TylerKing Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) Figured I'll introduce myself first since I'm new here. My name is Tyler and I'm 22 years old. Nice to meet you all! Anyway, this is a long story, so I will explain it in as much detail as I possibly can. My girlfriend and I met when we were in high school. She was a freshman and I was a senior. We started off amazing, but a few months down the road we started to have some problems. Then we were great again. On and off, we've had our fair share of ups and downs. We were together just over 4 years... At her graduation party last June, I proposed to her and she said yes, and we moved in together in August. Everything seemed to be going great, but a few months later, we started to have some problems. She kept telling me that I wasn't showing her enough affection and that she didn't feel like a girl... A few weeks ago, she told me she was going to go over to her parents house to get some space and so she could "find herself" and figure out what she wanted. Of course, I freaked out and thought she was going to leave me. I called my best friend (Ric) and told him everything that was happening. Now here's where the story gets tricky... Ric has always had a thing for my girlfriend. Me and him have been great friends for a year. I knew he always had a thing for her, but he never acted upon it, so it didn't really bother me. Well, the entire week, I was trying to talk to Trista and ask if she was going to come back home so we could try and work things out, but she kept saying stuff like "no matter what, I'm always here for you and I'll always love you"... She kept making me think she was going to break up with me. On Tuesday, she told me she was going to come over so we could talk... So she came over on Wednesday and everything seemed great that day. We hung out but we didn't really talk... Then she left again. But before she left that day, I asked her if she would know for sure if she was going to stay with me, and she told me yes... That she would tell me on Thursday. Well... on Thursday, she was acting very different through her text messages, than she was from the day before. It just seemed so strange. She texted me and told me to go to the apartment and I would have my "answer"... So I came home, and all of her stuff was gone! Then she told me that her and Ric have been talking ever since Saturday (after I told him what had happened.) And that night, she even changed her Facebook status to being in a relationship with him. I nearly died! After 4 years with me and being engaged, she immediately began a relationship with my so-called best friend! THE SAME DAY SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. It's as if she forgot all about me... I asked her why she was with Ric and she told me it was because "he told her what she wanted to hear and that he made her feel like a girl". (Which is what I hadn't been doing recently). The most shocking thing is that I never saw this coming from her... Never in a million years because I know she loved me with all her heart. She literally gave me her entire life and her entire world! And it just baffled my mind that she went for him, because she ALWAYS told me how unattractive he was and how she was always annoyed of him. (They literally have NOTHING in common). Well anyway, I did the usual... I begged, pleaded, and told her I was going to change, but nothing worked... A few days after she broke up with me, I tried talking to her at work. She told me that she regretted changing her status on Facebook so soon, and that she "didn't know what her and Ric were". (Although it's pretty damn obvious). She admitted to me, that she had been staying with him at his parents, and that they even had sex! (She started crying when she told me...) I mean, for crying out loud, barely a week with him, and she's already staying with him and sleeping with him! A few more days after that, I asked her if me and her could talk about us, and she agreed. I asked her if she could stay away from Ric long enough for us to talk, so he wouldn't be whispering things in her ear, and she told me that she would... Well, just a few hours later, I tried talking to her at work, but she kept avoiding me... I asked her if we were going to talk and she told me it wasn't a good idea... I asked her why and she told me "she had feelings for Ric". And that was that. I thought it was over... Of course, over the next few days, I tried begging and pleading with her, but nothing seemed to work. She even moved Ric and his cousin in with her at our apartment! (I had been staying with my brother at this point and was currently looking for a new place of my own.) So on Saturday, I decided to try "no contact" with her... And on Tuesday, she sent me a text and asked if we could talk on Wednesday... I told her it wasn't a good idea, unless things were going to change, but she insisted that we talk... So I reluctantly agreed. We talked on Wednesday and she started crying. She told me that her and Ric had gotten into an arguement and that she was probably going to break up with him... And that me and her could remain friends until we could gradually start dating again. I was so happy! Everything seemed like it was falling back into place! I texted her the next day (on Valentine's Day) and I asked her if she was being 100% genuine about everything that we had talked about on Wednesday, because to me, it just seemed too good to be true... And that's when she sent me that dredded text me... She told me that she was going to stay with Ric, but take things slow. I called her later that day, trying to beg and plead with her. I asked her why