billybadass36 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Bottom line for me is that I REALLY REALLY want to know how many people my g.f. has slept with. I don't know why. But then, knowing her answer to that question will do nothing for my relationship with her. Even if it's in the range of "acceptable" numbers, then I'm just going to assume she's under-reporting to make me feel good. If she's honest and it's a really high number, then I'm going to act like I don't care, but I will. This whole subject hurts my head, and I'd rather not think about it. Maybe in another 6 months...a year....who knows??? What do I want to find out by asking that question? Nothing good is going to come of it, but still, the not knowing is torturous. Link to post Share on other sites
Love Sucka Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Would it make you feel better if she said that she never had casual sex or the past is the past.. and she doesnt want to answer.. maybe if you continue to NOT ask then it wont bother you anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 That's pretty much what I'm going to do. Up until the day we started dating she owed me nothing. She didn't owe me fidelity. She didn't owe me any loyalty whatsoever. Same goes for me. She's been sexually active for over 12 years. How naive would I be to believe that she's slept with fewer people than I have? Why would I expect such? Would we have as great a sex life as we presently do if either or both of us weren't as experienced as we are? Probably not. Knowing numbers, details, names, faces, etc., are all bad things. Thinking about another man making her squeal like I do makes me cringe. Thinking about another guy doing things to her...albeit probably not as artfully as I do...makes me want to puke. Alas, there's nothing I can do about it but make sure that I please her (and myself in the process) as much as I can to make sure that she never thinks of going elsewhere for it...Like has been said before, "how many people and what she did before me doesn't matter. It's how many she's sleeping with now and in the future that matters." The experiences and the people in our pasts (both the good and the bad) are what makes us the people we are today - for better or worse. She means so much to me today that I can't let the past ruin it for me. Period. So I'm going to stop worrying about it. All it can do is screw up a great relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
wizzy45 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by kellydontwanttasleep any guy who wants to be with me i tell them about my histories so if they think they're hot they know i have experience and they better be afraid. if they can't perform i will dump them in a NY minute. guys don't want experienced girls because they know they're lame and stupid in bed. they just don't want to be compared to some one good in bed. they may rationalize it any way they want but that is the truth. girls be proud of your spirit for adventure and never feel guilty. I dated a girl when she was 17 and she was already with 14 partners and she only started having sex when she was 14. I think that may have been over the edge of adventurous. I still stayed with her for a couple of years but then that wonderful adventure stage that your talking about came back and she cheated on me with an X. I am not saying that I am horrible in bed or anything like that, In fact I am Id say above average. I loved giving her oral until she reached full or multiple orgasms everytime before we had sex and I enver received an oral in return. It was just when I went away for the weekend she decided to cheat on me. Link to post Share on other sites
romme22 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 billiybaddass36, That's an excellent way to look at it and it was what my wife and I agreed on, that the past was the past and we didn't need to know and that was it. Well years into the relationship, names would surface here and there. It didn't have to be my wife mentioning things either. It could be her friends reminiscing. I've heard things about her friends also and for the most part it's not a big deal. But I guess if you have an agreement not to talk about it and then it starts coming up here and there and you hear new names or stories well after a while it will start to bother you. I moved into my wifes area so we pretty much exclusively see her friends, relatives etc who all know and were party of her growing up. They probably all still know more than I do. After about 12 years of being married and me sticking with my no talking about the past stuff but hearing 12 years of stories from her and her friends, I had quite a list growing in my head and it was starting to bother me. We finally had a talk and we disclosed everything to each other. It helped me put some closure to all the wild stories that I was hearing as well as calming my growing anxiety about when the list would end. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was going wild for 10 years but it was always something that could come up anytime and at times when a new story came up, I had the ability to get bummed out. I know you may be scared to find out but with what I know know, I would have much rather had it all up front so I wasn't surprised each time something new came up. Rom Link to post Share on other sites
