk words were sober thoughts, as the saying goes. When he woke up from his drunken sleep the next morning, he was distant, telling me to shut up and didn't even thank me for what I had done for him.

 

All of the signs are that this guy is bad for me: my friends hate him, my mom hates him, he tells me to shut up and takes no responsibility for his actions, he talks about me badly to his friends, he is physically aggressive at times, he makes out with other girls in front of me when we're out to prove a point, he doesn't really listen to me when I want to talk about things that are interesting to me, and prefers to talk about himself all the time etc, etc, etc.

 

I saw him out again last Friday night, and I hadn't texted or talked to him all week. He didn't talk to me once while we were out, and one of his friends kept bothering me. I ignored him and tried to have a good time, but it hurt that he didn't even talk to me. The last time he was over, he told me that he was having an "inner battle" over me and liked hanging out but didn't like where it was heading. I told him many times that he needed to be honest with me when he wanted our situation to end, and he said he would, but he never did. Then he told me basically that he didn't really care about me as a person, and I never even crossed his mind aside from when he was over. He had previously told me that he had never really hung out with a girl as long as he had with me and that what he had was different from previous hookups and that he liked being with me. I was so confused.

 

So I texted him and told him my feelings about our situation, and that I was tired of being treated as a back up when he couldn't find anything better. He told me when he gets too comfortable with a girl he feels he "needs to run". I know he will tell his friends about all the texts I sent him explaining how I feel, and they will think I'm weird, but I needed to let it be known. I basically broke things off with him, and told him he had really hurt me bad and had not been honest and let me go when he had doubts.

 

Now I am starting to wonder why he did that, and if I was right about me just being the back up sex girl. He lied to me a lot, and told me he hadn't slept with anyone else but later told me he had. I also found out from Facebook that he is "Married" and has a kid, but for some reason they live out of state and he's stationed up here and has been for years. I don't get the situation but he lied to me about it, telling me his Facebook never said "Married" when I know it did, and that he didn't even know if the kid was his. Whatever.

 

Why can't I let this guy go? It's like I enjoy being emotionally abused and used for sex over being alone. I know this weekend will be hard especially since I'm used to seeing him then, and I live in a somewhat small town so I know I will be seeing him and his friends out and it will hurt big time. How do I move on from this, and how could I be so stupid to let it go on so long in the first place? Maybe I deserve this unhappiness.

 

He didn't even respond to my last texts when I basically poured my heart out to him and told him I still cared for him and always would, which really hurts.

 

Can anyone give me advice on how to move on and feel worthy of someone else again? My self esteem has taken a huge blow over this and I'm very depressed. Thanks for reading.

[KoKo0]

Nothing comes out good in the with a FWB relationship. It might be fun and you can handle yourself, but one of you may get stronger feelings and end up heart broken, like your situation. He is not good for you, there might be things he is hiding from you, such as the marriage and kid, because he didn't want you to run, it was just a temporary thing. Sorry. That's what it sounds like to me. Don;t dwell about a future with him.