Cheaters, Cheaters, Cake Eaters

[KathyM]

I can't completely agree with this or disagree. I mean how often do people know a serial cheater intimately?

 

Don't discount what I said about outside appearances about my father. He was handsome, had a great personality, was kind to people, was liked by many. Did they know the bad side........no, but most don't know the really bad side of any serial cheater.

I have first hand experience.

I understand what you're saying, that you think that all serial cheaters have this same type of dark side that permeates other areas of their life. I know some are like that, but I do think there are the other types who are basically just womanizers, who have a sense of entitlement and lack of empathy for their wives, but who are generally decent people in other aspects of their lives. I know three men personally who are that type of serial cheater. Womanizers who feel entitled, but whose other areas of their lives are not out of the norm. One public figure who would be an example of this type would be Bill Clinton. A nice guy in all other respects, except that he's a terrible womanizer who has a sense of entitlement when it comes to women.

[beenburned]

Kathy,

 

When I read your post the first thing that I thought of was professional athletes, famous actors, and rich business men. They all have a huge sense of entitlement due to their personal success in life.

 

Like Lady Grey said some of them might also have other addictions that they keep very private so as not to tarnish their professional image.

[jlola]

My father is a classic NPD. What a lot of women do not understand is many cheating men have narcissistic traits. Making you think he is such a great guy to stays in a suffering situation is their M.O. You feel sorry for him. But you are only getting one version of what is going on at home. HIS!!!!!! Usually he is an ass and a nightmare to live with. No one has to stay in a bad situation. But gee those married guys will show you how saintly they are because they are willing to suffer.YUCK!!!! How any woman could find such a coward attractive is beyond me.

 

 

Narcissism And The Cheating Married Man.

 

Sistahs

I recently told you about the pathological traits a cheating married man will display, as well as officially naming the "Three Types" of cheating-married-man. Today on the Pillow Talk Blog, I'm going to alert you to the narcissistic traits of the cheating-married-man, so read closely to save yourself valueable time, and, my stellar advice would be not just to walk away from this type of man, but to run from him!! We as women often can't help falling for the smooth-tongue of the well-practised narcissist, but by the time you've learned their true colours you're hooked, and probably hurt by this "N word" of a man!!

 

Promiscuity is a key behavioral sign of a narcissist, as they are always looking for the bigger better deal (BBD) - i.e. taking on a mistress or multiple sexual partners outside their marriage. And the more committed the narcissist feels his wife/partner is to him, the more willing and likely he will be to cheat. Usually because they feel they will be able to get away with it easily. (Wives, you need to come to my Wife School here, to know THE REAL signs to look for if your husband is cheating on you, as well as my proven tips on how to affair-proof your marriages.)

 

Narcissists often appear as charming men, making them attractive while allowing them to get away with some unsavory antics under the veil of having such a "charismatic air" about them. Narcissists, when on the prowl for an extra-marital affair, will usually attract women who crave drama (i.e. The Mistress, or The Mistress in Training, *MIT*) as well as the woman who is a care-taker, the one who thinks she can 'fix him' and erase his negative traits.

 

The true narcissist will display traits such as vanity, entitlement and exploitativeness. They tend to talk loudly to emphasise their self-importance using great hand movements to back that up, and they are control freaks who tend to lose their charm when destabilized or threatened.

 

 

So then ladies, if you are the Other Woman having an affair with a married man, the chances are he is a prize narcissist. Don't ever try to change him as he ENJOYS being one, but the more emotionally attached you get, the easier it will be for him to manipulate you, so as I first said above, don't walk, RUN!!

Wives, if you are married to a cheating husband, chances are you are married to the same type of prize narcissist that sends my girls over the edge and lands them at one of my Mistresses Anonymous support group meetings - proving what I always say, that wives and mistresses have so much more in common with each other than they ever realize. They are both in love with half of a married man who is lying to them, while he is getting the best out of two women. Come on ladies, wise up. Don't ever be in love with a man who loves himself more than you!

 

Hugs

[jlola]

How the narcissist picks his prey

Posted on July 15, 2011

He looks for a nurturing, conscionable person. The more innocent, honest, humble and kind hearted the better. These type of people cannot recognize the narcissist‘s ulterior motive. How could they? The facade he presents is nearly perfect in every way. Charming. Successful. Well liked. Charismatic. Great sense of humor. He says all the right things at all the right times. He is able to do this adroitly because he takes an inventory of the victim. Their likes and dislikes, their behavior and the emotions they reveal. He mirrors all of this back to the victim. He becomes “just like you”. Each and every time with each new victim, conquest, mate or spouse. It is the narcissist’s modis operandi.

