I really want to ask her, But old Ghosts still haunt me.........

[Sure But Not Sure]

I'm 28, my girl is 25. We've been together for 5 years. We just got back together after

 

a short break. She left me.. wanting to feel independent, free, wild phase, see if I was really what she wanted.

 

The whole time she kept saying she knew I was the one, just not right now, not right now. She wished she

 

had accomplished some things in her life etc etc and moved in with her work friend, they went out partying a lot.

 

...ANYWAY, it didn't last....She came back, had a slight falling out with her friend and begged me to take her back, so I did

 

Because i love her so much and believed in "us" and waited for her to come around...Then we got another

 

Place. She has been so lovey dovey ever since we got back together 4 months ago and hinting at marriage/baby more than ever

 

before. . She swears now that she knows i'm the one, yet i still fear that she could get those feelings again

 

BECAUSE....

 

 

She still hasn't accomplished anything, isn't going to school and just goes to work and comes home to me. I, on the other

 

hand, have goals and dreams and my own business etc. So when i'm off doing stuff she's left alone, to read and usually claims she's

 

bored, has no friends, is super self-concious....

 

 

I Love her very much, we get along so so so good. She is so beautiful to me and fun. BUT, I just fear that if we are married,

 

somewhere down the road, she'll fall into depression or whatever. I just don't want that. She already gets bummed from time to

 

time from being bored etc etc. I grew up with a single mom who was depressed alot of the time, I don't want to live like that.

 

I don't want my girl to have to depend on me for her Happiness.....But I love her a lot and want to ask her to marry me.. Should I?

[overseas2004]

Look being married is not going to stop her from accomplishing the goals she wants to accomplish. eg.. school and promotions. I have a friend who was studying to be a doctor even though she had two toddlers. It was tough but she managed.

 

I don't really know if your girl is motivated to go get what she wants. So far she seems to be in a rut.

 

If I were you I would encourage her to do these things alot. You dont have to have kids yet she is still young. So get her to do these things. And for gods sake if you love her marry her.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[NatoPMT]

Hi Sure

 

You are having conflicting feelings at the moment because the insecurity naturally resulting from her actions could be forcing you both in the direction of making a gesture that gives both of you the relief of knowing the other is committed, while the fact she broke things off is preventing you wanting to make that commitment.

 

Wanting to get married because the gesture of commitment is needed after your recent troubles is the wrong reason for marriage. Getting married after pinpointing that all the reasons she left in the first place are reasons she could leave again wouldnt be a good idea and id advise you against making this permanent at this stage. I think you should look at working through these issues with her and give it another 8 months dating so you can assess whether you are still right for each other.

 

Explain to her why her marriage/baby hints havent prompted a proposal – be honest and explain your doubts so there’s no resentment from her that she isnt getting what she wants. Keep the communication open and build your trust together.

 

BB

[jmargel]

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and just not looking at the present, but the future. I am of the opinion to never have a serious relationship with someone in their early twenties, who hasn't at least had a place of their own. Women go through that 'independent' streak sometime in their life. And problems start when they hit that, while being with someone.

 

She is unsure about her direction in life, but that doesn't mean she can't search for it without you. For people to say 'I have to find myself' and let their SO go, is a cop-out. Your SO is suppose to be there for you through good & uncertain times.

 

Anyway, my suggestion would be to find a good licensed marriage counselor. Even though you aren't married, you are in a long term relationship and they will take you. Call your local hospital for references.

 

She needs to find her own friends, that is important. Can you get her involved in your business? Even if it's in a little way, at least she'll feel a part of it and you.

 

Sounds like she has a big heart, and she's learned alot. She just needs a little more direction, in which a good counselor can give the both of you.

[Sure But Not Sure]

THANK YOU ALL VERY VERY MUCH

 

Your words help me so much. . . .

 

 

I treat her very good. I do a lot for her and have always been there for her. I just don't want to be

 

the one that keeps everything going and everything happy. A relationship has to be a balance and

 

that's the maint hing that's really bugging me right now, well, and the fact that our communication

 

could be improved, Tons!

 

I will continue to encourage her and help her towards finding her "thing" in life. I agree, we could be married

 

and we can still support each other in our goals. I just hope she finds hers. She lacks SO MUCH motivation and

 

gets very lazy, very easily. It's always been her nature. But she has a good heart, good intentions and is a good person.

 

she finds beauty in the same things I do. Which is why I love her so much. I really want us to work. Hopefully it will. I've been

 

thru a lot with this girl and tons and tons of Heartache, when she left me. Anyway...

 

Thanks for your help guys/gals....