she changed her mind so fast, and she told me "because everytime I start to believe you'll change, I end up thinking you won't and that I've given you so many chances to change..." and blablabla... So... that was that. The next day on Friday, I got all of my stuff out of the apartment. She started crying as I was taking my stuff out... It finally seemed like everything was starting to hit her. I kept asking her if this is what she wanted, and she told me that it's what was best... For now. She said we both needed a break and time away from each other... I asked her if she ever saw us getting back together, and she told me it was a possibility. (She even admitted to me that if she had a choice, she would stay single and move back in with her parents.) I asked her why she couldn't just stay with Ric, but stay single instead of dating him, but she never gave me an answer. Just didn't make sense to me. Anyway, we said our goodbyes. I more or less told her that I would be waiting for her, but I didn't know how long it would be before I moved on... And since then, I've been in "no contact" with her. On Friday (the last day I talked to her), I gave her flowers and she put them in her back seat... And a few days later, I noticed that she had put them in her back window. Also, one of my friends from work told me that her and Trista have been talking back and forth on Facebook, and Trista told my friend that she misses me, but told her not to tell me. Obviously my friend told me, lol... Also, Trista has been spying on me on Facebook and looking at my status updates. How, I don't know, because I deleted and blocked her, but that's beside the point... Thing is, she's still checking up on me... Also, just the other day, I saw her and she looked terrible (not to be rude). I'm pretty sure she saw me first, but as she was walking by, she kept her head down, but I said hi to her, and she said hi back... I saw her the day after that (yesterday in fact), and she said hi to me and I said hi back, but she looked so sad when she said it. I did give in and send her a text today... I said "hope all is well with you, I still love you and miss you terribly", but she never responded... Everything is just so confusing right now! I sent her that text in case she THOUGHT I was mad at her about everything, but seeing as how she didn't respond back, I have no clue. I really want to work things out with her, but I'm running out of ideas on what to do. Do you think this is just a rebound relationship? She says she still loves me and misses me, but why is she still involved with Ric? Also, everytime I DO see them together, she looks so happy with him! Everything is just beyond confusing right now, what do you guys think I should do? Continue my "no contact"? Do you think I have a shot at getting back together with her? And how long do you think her and Ric will last? PLEASE HELP! Thanks in advance. P.S. Me, Trista, and Ric all work at Wal-Mart. She works in the deli, he works in produce, and I work up at the front end. That's how I always see them... Edited February 23, 2013 by TylerKing Link to post Share on other sites
LeliiMarie612 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 You probably don't want to hear this, but you won't. She clearly has no intentions judging by the fact that she didn't bother to break up with Ric. If she wanted you back, she would've broke up with him, and she's just using you by the looks of it. She knows that you have feelings for her and she's taking advantage of it. She likes the idea of having an ex around that still wants her, and that's why she keeps you around. Do you really want a girl like that? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 WOW...that pretty much sums up your whole situation. Do you have a chance to get back with your ex? possibly...actually, probably. I am sure this little fling with Ric will come to a halt and guess what she is going to do when he kicks her to the curb? She will come running right back into the arms of ol' reliable(Tyler). After all, why does she even need to put forth an effort with you...she has you in her back pocket already. She knows damn well that she can have all the fun she wants with Ric, and after that candle dims, she can just hump into another relationship with you. And then, while dating you, she can play the field and scope out her next target. you NEED TO GO NC and kick her to the curb. This chick CAN NOT be trusted buddy. I would venture to guess that she was banging Ric the whole time you were with her. A girl typically doesn't jump into a relationship with a guy that quickly...which leads me to believe that they were fooling around for weeks...if not months. My advice to you, give her a call and politely, yet firmly tell her to lose your number and NEVER EVER attempt to contact you again. Luckily her true colors shined before you tied the knot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 23, 2013 Author Share Posted February 23, 2013 Thanks for the advice you guys, but I know for a fact that her and Ric have NOT had a "fling" for weeks or even months, prior to our breakup. Like I said, I've known her for 4 YEARS, I know her inside and out. She literally gave me her entire life and world. I literally revolved around her... She never once had any "feelings" for Ric prior to this, I just know that for a fact... Because me and her were literally together almost 24/7... She had no time to be with Ric. I just know her too well... And I just know that because of how she ACTED around me. I would've definitely suspected something if she had been cheating... And why would she be telling my friend that she "misses" me, but tells my friend not to tell me? I agree that she may have EMOTIONALLY been cheating on me, but NEVER phsyicallly... Like I said, they started the week before she broke up with me. And that was it. Also, this more or less sounds like a rebound, am I right? They say rebounds are used to help get over the loss of an ex... Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Ok, try this...before you beg and plead for her back I have a plan for you. You are going to go NC for a minimum of three weeks...ok? You really have to commit to NC for three weeks...that means avoiding her at work, no phone calls, texts, etc. DO NOT reply to any of her messages or attempts to speak with you. Now tonight, drum up a nice little email thanking her for all the nice moments and memories that you too shared. Also, draft up a plan to win her back in this very email. Basically, apologize for all of your wrongdoings and submit an agreement that you will change for her in order to make your relationship work. Now save this email as a draft and DO NOT look at it or send it until you complete three weeks of NC. Now, three weeks from now, if your email makes sense, send it. If it doesn't(and it won't), delete it and continue with the NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 23, 2013 Author Share Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) So... in all honesty, do you think no contact will help me get back together with her? I know she loves/misses me and is hurting just as much. It just kills me that people think she cheated on me/will hurt me again. I just know her better than that. Also, how long do you truly think it will last between them, knowing they have nothing in common and how fast they're moving? Edited February 23, 2013 by TylerKing Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 If you really insist on getting her back, you need to go limited contact and just respond coldly to her texts or phone calls. Don't sound as if you're too excited to get back with her and don't rush to pick up the phone. Just act as though you are over her. Stay busy and have fun. I believe she will be back man. She sounds like she just wants to have some fun...maybe some space from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 23, 2013 Author Share Posted February 23, 2013 Thanks for the advice, although I don't neccesarily think she's having very much fun. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Probably not, but you really need to get her off your mind for at least a few weeks. She won't come running back until you start having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 So... in all honesty, do you think no contact will help me get back together with her? I know she loves/misses me and is hurting just as much. It just kills me that people think she cheated on me/will hurt me again. I just know her better than that. Also, how long do you truly think it will last between them, knowing they have nothing in common and how fast they're moving? I think you should go with AlexfromBostons suggestion of NC for a minimum of 3 weeks and take it from there. You might learn a lot more during that time that might change things. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Love4Pain Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 No Contact is just for your benefit. It's to try and give you time for yourself away from your ex to move on, and hopefully get back to being your old happy self or a better happy self. There is no rule unfortunately that says by going NC your ex will want you back. So it's just for you. Now, some people believe that your ex will miss you while you are NC and that might be true, but if you know your ex better than anyone you should be able to judge if not talking to her for almost a month will really make her see what she lost. In my personal experience, when I've stopped contact with Exes in the past, whom I didn't even want to get back with, they got into contact with me after 4 or 5 years telling me how stupid they were. But most of us who want our exes to realize what great people we are don't really want them to take 5 years to realize this. After you've had time to heal, then you can decide if you want to send out a little feeler or continue moving on with your life. My ex broke up with me Jan 7th and was with his new girl about a week before he actually broke it off, which I think you said is what your ex did. While I'm not waiting for him, I love him and would like to think that maybe at the end of the year he will realize just how great I am and what he lost to be with his current "gf". I do have LC with him currently, because him and I are the type to cut people off we don't want anything to do with, and if I want a possibility for any reconciliation in the future I want to be "friendly" and let him see that I'm still an awesome and amazing girl. Link to post Share on other sites
