We want a church wedding but he's divorced... Can I get my dream wedding?

[Lovingdreams]

I have been with my partner for some time now and we are now talking about the future.

 

I have never been married but he is divorced but I got excited at the thought of being married to the man of my dreams until I remembered hearing that divorcees can't get church weddings.

 

I love this man with my whole heart, he is everything to me but like most girls, I dreamed if MY big day, lots of people, a beautiful gown and beautiful surroundings but he's saying its possible I may never get this and he thinks that we could only marry in a registry office.

Don't get me wrong, all I want is him but I feel somewhat upset thinking ill never get what I've dreamed of just because he is divorced and I know he's upset too as he wants a church wedding too.

 

Is there any alternatives? Tbh I don't care if its not catholic but sadly being from a tight catholic family, I don't know any other options and never had the reason to Check in the past.

 

Incase anyone is wondering I am a grown up (with my dreams from a child) - we are both 30 and from UK (unsure if churches differ from regions)

[2sure]

Divorced people get married in catholic churches every day. I did it , twice.

[stillafool]

Same here. He's lying you can get married in a Catholic church or any other church.

[amaysngrace]

My exH married me in a Catholic Church and remarried in a Methodist one.

[carhill]

OP, google 'decree of invalidity'

 

I know it has standing locally but customs may vary in the Church in the UK. My dad, after being abandoned by his spouse during WW2, actually petitioned the church for an annulment based upon abandonment, and received it, so he could remarry in the church *and* receive sacraments, an important consideration for a devout Catholic (I'm not).

 

Here's an excerpt of some of the information you may find:

 

"Does a Divorce affect my Status in the Catholic Church?

 

Please remember that a divorce alone would not affect, or hinder in any way, your participation in the Catholic Church. A divorced Catholic is free to receive the sacraments. However, if you are divorced and remarried without an Decree of Invalidity (and your former spouse is still living) a problem does arise. Similarly, if your spouse was previously married and has not received an Decree of Invalidity from a Tribunal, there is a problem. In such circumstances, you may not partake of the sacraments, including the reception of Holy Communion. We respect all marriages, even those which have ended in a civil divorce. Every prior marriage must be examined, since each is presumed to be valid with a lasting and lifelong commitment. Until it is shown otherwise through the ministry of the Tribunal, no person is free to enter into another marriage without the appearance or occasion of serious sin.

 

If you or your current spouse are divorced, and remarried outside of the Catholic Church, please consider seeking the healing that an investigation for a Decree of Invalidity can bring to you and which will enable you to return to a full participation in the sacramental life of the Church. "

[pink_sugar]

Never heard of such nonsense. You can get married wherever you want. Is he religious?

[Nyla]

If you don't care if the church is Catholic or not, why don't you just get married in a Protestant church? My husband was raised United, but since neither of us are religious we just had a civil ceremony.

[anne1707]

Same here. He's lying you can get married in a Catholic church or any other church.

 

Never heard of such nonsense. You can get married wherever you want. Is he religious?

 

Actually to be fair to this guy, there certainly is a widespread belief here in the UK that Catholics cannot remarry in the Church. So he may be mistaken but I think it is harsh to say he is lying or that this is nonsense.

 

OP - your best bet really is to speak to the priest where you would like to marry. Sometimes it also comes down to the choice of the priest. I am afraid I know of 2 Catholics who in the past 10 years remarried and could not do so in church - another option may be a venue wedding (not a registry office) and maybe have a church blessing if that is importnat to you.

[taiko]

If you don't care if the church is Catholic or not, why don't you just get married in a Protestant church? My husband was raised United, but since neither of us are religious we just had a civil ceremony.

As I understand the OP the rest of the family is so Catholic that outside of a Catholic Church, no matter how much it looks like one, they will not consider it an actual church. It would almost be seen as a Hollywood set and a slap at God and His church in their eyes.

 

I agree the fiance is not lying. It is up to the local Bishop, thus taking it out of the kindly local Priest hands, to decide ultimatly whether or not "The Church" will perform the sacrament. Most Catholics worldwide would need to go to tribunals to prove the first marriage was not "valid" in the eyes of the church, they seem to be easier to get where there are competing denominations. Then they must go through months of church instruction of what it means to be married.

 

So either the fiance doesn't want to marry at all or he rejects the authority that the local Catholic Bishop claims he has over him on account of his parents had him baptized by a Catholic Priest. In the second case he wants the civil wedding without all of the pomp and circumstance

[Nyla]

Couples should do what is right for them and not their family, when it comes to weddings and marriage. After all, the wedding and what happens in the subsequent marriage is ultimately about the couple.

 

My husband and I were being heavily pressured to have a huge wedding in a church. Neither of us wanted that and we needed to let our mothers know that only WE made choices in our marriage. After several arguments and insults from my mother, we eloped and had a civil ceremony outside. It was what we wanted.

 

Not saying that the OP should elope, but it is good practice for she and her fiance to learn to assert boundaries.

 

Found this info on a website:

 

"......My fiancé and I are both Catholic, and we would like to get married in a Catholic church, however, I am a divorcee. Is it still possible for us to marry in a Catholic church in the UK?

 

A. If your first marriage was valid, and marriage is said to ‘have the favour of law’ that is, it is assumed valid until it is legally proved otherwise, then you are not free to marry again. I quote from the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church No.349:

'The Church, since she is faithful to her Lord, cannot recognise the union of people who are civilly divorced and remarried. "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her: and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery" (Mark 10:11-12). The Church manifests an attentive solicitude towards such people and encourages them to a life of faith, prayer, works of charity and the Christian education of their children. However, they cannot receive sacramental absolution, take Holy Communion, or exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities as long as their situation, which objectively contravenes God's law, persists."

[taiko]

I should add that since both "are Catholic" they have to get married in a Catholic Church preferablly the parish of one of the couple. The only out is if the Bishop gives his permission for another location. And by their rule book that permission should not come unless the Catholic is marrying a hard headed Protestant, baptized under the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit formula. And even then the church is supposed to send a Priest or Deacon to make sure that the heretical clergyman doesn't make a mistake in the ceremony.

 

If they don't get permission before hand they are suppose to confess and live as brother and sister until they finish the church marriage prep class and then the church will validate the union and make Holy Communion and the sacraments available again.

[Nyla]

I should add that since both "are Catholic" they have to get married in a Catholic Church preferablly the parish of one of the couple. The only out is if the Bishop gives his permission for another location. And by their rule book that permission should not come unless the Catholic is marrying a hard headed Protestant, baptized under the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit formula. And even then the church is supposed to send a Priest or Deacon to make sure that the heretical clergyman doesn't make a mistake in the ceremony.

 

If they don't get permission before hand they are suppose to confess and live as brother and sister until they finish the church marriage prep class and then the church will validate the union and make Holy Communion and the sacraments available again.

 

Nobody has to do anything.

 

Catholics get married in civil ceremonies or in other churches all the time.

[taiko]

Nobody has to do anything.

 

Catholics get married in civil ceremonies or in other churches all the time.

Have to if they want to receive communion without lying to the Priest. Which is what they do until the church validates an invalid, to them wedding

[taiko]

Just to add witholding communion is one of the big guns in their arsenal to ensure compliance. It is what Bishops want to do to politcians who support birth control and abortion rights. Should the Catholic not voluntarily refuse communion then he is said to have committed a grave error and his mortal soul is inperil.

 

While he is not forced to marry in the Church under penalty of bannishment there is still force to marry only where the Bishop says you can.