Queen B Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Here's a question: Has he asked about your sexual past? If he hasn't, he may not be overly concerned... Anyway it's always a touchy subject mostly I think because when you really really like someoene you don't want to do anything they would judge as 'bad'. It's funny how we associate STD's with a high number of partners. When it comes to that I'd be more worried about whether someoene's had unprotected sex rather than how many people they slept with you only need to have unprotected sex with one person in order to get an STD. I might also mention that you can get STD's through oral sex...alot of people engage in oral sex and consider themselves virgins. I have to agree that if you have or suspect any STD's he has a right to know. But getting back to revealing the number of partners you've had the past is the past and lots of us do stupid things beleive me girl and lots of people realise they've made a mistake and decide to make a change in their lives! I think that if you guys are both secure in your relationship than the past is more or less irrelevant and this number is just that, a number. You mentioned that he was upset about a girlfriend in the past that lied about the number of partners she had. It's not fair for you to assume he was upset at the number or the lying with out actually asking him. You need to talk to him because this is bothering you a lotand the stress is probably going to kill the relationship. Ultimately the exact number is your choice to tell or not to tell but you need to talk to your guy about your past and your guy, if hes a good one should respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Besides the double standard that in some ways is totally insane..... I think there are two different types of circumstances that should be considered before judging someone one their sexual past.. 1) a girl who sleeps with who ever gives them attention, basically whoever they find themselves attracted to and who attempts to get down their pants they end up doing. (usually because of lack of self esteem). 2) a girl who dates a guy believing he loves her (assuming he tells her this) shows in every other way that he's serious and honest, seems to adore her, ect, ect, ect then once he gets what he wants (or the relationship ends) that is another partner for her. What if she really likes these guys who claim they feel the same for her...is she supposed to be alone for fear of "racking up" her number of partners? Why is it okay for the guy to "talk a good game" to get what they want and when the girl falls for them and TRUSTS them, they become intimate?? Why is the girl considered a whore for following her heart and trusting a man who claims and seems to show he really cares for her?? I think you should really know the person before judging! Link to post Share on other sites
Love Sucka Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I would say this.. i know most people who would never disclose that information to each other because it would make them both sick. I know they have been together for over 10 years and still NOTHING comes out. Because it shouldnt be mentioned. If you are the type of person who cant handle it because it would make you sick to know all these men have done this or that then DONT ASK. Someone once told me the person who asks this question is asking to be lied to.. they dont really want to know. Aside from my insecurities about this.. AND ive never had an std.. infact i was told by my doctor to stop getting blood tests. Even though i fear having Herpes and not knowing it is not likely chances of me never having a sore on my mouth or in my crotch. He said if that were the case then everyone would have to get tested for both herpes and tell everyone they COULD have herpes 1 in their mouth and COULD possibly spread it to their partner which is such a rare thing that whats the point of doing it! I also have OCD so that makes my fear of this stuff harder! Either way. i dunno! haha Ive had boyfriends and had unprotected sex maybe once with them. Condoms have broken BUT aside from that i was always safe! Link to post Share on other sites
anotheroneoneone Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 i got another one for you.. how about a girl who sleeps around because she doesnt want to get hurt! because she knows how to have sex with out attachments and thus has learned how to fall in love with someone she can truely love! Knowing the difference between just sex and love! Dont believe those girls who say they have been with only 3 people.. Ask them how many guys they blew! Remember Clerks?? In my opinion since wheni have sex i can orgasm i would use men to get my self off and throw them away. Now i met someone i love and i know i love him because i know the difference. If people in general dont go through their "slut" phase they will want it later and regret not messing about! Its healthy to have a phase. Just dont go have sex with prostitutes! You marry someone who didnt have the phase then your asking for trouble Link to post Share on other sites
Babyface24 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 There is no way I could be with a girl who can hold that one thing away from me. If you can hide your past then you can hide other stuff. I figure if you are in it for the long run then you tell me everything from A to Z. Dont hold nothing back cuz he probably isnt holding anything from you. Hey it may be the past but what goes around comes around. Yea I would want to know my females sexual past to see if I want to be with you or to see what kind of name you got. Yea the double standard hurts......females. Because males are dogs. Simply put. Link to post Share on other sites
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