fungusamungus Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 You're 22 years old, you've effectively spent your entire (very brief) adult life in a serious relationship. If she was a freshman when you were a senior, then she is around 19 and essentially still a kid who is trying to figure things out. Try your best to move on. Go out, date other women. You're 22 years old, you don't even realize what is out there. Take the time to be single and if you feel like you cannot function without her, then pick up a hobby and learn how to make yourself happy. Dependency is not healthy and shows a lack of independence. Remove her FB, block her number, etc. etc. whatever you need to move on with your life. Letting her keep you around is not healthy for you right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marklarsson Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Dude dude dude. You have to disappear from her life for now. Go no contact, the begging needs to stop you can't keep begging like that. Every time you have begged she just goes ahead and does something worse than the last anyway. And as for your bestfreind cut him of too. You need this time by yourself. She already knows how you feel so you don't have to keep telling her. She clearly has little respect for you right now. You need to have her respect you first before anything Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'm starting my no contact with my ex, but how long do you guys think her relationship with Ric is going to actually last? I mean... taking into account how fast she got with him after breaking up with me (same day actually) and how they are ALREADY living together... Reguardless of whether her and I get back together, I'm curious as to how long you guys think she will last with him. I personally hope it ends quickly, out of pure karma. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 You are young and inexperienced in love. Sir, it's crazy to get engaged to an 18 y/o, and not any better for you at 22. Don't even think about marriage until you're at least late 20's. You can't fairly evaluate this girl or relationship because it's all you've ever known. Be glad you're free. Develop yourself, find out who you are. Date a bunch of women and have a few serious relationships. You'll have way more fun and end up much better when you finally do settle down. Consider this over and don't ever take her back. You may thank me in 5 years when you realize I'm right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pandora_be Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 You're 22 years old, you've effectively spent your entire (very brief) adult life in a serious relationship. If she was a freshman when you were a senior, then she is around 19 and essentially still a kid who is trying to figure things out. Try your best to move on. Go out, date other women. You're 22 years old, you don't even realize what is out there. Take the time to be single and if you feel like you cannot function without her, then pick up a hobby and learn how to make yourself happy. Dependency is not healthy and shows a lack of independence. Is this also true in my case? I recognize this, a GF who is "unsure about what she wants". I am 25 and she is 21. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Come on seriously guys, please? I'm not asking for people to say "get over her and don't take her back, there are plenty of fish in the sea, etc." How I feel about this girl is simply just how I feel. Nothing will change that. I know her inside and out, I know how she is and I know WHO she is, I love her more than the world. I just asked a simple question, and I'm curious as to how long you think her "fling" is going to last. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
pandora_be Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Come on seriously guys, please? I'm not asking for people to say "get over her and don't take her back, there are plenty of fish in the sea, etc." How I feel about this girl is simply just how I feel. Nothing will change that. I know her inside and out, I know how she is and I know WHO she is, I love her more than the world. I just asked a simple question, and I'm curious as to how long you think her "fling" is going to last. Please. I understand you, I have the same impression of people giving me advice. But the truth is that it is not attractive for a girl when you love her more than anything in the world. Because the person you should love more than anything in the world is yourself and then she will as well. So don't worry about her fling until you have put yourself back on your pedestal no 1 where she has removed you from. As soon as you feel as comfortable and self confident as let's say the day you met her for the first time. Then you can break NC and forget about her fling anyway. If she uses her fling against you, draw your conclusions. But if she's into you she will hide her fling or make it dissapear as fast as it arrived. Edited February 25, 2013 by pandora_be typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So don't worry about her fling until you have put yourself back on your pedestal no 1 where she has removed you from. Pay attention, he said he only wants you to tell him what he wants to hear. OP the fling will last between 3 and 5 months. Possibly longer or shorter. And FYI, OP did ask "...what do you guys think I should do?" Oops! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Ok. Now I'm in a little bit of a pickle. Ever since we broke up, my ex-girlfriend has been spying on me through Facebook, even though I deleted and blocked her. Don't ask how, I don't know. Probably through her friends. Well, anyway, here's my ordeal... Tonight, around 10:00 p.m., I posted a status on Facebook, that said "guess who has a date this Friday? THIS guy. Pretty scared, but I am excited." WHICH I REALLY DO HAVE A DATE. Just to get out and have some fun, which obviously is much needed for me. Well here's the kicker, one of my friends told me that my ex posted a status around THE EXACT SAME TIME I posted mine tonight. She said "my boyfriend is so amazing and such a stud. We walked around town tonight and he got me flowers, now we're getting ready to watch some movies." Just sounds too weird. Here's why. First of all, me and my ex girlfriend's FAVORITE thing to do together as a couple is walk around town. Did she really walk