Update...why can't we just break away..

[HalfAlive22]

It's been so long since I've come here to these boards and write to you all but I'm here with an update..and perhaps some advice. I told you all once how my h of 20 years cheated numerous times and I found out in 2008..we tried to make it work for 3 years, but I just couldn't get over it no matter what I did. I finaaly got the strength to get out..we've been separated for over a year and I've been very happy. Our divorce is supose to final March 25th. In the last year I met an amazing man..who is a lot younger than me but I love him very much and he treats me like I'm the most important thing in his life. My x has also moved on and met another woman..much younger but he seems to be happy..my x had hit bottom a while back, and has changed drastically..he's a wonderful father and respects me more now than ever and we are getting along quite well. So whats the problem you may ask. the poblem is we both still are not sure if we want to end our marriage..I dont know how it happend but in the past month we have been talking and miss eachother all the time..we have not done anything physical or even met..just talk..we both refuse to cheat on our significant others and we don't want to hurt them..we are both very confused..does anyone think we should try and see if our marriage is worth working for... or are we just going through some weird phase..we've been together since the age of 15 so I'm wondering if we just can't let go because of our history..please help tx a bunch

[tojaz]

Only one way to find out.......

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm not going to pretend to have the answer, but I think whether you have kids or not is an important factor. Do you?

 

Also do you really think he'd leave this new woman? Seems like if you both really wanted each other you'd just leave the new people anyway. This is why I'm trying to avoid dating until my divorce is final...even though I really see no hope.

 

Did either of you remarry, or are you cohabiting or just dating?

[jf2good]

Okay the problems here are you both got into a new relationship first before your divorce was final and ending it for good with your EX because he isn't EX until the paperwork is done. Even then it takes time to heal. So your happy with your younger man, yet want to do the do with your husband your divorcing. If you were in love with the younger guy and him with his new girlfriend you would NEVER think about doing it with your soon to be EX.

 

Maybe you need a timeout from everyone, new and EX before you decide what you really should be doing. I have never in my entire life met a man who likes older women other than for a sugar momma, same as guys being a sugar daddy which many are comfortable with to be in that role, just not sure if women are.

[Darren Steez]

It's a nonsense. It's not hard to break away because you did it. The thing is now you're both in good relationships, you both don't have to live with each other day to day, it's almost no strings attached isn't.

 

But there are strings. Your new man respects you and shows you love. It's not honorable that you decided not to cheat, but if you continue to act like you have no responsibilities then someone is going to get heartbroken.

 

You left your husband because something was irrevocably broken. If you want to try again, let your boyfriend go..or at least tell him how you are feeling. Be honest with him, instead of railroading him down the road.

[Gunny376]

I know of more than a couple of couples ~ but I will just illustrate just one. Fought like the Hatfields and McCoys ~ mostly due to the DH being overly macho, Southerm, red-neck, non-attentive, non-romantic, not doing what he did to get her in the first place ~ yada ~ yada ~ yada!

 

Same old song ~ second verse!

 

They got a divorce, but they had a couple of older children. The DS was around 12 or 13, and was (and is) a VERY talented motor cross rider. He's that good! He's already at 12 or 13 got sponsors etc.

 

He told them ~ "You do what you want, and you do what you have to! But I and my sister NEED our Mama and Daddy RIGHT HERE EVERY SINGLE DAY IN THIS HOUSE!

 

They got divorced, but continued to live together in the same house. She dated other men, he just threw himself into work.

 

Low and behold? They started getting back together, started talking to one another? Started communicating? :eek:

 

First about this or that about the kids, their lives, what's going on ~ when!

 

She dropped the BF's, he started putting her and the kids before work.

 

He priortize her and the kids ~ started making them his No. # 1 priorty in life!

 

Sometimes?

 

"When your up to your azz in alligators, posioness snakes, quick sand, and Indians shooting at ya? You tend to forget that we your first started out?

 

Your initial objective was to just drain the damn swamp!"

 

I know a lot of folks that got married, got divorced, moved back in with one another?

 

They just couldn't handle being married to one another? They're fine and right as rain ~ just in so long as they're not married to one another?

 

Go figure!

[jwi71]

It's been so long since I've come here to these boards and write to you all but I'm here with an update..and perhaps some advice. I told you all once how my h of 20 years cheated numerous times and I found out in 2008..we tried to make it work for 3 years, but I just couldn't get over it no matter what I did. I finaaly got the strength to get out..we've been separated for over a year and I've been very happy. Our divorce is supose to final March 25th. In the last year I met an amazing man..who is a lot younger than me but I love him very much and he treats me like I'm the most important thing in his life. My x has also moved on and met another woman..much younger but he seems to be happy..my x had hit bottom a while back, and has changed drastically..he's a wonderful father and respects me more now than ever and we are getting along quite well. So whats the problem you may ask. the poblem is we both still are not sure if we want to end our marriage..I dont know how it happend but in the past month we have been talking and miss eachother all the time..we have not done anything physical or even met..just talk..we both refuse to cheat on our significant others and we don't want to hurt them..we are both very confused..does anyone think we should try and see if our marriage is worth working for... or are we just going through some weird phase..we've been together since the age of 15 so I'm wondering if we just can't let go because of our history..please help tx a bunch

 

It sounds like you are cheating on your SO's with each other.

