I'm an impersonable person!

[DontWorryBHappy]

Background on me: 23 year old college student, majoring in a social-services related field (oh the irony), single, a couple friends, etc

 

It's ironic that I'm majoring in social services, considering that most often I'd like other people to leave me alone, lol. I'm a relatively quiet person when I'm around strangers (so whenever I'm going around my college campus of 50,000 kids, most of whom I'll never meet)... When I'm with people that I do know, I can be pretty entertaining. I've been told that I'm silly, funny, like "a comedian".. but then there are times when I am utterly tired of people. I have a history of bipolarness (yes, I know that isn't a word). Nothing formally diagnosed or anything.. I'm just prone to being supremely happy in some moments and world-hating in others, without warning. On top of that, a history of intense depressive symptoms at times when I don't have enough focus in my life or for seemingly no reason (again, no formal diagnosis or anything).

 

Recently I tired volunteering at a couple places. One was a crisis center for sexual assault victims. Worthy cause for sure, but while I was going through the training to counsel these people, something about it just wasn't me. Maybe it was the fact that this sort of counseling requires you to talk to victims in a very specific way. Maybe it was the pressure. I don't know, but I decided not to do it, and all I feel is relief. The lady who was training me oozes with a caring personality and honestly, although I DO care and I'm not void of a heart, I just feel like there's something missing that I'd need to have (personality-wise) to be right for that kind of work.. I'm also going to try volunteering for a youth shelter. But I've yet to find out whether I'll like working with these kids or whether I hate teenagers.

 

In any case... I'm just not a personable human being a lot of the time. More than half the time that I'm at work I'm just wishing no one will come in so that I don't have to deal with people. I spend a lot of time flashing fake smiles and forcing small talk. And when I'm not at work it's not much better. Today I was in the dining hall and I was debating (internally) whether to get some salad. Then this lady who's working behind the counter asks: "Do you need anything?". I hesitate, and instantly I dislike her, because,... well because, she said something to me when it wasn't necessary, that's why! I thought to myself, "If I did need something I would tell you. And now if I say no, and then a moment later I realize I need something, I have to go back on what I initially said, all because YOU asked unnecessarily in the first place." I despise the entire idea of customer service as a whole, and the method that is so commonly touted. I despise the fact that "good customer service" apparently means asking people questions and reaching out to them when they walk, defenseless, into a store. I am that customer who doesn't want to be bothered, ever. And if you come up to chat with me while I'm doing ****, unless you're a hot guy, please don't.

 

And then there was the time recently when a poor guy wanted to sit down with me in the dining hall.. I was sitting alone, but that was on purpose. For whatever reason I couldn't turn him away even though I did want to be alone.. so he sat down across from me. Then he tried to talk to me, which was obviously as easy as teeth pulling, because he ended up talking about the flimsiness of my tortillas and asking me about hot sauce. I can be charming when I want to be, but when I want the world to be shut out around me, I'm a dead fish.

 

I have issues and that is why I am looking into jobs that require me to deal with people minimally. Can I correct this impersonal behavior or am I doomed?

Edited February 22, 2013 by DontWorryBHappy

[aMguilts]

what makes you think you are the only one that matters in this world?

 

what do you like doing?

aM

Edited February 22, 2013 by aMguilts

[Apolodor]

 

In any case... I'm just not a personable human being a lot of the time. More than half the time that I'm at work I'm just wishing no one will come in so that I don't have to deal with people. I spend a lot of time flashing fake smiles and forcing small talk. And when I'm not at work it's not much better. Today I was in the dining hall and I was debating (internally) whether to get some salad. Then this lady who's working behind the counter asks: "Do you need anything?". I hesitate, and instantly I dislike her, because,... well because, she said something to me when it wasn't necessary, that's why! I thought to myself, "If I did need something I would tell you. And now if I say no, and then a moment later I realize I need something, I have to go back on what I initially said, all because YOU asked unnecessarily in the first place." I despise the entire idea of customer service as a whole, and the method that is so commonly touted. I despise the fact that "good customer service" apparently means asking people questions and reaching out to them when they walk, defenseless, into a store. I am that customer who doesn't want to be bothered, ever. And if you come up to chat with me while I'm doing ****, unless you're a hot guy, please don't.

 

And then there was the time recently when a poor guy wanted to sit down with me in the dining hall.. I was sitting alone, but that was on purpose. For whatever reason I couldn't turn him away even though I did want to be alone.. so he sat down across from me. Then he tried to talk to me, which was obviously as easy as teeth pulling, because he ended up talking about the flimsiness of my tortillas and asking me about hot sauce. I can be charming when I want to be, but when I want the world to be shut out around me, I'm a dead fish.

 

I have issues and that is why I am looking into jobs that require me to deal with people minimally. Can I correct this impersonal behavior or am I doomed?

 

 

Well, my friend, it seems you suffer of Social Anxiety. It is in your best interest to find a way to overcome your condition -- the world is made up of people and I hate to tell you that most of your life after you finish college will depend in no small part on your social skills. In the workplace the people who get ahead quickly are those who know how to "mingle".

I sometimes feel the same as you, and I really hate the lunch break at the place where I am working. We have a small cafeteria where we are expected to show our faces no matter what. The place is usually packed, which means that there is no option of sitting alone. The fake conversations and the phonies who are my colleagues take away the pleasure of eating. But I need to put on my happy face and mimic conversation, or otherwise I am screwed. Learn how to deal with your problems in one way or another, that's the best advice I can give you.