around town with her new boyfriend? Maybe. But doubtful. Here's why. How would they have had enough time to walk around town tonight? They both worked until 7:00 p.m. tonight... (I know because we all work together.) And on top of that... Um... It's freezing cold outside... And... her new boyfriend (not to be rude) - is extremely fat and lazy. He would always complain about being active with his LAST girlfriend... Now... is it just me or do you think she's purposely trying to make me jealous? Just seems pretty... Ironic... That she made her status the exact same time I made mine... And how walking around town is what her and I always loved to do. Wouldn't she be too sad doing it? And this late at night? In February? Hmmm... She probably knows that some of our mutal friends would tell me about it... Just sounds way too much of a coincidence, especially considering that this is the FIRST status she's made about her boyfriend since they've been together. Link to post Share on other sites
Coping Vortex Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Thanks for the advice you guys, but I know for a fact that her and Ric have NOT had a "fling" for weeks or even months, prior to our breakup. Like I said, I've known her for 4 YEARS, I know her inside and out. She literally gave me her entire life and world. I literally revolved around her... She never once had any "feelings" for Ric prior to this, I just know that for a fact... Because me and her were literally together almost 24/7... She had no time to be with Ric. I just know her too well... And I just know that because of how she ACTED around me. I would've definitely suspected something if she had been cheating... And why would she be telling my friend that she "misses" me, but tells my friend not to tell me? I agree that she may have EMOTIONALLY been cheating on me, but NEVER phsyicallly... Like I said, they started the week before she broke up with me. And that was it. Also, this more or less sounds like a rebound, am I right? They say rebounds are used to help get over the loss of an ex... Sorry man. They all say that. Mine missed me too. Every night when she climbs into to bed with her new guy for over 4 months now. Trust me. Don't rely on the rebound thing. Once they comfortable they aren't leaving the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Sorry man. They all say that. Mine missed me too. Every night when she climbs into to bed with her new guy for over 4 months now. Trust me. Don't rely on the rebound thing. Once they comfortable they aren't leaving the new guy. Yeah but taking into account how fast they moved in together without fully getting to know each other... That surely can't last right? Link to post Share on other sites
fungusamungus Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Come on seriously guys, please? I'm not asking for people to say "get over her and don't take her back, there are plenty of fish in the sea, etc." How I feel about this girl is simply just how I feel. Nothing will change that. I know her inside and out, I know how she is and I know WHO she is, I love her more than the world. I just asked a simple question, and I'm curious as to how long you think her "fling" is going to last. Please.If you know her better than anyone else, then you'd know best. You're not looking for advice, you're just waiting for someone to tell you something that eases your mind to make you feel better. Again... if you knew her inside out, then you'd have a better grasp on this than any of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pandora_be Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Yeah but taking into account how fast they moved in together without fully getting to know each other... That surely can't last right? reconciliation attempts end when your ex is sleeping with a new guy. period. consider it like your gf cheating on you. your gf should know that sleeping with another guy creates enormous distance between the 2 of you (even if you have broken up already). Link to post Share on other sites
Author TylerKing Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 (edited) reconciliation attempts end when your ex is sleeping with a new guy. period. consider it like your gf cheating on you. your gf should know that sleeping with another guy creates enormous distance between the 2 of you (even if you have broken up already). That doesn't mean she won't try to reconcile later... NEWS UPDATE: She sent me this message on Facebook - "tyler this is trista... i was wondering if u wuld email me or... somthin... i seen u posted sumthin about revenge,, i hope u dont hate me now... im really happy to see u hav a date friday... shes lucky and u deserve a great person... i just think it wuld be great to every now and again keep up on eachother... if not its okay i do understand,, i just really hope u dnt hate me now.. i hope u never hate me... im tryin my best to not say anything i shuldnt so at least message me back on here sayin no,,, oor... smthin,,, im sorry... il check my email regularly,,, i geuss i just,,, miss you... jst plz at least message back even if u say no." I think she's finally starting to realize that I'm moving on and I think she's started to regret her decision. I did call her on the phone and I told her until she realizes what she wants FOR SURE, then she needs to leave me alone, and she agreed. I feel bad because I left her on the phone crying, but she did this to ME. Think she'll end up figuring out what she wants for sure, sooner rather than later, now? Edited February 27, 2013 by TylerKing Link to post Share on other sites
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