feels like a midlife crisis and what i am going to say to my therapist

[Krieger]

Well I just wrote down what I have been feeling and stuff so when I go see my therapist I have an answer to what is going on with me.

 

I am just checking to see if this make since and sounds OK and not to crazy LOL.

 

It's hard to distinguish what I am actually struggling with but I always felt like I was struggling with something.

 

 

The fact I am turning 30 this year is getting to me more and more. I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. There is this constant feeling of not having achieved enough. I do not have anything to show for my life yet and seeing people I know get married and have kids makes me feel like a loser.

 

 

I am very hard on myself more then I need to be and I need to stop beating myself up. I am sure it does not help that I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes I have made.

Anyway I have decided to go back to college for a 2nd time and been going for about one year. I have a job but I hate it retail is no fun and is a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time.

 

 

I have been working 40 hours a week and taking 2 classes for the last 2 quarters. Truth be told I have not been sleeping well at all. I have only been getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night with a nap in between some times.

 

 

On top of that I just give up dating , friends , family , TV, Xbox ,drinking, partying, sports, working out , meeting new people, sleep , sex, going out , and everything I once enjoyed to focus on school.

This is the year I need to step it up and give it my all and make it happen. i want to be successful more than anything so I gave up everything to get it.

 

 

The desire to feel like you're not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself. But it definitely helps. In a perfect world I would overcome the sense that I suck constantly.

 

 

Due too many factors, has been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and dating. Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my 20s due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems).

 

 

I can now talk to any one and have been on 8-12 dates but noting clicked but just kinda gave up for the time being .

 

 

 

I have had a short term relationship with a girl that lasted 6 months and it just kind of ended.

 

 

I’ve never been in a serious relationship with a girl before and feel never be good enough for a girlfriend. I know I should not feel that way yet it is hard come to grips with the fact that I am so behind guy my age when it comes to dating. I worry if a girl finds out she will just stop dating me.

 

 

I think this is a part of it I don't always feel like I am accepted or have been accepted. I always feel like I'm on the outside or always on the peripheral. Also I have this feeling that no one understands me or gets me. I never fit in at school when I was younger and I tried to fit in but no luck. I did make friends in college but after college we kind all lost touch.

 

 

People who don't know me very well, say I come off as aloof, arrogant, kind of awkward, and say I am just unique. I just kind of march to the beat of my own drum and do not really follow other people.

 

 

Is it a simple thing like my Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, Inability to feel comfortable in my own skin and insecure that drives woman away?

It’s not that I don't want love in fact I want to fall in love and be loved by someone more than anything.

 

 

The last thing is I want to work on myself and try to not be so hard on myself. I was reading up on cognitive behavioral therapy and I think it will do wonders in find ways to love my self so some else can love me back. Also work on my self-esteem and build my confidence up insuring healthier me.

[venusianx13]

Hi there,

 

I just wanted to let you know that I understand... and the first thing I would commend you on is that you've written the things down that you'd like to address with your therapist. Very smart move.

 

Personally, I have a history with shyness and social anxiety. I was bullied right out of public school, which in hindsight was strange, because when I got to the private school I was moved to, I was very popular and had a great time. It was a fresh start for me, and I have many fond memories of the last 3 years of high school. However, the patterns and triggers associated with having been bullied, coupled with other emotional issues, has stuck with me and is a challenge.

 

At my best, I am not focusing on myself because, like you, I am my own worst enemy. I am a single mom, work full time, and did volunteer work for wildlife rehab as well as being assistant to the resident teacher at my Dharma Center. I was happiest then, but I ended up burning myself out. The key is balance, and I'm currently trying to figure out the best "formula" for myself.

 

I'm 30. I had many feelings similar to yours as I approached this age, but to be honest, I had simply overthought it. My 30th birthday came and went, and...I'm doing alright. You'll be just fine.

 

Good luck with the therapist!

Edited February 22, 2013 by venusianx13

[venusianx13]

This may be of help to you...

 

Blog

 

I'm not sure if you identify yourself as an intuitive introvert, but from reading about you, I'd surmise to say you may be. I am, too.

 

This test, created by Carl Jung, can help you figure that out.

 

Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory

 

At any rate, the results will provide you with a lot of insight into your personality.

[FitChick]

Read my thread in the Physical Fitness forum about foods containing GABA for anxiety and depression. At least the symptoms should diminish by changing your diet. I'm going to be eating more of them myself.

[Krieger]

This may be of help to you...

 

Blog

 

I'm not sure if you identify yourself as an intuitive introvert, but from reading about you, I'd surmise to say you may be. I am, too.

 

This test, created by Carl Jung, can help you figure that out.

 

Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory

 

At any rate, the results will provide you with a lot of insight into your personality.

 

 

thanks for the help

[Krieger]

Read my thread in the Physical Fitness forum about foods containing GABA for anxiety and depression. At least the symptoms should diminish by changing your diet. I'm going to be eating more of them myself.

 

will do thanks