 

He always has an answer and it is always reasonable should you question his motives or intentions. To think otherwise would be an aberration. This is not a person that has a bad bone in his body. Kind, caring and considerate. Oozing charm and charisma. You believe him and so do many others. He keeps a collection of supporters (minions), near and dear to him. But they don’t get to see the inside of the narcissist’s world. Only a victim who is pliant enough, trusting enough and humble enough will get to see that. If he senses that anyone is on to his games, they are abruptly discarded in cold, cruel callous fashion. He never looks back. He never apologizes. He has no conscience so he feels no remorse. His motive is for complete and total adoration. He is a dictator, an oligarch, a tyrant. His motive is to find someone that makes him look good in the world’s eye. Someone he can continue his charade with. He believes he is a king that deserves complete reign over all his kingdom, including the subjects in it. But, the king wears no clothes. And he knows it. He hopes no one else will notice.

 

He repeats the same patterns as he has always done before. For a narcissist, a sociopath who knows his victim better than they can recognize the predator, the above is the perfect scenario. Con men cannot con another who can see through the mask they project or who may have the audacity to question what is or isn’t real. The narcissist will back up their lies, with more and more lies. They are very charming. Extremely convincing, and the victim believes wholeheartedly, that this tale he spins is fact, not fiction. It will be a rare day to ever find any proof of his true colors. Covering their tracks is a natural behavior. They are very predatory. But rarely violent. They kill differently.

 

They do not marry or get involved in relationships for love. They do it to appear “normal” to outsiders. They look for a cleat to tie their boat to; an anchor to make them feel safely secured in a turbulent sea. It is not properly anchored however, the boat is adrift. They don’t care whom they hurt or manipulate for their own ends. They do not feel what normal people feel. Once the victim is in place, in the drifting barge, the narcissist goes about his merry way, engaging in promiscuous sex and extra marital affairs, appearing to be every man’s man, every woman’s dream, covering their tracks well and leaving a wake of devastation behind them. They brush the dust off and move on swiftly. Other people mean nothing to them. They possess no moral code or conscience. They do not answer to a higher power like the rest of us mere mortals. They do as they please always and even brag about how they “always get what they want”. If the victim does not abide by the game the narcissist plays, they will be severely maligned, abused, and destroyed.

 

Once the victim is safely secured in the narcissist’s prison, there is no escape. The narcissist will consume the thoughts, the functions and beliefs of the victim. In their own conscience, the victim recognizes all the red flags, that something is very wrong. Something is not natural and the gut instinct that all is not true about this person, infects their thinking. There is a war going on inside the victim. A constant roller coaster of emotions. Hot and cold. Charming and cruel. The voice is tiny though. The louder voice, proclaims, he is wonderful, a prince, my soul mate because this is what she needs and wants to believe. He knows this. He knows because of their good conscience and moral compass, the victim can only believe absolute good in the narcissist.

 

The narcissist is a professional at appearing to be a soul mate to everyone he encounters. When caught in a lie or anything that negatively may impact the narcissist’s facade he projects, he cries. He pleads. The tears and pleas for forgiveness are merely a ruse. Another disguise. The narcissist only cries for himself. The mask is slowly falling away and he knows this and he cannot bear being exposed. In time, he ultimately will discard and abandon the victim. At first through a devaluation phase. He begins to see the faults in that person and clings tightly to them. A sublte shift in emotional attachment. Then the snide comments and insults. There are more waiting in the wings that the narcissist already is priming and will quickly move on to, to obtain the only thing he seeks. Narcissistic supply.

[KathyM]

Kathy,

 

When I read your post the first thing that I thought of was professional athletes, famous actors, and rich business men. They all have a huge sense of entitlement due to their personal success in life.

 

Like Lady Grey said some of them might also have other addictions that they keep very private so as not to tarnish their professional image.

I suppose so. Some are just womanizers though. The ones I know personally are the womanizer variety, that just don't want to be held to monogamy. Those that come off as pillars of the community, or great family men. But the womanizing is their one stumbling block.

