girlfriend broke up with me

[heartbroken4life]

Hello my name is David I am 21 years old and up until 2 months ago was dating the only love I ever knew for 4 years.The thing is I didn't realize I truly loved her until about a year ago or less. Here is the twist the girl is 17 years old so she was 13 when we started dating. I couldn't help it when I saw her it was if I just knew and so did she.

 

Every minute of spare time was spent together. We went through some rough times together we were not allowed to see each other for almost 2 years. Although of course we did see each other just secretively. Alicia went to school her sophomore summer so she could graduate early to be with me. The summer she graduated she wanted to move in with me so we got our first apartment together. Her brother which is one of my best friends lives with us to. I did everything for this girl she never wanted for anything we went on trips she got clothes rings whatever I paid for pretty much everything she even has a 2000 4runner because of me partly. I gave her everything then as if like clock work she told me she was not in love with me anymore.Now understand she loves me she is not in love with me, I'm sure someone knows what I'm talking about. Another twist her work and school (college) is up near where we live so we still live together and sleep together but we are not together. You can not imagine how it feels to lay in the bed at night beside the girl you would die for just so she wouldn't have to fill an ounce of sadness and her not love you back. I love her with all my heart and will wait for her but I am scared she may not come back to me. Please give me your insight on the situation and don't just say I'm crazy because I've already heard that enough...

[Tony T]

The girl is young. Most young girls are not equipped to love someone who is extremely nice to them. I think she was really into this thing...but when you started supplying her every need, includings clothes, jewelry, 4runner, etc., that was the beginning of the end. You were just way too nice and you know what happens to nice guys.

 

For young girls, love has to be exciting. Men have to be a challenge or girls just get bored. A 13 to 16 year old girl is capable of incredible infatuation but rarely is able to actually fall in love in a mature, lasting way.

 

If you really want the girl to want you back romantically, you are going to have to do some painful things. You will have to kick her out of your place, very nicely, start seeing other people, not calling her very often, not returning her calls right away, not Emailing or writing her with much frequency, not being available to see her or go out with her all the time. You are going to have to be a challenge to her. Do it nicely, you don't have to be a jerk about it. Just do it as if it comes very naturally.

 

In the future, never, ever try to be too nice or give too much to a lady. They just don't like it. Oh, yes, the users will love it but when they have gotten all they want, they are out the door. Decent girls want a challenge and don't want to be bought.

 

If you have any chance of bringing back the passion with this girl you're with now, you are going to have some work to do. The big time chemistry stuff has fizzled out. The only way you will get it back is to make her work for you.

 

Give up this thing of being too nice and giving so much to someone you are just dating. Even in a marriage, there has to be a balance.

 

This girl does not belong sleeping in the same bed with you. I won't say you're crazy but the longer you let this go like this, the more she will consider you a roommate and buddy and will NEVER, EVER love you as a romantic interest again. Take my word for it.

 

Don't be shy about asking her to leave. She will be pissed at first...but she will LOVE you for it because she wants a MAN, not a wimp.

[Paulie]

STOP SLEEPING WITH HER STOP SEEING HER

 

You are only torturing yourself. This girl is a young, immature chirpie, and I'm sure you love her. 4yrs. is a long time. But she's IMMATURE. Get a grip on yourself.

 

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP SLEEPING WITH HER

 

OHHHH. this is making me so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Sorry, this looks like one of Tony's posts)

 

The girl told you she isn't in love with you anymore, and you keep giving every little bit of yourself over to her. Have some goddamn self-respect. You give of yourself to someone who WANTS to be with you, IS in love with you.

 

NO amount of continually pining after this chick is going to bring her back...in fact, it will drive her away.

 

Women want a man to be a MAN. A man who sticks up for himself. If somebody rejects him, he thinks enough of himself to throw his shoulders back, and walk away.

 

Now...I have been dumped, several times in fact. People on this forum can attest to the mess that I was. But I would NEVER NEVER NEVER let the girl know that. Letting her know that (and maybe it just takes experience to find this out, and NO she is not different in this regard) will ONLY serve to boost her stupid ego, and lessen her opinion (and attractiveness)to you.

 

SO STOP IT.