 

Having emotional bonds hidden from the SO towards another, here your ex, is an EA. Apparently your stbxh hasn't changed his ways and you have sunk to his level.

 

Of course, I could be wrong...have you told your BF how you feel about your ex and how you miss your ex "all the time"?

 

No?

 

Well there ya go.

 

(You are both rebounding btw)

[stillafool]

Do you and your exH have children together? If not, why are you talking to him?

[HalfAlive22]

Do you and your exH have children together? If not, why are you talking to him?

yes we have 4 children 20,19,17 and 12..

[HalfAlive22]

It sounds like you are cheating on your SO's with each other.

 

Having emotional bonds hidden from the SO towards another, here your ex, is an EA. Apparently your stbxh hasn't changed his ways and you have sunk to his level.

 

Of course, I could be wrong...have you told your BF how you feel about your ex and how you miss your ex "all the time"?

 

No?

 

Well there ya go.

 

(You are both rebounding btw)

I of all people never believed he'd change...but I'm not so sure he hasn't I know how hypocritical it sounds ..he never wanted this divorce..he's been desperately trying for over 2 years to get me back..he's gone and is going to therapy he sinks himself into our kids and as far as his gf...she is 24 and told her he wanted no more children or a serious relationship with her..I think he's just been lonely..my bf is 31 i'm almost 40..a future with him was a good possibility..how are we rebounding exactly? do you mean with eachother? or the so's ..I honestly did not think this new relationship was going to go as far as it did.

[HalfAlive22]

Okay the problems here are you both got into a new relationship first before your divorce was final and ending it for good with your EX because he isn't EX until the paperwork is done. Even then it takes time to heal. So your happy with your younger man, yet want to do the do with your husband your divorcing. If you were in love with the younger guy and him with his new girlfriend you would NEVER think about doing it with your soon to be EX.

 

Maybe you need a timeout from everyone, new and EX before you decide what you really should be doing. I have never in my entire life met a man who likes older women other than for a sugar momma, same as guys being a sugar daddy which many are comfortable with to be in that role, just not sure if women are.

 

maybe your right about the time out..as far as my bf being happy with me being older..it's an 8 year difference..he thought I was in my 20's when we met..I look very young for my age..he says he has the best of everything a hot woman who looks young but an older wiser soul..although I'm not feeling very wise right now..

[HalfAlive22]

I'm not going to pretend to have the answer, but I think whether you have kids or not is an important factor. Do you?

 

Also do you really think he'd leave this new woman? Seems like if you both really wanted each other you'd just leave the new people anyway. This is why I'm trying to avoid dating until my divorce is final...even though I really see no hope.

 

Did either of you remarry, or are you cohabiting or just dating?

 

we do have 4 kids..unfortunately I think we were both lonely and just intended on nothing serious..my relationship got more serious than his, and I don't know what or when these feelings came back or why but they did..

[jwi71]

I of all people never believed he'd change...but I'm not so sure he hasn't I know how hypocritical it sounds

 

It doesn't sound like it to me.

Question: Does his GF know of those "emotional talks" and "missing you"? Or is he hiding it from her? If he is, then he is STILL cheating - this time on his GF with you. Its an EA for now...with him crossing emotional boundaries with you he should not. I also got the distinct impression sleeping with your stbxw was not out of the question.

 

It sounds a whole lot like cheating to me.

 

 

..he never wanted this divorce..he's been desperately trying for over 2 years to get me back..he's gone and is going to therapy he sinks himself into our kids and as far as his gf...she is 24 and told her he wanted no more children or a serious relationship with her..I think he's just been lonely

 

Then he should tell his GF this and move on and allow her the same.

It doesn't appear, since she is till the GF, that he has.

I'm not seeing positive change in him here. I'm seeing him having her just in case you decide to file for D and leave. How fair is THAT to her? Or you?

 

..my bf is 31 i'm almost 40..a future with him was a good possibility..how are we rebounding exactly?

 

I would say its not normal to be in a new R and to have emotional talks and missing your stbxh. Would you agree? And is it fair for your BF that you are having such discussions, at least considering trying to reconcile and missing your stbxh? Does your BF know this or are you hiding it from him? You don't sound fully committed to a future with him if you are STILL engaging your H (aka a rebound). Is this how YOU treat people? Does your BF deserve all of you - or just those parts you give him and not the parts you give to your stbxh?

 

IF you aren't sure what or who you want...shouldn't you be honest with everyone? OR do you keep your BF in the dark...just in case you DO file for D? Doesn't sound like true love to me. Sounds a lot like cheating. What did your BF do to deserve that?

[GuyInLimbo]

I of all people never believed he'd change...but I'm not so sure he hasn't I know how hypocritical it sounds ..he never wanted this divorce..he's been desperately trying for over 2 years to get me back..he's gone and is going to therapy he sinks himself into our kids and as far as his gf...she is 24 and told her he wanted no more children or a serious relationship with her..I think he's just been lonely..my bf is 31 i'm almost 40..a future with him was a good possibility..how are we rebounding exactly? do you mean with eachother? or the so's ..I honestly did not think this new relationship was going to go as far as it did.

 

You're rebounding because you're still NOT over your stbx.

 

You've been together since you were 15 and think that has a lot to do with it? Ya think???

 

If you guys are even pondering getting back together (what a mess), you both owe it to the new partners to end it with them. You are essentially playing them while toying with your husband.