[KathyM]

Well, maybe we can separate these serial cheaters into two categories: The Narcissist and the Sociopath. Some may be both.

[KathyM]

How do you know they are "just womanizers"? ?

 

Unless you are married to one or other close inside connections, you can't really know.

 

See my point.......

 

Which is.........you really can't know, but you are assuming it's that simple and likely it is not.

 

 

As joila pointed out, npd is common, that is not just a womanizer........they are cruel and mean and will destroy the women in their lives.

I know these three men very well. One was married to my sister. One was a friend of ours. One is the husband of my client whom I hear every detail of their lives. Definately Narcissistic womanizers, and their escapades definately seriously damaging to their wives, but in all other areas of their lives, they would appear quite normal. Bill Clinton would be of that variety as well.

[Pierre]

How the narcissist picks his prey

Posted on July 15, 2011

He looks for a nurturing, conscionable person. The more innocent, honest, humble and kind hearted the better. These type of people cannot recognize the narcissist‘s ulterior motive. How could they? The facade he presents is nearly perfect in every way. Charming. Successful. Well liked. Charismatic. Great sense of humor. He says all the right things at all the right times.

 

These men are extremely charming.

 

This over the top charm turns off very secure womem with good self esteem. However, the cheesy charm and smooth behavior is highly attractive to women that seek external validation. These needy women respond very positively to charm and attention. And hence this is a marriage made in heaven.

 

A charming smooth cheating man and a needy insecure female looking for external validation. Paradoxically, the charming cheater also wants external validation and he gets it with romantic conquests and the positive response by the female.

 

 

That is why you find women that cannot stand the more serious non charming non player men and only go for the player type. They go for the players because they want to be charmed and this is how they get external validation. SO these two souls attract each other. And the women end up dating the same type of man over and over again.

[jlola]

Interestingly enough, the instant attraction and charm is what seems to attract OW in the first place, I say beware of the charmer.Charisma is one of the most common traits of narcisstt and sociopaths. This is why omen are attracted to them in droves and it is so easy for them to find affair partners.

[promises]

He looks for a nurturing, conscionable person. The more innocent, honest, humble and kind hearted the better. These type of people cannot recognize the narcissist‘s ulterior motive. How could they?

 

He never looks back. He never apologizes.

 

He repeats the same patterns as he has always done before.

 

Extremely convincing, and the victim believes wholeheartedly, that this tale he spins is fact, not fiction. It will be a rare day to ever find any proof of his true colors. Covering their tracks is a natural behavior.

 

Something is not natural and the gut instinct that all is not true about this person, infects their thinking. There is a war going on inside the victim. A constant roller coaster of emotions. Hot and cold. Charming and cruel.

 

When caught in a lie or anything that negatively may impact the narcissist’s facade he projects, he cries. He pleads. The tears and pleas for forgiveness are merely a ruse.

 

In time, he ultimately will discard and abandon the victim. At first through a devaluation phase. He begins to see the faults in that person and clings tightly to them.

 

A sublte shift in emotional attachment. Then the snide comments and insults. There are more waiting in the wings that the narcissist already is priming and will quickly move on to, to obtain the only thing he seeks. Narcissistic supply.

 

All of this feels very 'on par'. I never got to the end piece of snide comments and insults from him. However, I would assume that over time this could be possible.

 

I think the part that was so telling was the crying and pleading he did after dday. To everyone.

 

And, that he never apologizes. Ever.

[promises]

I can't completely agree with this or disagree. I mean how often do people know a serial cheater intimately?

 

Don't discount what I said about outside appearances about my father. He was handsome, had a great personality, was kind to people, was liked by many. Did they know the bad side........no, but most don't know the really bad side of any serial cheater.

I have first hand experience.

 

 

xMM was all of these things as well. Handsome, great personality, kind to people, like by many.

 

So, who does know the bad side of these men? Just the wives? The children? Is it all a facade....?

[jlola]

I can't completely agree with this or disagree. I mean how often do people know a serial cheater intimately?

 

Don't discount what I said about outside appearances about my father. He was handsome, had a great personality, was kind to people, was liked by many. Did they know the bad side........no, but most don't know the really bad side of any serial cheater.

I have first hand experience.

My father to the tee. He even is involved with a charity.But it is all for show. But e treats his family like crap. I remember even as kids my sister and I were aware if we called social services on the abuse, he would have everyone coming to his defense and blaming us. Even though everyone would tell him how well behaved his daughters ere, he was such a master liar he could twist anything around. OW never see this side till they are so hooked it is impossible to leave. It is called traumatic bonding.