 

Am I being cruel, or insensitive here? Absolutely not. The only way to heal from this is by taking a PROACTIVE approach. That means saying (not out loud, of course) "screw you m***er-f**ker," rather than this "I am wounded for life" CRAP CRAP CRAP.

 

(OHHHHHH...I'm pissed. I'm sure going to have a good Tae Kwon Do workout today!)

 

You are not wounded for life, and you know this. Yes you do. You don't wanna admit this because it's the initial step in letting go. Do it, and then mourn it. It's healthy. Do all the pampering of yourself that you need to do, cry, puke.

 

BUT DON'T LET HER SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Later, and feel free to post here often.

 

Paulie

[sparkle]

Tony and Paulie's advice was perfect!

 

Listen to it! Read and re-read their posts to make sure you

 

get it all in.

 

I am a girl. I know how girls think. If I was Alicia, and you followed through on their advice (about being a challenge and unavailable..etc) there is a VERY GOOD chance that I'd come back to you.

 

That's how our twisted minds work sometimes, we like to have what's off-limits.

 

Good luck sweetie, and in the future, try not to start buying her stuff if it's not give and take. If you're buying her a 4runner and she's buying you a car in return, then ok...but don't buy her lots of stuff. You can't buy your way to their heart.

[Nic]

i agree totally with all the above posts. stand up for yourself and don't be so willing to give, give, give. she has to learn that to take in a relationship, she has to be willing to give some herself. and that will be part of the challenge if you can start to do that.

 

and like the others said - STOP SLEEPING WITH HER IMMEDIATELY!!! that is a recipe for disaster!! if making love is only a one-way street, one person will come out a lot more hurt than the other, and that will more likely be you if you don't look out for yourself here. it's very hard to not want to make love when you love her so much, but don't set yourself up to possibly get hurt. making it a challenge is really the essence of everything here, especially with her being young.

 

if she really respects you and wants this relationship, she will begin to put the effort in herself and will be more likely to come back to you if she can see that you're not always going to be so willing to be trodden on.

 

by the way, i think it's really sweet of you to be so giving in a relationship, but isn't it so much more satisfying when the other person gives to you as much as you give to them?

 

if she really wants you, she will come back, but it's up to you now to be the strong one and not keep treating her the way she expects to be treated.

Tony and Paulie's advice was perfect! Listen to it! Read and re-read their posts to make sure you get it all in. I am a girl. I know how girls think. If I was Alicia, and you followed through on their advice (about being a challenge and unavailable..etc) there is a VERY GOOD chance that I'd come back to you. That's how our twisted minds work sometimes, we like to have what's off-limits. Good luck sweetie, and in the future, try not to start buying her stuff if it's not give and take. If you're buying her a 4runner and she's buying you a car in return, then ok...but don't buy her lots of stuff. You can't buy your way to their heart.

[Deejette]

You are torturing yourself by staying with this girl and hoping that she will fall back in love with you. Right now she probably loves you like a brother and probably thinks you will always be there for her no matter what. She may even be seeing someone else whom she thinks she is "in love" with, because why the sudden change?

 

If she is seeing someone else and still using you for all the love, comfort, and gifts you have been so generously bestowing on her, that might give you that bitter edge that will help you get over her.

i agree totally with all the above posts. stand up for yourself and don't be so willing to give, give, give. she has to learn that to take in a relationship, she has to be willing to give some herself. and that will be part of the challenge if you can start to do that. and like the others said - STOP SLEEPING WITH HER IMMEDIATELY!!! that is a recipe for disaster!! if making love is only a one-way street, one person will come out a lot more hurt than the other, and that will more likely be you if you don't look out for yourself here. it's very hard to not want to make love when you love her so much, but don't set yourself up to possibly get hurt. making it a challenge is really the essence of everything here, especially with her being young.

 

if she really respects you and wants this relationship, she will begin to put the effort in herself and will be more likely to come back to you if she can see that you're not always going to be so willing to be trodden on. by the way, i think it's really sweet of you to be so giving in a relationship, but isn't it so much more satisfying when the other person gives to you as much as you give to them? if she really wants you, she will come back, but it's up to you now to be the strong one and not keep treating her the way she expects to be treated.