 

My mother was so amazingly beautiful she could wear a bikini after kids and even with us in tow, men would try to talk to her. Long flowing thick wavy hair. A Portuguese Princess. A wife any man would envy. BUT HE focused only on her negatives.

 

They idealize those who give them narcissistic supply. But as soon as you are onto them, they begin to ho you their true colors.

 

It has been said many narcissist,sociopaths and borderline personality folks are extra good looking. I say they are vain and they understand they are empty shells who need to draw people in with their looks. They are extra aware of appearance.

[jlola]

Keep educating yourself. People who come on strong and give you that whirlwind are rarely what they seem!!!!!Hard to wrap your head around this personality disorder.

 

 

Beware the narcissistic sociopath disguised as your “Soul Mate”

 

The idea of a soul mate is very romantic. To meet someone else in this world of billions who shares your same values, interests, desires, and goals is an exhilarating notion, don’t you think? It’s possible to meet someone who, at any given moment in time, is at the same place you are geographically and spiritually. But to think two people can remain on a joint wavelength over many, many years is, in my mind, a set up for failure. Yet, we continue to watch those silly movies that end in “happily ever after” and fool ourselves into thinking it’s real.

 

Enter the narcissistic sociopath. A master at making the magic SEEM real just long enough to send you spiraling into a fog. The following was taken from a message board. (I do not know the original author. If you know, let me know so I can cite the source appropriately):

 

[The narcissist as our] “SOUL MATE” is cunning and knows who to select and who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet. He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes, habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty and sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. He fakes integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous in his ‘idealization’ of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns into Hyde.

 

 

On the surface, it doesn’t seem like that is possible. But once you start learning about his past relationships and how he coped by blaming “them” and not himself, you start to wonder. How could such a romantic and loving guy always end up losing the girl? Or falling out of love with her?

 

I have come to understand the following: the narcissist simply enjoys being in the throes of the newness of love. The newness of first meeting and the ego boost/narcissistic supply is intoxicating to him; and he blossoms at this stage (like we all do, right?) But the narcissist takes this stage to the extreme and foolishly believes and expects it to last for eternity. He creates and shares romantic visions of the future. He talks about growing old together. He puts his love interest on a pedestal. She is the most beautiful, the smartest, the best mother, the most ambitious. He never wants to leave her side or spend a night without her. And he says these things to her repeatedly, like a mantra or a prayer, that is meant to hypnotize her into full and complete submission. This is when he plants his seeds of control and domination, the foundation for future abuse.

 

The woman inhales and ingests his words. The words make her think he is a man who has spent his entire life looking for the perfect woman and has FINALLY found her. She is “The One.” She feels special. She feels unique. But little does she know that his words to her are the exact same words he used with every single woman who came before her. He used them on his first wife. He used them on his fiancée that he proposed to just days after he kicked his wife out of his house. He used them on the new woman he proposed to after he kicked his fiancée out of his house. And so on. There is NOTHING unique or exceptional about her, about YOU! The only thing unique and exceptional about you is that you came AFTER them. You are next in line. The narcissist never learned from his previous relationships. He may tell you he has and that he never makes the same mistake twice. That just means he never makes the same mistake twice with the same person. There’s a difference.

 

You are fresh and pure and filled with naiveté and ignorance about what is inevitably going to sneak up on you and slap you in the face. You are not his soul mate; you are not the one. You are his “right now” that he hopes he can control. The ones who came before you were crazy because they were out of his control. They weren’t “out of control” just out of HIS control. And to him that equals crazy. If you know who you are and like yourself, you’ll be the next one who becomes out of control. The next one he calls crazy. Just wait and see.

[promises]

They show you only what they want you to see, but eventually they have to crack as time goes on. The more time, the cracks eventually become huge.

 

Maybe someday you can find more understanding and sympathy for his wife and after all she is ill. He has likely beat her down over the years and now she is sick. She likely feels trapped and realistically, she probably is.

 

 

More understanding for his W.. I am positive she is now a product of survival to the marriage.

 

I was ill as well when he approached me. I don't envy her now.

[Eggplant]

I don't envy her now.

You're free. You're the lucky one.

[spice4life]

They show you only what they want you to see, but eventually they have to crack as time goes on. The more time, the cracks eventually become huge.

 

Maybe someday you can find more understanding and sympathy for his wife and after all she is ill. He has likely beat her down over the years and now she is sick. She likely feels trapped and realistically, she probably is.

 

This is probably so true. My father is a classic textbook narcisisst. He beat my mother down emotionally for most their marriage due to his need for narcisisstic supply and she ended up dieing a few years ago of cancer. I truly believe that the stress and lack of emotional support is what made her sick. It also answered A LOT questions about my life. Whew...A LOT of questions. The real kicker was after she died, he couldn't believe how many people came to mourn my mother. He was shocked. He never appreciated, or I should say "couldn't" appreciate that my mother was a kind, loving, generous, compassionate soul. People naturally loved her; she didn't have try they just did. As his kids, we always knew he had issues, but it didn't become crystal clear what they were until my mother passed. She was no longer around to calm his behavior down and his true colors began to show. She really held that man together and brought out the best he could possibly be.

 

Sorry for going off track there about my life. What I'm trying to say is that your MM, promises, sounds like a classic narcissist/borderline and lord only knows what he put his wife through. Yes, she had choices, but she may have been so beaten down and twisted up by him emotionally that she couldn't leave. Toxic people are emotional vampires that literally drain the life right out of you.

[jlola]

This is probably so true. My father is a classic textbook narcisisst. He beat my mother down emotionally for most their marriage due to his need for narcisisstic supply and she ended up dieing a few years ago of cancer. I truly believe that the stress and lack of emotional support is what made her sick. It also answered A LOT questions about my life. Whew...A LOT of questions. The real kicker was after she died, he couldn't believe how many people came to mourn my mother. He was shocked. He never appreciated, or I should say "couldn't" appreciate that my mother was a kind, loving, generous, compassionate soul. People naturally loved her; she didn't have try they just did. As his kids, we always knew he had issues, but it didn't become crystal clear what they were until my mother passed. She was no longer around to calm his behavior down and his true colors began to show. She really held that man together and brought out the best he could possibly be.

 

Sorry for going off track there about my life. What I'm trying to say is that your MM, promises, sounds like a classic narcissist/borderline and lord only knows what he put his wife through. Yes, she had choices, but she may have been so beaten down and twisted up by him emotionally that she couldn't leave. Toxic people are emotional vampires that literally drain the life right out of you.

So sorry about this. I see my mother also sacrificing her life for a man ho never really was.

 

Thank goodness for the internet. It helped put the puzzle of my life together. I had 2 very painful push/pull relationships that were whirlwind and highly romantic. As I look back now these men were narcissist. Noone does romance like a narcissist/sociopath.NOONE!!! I was groomed. But somehow I subconciously knew I could not stay with these men.

 

I turned down healthy,good men because they were "boring" compared to the NPD's.The roller coaster keeps you mesmerized.

 

They get you in such a fog and you cannot see straight. Oh the declarations of love and the tears. I am sooooo immune to tears now. Both my ex's would tear up with I'm sorries when they needed to pull me back in. "You are my soulmate" "My everything" I can never be happy without you BS. I was just supply. I should have seen through the tears cause even though my father treated my mother like a dog, boy did the tears and romance come out once she was willing to walk. This always fooled her into thinking he learned his lesson. I doubt any of his mistresses knew that part. I'm sure his explanation was" I am staying for the kids" (Who by the way I ignore,abuse mentally and physically and really do not care for as they get on my nerve.)

 

Research personality disorders.

[spice4life]

I'm so sorry spice........for the pain you and your mother endured.

 

I relate to a lot of what you said, I don't think that my dad was NPD but he was.......well you know. Like your mother, my mother is the the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate person I know. I sure have made some messes in my own life, but I've no doubt it would be much worse if not for her.

 

 

 

Hugs.............

 

PS, one thing that LS has gave me is more understanding about the dynamics of why my mother dealt with my father the way she did. I consider that a gift because during my teens I was quite angry with her too and in my adulthood, I just couldn't find understanding.

 

Thank you, Ladygrey.

 

I completely understand where you are coming from when you say you were angry with her too and how hard it was to find understanding as an adult. I felt the same way toward my Mom at times. I'm so happy I decided to go to therapy and work through those issues before she passed because I was able to truly enjoy her for a little while before she got sick. And when she died all of the issues of the past magically fell away and all her wonderful qualities started shining like crazy. She left us many gifts.

 

Sorry for the T/J again promises. In a way it kind of relates because there is a family with a story of their own attached to a narcisisst. It's not an easy life by any means.

Edited February 23, 2013 by spice4life

[neveragain34]

Simple. The BS is just as insecure as the OW, willing to settle for less than what she deserves. Until you feel better about yourself, this will always be a complexity to you.

[spice4life]

So sorry about this. I see my mother also sacrificing her life for a man ho never really was.

 

Thank goodness for the internet. It helped put the puzzle of my life together. I had 2 very painful push/pull relationships that were whirlwind and highly romantic. As I look back now these men were narcissist. Noone does romance like a narcissist/sociopath.NOONE!!! I was groomed. But somehow I subconciously knew I could not stay with these men.

 

I turned down healthy,good men because they were "boring" compared to the NPD's.The roller coaster keeps you mesmerized.

 

They get you in such a fog and you cannot see straight. Oh the declarations of love and the tears. I am sooooo immune to tears now. Both my ex's would tear up with I'm sorries when they needed to pull me back in. "You are my soulmate" "My everything" I can never be happy without you BS. I was just supply. I should have seen through the tears cause even though my father treated my mother like a dog, boy did the tears and romance come out once she was willing to walk. This always fooled her into thinking he learned his lesson. I doubt any of his mistresses knew that part. I'm sure his explanation was" I am staying for the kids" (Who by the way I ignore,abuse mentally and physically and really do not care for as they get on my nerve.)

 

Research personality disorders.

 

Wow, I could have written this post myself! I can totally relate. I don't know if my father had mistresses, but man, the face he put on for the outside world was drastically different than the one he put on for his family. All my neighbors and friends thought he was Mr. Fabulous. They had no clue what he was really like when they weren't around. I was the total opposite with my children...obsessively so! My main priority was their emotional and psychological well being because I didn't have that growing up. I felt alone actually. I watched my father fall all over himself to take care of everyone else and it was a very lonely feeling knowing that he had a different set of rules for us (his family).

[jlola]

Jlola........I wanted to send a hug to you also........you are one wise lady and I know you've endured a lot yourself.

 

awww thank you. Ironically some of the best people around have either been raised by an NPD or had a relationship with one. These personality disordered either kill your spirit or make you stronger.

 

Just wish most people would understand cluster B( narcissist,sociopaths,borderlines) make up about 9% of the population. So probability of dating one is high. Since they are also very charming and usually know how to accentuate their physical assets, it is easy to lure unsuspecting lovers. Once in their clutches it is very difficult to leave. They are not called mindf***Ks for nothing. This is why forums such as this need to discuss this more often.

[neveragain34]

Are you kidding?? Did you read any of these last few pages?

 

It is anything but simple and insecurity is only one factor.......and if you had ever dealt with one of these men, then you'd realize it's a hell of a lot more complicated than insecurity. There is a ton of insight here, if you'd bother to enlighten yourself.

 

What you said is insulting to every woman on here that has ever dealt with NPD, and other personality disorders.........as a BS or an OW.

 

 

Didn't mean to offend anyone or sound rude. No, I did not read the last few pages; I don't need to. I HAVE dealt with a narcissist, whom I later found out cheated on his wife 19 times. Had I been more confident and less insecure when I met him, I wouldn't have fallen prey to his seductive, charming ways and gotten swept into the whirlwind romance that turned out to be one big lie. I wouldn't have needed the confidence boost he gave me when he said I was his soulmate, beautiful, different, rare, smart, etc. Any sane woman would have ran the other way when coming across a narcissist. I'm glad I experienced this though; it was a huge enlightenment. After doing the research on NPD, I did not realize what a mess I was until the horrible aftermath of dealing with someone like him. My life is slowly turning around now in ways I never thought possible.

 

Working on myself now instead of wasting another minute on him, trying to find the answers to the problems his wife has or he has. I hope you can wake up one day and experience the same epiphany that I have and realize these selfish men aren't worth another second of your life or thoughts.

[neveragain34]

Will definitely read when I get a chance!

 

I was just answering OP's first question about why we think people stay with cheaters. I'm sure there's a world full of answers, but in my opinion, it all stems from insecurity, regardless of the root of these insecurities.